How Should I Tell?

[SweetErika]

I agree that he may have lied about his wife to some extent. Many of my observations have been gleaned from conversations over the last four years, not only from his direct telling about her so I am confident that most of my thoughts concerning her are true.

His motives are something I will probably never know. It was a much deeper wound than just an affair ending as we were best friends as well. Like I said before, his attitude was completely out of character and completely out of the blue. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never know why he ended it or why he ended it so abruptly.

The point about pictures is a good one. I believe you are right in that he could take legal action against me if I send them to her. I am confident I have enough proof without having to send those, so they will stay right where they are.

A handwritten letter is the way I would like to go (it is the way I would like to find out I think) but chances are very high he would intercept that and she would never see it. I will have to go the email route. A phone call might shake things up a bit but would that be as effective as something she could print out and hold in her hands while she confronts him? I don't think so.

Again thank you for the responses. I found good advice here.

You'd have to get the details from USPS, but I think you can send a letter through certified mail with a Restricted Delivery designation (if it doesn't have that, any adult can sign for it), meaning she has to be the one to sign and accept it. I'd think that would get her attention, and be a lot more credible than email. If you want to conceal your identity some, send it from a post office in a different city/zip code and request to track the delivery confirmation online.

 

[ThinkinBoutIt]

Thank you! I will look into that first thing in the morning.

 

[ebbixx]

I was raised as a catholic and I know what I am talking seeing as I cheated as well. I was just pointing possible reasons (Just off the top of my head) from a man's point of view.

I think I understand. Please don't take what I said as Catholic-bashing. There was a time when I actually once considered taking vows as a Catholic (in my late teens, though I had not even converted to Catholicism at the time). It always seemed to me that Catholicism, still does -- that at least in many of its forms post-Vatican II, Catholicism has a lot going for it, in terms of rituals, lack of self-righteousness, true humility and so on.

 

[ebbixx]

A handwritten letter is the way I would like to go (it is the way I would like to find out I think) but chances are very high he would intercept that and she would never see it. I will have to go the email route.

Maybe you could e-mail to set up some way that she could get the letter, hand-delivered, perhaps by a friend you can trust for the job, and someone he doesn't know, who would be unlikely to arouse his suspicions? Just thinking out loud again.

Based on bitter experience, I really, truly do not like email for these sorts of delicate situations.

 

[Vampladydi]

Nope....stay out of it. Do nothing.

 

[Meat Whistler]

***

The question is: How do I tell her? What will make the blow easier? ***

I suggest an e-mail similar to this:

Dear Wifey,

I just wanted to inform you that I'm one of the several whores who have been fucking your husband behind your back, for the past four years. I know this likely comes as a surprise to you, but I am really writing to let you know that I’m not the only skanky cunt he has been fucking. Imagine my shock when I found out that not only was he cheating on you, but he was also cheating on me. I likely sound like a bitter woman since he devastatingly dumped me two months ago, but I’m not. I wanted to tell you for health reasons. Though I wasn’t concerned about your health for the last four years, I am suddenly concerned for your health. Rest assured, I am currently clean.

Enclosed are some of the photos of your husband and myself fucking, for evidence. Also enclosed are STD pamphlets (for your safety) and used condoms that your husband used with other women.

I just thought you should know because I would hate for you to find out that not only was he fucking me on the side, but he was fucking several others. If you need any further evidence or would like to discuss the depths of your husband’s (or my) whoredom, please feel free to respond.

Signed,

I Can’t Believe Your Cheating Husband Cheated On Me

 

[nycphoto]

Just let it be. You had some good times and you knew he was married. What if he has an open relationghip? You never know.

 

[ThinkinBoutIt]

Awww, that's cute, Meat Whistler! Sounds like you are writing from experience!

I chose to go the email route and I told her last week.

Thanks for all the advice. I really do appreciate it.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Curious...did she reply to your email? And has the husband tried to contact you since you sent it?

 

[ThinkinBoutIt]

I have not heard directly from either of them but a friend told me his wife "kicked him out of the house".

 

[Monazwx]

I suggest an e-mail similar to this:

Dear Wifey,

I just wanted to inform you that I'm one of the several whores who have been fucking your husband behind your back, for the past four years. I know this likely comes as a surprise to you, but I am really writing to let you know that I’m not the only skanky cunt he has been fucking. Imagine my shock when I found out that not only was he cheating on you, but he was also cheating on me. I likely sound like a bitter woman since he devastatingly dumped me two months ago, but I’m not. I wanted to tell you for health reasons. Though I wasn’t concerned about your health for the last four years, I am suddenly concerned for your health. Rest assured, I am currently clean.

Enclosed are some of the photos of your husband and myself fucking, for evidence. Also enclosed are STD pamphlets (for your safety) and used condoms that your husband used with other women.

I just thought you should know because I would hate for you to find out that not only was he fucking me on the side, but he was fucking several others. If you need any further evidence or would like to discuss the depths of your husband’s (or my) whoredom, please feel free to respond.

Signed,

I Can’t Believe Your Cheating Husband Cheated On Me

PRICELESS!!!

 

[LadyJeanne]

I have not heard directly from either of them but a friend told me his wife "kicked him out of the house".

Do you feel better now? Or do you feel just as betrayed as you did before?

I'm curious because I've had the misfortune of being with a cheater - he already had a girlfriend when he started his relationship with me though I didn't know about it and she didn't know about me.

