Help Wanted: Must be kind and knowlegeable. Pay is low.

[BooMerengue]

okay. I'm going away now. And shutting up. I'm a veritable Chatty Cathy tonight and everyone here is asleep. Arrgggghhhhh!!!

 

[BooMerengue]

I've just read this entire thread without realizing that it goes back to 2005 until I read your last entry. So, while all the responses to your poems has been fascinating, what I'm left wondering is about the sister you had to care for. Naturally, if this is too invasive, feel free to just ignore me.

I like being invaded. As a matter of fact, it's a requirement on first dates! LOL My baby sister contracted Gillaume Barre Syndrome and need help for a while. She's fine now and has since moved closer to me here in TN.

Sorry Lorencino! I tend to get confused alot these days!

 

[BooMerengue]

*whistling...

 

[BooMerengue]

I opened the thread and started reading. I saw some of my old comments and thought, "Hey, wait a minute. When did I comment on these poems?" Yes, it's an old thread, but I'm going to read those poems again and see if I'd still make the same comments today.

By the way, how are you doing Miss Boo?

You don't remember commenting??? Hell, I don't even remember writing these! I'm doin ok Sweets! Thnx. Last time I saw you you and Hugo were painting your house. How'd that go? Is it pretty?

 

[poetedge5455]

You know where the Post Office is in Easton? I considered the house across the street home from age 13 til 2001. Then Dad passed away and we sold it. I now live about 30 miles S.E. of Nashville. Watertown... a spot in the road. lol

I would move back North in a New York minute if I had the money. But alas, I am a poor wench! Did I hear you say you teach? Ffld U? Wesleyan? U of Bpt?

Not a professor, alas. Have taught writng workshops and courses through adult ed in surrounding towns. Haven't run any in two years as life got in the way.

'Before you cross the street, take my hand
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans' Lennon

 

[butters]

Untitled 2

Spinning me faster and faster round and round hands shaping me making me into a vessel for your needs friction heating me you moistening where needed becoming by your perfect design merely an object for everyday use my destiny my glory my fate until I crack and you find another disposing of me in a heap.


The Jar Maker

Spinning me
faster and faster
round and round
hands shaping me
making me
a vessel for your needs
friction heating me
you moistening
becoming by your perfect design
merely an object
everyday use my destiny
my glory
my fate
until I crack
you shape another
disposing of me.

hmmm???

still looking for thoughts on this piece, Boo?

 

[BooMerengue]

still looking for thoughts on this piece, Boo?

Yes. Always. Fire away!

 

[butters]

I think I prefer this in the more standardised version of poetry, even though I'm a fan of, and have written, streaming-thought poetry. It can have an immediacy, an urgency, the more strung-out poem forms may lack. I dn't believe it benefits the write in this instance though. Your short lines and word-choices drive the poem on rather than stop us at the end of each line to consider its meaning.

As a metaphor, I wouldn't say it's overworked, but feel you could afford to drop a lot of the 'me's from it. I wonder, too, if it might work better if you replace the 'your' with 'his' and so on, so taking a step back from it to create the stronger metaphor without bashing us over the head? Maybe not. Just thoughts.

The Jar Maker

Spinning me
faster and faster
round and round
hands shaping me
making me
a vessel for your needs

for example, what about this way around?

The Jar Maker

spins his clay
faster and faster
round and round
hands shaping
making
a vessel for his needs

another way to approach this could be to change the title to The Wheel, and keep in the 'me's, 'your's and 'you's, like this:

The Wheel

spins me
faster and faster
round and round
hands shape me
make me
a vessel for your needs



friction heating me
you moistening
becoming by your perfect design
merely an object
everyday use my destiny
my glory
my fate
until I crack
you shape another
disposing of me.

depending on which style you opted to use, if you changed this at all, the rest would get the same makeover to fit the bill. I would suggest a change of that final line though - using 'discard' as the verb. I suggest that because it makes me think of shards of broken pottery, and sounds a harder action, more brutal in its thoughtlessness, more akin to a broken heart than the softer sound of 'dispose'.

Anyway, I'll be interested to see if you do anything with your piece.

over and out,

la butty

 

[BooMerengue]

I don’t know which way
the wind is blowing.
My hair is tangled everywhere.
My thoughts are blowing away.
When I jump to catch them
the wind grabs me.

If I reach down
to touch the earth
it goes away and
all I see is clouds.

