Hey all...

[twysted73]

chicklet rocks

you can not beat yourself up over little slips. 'things like this happen'? was this really such a big deal? it's only as big a deal as the two of you make it. if it was me in your position, i'd be beating myself up over it even after he'd forgotten, because i've got very low self esteem and honestly i keep waiting for something terrible to happen to my relationships. i also always expect it to be my fault. so maybe you're looking to your own behavior, which might be very natural to you in a depressed state of mind, to be the thing that pushes him over the edge.

i can *say* that you just need to relax and have some confidence, but i could say that to myself a lot and it just makes me that much more critical of how i'm behaving

I'm with Chicklet. I know how easy it is to become so dependant on the "current comofrt" being provided by the signifficant other in your life that sometimes you aren't able to step back and compair how happy you are now to how happy you could be with someone who not only accepts your rituals and quirks as a part of you but to nurture the things you feel most connected to as well as (perhaps) add a few more for you to enjoy with him.
Try however you can to save what you have. But if he won't try, that's nothing you can control. Conscience cleared. Connection lost. Time to move on. You shouldn't have to change or alter who you are to be accepted by another. Because by doing so, you've compromised yourself.

I recently heard a saying that makes A LOT of sense to me. "It's Never Too Late to Have A Happy Ending".

And I'm not referring (necessarily) to the kind you have to pay extra for.
ooooh....suggestions and humor. Gotta love the combos.

 

[catalina_francisco]

You don't have to agree. That's not what this is about. However, there is always a person that is slightly dominant to the other, no matter what the relationship. Therefore, there is always an element of dominance and one of submission. It may not necessarily be what the entire relationship is about, and may be extremely mild and subtle, but it is there.

Now can we get off of this rabbit trail and back to the main subject?

All I can say is you must have had different relationships to mine when I was mainstream....most of the ones I entered into were based on equal roles, even my marriage, no one person more Dominant or submissive....the ones which weren't didn't get too far.

I hope you do sort out your problem. I am not sure it is easy to get advice here from virtual strangers as everyone will need different ways of dealing with it etc. I would suggest a possibility may be to go to assertiveness training as it helps you do just as you say you wish to, find yourself and be your own person. To me it would be the most effective way and one which will stay with you forever if you wish it to.

As to your cahnge of name....I can understand in part your doing it, though isn't it still a concern for him to know you post here? If so, I can remove any reference to it for you from my quoted post. If he found you here once and there were any ongoing custody issue, I would think it would be just as easy to do it again adnI would hate to see that happen for you.

I am sorry if my post came off as picking on you as it was not meant to be personal, but of late we have had a lot of similar threads which people immediately jump in assuming all is as said without the other person being here to defend themselves. Sometimes it is as portrayed, but sometimes it isn't and I remember a time when people here were not so quick to judge without enough information...it seems strange now when so many keep reminding others they shouldn't judge on anything that they will jump on this type of situation where there is only some of the information and make a judgement without thought....I just wanted people to not be so quick to judge without asking a few more questions and thinking first.

Catalina

 

[MaeveoSliabh]

All I can say is you must have had different relationships to mine when I was mainstream....most of the ones I entered into were based on equal roles, even my marriage, no one person more Dominant or submissive....the ones which weren't didn't get too far.

I hope you do sort out your problem. I am not sure it is easy to get advice here from virtual strangers as everyone will need different ways of dealing with it etc. I would suggest a possibility may be to go to assertiveness training as it helps you do just as you say you wish to, find yourself and be your own person. To me it would be the most effective way and one which will stay with you forever if you wish it to.

As to your cahnge of name....I can understand in part your doing it, though isn't it still a concern for him to know you post here? If so, I can remove any reference to it for you from my quoted post. If he found you here once and there were any ongoing custody issue, I would think it would be just as easy to do it again adnI would hate to see that happen for you.

I am sorry if my post came off as picking on you as it was not meant to be personal, but of late we have had a lot of similar threads which people immediately jump in assuming all is as said without the other person being here to defend themselves. Sometimes it is as portrayed, but sometimes it isn't and I remember a time when people here were not so quick to judge without enough information...it seems strange now when so many keep reminding others they shouldn't judge on anything that they will jump on this type of situation where there is only some of the information and make a judgement without thought....I just wanted people to not be so quick to judge without asking a few more questions and thinking first.

Catalina

No worries, lovey. The custody thing is over - for now. And I understand about the flooding of threads. We're good.