Help Wanted: Must be kind and knowlegeable. Pay is low.

[BooMerengue]

*tips hat to flyguy*

yep its a Waits intertext, that very one.

always loved that song/poem.


(see Boo, no malice or wisecrackery towards you, although, nipples CAN be like rainbows. Mine, sadly, remain as they should, a bitemark from time to time but colorwise-the same boring crayola fleshtone, hard lil BB's)

I caught no malice, EE... just couldn't figure out where it was coming from. lol

Uhhh, EE? You must be out dated. Crayola no longer has fleshtone. Who's flesh? Mine? Princess Summer Rain's? Ali Baba's? etc. LOL

 

[flyguy69]

...
I don’t know which way

the wind is blowing.​

My hair is tangled everywhere.​

My thoughts are blowing away.​

When I jump to catch them​

the wind grabs me.

If I reach down​

to touch the earth

it goes away and​

all I see is clouds.

When I do touch the earth

it will mound over me.​

I will be silenced.​

Who will catch my thoughts?
....

I like the sentiment of this poem, Boo, but it seems to belabor the image. The image of elusive thoughts is established in the first three lines, but then the poem doesn't seem to go anywhere.

I can't tell why, when you look down, you see clouds, nor why the earth should mound over you. Your final question appears out of thin air (Ha!); it seems as random as the thoughts lost in breeze.

I would like this better if you told me why you were so scatterbrained that day, in what way your thoughts were like clouds, and why you thought another person would be more successful.

And a nod back to EE for Nighthawks at the Diner, which contains the magnificent lullabye "Nobody."

 

[annaswirls]

Boo, good idea!

Your ad sounds like you are looking for Mary Poppins of the poetry world

do these guys know you put up this thread so they can see the comments? I am just going to leave them on the poem. Tonight after the monsters have gone to sleeeep...


~J

 

[BooMerengue]

I like the sentiment of this poem, Boo, but it seems to belabor the image. The image of elusive thoughts is established in the first three lines, but then the poem doesn't seem to go anywhere.
All the image is is a person being swept up in a confusing wind- it's a momentary thing.

I can't tell why, when you look down, you see clouds, nor why the earth should mound over you. Your final question appears out of thin air (Ha!); it seems as random as the thoughts lost in breeze.
When I look down I'm upside down, etc. being tossed around, maybe by fate?

I would like this better if you told me why you were so scatterbrained that day, in what way your thoughts were like clouds, and why you thought another person would be more successful.
I guess a person who is losing their mind can't always tell it. I don't think another will be more successful- I'm afraid that no one will catch my thoughts and hold them dear.

And a nod back to EE for Nighthawks at the Diner, which contains the magnificent lullabye "Nobody."

No offense, Fly- but I don't think you 'got' the poem at all. I just haven't decided if thats my fault or yours. I guess thats what this is about, huh?

 

[flyguy69]

No offense, Fly- but I don't think you 'got' the poem at all. I just haven't decided if thats my fault or yours. I guess thats what this is about, huh?

I am not offended, Boo, and this wouldn't be the first poem I didn't get!

Your explanations do not change my perspective, however, because the "story" of the poem isn't problematic; the "point" is. Yes, confusion can feel like a whirlwind, and yes, it is hard to tell which way is up if you are the confused one, but this poem does nothing other than say that.

Tell the reader more about the thoughts you are losing, or the reason for your distress, or the implications for your life, etc. and it will be a more interesting poem.

 

[wildsweetone]

not that i am knowledgable...

Just giving a couple a go because I love your poetry Boo


across the water

Across the water
may as well be Mars.
electronic pheromones?
even I can't wrap around that.
but a summons as if
Luna herself spins the rope
is binding me
and I don't fight
because I can't
(or won't)
Do you want me? delete this question mark*
to fight?
or do you want me
across the water... delete the ellipses, end with a question mark
I find the punctuation a little difficult with this one. Because I can visually see question marks, I automatically expect to see commas and full stops. The way I read is influenced by what I see.
* With those four words on the one line it can be read as a question without the question mark, then it can be included with 'to fight?' on the next line and another meaning taken.

