Hendecasyllabics: Discussion and Practice

[AlwaysHungry]

Maine you piled the snow like no one wanted,
filling colorless empty days with drifting.
We would shovel and plow guy locks us back in
breathing plumes of thin air, red of face, frozen,
iced December when sliding Hannaford bound,
Miles blowing in time as blades in motion
swipe us clear into night and twinkle season.

I like it, but I see a small problem. Based on the definitions offered by Tzara, I think that "thin air" may be a spondee. In reading your poem, I have the impulse to give those two syllables equal weight.

 

[Angeline]

I like it, but I see a small problem. Based on the definitions offered by Tzara, I think that "thin air" may be a spondee. In reading your poem, I have the impulse to give those two syllables equal weight.

Thank you AH for taking the time to read through my lines. I will change "thin" to "the," which I know will work. I'm finding that something that seems right at first doesn't work in the context of the whole line. "Thin" doesn't work at all though. Oh well. Onward and upward.

ETA Ugh I think that line is still messed up, but I have a cold and can't think straight today. I think I need to take my tea and go stare at the tv mindlessly.