How are they the same...

[incubus'_sub]

Yes it does and I'm gaining insight into things I've wondered about.

I agree also that online relationships which progress to real time are valuable, but from what I read there are many which do not. For me, a relationship has to go somewhere & be satisfying for both parties. Punishments inflicted by my own hand would maybe work a couple of times if My Master was away from home, but not for long and certainly not satisfying to my mind or body. However, I realise that we all have different needs & ideas and I am enjoying learning about this different approach.

 

[Esclava]

I do understand about commitment in relationships, but commitment to what exactly is there online with a person who may say all the things you want to hear, but may not be who they say they are. Apart from having a friend and someone to talk to about BDSM and all the exciting fantasies that come under that banner, what do you get out of it?

I'm sorry to be so blunt but to be honest I've wondered about this for a long time and this thread is a good place to ask.

I can accept your bluntness because it shows me that you care enough to ask what you really want to know. My Master and I do more than just talk about BDSM. W/we use web cam services to look into each other's lives. He watches as I carry out his orders, sees when I have been disobedient and takes disciplinary action immediately (the wooden spoon is His current implement of choice, but not the only one).

In O/our conversations, W/we do talk about expectations and those things I should expect from - and expect to give to - a real Master. I am able to seek His guidance in all areas of my life - much the way one would serve a real Master. The only difference is - Master is not here and I cannot enjoy his physical touch, the warmth of His breath as it caresses my skin, the tug on the rope that binds my limbs - but as I serve Him, I am learning to serve the real Master that will soon claim me.

Esclava

 

[Kajira Callista]

Yes it does and I'm gaining insight into things I've wondered about.

I agree also that online relationships which progress to real time are valuable, but from what I read there are many which do not. For me, a relationship has to go somewhere & be satisfying for both parties. Punishments inflicted by my own hand would maybe work a couple of times if My Master was away from home, but not for long and certainly not satisfying to my mind or body. However, I realise that we all have different needs & ideas and I am enjoying learning about this different approach.

One quick question, more to add to this discussion then anything else. If Master commanded you in real life face to face to be his hand and do to yourself whatever he asked, would you and would you not be content knowing it pleased him? Now take that on online and im talking about a developed relationship not just someone ya met a week ago lol. Could you not then also be Masters hand...for his pleasure? I do know there are tons out there who are playing a game. But i also think that the honesty and trust can be developed online, with alot more hard work and maybe more time. From my own personal experience..when its real between two ppl online or real life you can feel it and online can bring a different kind of closeness because you both have to be honest and you kind of have to tap into the sub deep inside to show someone yourself, it cant be done with body language etc. And before anyone jumps in ...im not saying its for everyone and i AM saying....make sure you are sure about the person same as you would in r/l.

 

[incubus'_sub]

OK, thank you, I can understand the webcam thing, would be quite interesting and also changes the perspective of 2 unknowns interacting.

I am also interested that you are able to define this relationship as online as opposed to a relationship with a "real" Master which may follow in the future. In your case this seems to be fulfilling a true need to regain your strength and as such is very understandable and given your past experiences a wise decision. You are lucky to have found a Master who meets these needs so well for you.

 

[Esclava]

Well said, Kajira. I agree it takes time to build the trust needed to find, even a modicum, of success in an online relationship. It took almost a year of questioning, learning, desiring and loving to develop what was needed to completely trust each other and O/our relationship has grown in caring, love and His relentless demands on me for what will be 2 yrs in August.

His pleasure IS most important. Each time I see the words, "You please me." - it melts right through my heart. I can only hope that a real, physical Master exists that will be as loving, giving and demanding as my online Master.

Esclava

 

[Kajira Callista]

Well said, Kajira. I agree it takes time to build the trust needed to find, even a modicum, of success in an online relationship. It took almost a year of questioning, learning, desiring and loving to develop what was needed to completely trust each other and O/our relationship has grown in caring, love and His relentless demands on me for what will be 2 yrs in August.

His pleasure IS most important. Each time I see the words, "You please me." - it melts right through my heart. I can only hope that a real, physical Master exists that will be as loving, giving and demanding as my online Master.

Esclava

I have to say im glad you have found what works for you and helps you feel whole. I think it doesnt matter where or how you find it as long as you do.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Maybe face to face with My Master there and watching and maybe for a couple of times, but no I couldn't translate that to an online activity. It would seem silly and pointless to me very quickly.

Thank you for your frank answers, I'll catch up when online again.

 

[shy slave]

This thread has really helped me gain perspective on where I am now and where I want to be. Thankyou all
Kajira - You asked if I am on-line due to being hurt (sorry havn't figured how to do the quote yet )

Yes and no is the answer to that. My rl relationship hurt me but in trying to find an rl Master I have met several mind players and little boys playing grown-ups

I completly understand Annelizedarkeyes point that you need to see their eyes, their truth, their reality, but sometimes that is not possible

This thread has given me lots to think of and any sub who has only had an on-line relationship and thinks they are into BDSM, could end up in difficulties in rl, by people who are very experienced.

