how to get a date...

31 yrs old and still haven't figure this one out....

You ask. Make it low-key ... go out for coffee or lunch or something.

If the person says "No," move on.

Remember that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
 
Cleverly mock the person you like with references to their culture/beliefs.
Do this relentlessly without remorse or restraint. Never use the same one twice.
Then do something incredibly kind for them and tell them that you made those references to show how much you knew about their culture.
The mix of emotions and surprise turn around will overwhelm them and they will be yours.
 
She will make a move on you if youre worth the candle, but at 31 become a monk.
 
A it's a numbers game. You have to stand out from the crowd in a positive way. And make your pool of people as big as possible.

B don't be discouraged when they aren't interested. Just keep on moving.
 
A it's a numbers game. You have to stand out from the crowd in a positive way. And make your pool of people as big as possible.

B don't be discouraged when they aren't interested. Just keep on moving.

He's 31.
 
So? I'm 36 and been on 3 first dates since the beginning of july. It's not impossible, just a little bit different work needs to be done.
 
31 yrs old and still haven't figure this one out....

  • Be clean, tidy ... aka well groomed
  • Humor is a good thing
  • Be interesting, but don't be fake
  • Use your manners
  • Be confident

The list, of course, continues. Not every woman is the same, so not all the things that will get you a date with one will get you date with another.
 
I watch people all the time so I see lots of things that people do that destroy their chances. Yeah, I know, I'm weird.

But, the things I see that are bad things to do:

> Too much 'I'm your hero/dreamboat/everything' in attitude and demeanor.
> Too often needing a 'wingman'. If you aren't confident enough to go it solo, she isn't interested. Get away from the bachelor herd.
> She isn't 'prey' to hunt. There are no traps that will capture her. No lines that work. No cologne that will make her instantly horny (sorry ad guys, but it's true).
> Drunken. slovenly, stinky etc are a turn off. Sweaty can be a good thing sometimes as long as it's in context. Sweaty on the job as a calendar model can be appealing. Sweaty after a hard days work means you need a shower.
> Overcompensation is probably the mistake I see most often. You don't need a big truck, or a 'tough' dog, or a bad boy attitude to impress her. Trust me, you're not even impressing the other bachelors. You're competing with them and you're all losing.
> Stay out of her space unless she invites you in. NEVER lean over her or touch her without an invitation.
> Do not be the 'safe' friend. On the flip side, don't be the creepy stalker who chases after her every day either.


Good things to work on in no particular order:

> Shyness can be worked with. If you are truly shy, then you need to communicate that you are SHY to the girl who is catching your eye. There's a way to do this which can't really be written in a few lines on a forum. It's all about eye contact and body language. Practice make perfect and you will know when you get it right.
> SMILE! A lot. Being cheerful works better than looking depressed.
> Body image can be improved. Women like men who look like men. No one likes a bloated white whale who only wants a servant to fetch him another beer and cigarettes.
> Mystery attracts but confidence matters. If you know who YOU are, she might be interested in finding out your secret identity.
> TALK to her. If she talks back, she might be interested. If she blows you off, she isn't. But, talking isn't an invitation to jump into the sack or into a relationship. It takes talking and exploring mutual thoughts and ideas that brings people together.
> Your relationship will be with HER. Not the kids, dog, family, house, job, etc. SHE is the important one, make her believe it every time you are together. Trust me, it takes more than flowers, phone sex, or shoes to get there. It takes attention to details. Pay attention. Every day.
> Eye contact is both good and bad. Too much and she might think you're creepy. Too little and she might think you're not interested. There's a balance between the two.
> Success is the best indicator of how well you will be able to take care of her. That doesn't mean a loud stereo, expensive car and fancy clothes. It means money in the bank and a solid steady career. She might look at the 'bad boy' and maybe even dabble a bit with him, but she wants a MATE who can care for her and provide for her. Be THAT guy, not the fantasy.
< Compliments matter. "Wow, you're pretty." isn't a compliment. "Oh my God, I LOVE your shoes!" is.

There's more and not everyone will agree but this is a start. Take it and run with it. Modify it so it reflects YOU and not some phoney. And remember, you will ask a lot before you get an answer. Like they say about getting published, you are doing something right if you're getting rejected.
 
What barefootgirl69 and HisArpy said.

Whether you're 18 or 81, be friendly, smile a lot, and be you. If they are interested, they will let you know. If they aren't interested, move on.

As my grandpappy said, "Fish where the fish are. You're wasting your time fishing where they aren't."
 
- Mutual interests (no, not just sex) and/or hobbies.
- Don't assume attraction is mutual.
- Don't send a dick picture unless it is solicited. If we are interested, we'll ask.
- Personal space is a thing.
- Join new hobby groups; you meet more people that way!
 
What barefootgirl69 and HisArpy said.

Whether you're 18 or 81, be friendly, smile a lot, and be you. If they are interested, they will let you know. If they aren't interested, move on.

As my grandpappy said, "Fish where the fish are. You're wasting your time fishing where they aren't."

Your grandpappy had the right advice. If you can't find or don't like the people available then a change of scenery can be helpful. I found this also worked when I needed to find a different group of friends.

Good luck getting that date! :D
 
I watch people all the time so I see lots of things that people do that destroy their chances. Yeah, I know, I'm weird.