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Down To The Sea
with Belegon

Green magic rolls over castle-topped hills
laughing mischievously down to the sea
Silkie-kissed foam drums hammering cliffsidesdrum or hammer, not both
And the sun poured his gold over thee!try, '..poured his gold with glee.' it goes with the 'mischievously' in L2

My flame-haired lass awaits my return
Weaving a spell as she roams the landshe is awaiting, but roaming?
Searching out a tree to form my mastwho is searching for the tree?
for my ship lies limp upon volcanic sands

My sailor is stranded far from my islewould an isle have hills with castles-many?
He sails the seven seas from year to year
Yet I hear his call through storm and trial
A spell I'll call to lay aside his fearsI'll call a spell to lay aside his fears

My dreams linger on the shores I call homethis is 'her' again?
My spell wafts toward him in wispy smoke
The voice on the wind for my ears alone
My work finished here I reach for my cloak

My shipmates wonder as I cry for more sail
when clouds shaped like gods fists blow the ship 'round
but the motion of keel off sand tells my tale
I crouched on the shale and keened out my song

I stand in the bow as we wave-ride again
Fingers of wind caress me as I dream his return
My hand reaches forward as my love I send
A sail on the horizon causes my body to burn

Days become hours as the nest cries "land ho!"
Minutes become seconds as he splashes to me!
Green magic rolls over castle-topped hills
laughing mischievously down to the sea.

I stopped part way through because I was getting confused with who is speaking. There needs to be a cohesion between who is thinking/speaking and who is not. Some verses seem to be mixed. I would expect to read one from 'her' and then one from 'him' and then 'her' etc Maybe I'm reading it wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

 

[twelveoone]

1201 You're probably right. I'll know better by lunch. Electronic pheromones are my way of saying this is a cyber thing. And are there such a thing?

across the water

Across the water
may as well be Mars
electronic pheromones?
even I can't wrap around that
but a summons as if
Luna herself spins the rope
is binding me
and I don't fight
because I can't
(or won't)
Do you want me?
to fight?
or do you want me
across the water...

Ok if this is a cyber thing, "electronic pheromones?" is good, why can't I see the cyber thing , why the water references?
Now I may look at these things a little differently; zooming in, "want", " fight", "water" ; refocus, now I see water and things in the sky (Luna and Mars), focus again I can see the the struggle and distance. But I do not get a clear picture, fill it in.
It does not appear to follow a linear line A to B to C, either.
A "Across the water" it is undefined, assume it will be done so in B
B " can't wrap around that" is the general feel I get
C "or do you want me
across the water..." is a undecided A

Either way it is easy to remedy, the first, give enough consistent images, so the reader can put together a picture. Water, stars, a couple of dead greek gods, whatever.

Or the second, let the reader know what they need to wrap around. Let the reader know what the conflict is in B.

electronic pheromones
Persephone
cyber underworld
wash and Dryads
excuse me laudry to do

 

[BooMerengue]

across the water

Across the water
may as well be Mars
electronic pheromones?
even I can't wrap around that
but a summons as if
Luna herself spins the rope
is binding me
and I don't fight
because I can't
(or won't)
Do you want me?
to fight?
or do you want me
across the water...

Ok if this is a cyber thing, "electronic pheromones?" is good, why can't I see the cyber thing , why the water references?
Now I may look at these things a little differently; zooming in, "want", " fight", "water" ; refocus, now I see water and things in the sky (Luna and Mars), focus again I can see the the struggle and distance. But I do not get a clear picture, fill it in.
It does not appear to follow a linear line A to B to C, either.
A "Across the water" it is undefined, assume it will be done so in B
B " can't wrap around that" is the general feel I get
C "or do you want me
across the water..." is a undecided A

Either way it is easy to remedy, the first, give enough consistent images, so the reader can put together a picture. Water, stars, a couple of dead greek gods, whatever.

Or the second, let the reader know what they need to wrap around. Let the reader know what the conflict is in B.

electronic pheromones
Persephone
cyber underworld
wash and Dryads
excuse me laudry to do

Lemme see what I can do here, and then I have to go down the Hall to the Glosa room...



