How far back did your BDSM TEdencies start?

[EttienneB]

Like many of you....

Like many of you, I had the first unrecognizable yearnings when I was young; for me, at about 8 or 10 or perhaps 12 years. I was watching an adventure serial on TV, "Ramar of the Jungle" and one of the characters was kidnapped. Somehow I found this to be fascinating; now I realize that "fascinating" was actually "arousing."
Like many of you, I was at that time also playing various games with friends, particularly my slightly older sister's friends. A variation of hide and seek, except that when I'd find one hiding in a closet, for instance, I would join her instead of carting her off to jail. That gave me a few precious seconds to hold her, and if I could, put my hand over her mouth.
Through the years I'd have various relationships and I recall now that every so often one would hold an inkling of bondage, gentle bondage. No pain or sadism, no degradation. Just bondage and a feeling of intense arousal.
Eventually I found myself in a relationship where she and I were intensely attracted, and in time, in love. And in this relationship we experimented. She was as willing as I was desirous. She wanted to please me as much as I her, and our roles of dom and sub naturally fell into place. Through the relationship we experimented with all manner of bondage, anal and oral intercourse, and lots of role playing. Frankly, just plain fun, lol.
For myself, I don't understand how some people can identify early yearnings as "My first feelings of submission (or desire for punishment or whatever) came when I was 6 (or 4 or whatever)." Frankly, I think that is revionist history; people who look back now and ascribe adult names and understandings to more immature, and wholly innocent feelings. And for those who were molested or otherwise abused and have continued to seek that, I feel badly for them. It would be wonderful if the malicious imprinting they received as children could be erased and they be allowed to start anew. If they chose the same lifestyle with a tabala rasa (clean slate), that'd be fine. But that doesn't happen.
In any event, I wish you all well.

 

[Theralie]

For myself, I don't understand how some people can identify early yearnings as "My first feelings of submission (or desire for punishment or whatever) came when I was 6 (or 4 or whatever)." Frankly, I think that is revionist history; people who look back now and ascribe adult names and understandings to more immature, and wholly innocent feelings.

I think that's a little unfair... although it might be looking back and attaching labels on what we felt, it doesn't lessen the experience or the feelings what so ever, just gives them a name and a place. Isn't that the point of growing up? Evaluating your experience with your new found knowledge?

 

[WyldChylde]

Lemme see...

If you stretch the definition, I suppose the interest was there long before the sexual urges were attached to it. As a child (as young as 6 or 7) I can remember being excited (non-sexually) by the idea of playing doctor, being exposed and having the girls examine me and possibly hurt me (pinches, pokes and prods).

As far as making the connection to it sexually, it would have been around the time I turned 10 or 11. I found that I could masturbate by over-stimulation of my cockhead rather than by stroking and that the involuntary spasms were "fun" to try and overcome. Then I found a story about a man who went to a domme in one of my stepdad's porno mags. It included basic subservience, CBT, forced bi, and anal training but all in a sensual and erotic setting rather than the more humiliating scenes commonly setup today. I've been hooked on the idea ever since (although I haven't trusted all my partners over the years enough to admit it to many of them) and that story is still as fresh and vivid in my mind today, over 20 years later, as if I had just read it again.

 

[half_full]

For myself, I don't understand how some people can identify early yearnings as "My first feelings of submission (or desire for punishment or whatever) came when I was 6 (or 4 or whatever)." Frankly, I think that is revionist history; people who look back now and ascribe adult names and understandings to more immature, and wholly innocent feelings. And for those who were molested or otherwise abused and have continued to seek that, I feel badly for them. It would be wonderful if the malicious imprinting they received as children could be erased and they be allowed to start anew. If they chose the same lifestyle with a tabala rasa (clean slate), that'd be fine. But that doesn't happen.
In any event, I wish you all well.

Bravo for a first post. I'm glad you said it because I sure couldn't. I also don't understand how innocent childhood feelings can be construed later in life as having a BDSM component. I am also dismayed by the number of people in this lifestyle for whom the lifestyle itself is just an extension of past abuses, self loathing, poor self esteem, psychological and phsychiatric conditions. Like you, I feel very badly for them. I am not making any judgements or statements about the rightness or wrongness of it. I just feel bad for them. I am not so sure that some of these people chose the lifestyle as much as it chose them. Like you, I had innocent fantasies going back to when I was about 12 or 13, which I recognize now was a fascination with D/s. I never acted on them, never really understood them, and only recently in the last few years at age 39, was able to define them. Interestingly though, I have never been abused or neglected, had loving wonderful parents, supportive extended family, self esteem and ego out the wazoo, excelled in everything - school, sports, music, friendships - have had tremendous successes in my adult professional life, and yet have this deeply submissive itch that I just can't seem to scratch. Go figure.