I wanted to tell her when I found out and stopped seeing him, but kept my mouth shut figuring I'd be doing it just so she'd dump him too and not because I was truly concerned about her health or feelings.

But I'm still wondering if it would have made me feel better if I'd told her what he was up to.

 

[ThinkinBoutIt]

It gave me peace of mind so far as she is concerned. I know she can now take steps to protect herself.

So far as he goes, I really don't care. If she takes him back, fine. If she dumps him, fine. I was surprised by my own reaction when my friend told me he had been kicked out of the house. I expected to be happy or to feel a revenge-high but instead I felt not much of anything concerning him. I just hope his wife is taking care of herself.

 

[Meat Whistler]

Awww, that's cute, Meat Whistler! Sounds like you are writing from experience!

I chose to go the email route and I told her last week.

Thanks for all the advice. I really do appreciate it.

Nah, I don't fuck other people's partners. But, I'm happy to see you enjoyed it and could relate. You're very welcome.

PRICELESS!!!

 

[silverwhisper]

thinkingboutit quoth: "i expected to be happy or to feel a revenge-high but instead i felt not much of anything concerning him. i just hope his wife is taking care of herself."

we don't know one another, but i think that says a great deal about your character, TBI. it's a terrible situation, but i think your reaction illustrates no small degree of emotional stability. :>

ed

 

[Cogitoergosum]

Let sleeping dogs lie.

 

[ThinkinBoutIt]

An update for those who care-
I got a phone call from him asking to discuss things and mend fences. Apparently she threw him out and has filed for separation. I told him I was sure he could go to one of the other women he was fucking and find some solace there. I haven't heard from him since so I assume he did just that.

Thank you for the good advice and for the kind PMs of support.

 

[SweetErika]

An update for those who care-
I got a phone call from him asking to discuss things and mend fences. Apparently she threw him out and has filed for separation. I told him I was sure he could go to one of the other women he was fucking and find some solace there. I haven't heard from him since so I assume he did just that.

Thank you for the good advice and for the kind PMs of support.

Good for her! Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

 

[short_circutz]

I'm glad things worked out to his (ex)wife's safety. And it's good to see what your reaction actually was when you found out the lying scum got the boot.

On the other hand, I do question your motives. I know that you've said that it isn't about revenge for you, that you could have gone to the wife at any time. Well, why didn't you? Why wait until you've been wronged by this guy? The whole time he's been with you, he's been dishonest with his wife; what made you think that you were any more privileged than someone who has a legal bond with him (even if that bond is tenuous at best)?

TBI didn't think anything of it while the "affair" was still going because she thought she was the only "other woman", and that the guy's (ex)wife's health was not jeopardized. Now that TBI found out that he's been with many others and that her own health was threatened by it, trying to help others whose health was threatened by it as well could be a good thing.

It doesn't appear to be an issue of "priveledge", but more of a "my health was threatened by this guy, and yours is too".

I would have gone the registered letter route myself, but obiously TBI's way worked out all right.

 

[Succulent-one]

RULE #1 Never screw around with another persons spouse......no good ever comes of it. And even if they leave their spouse for you, you can never trust them again......after all you were cheating when you met.

RULE#2 Same as rule number one

OK, I would tell her especially if the miserable retched twit is sleeping around with all kinds of skany people. His wife doesn't deserve to get an STD. Maybe she doesn't care. But at least she can get rid of the louse.

 

[phoenix1224]

RULE #1 Never screw around with another persons spouse......no good ever comes of it. And even if they leave their spouse for you, you can never trust them again......after all you were cheating when you met.

And how can you trust him when he tells you that you're the only OTHER one (besides his wife)... After all, I'm sure he's telling his wife that she's the ONLY one... Which proves him to be a liar... And how can you trust ANYTHING that a liar tells you?

 

[MistyBluEyes]

(I knew this already but now I have even more evidence of it since he duped me just as badly as his poor wife.)

Let's get this straight.....

Did you think about his 'Poor wife' while you were fucking her husband? Seems not. You are pissed because he cheated on you. Now you feel sorry for you and the wife? He's scum. He was scum when he was fucking you. You are scum for fucking him.

Now that he fucked you over, you want to tell? LMAO....how childish are you? You were doing the same thing. Why don't you figure out how to get your own man instead of someone elses?

 

[MistyBluEyes]

I suggest an e-mail similar to this:

Dear Wifey,

I just wanted to inform you that I'm one of the several whores who have been fucking your husband behind your back, for the past four years. I know this likely comes as a surprise to you, but I am really writing to let you know that I’m not the only skanky cunt he has been fucking. Imagine my shock when I found out that not only was he cheating on you, but he was also cheating on me. I likely sound like a bitter woman since he devastatingly dumped me two months ago, but I’m not. I wanted to tell you for health reasons. Though I wasn’t concerned about your health for the last four years, I am suddenly concerned for your health. Rest assured, I am currently clean.

Enclosed are some of the photos of your husband and myself fucking, for evidence. Also enclosed are STD pamphlets (for your safety) and used condoms that your husband used with other women.

I just thought you should know because I would hate for you to find out that not only was he fucking me on the side, but he was fucking several others. If you need any further evidence or would like to discuss the depths of your husband’s (or my) whoredom, please feel free to respond.

Signed,

I Can’t Believe Your Cheating Husband Cheated On Me

This is Fantastic!!! LMAO