Across the water (Australia Rod Stewart lyrics "Broken Arrow")
may as well be Mars (like I can go there?)
electronic pheromones? (what else makes some 'chat' relationships spicy and others not?)
even I can't wrap around that ('wrap my mind' common usage for understand or grasp)
but a summons as if
Luna herself spins the rope (when Luna speaks, women listen- no choices )
is binding me (Binding meaning theres no gettin out of it)
and I don't fight
because I can't
(or won't) (not sure which)
Do you want me? (does he?)
to fight? (or does he want me to fight the pull?)
or do you want me
across the water... (or does he want me to come there?)

Does any of that help?

 

[twelveoone]

Lemme see what I can do here, and then I have to go down the Hall to the Glosa room...



Across the water (Australia Rod Stewart lyrics "Broken Arrow")
may as well be Mars (like I can go there?)
electronic pheromones? (what else makes some 'chat' relationships spicy and others not?)
even I can't wrap around that ('wrap my mind' common usage for understand or grasp)
but a summons as if
Luna herself spins the rope (when Luna speaks, women listen- no choices )
is binding me (Binding meaning theres no gettin out of it)
and I don't fight
because I can't
(or won't) (not sure which)
Do you want me? (does he?)
to fight? (or does he want me to fight the pull?)
or do you want me
across the water... (or does he want me to come there?)

Does any of that help?

it would have if you would have stuffed a little of it the poem

 

[Zanzibar]

I read all of the poems, but there were a number that just reached out to me with your words and I had to give you feedback and comments as you requested. Many of these poems moved me, and I am glad I popped back to Lit and got the chance to experience these.

Zan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Exercise 1A

Faded wallpaper
dim light glooming thru greasy curtains [dim light strained through greasy curtains]1
a drawer opening [a doorway opening] 2

in the mirror
straggly hair
frightened eyes
trembling hands

a furtive glance
a step back
a gasp!

1 - I picture the image you've created in my mind... strained just seemed more consistent with the rest of the poem. Or even stronger - [dim light stained by greasy curtains]
2 - seems to fit the imagery of a doorway to awareness of what they've become. transition from what they were to what they are, mirror behind the door, inside the door.

To me, if feels like there is something more needed. One last line by itself, a culmination of what has happened, that shock of awareness. The picture I have in my head is like someone coming off of a long binge/addiction and suddenly realizing their true state, it's not nirvana anymore, but a glimpse of hell. I'm not sure if thats where you were headed, but that's the emotions and thoughts that jump out to me with this poem. Very strong imagery to me.

A version with my comments

Faded wallpaper
dim light stained by greasy curtains
a doorway opening

in the mirror
straggly hair
frightened eyes
trembling hands

a furtive glance
a step back
a gasp!

