Have you ever really loved a Woman

[armyjim_2000]

Maybe there's a hint here...

I am not an eloquent man, but love to me is about the simple things a woman loves. Holding hands in public, a kiss on the cheek, a quiet "I love you, darling" before you go to sleep, a gentle caress; these things are what makes love worthwhile to a woman.
As for the guy who loves the girl who doesn't love him...take heart, my friend. Every great once in a while, a woman has to wake up and realize that the one she cares for isn't necessarily the one who she has in her sights. Maybe it's the one who held her hand when that (other) guy let her down.
And if that don't work...ask if SHE has a friend....

Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone-but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding.

 

[wildrose70]

Armyjim...liked your answers and Deadeye...this woman doesnt realize what a catch she has right in her own backyard...but sometimes it's hard to see the forest thru the trees....you are always there for her...perhaps you need to back off a bit...and let her miss you and your friendship.....I have seen situations such as this....it's not really a good thing for both parties..she is relying on you too much because she knows you are always there for her...
Don't get me wrong...even thou I think I'm the Dear Abby of the internet..I'm not trying to tell you what to do...you have to follow your own heart....take care..

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Good Advice

... Deadeye...this woman doesnt realize what a catch she has right in her own backyard...but sometimes it's hard to see the forest thru the trees....you are always there for her...perhaps you need to back off a bit...and let her miss you and your friendship.....I have seen situations such as this....it's not really a good thing for both parties..she is relying on you too much because she knows you are always there for her...

Wildrose beat me to this, and I agree with her advice.

It took me almost 8 years to realize my own situation, falling in love with someone who wanted to just stay friends. In my case, backing away did allow him to "miss" me, but it also gave me MY freedom back. And guess what? I have now found someone from out of the blue who has fallen IN LOVE with me!! I also realize that I'm more "in love" with this new man than I ever was for all those years. I would have probably missed this special person if I had continued "waiting around".

A bonus for me: I'm still very good friends with my long-term special friend. He was smarter than I thought!

 

[wildrose70]

Good for you Jenny...you go girl!! I have seen first hand that these situations aren't good...So deadeye take it from the ladies on here...Nice guys sometimes do finish last....your worth more than that!! Sometimes a guy is just too nice or a woman....and gets taken for granted....

 

[omahaman2]

i love you too.jenny

jemmy,just a note to you. i love you too..my life would not be complete without you in it now. you are the center of my universe,my reason for being/i think we were put on this earth for each other,our hearts destined to find each other,just dont know why it took so long.i hear music when you are near even if its only by chatroom or phone,i think our souls dance to the same music, our hearts hearing the same beat,when i think of you i have to put my hands on my pockets in fear my change will fall out since youve turned my whole world upside down.you have got to be the worlds most beautiful sensitive loving woman ever put on earth,i just dont know how i was so lucky to have you chose me and my heart.im not the wonderful poet you are or good with words like midas above but just wanted you to know like you didnt alreasy know that the feeling is mutual. I LOVE YOU AND WILL FOREVER. deadeye ,there are alot of wonderful women out there and i know you will find the one meant for you.i wasnt even looking,almost had given up after my marriage had ended and it just happened,they say you dont look for love,love finds you,i think these words are so true.

 

[wildrose70]

Oh my goodness I love it you two....wow miracles do happen...it's such a nice feeling to have started this and reading all these lovely comments...it just proves there is still love and romance out there...Love it!!!!...I love to read about things that happened over the net..such a wonderful thing...and since I'm such a romantic....it's like getting an early Christmas present

 

[midas2001]

To all those who responded to my post here earlier on... I'm pleased that my limited skills in writing helped you put on paper what maybe your hearts were feeling... I am honored I could help in a small way.

The trick of couse is not to try too much to think about it... just let your fingers type what your heart is feeling and it will flow.

Mainly though, I just wanted to say that it's exactly one week to X-mas... so...

Merry Christmas !

