How do you deal with anger?

[00Syd]

I usually let it stew a little and then burst out with it as soon as I feel like I've calmed down enough to not say anything too stupid.

 

[MisterSir]

Badly.

 

[FurryFury]

I used to buy stuff at garage sales to break when I needed too. LOL.

Often when I'm angry I do clean up. Usually as prelude to leaving. Sort of a Girl Scout, "leave things better than you found them" sort of mind set.

FF

 

[VelvetSin]

I only really have two reactions.

I usually fall into the Ice Bitch category and go into a cold, calm, bitingly polite mode where words are scathing but voice never gets raised. It's usually inspired by things that bring about a vindictive or cruel response.

Or, less common is what B calls "Red Rage." It's only happened a few times, and only when someone or something I truly love is threatened. I'm not a violent person, but anything is possible and probable. Rationality is impossible, it's just pure, unrestrained fury.

I'm not an angry person, though, and I let most things go. If I spent time and emotional energy on everything that caused a flash of irritation, that would fill most of a day. In 99.% of cases, it's just not worth the time and energy.

 

[Kat73]

I go to the gym and sweat it out...

 

[Adakgirl]

If I am angry about something that is out of my control, something I can do nothing about, I will usually express my anger verbally, whether anyone is around to hear it or not.. I might stomp around a bit..then let it go.

If I am angry at myself and know I deserve to be, I will punish myself in one way or another. Then I'll let it go and try to avoid doing the things in the future that cause me to get angry at myself.

If I am angry at myself for having treated another person unfairly, unjustly or badly, and I realize what I have done is wrong. I act immediately to make it right. I admit to the person or persons involved that I said or did was wrong. I apologize for it and ask for their forgiveness. If forgiveness is not forthcoming, I tell them that I hope they can find it in their heart to forgive me someday. Their unforgive-ness is punishment enough.

If the person or persons that I am angry at are within hearing distance I will express my anger verbally to them and tell them I am angry with them and explain exactly why. Then I work my anger off by writing, or doing some kind of physical work...in a mad fury of activity, inside or outside or both, which may include throwing a few things around, but not things that will break...I do that until I have calmed down. Then I will approach the subject of my anger to try and work the problem out.

If I am submitting to a Dominant and get angry at him, I try not to show it (almost impossible for me but I do try)
because any show of anger will all most certainly amuse him and he will enjoy the fact that I am angry with him.
He will then use that anger as a tool of torture and play off of it until I have nothing left inside me to be angry with. Nothing left at all.

If I get really furious, livid, extremely angry, I become stone cold silent. Then I try to remove myself from other people, completely, so I can calm down enough to think about what happened in a rational manner and plan my next move.

 

[o2bebd]

Now a counselor would tell you to visualize the person/problem and hit a pillow. I guess that is why I go to the batting cages! Using a bat is just a little more barbaric for me!

 

[FurryFury]

Now a counselor would tell you to visualize the person/problem and hit a pillow. I guess that is why I go to the batting cages! Using a bat is just a little more barbaric for me!

I've thought of the person's face and done that. I've also weeded thinking about pulling out the hair of a person. LOL

 

[radepor]

Interesting question

First, I thought the question was how to deal with the anger outside - that is, anger of someone else, with me or somebody else. In these cases, I usually try to reason with the person; if it's really personal, I also get angry and nobody gets angry better than me; it's so obvious, it's obviously scary to them - I can see it in their eyes. Their anger mysteriously disappears. I often feel guilty because I've clearly frightened them.

However, the elaboration on the question seems to deal with internal anger.

Question:

what do you/I get angry at? If it's a person, I usually remain restrained and have great success talking over the issue. Sometimes that doesn't work so see paragraph one.

Sometimes I get angry at myself. Occasionally, I think in a delayed response, I actually do things to hurt myself -- perhaps days or weeks afterward.

Only once in a while do I channel it constructively, like weightlifting or walking 5-10 miles.

Sometimes I get angry with the world or circumstance; in my youth, I wanted to change the world for the better. Half a century later, I'll settle for trying to restrain my own anger so it doesn't infect others and arouse more anger.

In cases of anger with people not close to me, I often talk or write it out.

In cases where I feel that our bond and/or my core personality has been betrayed, judged negatively or whatever I do rigid. I don't want to see or be seen by that person. I don't want to smell, hear, watch, or be touched by that person or vice versa.

Unless that person can come to me with better communication that indicates understanding, I'm pretty much just done, fed up, and over it.

I do NOT want to be manipulated by faux or real, martyr-ism, talk of suicide or any shit like that. I expect the other person to take care of their own crap.

That being said, with a husband or child, I know it will blow over and that at the root of all things there is love.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

I deal with anger by taking it out on one of my cars. I either find a twisty hill piece of road, put on some Iron Maiden and just drive to wherever i end up, usually an amazing lookout over the sea. Its hard to hold onto anger with such a beautiful outlook.