what happened to happily ever after?
-or-
what happened to wonderland?


~~~~~~~~~~~~

leaving

ice melting the only sound
except maybe my heart
as he looked down at me
those eyes again
saying more than he knew

and as I pushed my drink back
and stood
he looked so surprised
like I was supposed to want an argument
his script was different than mine
I thought as I gently closed the door behind me.

I really like this one. A very strong image of a relationship ending because people had two totally different ideas of what was happening.


~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lost

I don’t know which way
the wind is blowing.
My hair is tangled everywhere.
My thoughts are blowing away.
When I jump to catch them
the wind grabs me.

If I reach down
to touch the earth
it goes away and
all I see is clouds.

When I do touch the earth
it will mound over me.
I will be silenced.

Who will catch my thoughts?


I had to read this one several times, and got several different aspects thats jumped out at me... and the second and third strophe just seemed mixed. Some very strong imagery, but confusing when considered as a whole. What about a couple of adjustments to make the third strophe questions instead of statements, reading something like this:

Lost

I don’t know which way
the wind is blowing.
My hair is tangled everywhere.
My thoughts are blowing away.
When I jump to catch them
the wind grabs me.

If I glance down
towards the earth
it goes away and
all I see is clouds.

When I do touch the earth
will it mound over me?
Will I be silenced?

Who will catch my thoughts?

That version as a more consistent feel to me, maintaining the whirlwind lost and uncertain feeling, enhancing that feeling with the questions about touching down again. I'm not sure if I was true to your original thoughts and thrust, but it has a better flow all the way through for me now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Missed Opportunity

The rain came for me tonight.
I saw it over the trees, its sound
like a stiff breeze.

I walked out to greet it
but it was cold.
I hid.
It went away.

I’ll have to wash my soul
another day.

This one seemed almost like a baptism to me, a rebirth - with the "wash my soul" phrase. I'd just change one line, so it would read:

Missed Opportunity

The rain came for me tonight.
I saw it over the trees, its sound
like a stiff breeze.

I walked out to greet it
but it was cold.
I hid.
Unaware, it passed me by.

I’ll have to wash my soul
another day.

A missed chance at redemption? Cold feet at the altar, so to speak? I really liked this one. A whole story told in just a few words.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Untitled 2

Spinning me faster and faster round and round hands shaping me making me into a vessel for your needs friction heating me you moistening where needed becoming by your perfect design merely an object for everyday use my destiny my glory my fate until I crack and you find another disposing of me in a heap.


Wow. Such an urgent rush and flow of words. I was caught up in the flow and the pace up until the end, where I was jarred a bit by the sequence. Once I stepped back, I thought of the flow of a potter and the wheel, resulting in the following edited version:

Spinning me faster and faster round and round hands shaping me making me into a vessel for your needs moistening me molding me heating me becoming by your perfect design merely an object for everyday use my destiny my glory my fate until I crack you dispose of me and create another.

And for a title... "Artisan"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for sharing your works with us. I know it definitely got my creative juices flowing tonight.

 

[BooMerengue]

Zanzibar?? Thanks so much for your comments, and thanks to all the rest of you! I made this thread when I was still in TN; now I'm in PA caring for my sick sister, and I'm overwhelmed with work. It's 16 hour days- every day!

I'll be back to this when I can, but it'll probably be a while!

Hugs to all of you!

 

[Zanzibar]

Zanzibar?? Thanks so much for your comments, and thanks to all the rest of you! I made this thread when I was still in TN; now I'm in PA caring for my sick sister, and I'm overwhelmed with work. It's 16 hour days- every day!

I'll be back to this when I can, but it'll probably be a while!

Hugs to all of you!

<smiles> I was on lit actively about a year ago, in the middle of all the YDD stuff and then I took some time off. Came back and one of the first things I saw was that string of poems. Definitely woke up some dormant poetry juices, and I thank you for that.

As for the sister and her care... I've been through that a couple times and all I can say is, make sure and leave a little time for yourself to recharge. It's rough caring for someone you care about for a long period, but you seem to have many friends here for support, and who knows.. I may become a new one.

<comforting hugs>

~Zan~

 

[annaswirls]

Boo, good idea!

Your ad sounds like you are looking for Mary Poppins of the poetry world

do these guys know you put up this thread so they can see the comments? I am just going to leave them on the poem. Tonight after the monsters have gone to sleeeep...


