How to Choose the Right Master

[Stella_Omega]

If you want someone for a learning experience and nothing more, you probably want a top-- not a "master."

(sorry, guys, I can't help it)

 

[princesssuzanne]

Yes, it´s good to be honest about what you want, but you still have to ask yourself what´s in it for the other person. If you say that you are looking for a master, I think you will get lots of answers from people expecting things you don´t want to offer. Perhaps if you call it teacher or mentor or something?

If you are specific about what you want and what you are offering, in your ad, I think your search might be easier.

That is great advice. Thank you.

 

[princesssuzanne]

My suggestion is the same as Simon's. Look for a local munch and go to a few meetings, start getting to know your community.
http://fetlife.com is a great resource for you.

THIS WEBSITE IS AWESOME!! Thank you so much for giving it to me! Thanks to CutieMouse as well!

 

[NomadLady]

If you want someone for a learning experience and nothing more, you probably want a top-- not a "master."

(sorry, guys, I can't help it)

Ditto this statement Princess.....if all you are interested in is the learning aspect find a "top" and be a bottom for awhile before making an emotional investment with a master.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Ditto this statement Princess.....if all you are interested in is the learning aspect find a "top" and be a bottom for awhile before making an emotional investment with a master.

Or asking a "Master" to refrain from an emotional investment in you. It's hard enough to keep untangled as a top, she said wistfully...

 

[princesssuzanne]

Well I joined fetlife and found a fetish society in my area. Sad thing is that they haven't really been active in the past month. Oh well, I guess I will wait to see if it changes. Thanks for all of the advice.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Best of luck! And remember-- You can be instrumental in getting things started again. BDSM IS a diy proposition.

 

[princesssuzanne]

Best of luck! And remember-- You can be instrumental in getting things started again. BDSM IS a diy proposition.

I'm just really shy and reserved around people I don't know very well.

 

[ali0610]

impossible!

I agree with you 100%. I've been looking too and it seems like there aren't very many possibilities even. I feel like I'm always weeding out masters pms in my inbox.

Ali

Hello. I am female sub and seem to be having issues finding a master. Any advice for how to see what is a good Master and what is a bad Master?

The issues I am having is that it always seem that a person is pretending and just wish to use a sub as a cheap thrill. They also want an instant trust from the sub and want to see them naked completely immediately. Or you have the ones that manage to keep up the charade long enough to have the sub invested and then flip and become a sadist who enjoys inflecting pain on the sub with knowledge that it is something the sub is not willing to do by any means. These are just a few issues.
Hope this clears up any questions.

 

[Stella_Omega]

fetlife.com. Find your area. Go to a much or two.

 

[princesssuzanne]

fetlife.com. Find your area. Go to a much or two.

I have actually been talking with some of the fetish society and I think that a munch is being planned for the next week or so. I am really excited to meet these people!

Thanks stella!

 

[Earthgoddess]

Again with the fet

I can not agree more, there is even a Lit community on fet. Explore, learn and get some folks you trust to support your growth. I do at times wish there was a clearing house for bad Doms/Masters/Tops so you could type in their name and get a review. Having recently experienced a very bad situation with someone I met on this board I can only caution you to remember to take precautions. Google their name( their real name, my guy gave me a fake name), make sure of their marital status, make sure of their criminal record( most states have a free case search/web page) and defer to those with more experience. I wish I had listened to friends who felt I was in a bad situation, but I felt so strong about the D/s dynamic I was sure it would be fine.
I would say apply all the cautions of a vanilla date situation and add in the extra dangers with some of the scenes/play you might engage in as well. Working on a limits checklist is a valuable exercise also, it allows you to consider what might work or not work for you so you can negotiate and be self advocating.
And I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors, it is too many hours of no sleep for em at this point.
Best of luck and enjoy the exploration.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I have actually been talking with some of the fetish society and I think that a munch is being planned for the next week or so. I am really excited to meet these people!

Thanks stella!

Fabulous!

 

[jdh20]

sounds like i dont need to even give any advice but try VampireFreaks.com they have a few "cults" that are all about BDSM, alot of nice people to and so far ive only seen good masters and slaves in it