Midas2001

 

[Deadeye96]

First of all, thanks to those who have responded to my post. Secondly, I am sorry I turned this thread into Dear Abbey. I do have to ask about the whole "pulling back" idea though that several of you have mentioned. Just last night I had a conversation with her and evidently she got the same advice from another friend of hers. That she should pull back from me. Not so that I would "miss the friendship", but he told her that by being as close as we are it is making the situation worse and whether she knows it or not, she is leading me on. She hated that advice and said it was a bunch of bunk. Besides, I do not think I can fall for anymore than I already have. Back to my side of it, I have thought about this before but wonder just how far to "pull back". Does that mean no more contact at all, just limited, what? To me, pulling back to cause her to "miss the relationship" and me sounds too manipulative and I hate playing games.

 

[wildrose70]

Well to me...she is leading you on....by pulling back...for heavens sake dont drop everything when she calls...you have work to do..and if she thinks enough of your friendship she will accept that..but if she really looks at what she is doing..she is taking you for granted because you are always there whenever she needs you...just saying dont make yourself so readily available...hope some of this helps....and if you need anymore advice from Dear Abby...email me...

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Worded Well

Well to me...she is leading you on....by pulling back...for heavens sake dont drop everything when she calls...you have work to do..and if she thinks enough of your friendship she will accept that..but if she really looks at what she is doing..she is taking you for granted because you are always there whenever she needs you...just saying dont make yourself so readily available...hope some of this helps....and if you need anymore advice from Dear Abby...email me...

I agree, Wildrose, with the idea of not being "readily available". In my case, another friend suggested this advice to me. Initially, it hurt ME since I was actually dependant on being "always available". It's not the same as cutting off from someone completely; it's just not always "being there". You still share your friendship, but it also allows you some freedom for time WITH yourself (not the same as looking around for someone else).

If you have already discussed this together, and she really doesn't see that she's leading you on, then perhaps she should back off a bit anyway. Every case is different, but why would she want to continue being "so close" but not "that close" to someone who she already realizes has fallen for her? She may not realize it herself, but she is taking advantage of you.

Wishing you all the best no matter what happens. Consider our advice, but listen to your heart!

 

[wildrose70]

Love your post Jenny and above all love Donna Summers...MMMMMMMMM brings back memories of disco days...I tend to think this gal is afraid to let go of something she knows is always there...and it really isnt fair to him...but as you said...listen to what we write..
but above all....listen to his heart....and good luck!!
\

Baby I need your loving..got to have all you loving..

 

[bornaginkyvirgin]

Yes.

There is one woman that I love. She is a very dear friend of mine. I have known her for several years. I would do anything for her. I have taken care of her when she has been sick. I have cleaned up her apartment when she has gotten sick and there have been some messes. I have helped her with some finances. I have given her many massages to help relieve those sore muscles. We have gone out to eat, drink, watch a movie, go to the theatre, and many other things. There have been times where I feel closer to her than I do my very own son. There is not much I wouldn't do for her. So I think I can say that this romantic, sentimental, guy does love a woman. And just for those who are interested, no, I have never made love to this woman.

 

[Twisty Elf]

<How can you tell if your are in love............

1) Is that person constantly in your thoughts...?

2) Is that person all you could ever hope for...?

3) Would you run into a blazing inferno to save them...?

4) Does your heart ache when they are away from you...?

5) Do you hurt when they are in pain...?

6) Would you stand between them and the hounds of hell to keep them from harm...?

7) Does your heart quicken and a smile come to your face when they email of phone you...?

8) Are you just as happy to hold and cradled them in your arms in your back garden, as opposed to a white sandy beach on a paradise island... just because they are with you...?

If you answer yes to any of the above... then you are privileged, and have been given one of the greatest gifts that can be bestowed on any living thing.

Midas2001
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------->


Yeah. On two occasions all those questions would've been answered yes. I don't exactly consider it as being privileged after the fall out, lies, and betrayals. I still think of them, I still remember what they liked and disliked, how happy they made me for awhile, and how much I enjoyed making them orgasmic. But I really don't expect or want to go through it again. After all, I can remember how much it hurt when both romances imploded. Why set yourself up a third time?
Though, sometimes, I do hope and dream of finding her. That special person to completely trust, and love. Someone to explain the reasons for why I am, was, and events I went through without being judged or taken advantage of. But, to give up so much of yourself to someone, to completely open up, has been a set up for disaster.