~J

I hope I did get to leave comments on the poem, Boo.

 

[BooMerengue]

I hope I did get to leave comments on the poem, Boo.

You didn't but its ok. I was very involved w/ my sister at that time.

 

[White Warlock]

Down to the Sea

Down To The Sea
with Belegon

Green magic rolls over castle-topped hills
laughing mischievously down to the sea
Silkie-kissed foam drums hammering cliffsides
And the sun poured his gold over thee!

My flame-haired lass awaits my return
Weaving a spell as she roams the land
Searching out a tree to form my mast
for my ship lies limp upon volcanic sands

My sailor is stranded far from my isle
He sails the seven seas from year to year
Yet I hear his call through storm and trial
A spell I'll call to lay aside his fears

My dreams linger on the shores I call home
My spell wafts toward him in wispy smoke
The voice on the wind for my ears alone
My work finished here I reach for my cloak

My shipmates wonder as I cry for more sail
when clouds shaped like gods fists blow the ship 'round
but the motion of keel off sand tells my tale
I crouched on the shale and keened out my song

I stand in the bow as we wave-ride again
Fingers of wind caress me as I dream his return
My hand reaches forward as my love I send
A sail on the horizon causes my body to burn

Days become hours as the nest cries "land ho!"
Minutes become seconds as he splashes to me!
Green magic rolls over castle-topped hills
laughing mischievously down to the sea.

Hi Boo

I have just taken this one to look at...

I like the content, but the composition is sadly lacking. Also the continuity...
As WSO says, she got halfway through and had to stop because she became confused... I can see why... I start to get into the thyme and it then jumps... There are plenty of poetic devices, you're just not using them...

Its very obvious you have plenty of talent Boo, just needs tuning and honing <smiling>

Keep your quill sharp buddy

Dont kick this into 'touch' Work on it, it'll be worth it

 

[poetedge5455]

Since you asked, lol

Across the water--keep.
Cut lines two and three, they are jarring and don't fit the rest of the word choices you make. Change one (probably the first) 'fight'. Resist?

Down to the sea. Keep...but.

If this were mine, it would be in my salvage folder. That is where I put things that came out of me not quite cooked and I either pull lines from them like a lyrical junkyard or revisit when I haveam barren of thought because I said TOO MUCH here.

This seems meandering, which I am prone to, so empathy squared here. I know the theme is wandering but even so it needs more focus. I like the word choice but needs more grounding and it is nebulous now. I don't think you have found what you want to say yet.

If I told you I would publish it if you cut it by three stanzas, what would you keep without destroying your original thought when you began? Do that, then expand it back up if you like, but ypu will have 'killed your darlings' as Dorothy Parker said. Darlings being those lines we love, but need to go for the good of the piece. BTW I am not a publisher. :>

Specifics. Sibilance! The ess sound is wonderful for sea themes, but that third verse made me think a steam pipe burst in my room, lol. (I kid, I kid)

Exercise 1a

KEEP! Love it. Short sweet, hysterical. Been there, shrieked that.

Leaving. My favorite (though untitled has potential to surpass it)

Overall concept and word choice excellent. This works well.
Specifics. Line 2 substitute 'or' for 'except'? It helps the sound. I don't like the hard consonants.and 'or' rushes the rhythm so we get to the next lines (all fluid now and unstopping) 'too' fast, which evokes the feeking we have all faced with the death of a relationship. That 'but wait' feeling that you (or the persona) are purposely deciding to forego, and get to the moving on phase. So this way we feel it, and are envious of the persona's wisdom in skipping it.

Verse 2 line 1, cut 'and'. Superfluous, and you start the next line the same way. It slows us down again as we have to have you complete one action AND THEN do the next. The second 'and could go as well, really. 'Stood' as its own line. Nice pregnant moment. The equilibrium at the top of the rollercoaster before we fall out of the poem (and out of their lives, lol).

Rearrange last two lines. They don' t quite work. May I suggest something? The word in parens is whether you agree or diagree with my above comment. So:

As I pushed my drink back
(And) stood
He looked so surprised
Like I was supposed to want an argument
I thought as I closed the door behind mr
His script was different than mine.

I know you prob like 'gently' bc you don't want us to think you slammed the door: the default thought for the situation, but it lengthens the line that even without it is nearly too long, rhythm-wise. You have to decide which is wworse, or find a happy medium. That is as invasive I will ever get into another artist's piece without invitation so I won't offer suggestions.

Lost. Keep. Nice. Line 10 'are' clouds?

Missed Opp. KEEP! Very cool metaphor. Little clunker with inadvertent (seemingly) rhyme away/day. Perhaps 'it LEFT'? Departed? Oh you have a thesaurus, lol.

