How do I know if someone is submissive?
- Thread starter The Lionheart
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sigsauerprinces
just a shot away from you
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Netzach said:
agreed, that would be a huge turnoff for me
i want to be talked to as a person before i'm talked to as a sub
Esclava
10 Locks-Do U have keys?
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sigsauerprinces said:
My point exactly! Thank you Netzach and sigsauerprinces for validating that feeling. I seem to be in the minority (no pun intended) in the group I hang with when it comes to a single sub in a munch of about 150 - who just wants to meet people.
It has never sat well with me that someone would assume something they have not taken the time to ascertain is, actually, there. My submission is MY SUBMISSION until such time as I meet one worthy of - and capable of handling - that which I have willingly given only twice in my life.
Until then, my advice (which will NOT self destruct in 5 sexonds) is to engage in interesting conversation and don't ask about their "Kink-ometer" until you have established a connection - of any kind. I promise - once you establish a connection, their submissiveness (or lack of it) will rise to the top and if it does not, you have invested a few hours getting to know an interesting person.
Esclava
Marquis
Jack Dawkins
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Re: Re: Re: how do you know?
Just because a girl obeys you without question, it doesn't mean she gives that to everybody.
Esclava said:An excellent litmus test?
I don't understand. Polite company and conversation aside, I have a hard time understanding what is intrigueing about a submissive who obeys without question - in a getting to know you setting. Do you WANT a pyl that would submit to anyone? Or a pyl that would submit to "Only One?"
Or is that not a realistic choice?
Esclava
Just because a girl obeys you without question, it doesn't mean she gives that to everybody.
rosco rathbone
1. f3e5 2. g4??
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Netzach said:
*smile*
rosco rathbone
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By the way, Netz, having met you, I can say with authority that; although you are very polite and charming, you don't have anything like the smile of submission .
Esclava
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Re: Re: Re: Re: how do you know?
Ok, but why should she have to give it to ANY BODY if she doesn't want to?
If the "request" is made - just as it was quoted - with the EXPECTATION that it would be obeyed without question - is that not an unreal expectation when no discussion or negotiation has taken place? And for those that use these types of requests as a litmus test, aren't the questions asked with regularity in order to gauge prospective pyl responses?
My concern has nothing to do with whether the PYL was obeyed without question. The PYL in my situation received his drink because of simple southern hospitality - which I was raised to respect - it had nothing at all to do with D/s.
I was insulted because of the assumption inherent in the question: that as a submissive I would submit to him in public without first ascertaining that I was WILLING to do so.
In a first meeting, I am more than willing to be hospitable. But to ask a pyl to expose themselves in public like that - the first time you meet - shows a complete disregard for the pyl as human and a real person. I am quite sure I am not the only one who believes I was human long before I knew I was submissive.
IMO, if that is a PYL's attitude toward pyls, then so be it; but it definately means said PYL has not found a match with this pyl.
Esclava
Marquis said:
Ok, but why should she have to give it to ANY BODY if she doesn't want to?
If the "request" is made - just as it was quoted - with the EXPECTATION that it would be obeyed without question - is that not an unreal expectation when no discussion or negotiation has taken place? And for those that use these types of requests as a litmus test, aren't the questions asked with regularity in order to gauge prospective pyl responses?
My concern has nothing to do with whether the PYL was obeyed without question. The PYL in my situation received his drink because of simple southern hospitality - which I was raised to respect - it had nothing at all to do with D/s.
I was insulted because of the assumption inherent in the question: that as a submissive I would submit to him in public without first ascertaining that I was WILLING to do so.
In a first meeting, I am more than willing to be hospitable. But to ask a pyl to expose themselves in public like that - the first time you meet - shows a complete disregard for the pyl as human and a real person. I am quite sure I am not the only one who believes I was human long before I knew I was submissive.
IMO, if that is a PYL's attitude toward pyls, then so be it; but it definately means said PYL has not found a match with this pyl.
Esclava
TaintedB
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Re: Re: how do you know?
(shrug) It's all contexual. I'd say the person you went to dinner with misread you, or maybe projected his own eagerness and interest onto you far too soon.
I suspect that posts earlier in this thread about being able to judge whether a woman is sub or not by how she responds to command were talking about situations either where it was clear they were both attracted to and vibing on each other (such as meeting someone at a singles bar who really turns you on and who seems turned on by you, and whom you guess or hope might be submissive) or else where the two people had already gotten to know each other some (had several dates, chatted online or on the phone) and liked each other. It certainly would be a gauche move if performed in a munch situation where the implicit assumption is that people interested in bdsm get to know each other in a relaxed, non-sexually-pressured environment or in the sort of exploratory first dinner you described.
I just think that there are appropriate contexts for someone to use such a request an an inquiry into a sexual partner's nature that won't turn most submissives off, just as there are clearly inappropriate contexts.
I also think a lot hinges on the seductive skills of the person you're meeting with. Certain men, some of whom also happen to be dominant, are extremely charming and know perfectly well how to use that charm to turn a potential partner into a wet willing puddle within five minutes of meeting her. They know the moves, they know the timing, the know the words and the ways they must be spoken, and they're very uncynically enthused about using all of that on you, their "victim." With that sort, whenever they get around to asking you to bring them a drink, you're usually more than willing to do so. A lot gets said in discussions about the sexes about feminine wiles, while the issue of masculine wiles is frequently overlooked. In the realm of courtship, I think we women assume that men don't know how to be or are just not supposed to be subtle. That assumption, of course, just makes the the truly subtle males all the more successful. :/
Taint
(shrug) It's all contexual. I'd say the person you went to dinner with misread you, or maybe projected his own eagerness and interest onto you far too soon.
I suspect that posts earlier in this thread about being able to judge whether a woman is sub or not by how she responds to command were talking about situations either where it was clear they were both attracted to and vibing on each other (such as meeting someone at a singles bar who really turns you on and who seems turned on by you, and whom you guess or hope might be submissive) or else where the two people had already gotten to know each other some (had several dates, chatted online or on the phone) and liked each other. It certainly would be a gauche move if performed in a munch situation where the implicit assumption is that people interested in bdsm get to know each other in a relaxed, non-sexually-pressured environment or in the sort of exploratory first dinner you described.
I just think that there are appropriate contexts for someone to use such a request an an inquiry into a sexual partner's nature that won't turn most submissives off, just as there are clearly inappropriate contexts.
I also think a lot hinges on the seductive skills of the person you're meeting with. Certain men, some of whom also happen to be dominant, are extremely charming and know perfectly well how to use that charm to turn a potential partner into a wet willing puddle within five minutes of meeting her. They know the moves, they know the timing, the know the words and the ways they must be spoken, and they're very uncynically enthused about using all of that on you, their "victim." With that sort, whenever they get around to asking you to bring them a drink, you're usually more than willing to do so. A lot gets said in discussions about the sexes about feminine wiles, while the issue of masculine wiles is frequently overlooked. In the realm of courtship, I think we women assume that men don't know how to be or are just not supposed to be subtle. That assumption, of course, just makes the the truly subtle males all the more successful. :/
Taint
