How to develop cybererotic relationships

[IslandBaby]

How to develop cybererotic relationship

Well Ive read alot of the posts here and havent really gotten any answers to questions I have..what exactly is cybering? lol I have been online for a number of years..and have not engaged in any more than chatting...sometimes a guy who Ive known online for years..(we play cards together) has said something a little risque' but I know he does that to everyone and I laugh it off....but my recent experience is really getting to me..I have know this other guy for years..*******..we have played cards together, chatted together about personal lives..problems etc...always been there for each other as a friend..
have never atttempted to meet..and most likely never will
but recently I am obsessed with seeing him come online...he is my card pard..sure ..so Im happy when he logs on because we play great together..but its becoming more than that for me..I think of him all day..think of what he will say or what I can say to him to make him smile......
I am totally depressed when he has to log off to sleep..until the next night..
I am married..very set in my home life..kids grown and set in their lives..husband that is good provider...sex is not a problem..
but I am missing a "zing" at home I guess...missing romance..because my husband just isnt like that..never got a flower..doesnt call me honey or hun even..you know what I mean...whats happening to me ...why am I suddenly so "turned on" to this guy online..we were just friends for 6 yrs..and suddenly he seems to be soooooooo much more...I wouldnt know how to Cyber..I mean they dont have classes on it...what is it exactly?

 

[M's girl]

If my wife worried about what I was doing online I would stop, but if she knows what I do online and is not unhappy about it, I feel it can be a release from family tension to be able to talk and flirt, safe in the knowledge that it is not going to go any further than a keyboard or a monitor screen.

True. As long as you're open about what you're doing I guess there's nothing wrong with a little flirtation here and there. It can most certainly boost your self esteem and so benefit your well being which will reflect on how you act/behave in your relationship and at home. You must know which lines not to cross though. If you're wondering when or if you're crossing it/them you might have already done just that!

Maybe you can consider sharing some of the stuff with your SO... M and I do this all the time, especially tell each other about LIT-things (we don't do contacts with other people separately) and it's been like the 'fuel' for many steamy conversations ......and sex.

 

[M's girl]

....but I am missing a "zing" at home I guess...missing romance..because my husband just isnt like that..never got a flower..doesnt call me honey or hun even..you know what I mean...whats happening to me ...why am I suddenly so "turned on" to this guy online..we were just friends for 6 yrs..and suddenly he seems to be soooooooo much more...I wouldnt know how to Cyber..I mean they dont have classes on it...what is it exactly?

I have a crazy idea! How about you COMMUNICATE this to your husband and give him at least a chance to improve? Sounds to me like what you miss at home you're trying to find (correction: are finding) online. Bad thing. You need attention from your husband and you're right to want that. Tell him! And if you are still having these contacts after that, well... it should add something (not replace) and your husband should know about it and it should spice up your sexlife for your husband and you... together..! That's just my opinion since I hear you're not happy about the situation yourself!

 

[IslandBaby]

cyber relationship

Im not looking for a cyber relationship...and not looking for an offline affair..I know this guy online for years...feel sense of closeness with him..but of late it just has gotten so I cant wait for him to log on...nothing is said between us thats "dirty" or risque'..but I sense a feeling that he enjoys chatting with me as much as I enjoy him..and to answer you...it has helped my life at home...just having something different and exciting to look forward to...I just want to know if that is cybering.......chatting..about daily stuff..about cards...nothing about sex...but I still am exicted with him online...is that weird?

 

[M's girl]

..and to answer you...it has helped my life at home...just having something different and exciting to look forward to...I just want to know if that is cybering.......chatting..about daily stuff..about cards...nothing about sex...but I still am exicted with him online...is that weird?

Uh.... I assume you were talking to me?

Yes, I guess that is what they call "cybering" then..... amongst other things. Although I would have to look it up in the dictionary to be certain. And if that (what you mentioned this contact is all about) is all you do there's no harm, although I think your husband should know anyway * shrugs*. And it's not at all weird that you're looking forward to 'speak' to a friend, even if it's 'only' online...

But hey, that's just my take on it.

 

[IslandBaby]

Reply to MsGirl

well I could never tell hubby..or he would unplug puter forever.....he is not into me talking to anyone..and would nip it in bud.....I just cant figure out how 2 friends like this..could have become something like this......so exciting to me...and really dont know if he feels same things....or not...a friend tells me she thinks he is leading up to more...and can see signs..I just wanted to know what Cybering is..so Id know if it ever happend

 

[SweetErika]

Well Ive read alot of the posts here and havent really gotten any answers to questions I have..what exactly is cybering?

Cybering is generally just interacting as if you're having sex and sharing fantasies through chat, or sometimes email. It's basically phone sex, but on the computer. Often, people will masturbate during, or use the conversation as fantasy to do so afterwards. One of the draws is that people can be whoever and talk about whatever they want. Here's a comical example, but I'm sure you'll get the idea.

lol I have been online for a number of years..and have not engaged in any more than chatting...sometimes a guy who Ive known online for years..(we play cards together) has said something a little risque' but I know he does that to everyone and I laugh it off....but my recent experience is really getting to me..I have know this other guy for years..*******..we have played cards together, chatted together about personal lives..problems etc...always been there for each other as a friend..
have never atttempted to meet..and most likely never will
but recently I am obsessed with seeing him come online...he is my card pard..sure ..so Im happy when he logs on because we play great together..but its becoming more than that for me..I think of him all day..think of what he will say or what I can say to him to make him smile......
I am totally depressed when he has to log off to sleep..until the next night..
I am married..very set in my home life..kids grown and set in their lives..husband that is good provider...sex life is not a problem..
but I am missing a "zing" at home I guess...missing romance..because my husband just isnt like that..never got a flower..doesnt call me honey or hun even..you know what I mean...whats happening to me ...why am I suddenly so "turned on" to this guy online..we were just friends for 6 yrs..and suddenly he seems to be soooooooo much more...I wouldnt know how to Cyber..I mean they dont have classes on it...what is it exactly?