Souls Unparted

Not my cup of tea. I can't be fair here so I will opt out. I don't like most rhyming poetry and I am very out of love right now so I consider myself unqualified to help. I would be commenting from personal choice and not technique. I do admire the thoughts.

Untitled 1 and 2

THIS IS ONE POEM!

Take the last line from 1 and tack it onto the end of 2. Dovetail 2 directly to the end of one, no stanza break, and you have foreplay, climax, afterglow. Here, though I think it is complete, and might be as good as Leaving, I might expand this a bit if you can recapture that adrenaline surgethat causes the frisson we feel here. Done right it might be the best of this bunch. I drew a blank for a title as well. Need. Knead? Sculpter? They all suck, lol.. I have dozens like this. So annoying bc I am usually good with titles. Some poems are just iconaclasts and refuse to be labeled. But like their human equivalents, they are usually the most interesting.

Peace and blessings.

Take this as a plug if you like, but I'm curious. All the poems posted below either received no comments/votes, or just one- usually from an encouraging friend.

Look them over and feel free to tell me to keep it or toss it, ok? And, yes, you're right; the Untitled ones need titles.

across the water

Across the water
may as well be Mars
electronic pheromones?
even I can't wrap around that
but a summons as if
Luna herself spins the rope
is binding me
and I don't fight
because I can't
(or won't)
Do you want me?
to fight?
or do you want me
across the water...

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Down To The Sea
with Belegon

Green magic rolls over castle-topped hills
laughing mischievously down to the sea
Silkie-kissed foam drums hammering cliffsides
And the sun poured his gold over thee!

My flame-haired lass awaits my return
Weaving a spell as she roams the land
Searching out a tree to form my mast
for my ship lies limp upon volcanic sands

My sailor is stranded far from my isle
He sails the seven seas from year to year
Yet I hear his call through storm and trial
A spell I'll call to lay aside his fears

My dreams linger on the shores I call home
My spell wafts toward him in wispy smoke
The voice on the wind for my ears alone
My work finished here I reach for my cloak

My shipmates wonder as I cry for more sail
when clouds shaped like gods fists blow the ship 'round
but the motion of keel off sand tells my tale
I crouched on the shale and keened out my song

I stand in the bow as we wave-ride again
Fingers of wind caress me as I dream his return
My hand reaches forward as my love I send
A sail on the horizon causes my body to burn

Days become hours as the nest cries "land ho!"
Minutes become seconds as he splashes to me!
Green magic rolls over castle-topped hills
laughing mischievously down to the sea.

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Exercise 1A

Faded wallpaper
dim light glooming thru greasy curtains
a drawer opening

in the mirror
straggly hair
frightened eyes
trembling hands

a furtive glance
a step back
a gasp!

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

leaving

ice melting the only sound
except maybe my heart
as he looked down at me
those eyes again
saying more than he knew

and as I pushed my drink back
and stood
he looked so surprised
like I was supposed to want an argument
his script was different than mine
I thought as I gently closed the door behind me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Lost

I don’t know which way
the wind is blowing.
My hair is tangled everywhere.
My thoughts are blowing away.
When I jump to catch them
the wind grabs me.

If I reach down
to touch the earth
it goes away and
all I see is clouds.

When I do touch the earth
it will mound over me.
I will be silenced.

Who will catch my thoughts?

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Missed Opportunity

The rain came for me tonight.
I saw it over the trees, its sound
like a stiff breeze.

I walked out to greet it
but it was cold.
I hid.
It went away.

I’ll have to wash my soul
another day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Souls Unparted

The breeze in your hair
on a hot summer day;
the sun on your skin
as you pass on your way.

The blood in your veins
that makes you who you are;
the spark in your eyes
when you push your self far.

The words and the music
the thoughts in your mind;
the fire in your heart
and your smile so kind.

In your honey touch
and in your salty tear;
don't worry my love ...
I will always be here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Untitled 1

Roughly pulling your warmth to me
kneading you your pliancy my guide.
rolling you over pressing in deep again
your aroma earthy filling me
pushing me to work harder
mashing pushing smiling as I
make of you a work of art.
so simple so necessary
you are my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Untitled 2

Spinning me faster and faster round and round hands shaping me making me into a vessel for your needs friction heating me you moistening where needed becoming by your perfect design merely an object for everyday use my destiny my glory my fate until I crack and you find another disposing of me in a heap.