Twisty Elf

 

[midas2001]

Each life is a journey....

Hello there Twisty Elf...

If you read my post at the beginning of the thread, then you'll know that I too have had my journey 'intercepted' twice with two ladies I really loved and love. One was years ago and one is current... BUT never forget that to plunge so deep into the depths of despair and hurt, means that (at least for a while) you felt the highs of a special love.

You can't be alive without feelings, and although it hurts to lose someone you love (and have given yourself to without reservation), don't ever give up on yourself or the possibility that you'll meet a partner that will care for you in the same way. After the split from my first love, my heart and soul cooled, slowed and went into a coma... then 20 years later another very special lady to me came along and somehow crawled back in there. It was her warmth and light that brought me back to life and made me who I am today.

If you are still single... go for it (you are lucky)! I on the other hand have to walk my journey alone due to my circumstances and know that this will be the case for the rest of my life.

Just remember something I read ages ago, but is something we all ought to think about...

"Live each day (each second) as though it is your last... because my friend... one day it will be"

Stay cool

Midas2001

 

[armyjim_2000]

My friend

Your lady friend does not see what she is doing, due to her ongoing longing (for lack of a better word) for your friend. I tend to agree with the esteemed panel here; just a slight pullback is a good idea. On occasion, some time FOR yourself will change your perspective. In Army terminology, you have to get the lay of the land, before you attack or defend (I know this doesn't really fit into the way this is playing out, but use what you know...LOL). This quote should help though...at least on her side.

It's afterwards you realize that the feeling of happiness you had with a man didn't necessarily prove that you loved him.

 

[Deadeye96]

Thank you all so much for the words of advice I have recieved here. I never expected the kinds of reponses I am getting. It also seems like I am not alone in my "troubles". I would write more, but I have to go and take my last law school final of this semester.

 

[bornaginkyvirgin]

Twisty Elf

I can honestly say yes to all but one of them on your list about the one I say I love and I really had not thought about that item before.

 

[agezinder]

I've loved all kinds of women!

 

[Duggie]

Yes, I have fallen in Love with a woman so hard that I was willing to risk anything for her.

The strange thing was you were talking about the Guy who had the 3 G motto. I had this happen with her. I have always liked alot of foreplay. Getting her warmed-up before even thinking of myself.

Doing what would get them in the mood. even to the point of them have multiply climaxs' before thinking of pleasuring myself. Most of the time it is a huge turn-on to have them cum before me.

This one lady whom I spoke about previously. Just wanted nothing to do with foreplay. It actually took away from the pleasure of it because she was always trying to get me-off quickly so that it was over.

She finally left the area and moved across the country. Leaving me feeling as if I wasn't a good lover. A short time later I happen to run into another Man who she had a sexual relationship with. As we spoke, things some how turned to the discussion of how this lady had done the same thing with him with the 3 G's.

So sometimes it is not only the Guy.

Please forgive me if I rambled on.

 

[wildrose70]

How interesting Duggie...these 2 maybe should have met...it makes me wonder why she even wanted to make love...and beliee me there was nothing wrong with you approach...to me a man that takes the time to make sure his woman is well satisfied moves right to the top of my list any day....perhaps she was younger..I find as I "mature" I'm not settling for that..***** is too short...and I can be choosy...

 

[vonDark]

The best thing about this forum is the availability of being totally honest. I am 41 soon to be 42. I have made love to three women in my life. Each time I was deeply in love with them. The love came first. For me, sex is twofold. The expression of love and the opportunity for playing with someone you love.

 

[wildrose70]

Well vonDark you certainly have the right attitude..and that's whats nice about this...you can talk without fear of being put down...total honesty and let your feelings show...and I must say who ever the lucky lady will be to have you in her life...should count here blessings

 

[quilesed]

I do really someone and now i have been married to her for 6 wonderful years