Think ---new sub with only on-line experience ommitting to make that clear - then going to Shadowsdream or Francisco saying
"Here are the handcuffs, enslave me!!"
Apologies now if you do not sure my sense of humour, I have great respect for both those Masters, but they scare me

Esclava has a beautiful way with words and expresses what I feel so beautifully:
'Each time I see the words'you please me - it melts right through my heart.

Thankyou Esclava

 

[Kajira Callista]

Well i was more interested in the take on the Ds part ...not the BDSM. Goes w/out saying that would be difficult to do online but it can be done if its something you really need in your life.

 

[mellian]

Real time is pretty much all I'd ever be interested in. For me, a lot of D/s and BDSM is the physical aspect, and without touch and the presence of another person, it's just not the full experience.

same here for me.

-mellian

 

[Lancecastor]

When the BDSM Forum was started, the original Moderator and many of the heavy posters felt very strongly that the only real BDSM was skin to skin and therefore the only discussions that should take place here would be about IRL BDSM.

Obviously, she and they are not here anymore.

I think that power exchange exists primarily in the mind of the parties...so sure, D/s can occur online, in LDR's or face to face.

If it's real, it's real.

 

[Esclava]

I must admit I do not have a maso bone in my body. What I need from my Doms is for Him/Her to control my submissiveness. To show me that His/Her pleasure is superior to any desire I might have. I have been told that some pain is necessary and desireable - but if I am looking for maso pain, it will not be found from the Doms I serve now. And what they give me is EXACTLY what I was seeking.

When I didn't know I was seeking, He found me. When I didn't know what I was seeking, He found me. When I didn't know who I was seeking, He found me - and has been teaching me ever since what it is that I desire in my life. Even though He/She (His most honored slave and my Mistress) are online.

And I love Them very much.

Esclava

 

[lockett70]

hi everyone, i think that online and real time are really different, online you hve to prove yourself so much, and even thou i think it is fun to do online tasks, i think it is better for real

 

[Netzach]

I'm a sadistic, tactile, fetishistic, bitch.

Talk is talk, it can be hot, it can be life altering, it can be commanding, it can be seductive, it can be amazing, words are by far the most powerful aphrodesiac I've ever uncovered. If I didn't force myself to deal with others periodically I'd probably be happy to conduct sessions via phone and email, hunker down with a vibrator, eat sleep and write and never do anything else, I could easily see it being a fine and dandy existence for me, I'm a natural introvert.

At least it would be for quite a while.

Eventually, though, I'm a sadistic, tactile, fetishistic bitch and I need a body.

Then there's a whole world to be opened that can't be mediated by a medium, not cam, phone, writing, none of it.

 

[SubChristy]

truely i think that being online first is important...you get to know eachother.
i, myself find that RT is more of course real than the computer....
in real time you get the feelings and sensations that i dont think you can with a computer.

i met Master online....we talked for a couple of months, and then when we were comfortable we met.

thats just my oppinion

 

[evesdream]

I'm a sadistic, tactile, fetishistic, bitch.

Talk is talk, it can be hot, it can be life altering, it can be commanding, it can be seductive, it can be amazing, words are by far the most powerful aphrodesiac I've ever uncovered. If I didn't force myself to deal with others periodically I'd probably be happy to conduct sessions via phone and email, hunker down with a vibrator, eat sleep and write and never do anything else, I could easily see it being a fine and dandy existence for me, I'm a natural introvert.

At least it would be for quite a while.

Eventually, though, I'm a sadistic, tactile, fetishistic bitch and I need a body.

Then there's a whole world to be opened that can't be mediated by a medium, not cam, phone, writing, none of it.

you said it

 

[Kajira Callista]

Again i thank everyone for replies, alot of understanding was put out there by all of you. And no arguments or judgements which is a very nice thing
For the ones who said online was a good start, how long would you do it before either needing to meet or ending things? Could you fall in love with someone online?

 

[Esclava]

For the ones who said online was a good start, how long would you do it before either needing to meet or ending things? Could you fall in love with someone online?

If honesty has been in place right from the start, it is very possible to fall in love online. But as with anything else, the proof is in the meeting - if one or the other has not been truthful, it is destined to fail.

Yes, I love my online Doms; however I still have to balance it with the fact that I've never met them in person and when that happens (if it happens), it might change the depth of the love I feel. I don't believe I will ever give up the friendship that has been developed - I will still care for them - but meeting them in person always has the propensity to change feelings on both sides.

Esclava