When I do touch the earth
it will mound over me.
I will be silenced.
Who will catch my thoughts?

I cannot see into the future but I knew these days were coming. This is about my health being in a mess; the journey from finding out thru to acceptance. The earth mounding over me is my grave.

 

[BooMerengue]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put the whole damn thread here. I just wanted to leave a comment on Lo


Someday I'll remember how to do all this stuff again. I hope.

 

[Belegon]

Forgive me if I'm laughing at all the "hardcore" takes on Down To The Sea.

We wrote that by email, each doing a line and sending it, neither having any idea what was going to be the next step, each having to both try and keep things moving forward and yet not forestall the other poets intentions...

The rhyme scheme, while very basic, was part of the challenge.

Could it be made better? Oh, yeah. Certainly. But I love that it was, basically, a conversation Boo and I had. It stretched us, made us think, made us work, made us smile.

It was the journey that was important, not the destination. Thank you to those that liked it, thank you to those who didn't. The fact that you read it and it created a reaction of any kind is a gift.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

It stretched us, made us think, made us work, made us smile.

It was the journey that was important, not the destination. Thank you to those that liked it, thank you to those who didn't. The fact that you read it and it created a reaction of any kind is a gift.

I like this approach.

 

[HarryHill]

I liked 'Down to the Sea' (beautiful is the word I used to describe it in my notes)
'Leaving' ...great line ...except maybe my heart (breaking)
'Lost' I was too busy thinking about your words to respond...Isn't that why we read poems?
respectifully Harry
..
ps boy, I'm a johnny come lately

 

[BooMerengue]

I liked 'Down to the Sea' (beautiful is the word I used to describe it in my notes)
'Leaving' ...great line ...except maybe my heart (breaking)
'Lost' I was too busy thinking about your words to respond...Isn't that why we read poems?
respectifully Harry
..
ps boy, I'm a johnny come lately

Thanks, Harry. I couldn't believe someone found this thread and dredged it up again. But as I sat pondering a lot of the little phrases, ideas and laughs that have come to me all started screaming to me to write them down and make more poems- even if they are crappy! But sometimes I don't even have the energy to pull my sox up.

 

[HarryHill]

Sometimes I feel so small
Doesn't feel like I exist at all
narry a coin left in the can
to pay the toll of the ferryman

 

[BooMerengue]

I understand about the sox, that's why I go barefoot most of the summer. You live fairly close to me. I thought about going to watertown with a sign saying "STALKER" but then I would have to leave the house. It's much safer peeking out of my windows

Wow! How close? Fuck... Now I'm gonna be hearing little cloven hooves clopping down my street- in Walkin' Dude fashion. Have you peeked in my windows yet?

 

[BooMerengue]

... You live fairly close to me. I thought about going to watertown with a sign saying "STALKER" but then I would have to leave the house. It's much safer peeking out of my windows

How the hell did you know I lived in Watertown???

I have recently been the victim (I hate that word!) of a Felony Home Invasion. If I were you I wouldn't do much pitter pattering around here. I'm locked and loaded. You HAVE to call first.

 

[HarryHill]

Oh Crap! Didn't mean to freak you out. Please, please accept my appology. The town name was on one of your posts. ...this thread too.
..
Harry is shutting the fuck up now.

 

[champagne1982]

Boo and Harry. Please go back and delete the town references from your posts if you don't want too many more curious and unwanted readers to figure out where you're from.

Just a suggestion.

 

[BooMerengue]

Boo and Harry. Please go back and delete the town references from your posts if you don't want too many more curious and unwanted readers to figure out where you're from.

Just a suggestion.

Wow! Don't panic y'all! It's ok!! I just don't remember putting it up anywhere. Hell, since FaceBook, I think everyone who wants to know does. Harry! Chill, baby! lol!

 

[champagne1982]

LOL I kinda figured it was ok... But I just wanted to remind you that an edit is easy and fast and is no where nearly as angst driven as otherwise..

 

[BooMerengue]

LOL I kinda figured it was ok... But I just wanted to remind you that an edit is easy and fast and is no where nearly as angst driven as otherwise..

I still can't find where I posted it.

 

[bronzeage]

I still can't find where I posted it.

Just make a post saying you moved.

 

[HarryHill]

I think she must have...Boo, if you're out there hope everything is going well...
I am not an anchor to my people but sometimes I feel like dead weight

 

[HarryHill]

hey Boo, just bumping you up to see all your old friends.