how do you find the right dom???

[Evil_Geoff]

.... Getting active in the local community/going to munches is a low key way to put yourself "out there" in a safe(r) environment.

If you're looking to meet people face to face- use common sense. Have a safe call set up/meet in a public place/don't have sex on the first date.

To find local Munches, email groups, and events in your area, try:

SceneUSA - http://www.darkheart.com/sceneusa.html
Caryl's Page - http://www.drkdesyre.com/
The BDSM Events Page - http://www.thebdsmeventspage.com/ which has links to both organizations AND events.

*grins*

Network... network... NETWORK!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

What about the personals? I havent really gone there yet! any warnings?

Yes... read a personal ad and profile like you would a cover letter and resume from someone applying for a job.

If they can't be bothered to let you know what they are looking for, and what they have to offer, don't bother to waste your time responding.

With your own ad don't post personally identifying information, but skill sets, things you enjoy, want to try, are willing to try are good. Limits? Meh... save those for further discussion with someone who catches your eye. Don't be afraid to list the qualities you are looking for in a friend, play partner, potential mate. And for Pete's sake don't be afraid to use the ignore or delete keys for asshat PM's. Noo-nah's and numbnuts abound. Don't take 'em toooo seriously.

Read EVERYTHING with an air of skepticism. Believe NOTHING, demand proof. Anyone can BE anyTHING on line. That guy who claims he is a 28 year old Domly stud-muffin with 6 pack abs and 8 years of BDSM experience as a Master, could in fact be a short, pudgy, balding, 53 year old accountant named Murray, who lives in his Mom's house in a basement apartment, and the ONLY "experience" he has is typing one handed while he beats off to cyber scenes with the other....

Trust no one. Including me.

Unless and until they can provide bonafides, and references you can check. Not just email references either. Hellooooooo.... I have about 6 email accounts between work, nilla, old screen name, new screen name, etc. I'll gladly tell you what a GREAT guy I am. Really! I mean it! I'm a prince among thieves! *LOL* Get phone numbers, and if you can meet the references in a public setting, even better.

Hope this helps!

 

[liberatedslave]

skill sets, things you enjoy, want to try, are willing to try are good.

Very good point. It's not remotely unsubby to be honest about what you're looking for in a dom & then stick to your guns (more or less... ) cos they'll certainly be eager to send you lists of requirements & demands if they think there's a chance you can be swayed from your original game plan & brainwashed to suit their whims Remember always that it was YOUR needs that got you into all this.

 

[skittles_lm]

Remember always that it was YOUR needs that got you into all this.

Good girl! Very well said. Until you are commited or collared, your needs and wants ARE important, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And even once collared or whatnot, your needs are still important. Your wants are in the 'at the whim of Him' jurisdiction though, so get used to the concept now!