It sounds like you have a cybercrush...if you think back, are you're feelings now kind of reminiscent to those you had in Jr. High or High School when you liked someone? It's very common online, especially since we're able to idealize the other person. I think M's Girl had good advice...talk to your husband, and (re)kindle the romance at home. Cyber-romance, sex, etc. can be great, but if you're using it to replace what your relationship is missing, it can easily cause problems. It's much better as an addition to an already great marriage and sex life, and that way you're not carrying the guilt of possibly cheating or hiding something from your significant other either.

 

[IslandBaby]

cyberotic relatioships

well I took advice..I printed out my post and all the replies..and read it to hubby...he just doesnt get it...it isnt his nature to call me sweety..or baby..or open a door..or send me a rose..I even took him to see Kenny Rogers this summer..and printed the lyrics to "Buy Me A Rose" to give him a hint..but, nope..doesnt work
He says OH YOU dont think IM good husband..I do nothing for you? I said ..I didnt say that..Im saying Im a Girl..I need to feel special...need to feel loved..if you want me to continue getting that from someone else..fine...and that was it...he will not change...so at least he knows now..and it is helping our relationship...its helping me too...I had lost self esteem...and now have that back...which in turn makes me feel like a sexy woman again..

 

[Private_Label]

Well Ive read alot of the posts here and havent really gotten any answers to questions I have..what exactly is cybering?

Cyber sex - i.e using a chat program to do a bit of mutual masterbation with words. Writing out of an explicit sexual scene together for the purpose of acheiving orgasm.

but my recent experience is really getting to me..I have know this other guy for years..*******..we have played cards together, chatted together about personal lives..problems etc...always been there for each other as a friend..
have never atttempted to meet..and most likely never will
but recently I am obsessed with seeing him come online...he is my card pard..sure ..so Im happy when he logs on because we play great together..but its becoming more than that for me..I think of him all day..think of what he will say or what I can say to him to make him smile......

If you are obsessed with speaking/seeing your card partner on line, you are getting into the realm of emotional attachment. You may not be doing anything "sexual" but you are investing a lot of emotional energy in waiting for "him" and seeing him on line. It has the potential of taking away from your real life emotional contacts. (As "Dear Abby" would say - it may not be sexual, but it could be considered "cheating").

in reply to M's girl ...well I could never tell hubby..or he would unplug puter forever.....he is not into me talking to anyone..and would nip it in bud.....I just cant figure out how 2 friends like this..could have become something like this......so exciting to me...and really dont know if he feels same things....or not...a friend tells me she thinks he is leading up to more...and can see signs..I just wanted to know what Cybering is..so Id know if it ever happend

That to me sounds a lot like emotional cheating - maybe not the definition of cyber sex - but there is an emotional bond you have formed which is the seed for driving a wedge between yourself and your spouse. It's the comment about "if he found out, he would unplug the computer." Sounds like you don't feel you can tell him about your relationships with others. Since your on-line friend makes you feel "excited" then, I would really like to caution you to take a good look at the friendship - romantic attachments can be formed even if you are not "cybering" and they can and have ruined relationships.

 

[IslandBaby]

Response to Private Label (cyber relationships)

Well if you saw my last post..I printed out the entire post and read it to my husband..he knows now all that has gone on..I guess he feels as long as it goes no further he is fine ..because he is not going to chage his ways..and give me any of the special attention I need...maybe he is just a happy banana...now, because if I am excited and feeling good about myself..it makes our experiences better...
but to answer the other post that was written after yours....that is true..I do use alot of my time and energy on this other guy.....and I am not eating or sleeping...the way I was before...seems I am turned on all dayyy and night..and for years I had no desires at all....it is a great feeling though.......one I obviously missed....... I am going to talk to my online friend and make sure I havent snt wrong vibes...this is purely online for me...

 

[SnoopDog]

I guess this is a conversation only women can have because for a man it's hard enough to find cybersex with a 'real' girl that is then also interested in the same things. No, actually it's not hard, it's impossible.

Snoopy

 

[M's girl]

I guess this is a conversation only women can have because for a man it's hard enough to find cybersex with a 'real' girl that is then also interested in the same things. No, actually it's not hard, it's impossible.

Snoopy

Hi snoopy,

Well, I guess that's not entirely true. For women to have cybersex with men, they have to find ...... men! But I guess you have a point.... there are way more men out there than there are women looking for cybersex I suppose.

On the other hand.... if you are looking for a girl with the same interests why not focus on that first? Having 'just' cyberex with someone is a bit different from cybersex and developing a friendship or relationship at the same time. So it will attract different kind of people also.

If you find a nice girl online to share your thoughts and interests with and state clear on forehand that you will eventually also want (cyber-)sex I think you will find someone in the end. Place an ad on a free website that has a contacts segment (like E-bay I assume) or so and be clear about you; what you want and expect. Worked for me.... (and I am a woman but my M is a man.... )

Good luck!

 

[billfingers]

Very new

But I'd like to try