Once again, nice first post.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[EttienneB]

Yeah, Ms. Mouse, I can't argue with that (your response). It's funny; I know some parents who shouldn't be, and some others who woyuld make wonderful parents, if only....
Thanks for your respectful response.

 

[half_full]

The bolded part buys into the theory that being a submissive = abused/feelings of low self worth/etc...There are people who suffered abuse in all walks of life; it makes sense there will be people who suffered abuse in BDSM. Do some people approach BDSM in a seriously unhealthy way (mentally/emotionally)? Yes. Just like some people are idiots when it comes to marriage, parenting, etc.

Sometimes a penguin is just a penguin.

Actually, I don't subscribe to that theory at all. I believe 'submissive' and 'dominate' are personality types and are quite healthy and natural. I was only commenting on my observation of the staggering number of individuals who adopt the lifestyle as a way of dealing with their mental/emotional baggage, and this applies to people who ID themselves as dominate as well. I wish I had a nickle for every post/blog/article I've read in the past 3 years where some sub (and occasionally Doms) claims that most/every/quite a few Dom(s) they know was abused by a maternal caregiver or in some way felt emasculated causing lingering 'issues' with women. Of course these people exist outside the BDSM lifestyle and in great numbers AND they are easier to spot - they're jerks. But within the lifestyle, the lifestyle itself becomes an acceptable outlet for their aggressions. For someone like me, as I described myself above, just figuring out where I might fit in to this lifestyle is very scary indeed. I am not at all trying to be controversial here, and I do appreciate your response and insight. This topic is a source of deep frustration and concern for me. I should take some time to compose my thoughts into an intelligent and thoughtful question and post to a new thread. I welcome with enthusiasm your thoughts/comments there.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[half_full]

I understand you don't subscribe to the "theory", I'm just saying that (IMO) backing up BDSM orientation with "but I had a perfectly normal childhood!" contributes to the odd belief that kinky people were abused as children more often than non-kinky people. Make sense?

Yes, it does. But certainly you'll concede that people who are somehow 'maladjusted' gravitate to this lifestyle in great numbers. It kind of scews the real numbers. It makes the rest of us have to differentiate ourselves somehow.

As for the rest of your post, well, you are my hero. And I'm not interested in starting yet another thread on abuse. It's been done ad nauseam and I've read every post. Very informative. No, I'm really looking for answers on motivation for kinks and whether it matters.

 

[EttienneB]

Returning to the initial topic....

Thre are several movies that I feel are excellent ways of broaching delicate subjects. "Last Tango," "Brokeback Mountain," and the recent "Lust, Caution." In response to the query at hand, I think that "The Lover<" the cinema adaprtation of Margurite Duras' autobiographical novella of her adolesence is an excellent ice-breaker. What do you'all think?

 

[pinklypop]

Thre are several movies that I feel are excellent ways of broaching delicate subjects. "Last Tango," "Brokeback Mountain," and the recent "Lust, Caution." In response to the query at hand, I think that "The Lover<" the cinema adaprtation of Margurite Duras' autobiographical novella of her adolesence is an excellent ice-breaker. What do you'all think?

Ummmm?

 

[Toa_lin]

Hmm.. .when did I figure it out... .
Well, most of my life I've been VERY controlling...to those close to me...

When i was the 4-5 range i'd often control, even hit, those who i thought of as friends, or more.. .I never understood why, i just did, and never questioned.

At 11 I realised the arousal it started, and by 13 I could pretty much educate 21 year olds on sex simply from the ammount of research i put in....

*sigh* Insomniac, and photographic memory... a double curse.

 

[SlutChoker]

I got my first taste of Domination when i was about 10, nothing sexual really, just from playing games with girls at school, kiss chasey or touch football, anything where it felt like the girls were being caught or held down, at that age i didn't really know what i was feeling, but knew i liked it.

My first actual Dom experience was years later, when i was 17, when i had 2 girls interested in me at the same time. I suppose knowing that i could have either one, made me respect the situation less, and made me want to use them (is that bad?) For about 8 months i would use both of these girls, play on the fact that they knew there could be another, and forced them to earn my attention i guess. From that day til now i've always just loved Dominating girls, having them under my control, seeing them blush and squirm as they admit to me that they're my slut or my bitch. It's a beautiful thing!

 

[BlueMorpho]

Not sure how far back, but I have a distinct memory of fantasizing about it at 11 years old.

 

[girl_inacage]

Hi,

I remember when I was eleven and staying at my friend Stacie's house for the weekend. Her parents were going out for the evening, and the babysitter that showed up was a young man (which shocked me - never would happen at my house!) who was in his first year of college, and did this regularly for them. After I got over my shock,(and embarassment at having to wear a nightgown in front of him - growing up with no brothers, no guys except Dad saw us in nightclothes-) my friend further rocked my world by whispering to me later that he was pretty nice, only had spanked her once when she was 8 and he spanked REALLY HARD,so don't disobey him. I was speechless...couldn't even look the guy in the face after that and lay awake in bed all night having these strange shameful scenerios running through my head. I was hooked. Had a crush on that guy for years...still have a crush on "spankers".

