Have you ever felt your partner was cheating on you with an inadamant object?

[Sarojaede]

I understand that by me nagging him to get off the computer, isn't going to help, I just really wish he would want to, you [

See, you hit on the key; he has to want to. And right now, he doesn't want to. You can't change him; he has to make the decision to change.

You said that you met in this game. I would bet that he is having a hard time understanding why someone he met in an online game and fell for in an online game doesn't understand why he is so consumed by the game. And right now his life is consumed by the game; he plays the game when he is not work; he gives up sleep for the game; he's giving up sex for the game; he's living with a girl he met IN THE GAME. So, everything is connected to the game for him.

I honestly cannot tell you how to get him to make the choice to change. He has to see a need to change, and right now, he doesn't see that need. My husband is similar. He doesn't see the need to change and give up his addiction to WoW. I can't tell you the last time we have had dinner at the dinner table together instead of him eating in front of his computer while playing WoW.

 

[Jo_Huntz]

I had a very similar problem with Wife for a lot of years [we been together for nearly seven]. I didn't really say anything to her really because I didn't want to be one of those wives that nags and controls [or like my Mom]. So I mostly tried to let her do her own thing as she saw fit and to accept the consequences as they happened, she's a grown-up, she can handle it.

We would have rows every once in a while, she'd improve for a day, week, month etc. but she'd get right back on the computer again. It wasn't just games with her though, it was forums, IRC channels, mailing lists, friend's websites, her website, general research [she's extraordinarily clever] - basically anything she could see and do.

In January this year we had a huge upset, I'd been really ill and she didn't do anything around the house while I was ill so after I started feeling better the first thing I had to do was exhaust myself putting our household back together again.

We had some awful conversations as a result, but she did finally see that our life together was more important than anything she could do online. I asked Wife tonight what made her want to change, she said it was a combination of knowing how upset I was, knowing how much time and energy she'd wasted playing these games etc. and also finally realising she wanted more out of her life.

There is no quick win, I would suggest that you ensure that he knows what your feelings are [delivered in a calm, rational way] and wait until he realises he could have more and he actually wants it.

I hope things work out for you, it sucks being in these situations.

 

[midwestyankee]

Not to put too fine a point on it, but have you considered pulling the f***ing plug?

 

[bobsgirl]

Not to put too fine a point on it, but have you considered pulling the f***ing plug?

*loud enthusiastic applause*

 

[human_male]

I'm with everyone else on this. It always boggles my tiny mind when I hear about guys like this. I'm single and would love to be in a relationship, and here's these nutters with great girlfriends that are driving them away for some reason or another. I also suspect the gf will ignore all the advice she gets and go right on as she's been doing. I hope you don't.

 

[Leah57]

Not to put too fine a point on it, but have you considered pulling the f***ing plug?

AMEN!!!!!! That, and stop ENABLING him to continue to be immersed in this game! If he's hungry, make him get off his ass and get his own friggin food!

Leah <---proudly divorced from a similar asshole

 

[SilencedNeeds]

 

[Mazuri]

The reason I asked if you were sure if he's met someone else online is because I have been in his position before. I found such satisfaction, acceptance, and even love online that I ignored everything IRL to include my husband and family. The one I met online, I would have given everything up for had he not gotten bored with 'winning' and moved on to pursue someone else. Thank goodness he did that, because it made me see that I was losing far more than I was gaining.

Computer games, and especially RPGs, can be incredibly seductive if you let them be and if you're the type who is seeking escape from reality. Currently, he's having his cake (you IRL) and eating it too (I'd bet money someone IG as well). You can't make him stop, but you can stop aiding him. Two choices needs to be made: one of them yours, one of them his. Yours is: do you want to live like this and possibly lose him to someone else he meets online? His is: does he care more for you than for the game?

His anger and defensiveness gives me the answer to his choice, but you need to discover that for yourself.