If that still doesn't work, i also race at the speedway, luckily you are allowed to smash into other cars in the class I race in. I thoroughly recommend a Demolition Derby for people with anger issues.

 

[Marquis]

I need to find coping mechanisms to deal with my anger issues. And other emotions as well. I have low emotional stability, extremely low.

I think in an earlier time I would already be dead, a victim of dueling culture.

 

[intothewoods]

Damn, after this thread I feel like I'm just really not that angry. For 95% of people, I try not to let them bother me for the simple reason that they're probably not home worrying about or angry at you. Why spend your time and energy on them?

It's all very ommmmmrific until it comes to family and some very close friends. Family members unconsciously push buttons with each other, and that stuff is hard to process. With kid/partner, I take a deep breath and wait until later to talk about it calmly.

 

[FurryFury]

There was a time when I didn't want to say I was angry. I'd use other words, "dissappointed" and the like. Ugh.

Pushing anger inside instead of dealing with it is a killer IMO. I need to accept that I get angry and deal with it so that I don't make myself depressed or sick.

FF

 

[FurryFury]

One thing I have learned from bitter experience - don't play sadism/masochism games with someone while you're still angry with them. I did that, once. In actual fact, I didn't hurt her any worse than I had done on several previous occasions when we had been playing. But the fact that I hurt her when I actually wanted to hurt her was very corrosive - I hated myself for having been able to do that, and turned off BDSM completely for a number of years.

I am a monster. But I don't like being forced to confront the fact that I'm a monster.

Yes. I would never hit someone in anger and call it kink. If I hit someone in anger I call it fucking up and admit to it. It's important to say when you are wrong and to ask for forgiveness.

OTOH, I really don't mind if my husband does. He tends to be tentative about hitting me period. So UNLESS, he would feel badly about it afterword, I'd be happy to take his anger in the form of physical aggression. That is if we could both be healthier for it. With the right mind sets I think we could.

FF

 

[Cattypuss]

mine generally doesn't come out ever, but if it does it's in the form of SI. really stupid, dangerous stuff. the last time i succumbed to SI there were serious Consequences to pay from the Man, so i don't anymore, and the anger just transforms into self-pity or disgust.

What is SI, please?

 

[Keroin]

Grind my teeth in my sleep and give myself expensive and painful dental problems.

 

[mrppv]

A 100 pound heavy bag. My fists and feet. And Pantera!!!!

 

[FurryFury]

What is SI, please?

Self injury? That's a guess.

 

[FurryFury]

A 100 pound heavy bag. My fists and feet. And Pantera!!!!

What is Pantera?

 

[FurryFury]

Grind my teeth in my sleep and give myself expensive and painful dental problems.

I do that. I do it during the day too. I've been trying to be more self aware on this and tell myself to loosen my jaw but at night, when asleep, I can't do that. LOL.

 

[Primalex]

What is Pantera?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyczwqRD2NI


(Or this sweet one:
http://blog.cardomain.com/2010/09/10/what-practical-exotic-would-you-seriously-consider/)

 

[mrppv]

What is Pantera?

Pantera is a heavy metal band. That is loud fast and aggressive.

 

[intothewoods]

There was a time when I didn't want to say I was angry. I'd use other words, "dissappointed" and the like. Ugh.

Pushing anger inside instead of dealing with it is a killer IMO. I need to accept that I get angry and deal with it so that I don't make myself depressed or sick.

FF

This I completely agree with. Well, it may make sense to say you're disappointed rather than angry, depending on the person you're speaking with. Like in a management situation at work, although I guess I wouldn't get into my feelings in that case at all. With some family members, they may not be able to handle that I'm angry -- ultimately the question is what is your goal. Some people can't handle honestly, and if you're stuck with them, it may make more sense to choose your words a bit carefully and then vent to your partner later, kwim? My point is that you need to be honest with yourself and you need to process your feelings -- what you say to the other person should be constructive. You need to make sure you say what you need to, and also that the relationship moves forward to the satisfaction of both parties.

 

[sweetshyness1]

I think it depends on why I am angry. I have to look at myself first.

Am I angry because someone has said something mean to me or hurt me without a reason. If that is the case, I let is go right away. I think to myself. Would I invite this person into my kitchen and let them say means things to me? No, than why on earth am I standing in my kitchen replaying what they said or did to me. It is the same as inviting them over to be mean again.


If I am mad at myself. I try to figure why. What made me do or say the things I did. And I ask myself is this the type of person I want to be. If the answer is no, I forgive myself and just try to do better next time.

 

[Netrider]

Idiocy and illwill

Never attribute to ill-will, that can be attributed to idiocy. If you know which one caused the person to act the way they did, its easy to abort, retry or ignore.