 

[TerragonSix]

Well...

I once heard of BDSM when I was about 12. First, I thought it was ridiculous, then one day I grabbed a belt from my closet. I experimented first, lightly striking my arm. Then I reared back and struck my arm hard. It was painful... but it felt strangely good.

I have experimented with some bondage and blindfolds, but nothing serious. Currently, I've got more interested in the subject, (right now I think I'm a switch), but still inexperienced. It's something I look forward to opening up in the future.

 

[unfoundiamond]

I have to say....

I have to jump in here and asy that not all of us who are into BDSM are abuse victims... I suppose life holds its share of abuse but I was never molested or beaten past a spanking and I remember waiting untill my mother turned her back while I was in the bath and turning off the cold water so the bath filled with scalding hot water. I enjoyed the slow burn of the water, I remember the feeling of water so hot it actually starts to fel cold... Like your body can not process such a high temperature... only numbness and I can only compare that to the floating feeling I feel when I am submitting.... I cannot say why but I could give more examples... but you get it... Don't jump to the easy conclusion... or maybe I am the exception

 

[FeistyOrchid]

I can't quite remember exactly what age but I do know I had very previous experiences as the first poster did. I always wanted to be the "robber" or something that would get me punished, read "The Story of O" when I got older and did tons of internet research in between on anything BDSM related. Somewhat recently I have become curious and interested in perhaps dominating a guy someday.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Hmmm I began to internalize physical pain by 10...turned it from being abuse to something that I could get off on. (I know out of every bad thing, something good comes..)

I didn't really understand my need to be hurt or to be ordered around until I was bout 20 though...and I didn't discover the other side of the equation until I was 24...

So then, the masochistic part of me was first...and the rest didn't follow until long after.

 

[Domwoolf]

at what age?

I remember playing a lot of superhero games as a third grader (8 or so) and enjoying capturing the girls, tieing them up etc. By 12 I had a female friend that I would play cowboys with "She had a pony". The first sexual component was after tying her one day i decided if she couldn't get free i would remove her blouse. This became a main componant of our games. I would capture and ty her and she would try to get loose as i removed her clothes. It progressd to me tormenting her after she was naked and still later to bound sex. Simple progression. I have been a dom ever since.
DomWoolf

 

[creamedjeans]

My first memories of BDSM was when I was 2. My parents would often spank me because I would not use the toilet. Now, everytime I have to take a shit I get a hard on . I find that I cannot move my bowels unless I am wearing a zipper mask and have alligator clips on my nipples. I often wipe with sand paper.

 

[tandoor]

My first memories of BDSM was when I was 2. My parents would often spank me because I would not use the toilet. Now, everytime I have to take a shit I get a hard on . I find that I cannot move my bowels unless I am wearing a zipper mask and have alligator clips on my nipples. I often wipe with sand paper.

roflmao.... classic!!

 

[lynnh]

Very common

So I will start with me..

I was 4-6 years old.. I remember making my big stuff animals spank me and boss me around... and i'd grind on them

just about that age and that Teddy Bear was VERY demanding...

 

[tenzil4]

I don't know whether these tendencies are learned or inherent. I can only share my own experience. When I began masturbating, the first fantasies I can remember involved women in "trouble." The thought of a woman tied up or being pursued was usually enough to push me over the edge. I particularly remember a scene from the original "House of Wax." The Vincent Price character captured a young woman. He tied her up and, with her arms stretched above her head and tied to a pully, he began to lower her into a tub of hotwax. The look of terror on her face and her twisting, squirming body excited me beyond belief. In fact, I saw the movie a couple of months ago, and that scene still arouses me.

All that being said, it wasn't until I was in my forties that I actually acted on these thoughts. One night my wife was riding me and I slapped her ass. She softly moaned and ground against me. Afterwards, we talked about it, and she said it turned her on. Since then, we've incorporated more things into our sex life...flogging, biting, nipple-pinching, etc. Our next addition (hopefully very soon) will be hot wax.

 

[gaius7]

i started when i was around 12, i'm 36 now. i wasn't abused, i played sports, i was pretty normal.

i was at a neighbor's house doing yard work and a Girl a year older than me lived there. She ordered me around alot while i was working and when i was done for the afternoon, She told me to take my clothes off while i was cleaning up.

i don't even remember thinking about it, i just remember facing Her and taking off every stich of clothing i was wearing.

She was so good to me. She spanked with Her hand, a hairbrush, a belt and i think some kind of bean-pole. She made me kiss her feet, and ass and eat Her out... She would even make me beg Her to shove things up my ass. It was really an enjoyable education. Her mom had a collection of old Penthouse Forums and She would read a story or letter and She'd try things out on me... i wish i knew what happened to Her.