~~~~~~~~~~~~​

I can tell right now my titles need some work. Feel free to critique, and I put the links here so you could vote if you like.

Thanks.

 

[BooMerengue]

Wow zowie, PE!! Not PE... lemme think...


Wow zowie Edgy! Where did you find this yard sale thread? I had totally forgotten it. And I was offline for a lot of those comments from others. I've just now started back. I have a LOT to think about now. Its funny. Lost is very much the same poem I posted here last week... The Pumpkin Thieves. Well, they're about the same thing. Weird. Maybe better. And far more pertinent now.

I truly hope you stick around. If I get time on a puter this weekend I may just go thru this and do some of the suggested rewrites. Can't hurt!

Is the town of Easton familiar to you?

 

[WickedEve]

Wow zowie, PE!! Not PE... lemme think...


Wow zowie Edgy! Where did you find this yard sale thread? I had totally forgotten it. And I was offline for a lot of those comments from others. I've just now started back. I have a LOT to think about now. Its funny. Lost is very much the same poem I posted here last week... The Pumpkin Thieves. Well, they're about the same thing. Weird. Maybe better. And far more pertinent now.

I truly hope you stick around. If I get time on a puter this weekend I may just go thru this and do some of the suggested rewrites. Can't hurt!

Is the town of Easton familiar to you?

I opened the thread and started reading. I saw some of my old comments and thought, "Hey, wait a minute. When did I comment on these poems?" Yes, it's an old thread, but I'm going to read those poems again and see if I'd still make the same comments today.

By the way, how are you doing Miss Boo?

 

[lorencino]

Wow zowie, PE!! Not PE... lemme think...


Wow zowie Edgy! Where did you find this yard sale thread? I had totally forgotten it. And I was offline for a lot of those comments from others. I've just now started back. I have a LOT to think about now. Its funny. Lost is very much the same poem I posted here last week... The Pumpkin Thieves. Well, they're about the same thing. Weird. Maybe better. And far more pertinent now.

I truly hope you stick around. If I get time on a puter this weekend I may just go thru this and do some of the suggested rewrites. Can't hurt!

Is the town of Easton familiar to you?

I've just read this entire thread without realizing that it goes back to 2005 until I read your last entry. So, while all the responses to your poems has been fascinating, what I'm left wondering is about the sister you had to care for. Naturally, if this is too invasive, feel free to just ignore me.

 

[arielsgoddess]

Hey, Boo: On "Down to the sea with Belegon":

I love it--it's like the story of the Irish movie The Isle of Innisfree, crossed with the Paul McCatney/Elvis Costello song Veronica--very nice, very lyrical & pic-perfect!

 

[poetedge5455]

Wow zowie, PE!! Not PE... lemme think...


Wow zowie Edgy! Where did you find this yard sale thread? I had totally forgotten it. And I was offline for a lot of those comments from others. I've just now started back. I have a LOT to think about now. Its funny. Lost is very much the same poem I posted here last week... The Pumpkin Thieves. Well, they're about the same thing. Weird. Maybe better. And far more pertinent now.

I truly hope you stick around. If I get time on a puter this weekend I may just go thru this and do some of the suggested rewrites. Can't hurt!

Is the town of Easton familiar to you?

Hi Boo. You are asking me to rewind this stream of conscious life I have been living lately, but I believe the very first thread I commented on had a post by you, and I clicked on your profile bc I loved the pun in your name. I love wordplay, especially the witty, so I wanted to see your work. I wasn't disappointed.

I used to train dogs for an electric fence co. I have been to Easton. If you have a dog on the fence, we may have met, lol. I am in the Danbury area about 20 miles or so north (east?) of Easton. Been a while but 25 south to 59? Think that's right, lol.

 

[BooMerengue]

I like being invaded. As a matter of fact, it's a requirement on first dates! LOL My baby sister contracted Gillaume Barre Syndrome and need help for a while. She's fine now and has since moved closer to me here in TN.

 

[BooMerengue]

You know where the Post Office is in Easton? I considered the house across the street home from age 13 til 2001. Then Dad passed away and we sold it. I now live about 30 miles S.E. of Nashville. Watertown... a spot in the road. lol

I would move back North in a New York minute if I had the money. But alas, I am a poor wench! Did I hear you say you teach? Ffld U? Wesleyan? U of Bpt?

 

[BooMerengue]

I'm high on drugs at the moment. Hence the disjointedness. (Izzat a word?) I'm glad you dug this up. Going over these should help me work out the rust. Maybe Monday when I post results we'll see if it was worth the trouble!!!!

 

[BooMerengue]

You have traveled over the entrances to Danbury Fair Mall I presume? I was a carpenter on that job! One of the best jobs I ever had! Worked for D'Darrio. My Dad used to accuse me of working for the mob. lol I told him he was just jealous. He had retired from what I thought was a super boring job. Remington Arms. He was a Design Engineer. He and 2 other guys designed the 870. At our kitchen table. On napkins. And swilled gallons of black coffee. The good ol' days.