Have I done something wrong?! Help!

[HazyDavy]

Well, for those who are interested, I thought I would let you all know that after no contact for a few months I have received an invite to aforementioned person's forthcoming birthday party Haven't accepted yet as it is a while away but it looks like there is half a chance that we can work on our friendship again, which I am enormously pleased about. No way will it go further than that- I don't want that and would actively stop it if it ever became an issue- and that is fine with me. I really have come to realise how much the friendship was worth to me and won't do anything to jeopardise that.

So now it is just a case of figuring out a suitable birthday present. Not too much, not too little. Umm... need to have a think! Happy to take ideas.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I've been in a similar situation in the past. Had a co-worker with whom I was rather infatuated, and one day got up the courage to tell her how I felt. She was VERY awkward around me after that, aside from telling me that she didn't feel about me, and that she was moving to another city. Mind you, I hadn't even asked her on a date. I just said that "my interest in you is not exactly platonic". Appparently, that was a jolt and a shock to her, for some reason.

As it turned out, it was for the best. I found someone MUCH better over a year later, and I am still with that someone- my slave/fiancee.

Needless to say, I never told that particular girl everything about me: I never got the chance. It probably wouldn't have worked out, anyhow, and I am happy now. That's what counts.

Believe me. You WILL find someone else.

 

[sailboatracer]

I also had that situation with a co-worker. We got along better than I ever did or have since then with a female co-worker, we both played on a softball team together, went to many of the same parties and group bar-hoppings. I was there to do things outside of work, like fixing her air conditioning at 8:00PM on a sweltering hot August night, fixing up her phones so she didn't have to buy touch tone service only to be able dial her code number into her MCI long distance (hey, this was the '80's) and wiring up her dryer outlet, fixing her car...when she didn't have the money to pay. She fixed me "home cooked" dinners, lent me her LP records, and listened to me when I felt no one else understood, gave me hugs when I really needed them.
Oh, by the way, she was married, her husband hung out in the same groups...etc, being a grad student and doing extra research trying to get accepted into med school he didn't have too much time for other activities or her, so she told me. I got along with him, and listened to her complaining about him, she loved him, but.. or so it seemed to me.
We were getting to be quite chummy and shared things we couldn't talk to others about. This went on for maybe 8-9 months. Her husband finally got accepted in a distant med school, and they were moving in a couple months.
I realized that if I didn't tell her how I felt, it would never happen. And I gave her a "going away" present of a gold pendant made from a gold coin, thinking that if things ever got worse with her husband at least she would have the means to get away from him. I didn't tell her this because whether she could see it coming as I thought I did, I wasn't going to spoil her relationship if I was wrong, so I just told her it was something of real value for her to have for the future. And, of course, I told her how I felt about her, and a couple years later they divorced (as I predicted). Yeah, it was my first "adult crush" and not quite the same as when we were kids but at a more real and possible level and I think I properly assesed their relationship. Her response to me was that she was "hurt and dissapointed" and that even though I was a good person with a "heart of gold", I had a real problem and she would not speak to me again. It seemed like an awful response to what I felt to be a serious and loving gesture on my part and to this day I still don't know what she meant. I I sent them a special gift package for her 30th birthday, the next year, and had not even a phone call or thank you. It hurt so much... and took a long time to "recover". Over the (20+)years I ocassionally, phoned or later emailed and to this day I have not heard one word, nasty or nice from her. This made me so absolutely "gun-shy" about ever being honest about my feelings, to almost anyone including my now-wife. I only demonstrated my responsibility and gave my all to my wife, along with the perfunctory "I love you"s. And now I'm finding myself dissatisfied and unhappy in my marriage, even though I truly love my wife. I still cannot share many of my deepest thoughts and feelings with absolutely anyone including my wife, for "fear" they will in some unpredictable way end up disliking or hating me or at least rejecting me and my presence. I'm in cognitive therapy now and it is even hard to open up to a supposed non-judgemental professional. All this happened when I was way more vulnerable and needy than I ever realized, and in addition to other earlier situations deeply effected me.
I'm open to thoughts from anyone!
I'm even having second thoughts about posting this!
Sorry for such a long discourse.

 

[vanelane]

Well, for those who are interested, I thought I would let you all know that after no contact for a few months I have received an invite to aforementioned person's forthcoming birthday party Haven't accepted yet as it is a while away but it looks like there is half a chance that we can work on our friendship again, which I am enormously pleased about. No way will it go further than that- I don't want that and would actively stop it if it ever became an issue- and that is fine with me. I really have come to realise how much the friendship was worth to me and won't do anything to jeopardise that.

So now it is just a case of figuring out a suitable birthday present. Not too much, not too little. Umm... need to have a think! Happy to take ideas.

Maybe a pair of tickets as mentioned last year? Or would that be too much?

I think you should take a date to the party, if possible. She really doesn't deserve you romantically.