But, the things I see that are bad things to do:

> Too much 'I'm your hero/dreamboat/everything' in attitude and demeanor.
> Too often needing a 'wingman'. If you aren't confident enough to go it solo, she isn't interested. Get away from the bachelor herd.
> She isn't 'prey' to hunt. There are no traps that will capture her. No lines that work. No cologne that will make her instantly horny (sorry ad guys, but it's true).
> Drunken. slovenly, stinky etc are a turn off. Sweaty can be a good thing sometimes as long as it's in context. Sweaty on the job as a calendar model can be appealing. Sweaty after a hard days work means you need a shower.
> Overcompensation is probably the mistake I see most often. You don't need a big truck, or a 'tough' dog, or a bad boy attitude to impress her. Trust me, you're not even impressing the other bachelors. You're competing with them and you're all losing.
> Stay out of her space unless she invites you in. NEVER lean over her or touch her without an invitation.
> Do not be the 'safe' friend. On the flip side, don't be the creepy stalker who chases after her every day either.


Good things to work on in no particular order:

> Shyness can be worked with. If you are truly shy, then you need to communicate that you are SHY to the girl who is catching your eye. There's a way to do this which can't really be written in a few lines on a forum. It's all about eye contact and body language. Practice make perfect and you will know when you get it right.
> SMILE! A lot. Being cheerful works better than looking depressed.
> Body image can be improved. Women like men who look like men. No one likes a bloated white whale who only wants a servant to fetch him another beer and cigarettes.
> Mystery attracts but confidence matters. If you know who YOU are, she might be interested in finding out your secret identity.
> TALK to her. If she talks back, she might be interested. If she blows you off, she isn't. But, talking isn't an invitation to jump into the sack or into a relationship. It takes talking and exploring mutual thoughts and ideas that brings people together.
> Your relationship will be with HER. Not the kids, dog, family, house, job, etc. SHE is the important one, make her believe it every time you are together. Trust me, it takes more than flowers, phone sex, or shoes to get there. It takes attention to details. Pay attention. Every day.
> Eye contact is both good and bad. Too much and she might think you're creepy. Too little and she might think you're not interested. There's a balance between the two.
> Success is the best indicator of how well you will be able to take care of her. That doesn't mean a loud stereo, expensive car and fancy clothes. It means money in the bank and a solid steady career. She might look at the 'bad boy' and maybe even dabble a bit with him, but she wants a MATE who can care for her and provide for her. Be THAT guy, not the fantasy.
< Compliments matter. "Wow, you're pretty." isn't a compliment. "Oh my God, I LOVE your shoes!" is.

There's more and not everyone will agree but this is a start. Take it and run with it. Modify it so it reflects YOU and not some phoney. And remember, you will ask a lot before you get an answer. Like they say about getting published, you are doing something right if you're getting rejected.

Thank you for the thoughtful and lengthy tips! Also, grandad is right but I don't know where the fish are :confused:
 
  • Be clean, tidy ... aka well groomed
  • Humor is a good thing
  • Be interesting, but don't be fake
  • Use your manners
  • Be confident

The list, of course, continues. Not every woman is the same, so not all the things that will get you a date with one will get you date with another.

Faint heart never won fair lady.

I go after what I want. Rejection means nothing to me, sooner or later the stars will favor me if I'm doing things right. But you cant win the lottery if you don't play. Too many of my pals were too timid to do anything, and more than once I took the girl from under their noses when they failed to make a move.

You can always put a sign on your desk that reads: I'M AVAIALABLE IF YOURE INTERESTED.
 
Borrow, rent or steal a late model sports car. When you pick up a cute gal on the street corner wine and dine her. Make sure you mention your 12" penis many times. Buy her flowers and chocolates. After she's drunk get married in Vegas and hope for the best.
Just don't move back into mom's basement.
 
Borrow, rent or steal a late model sports car. When you pick up a cute gal on the street corner wine and dine her. Make sure you mention your 12" penis many times. Buy her flowers and chocolates. After she's drunk get married in Vegas and hope for the best.
Just don't move back into mom's basement.


If only I knew this actually worked!!!! Would have been swimming in pussy all these years!
 
If only I knew this actually worked!!!! Would have been swimming in pussy all these years!
Sadly you will only pick up drunken prostitutes this way and you will soon have to return the car.

I really can't help because I only had one real girlfriend and she tricked me into marrying her years ago. I can't afford a divorce and I'm too old to train another woman.

Good luck.
 
Faint heart never won fair lady.

I go after what I want. Rejection means nothing to me, sooner or later the stars will favor me if I'm doing things right. But you cant win the lottery if you don't play. Too many of my pals were too timid to do anything, and more than once I took the girl from under their noses when they failed to make a move.

You can always put a sign on your desk that reads: I'M AVAIALABLE IF YOURE INTERESTED.

This is key. Being tenative will never work.

Disregard all advice from women. Every woman who ever wants to give you advice about how to be that nice guy that women want, has a story in her background how she "just the one time" ended up with that guy who is nothing like what she describes that she wants.

Especially disregard the advice about not touching. If you cannot touch a woman in a non-sexual way while having conversation with her there's no chance in hell that she's going to fuck you.

Touch is absolutely key. Humans respond favorably to touch. It builds comfort and trust. The secret is to be quite certain that it does not in any way look like you are angling for a grope. Rule of thumb is can you touch a guy in exactly the same way without it being weird.

I am a bit of a raconteur, so I get away with being probably a lot more verbal than you should be. When in doubt less is generally more when talking to a woman. Let her fill in the blanks. Let her ask what she's interested in knowing about you. the more blank you leave the more likely she's going to fill those blanks with positives. We all do that.

I assume that friends and family are aware of the fact that you are dateless and desperate. Ask for and accept any and all blind dates they can fix you up with you need practice.

Some statistics might be encouraging. Women are more open to an approach while ovulating. You of course have no idea when that is but it's roughly a three day window. So in every 30 day period on any given day roughly one out of every ten women that you run into is ovulating. Your job is to learn to spot which women are in general receptive even if they are not necessarily receptive to you.
 
Thank you for the thoughtful and lengthy tips! Also, grandad is right but I don't know where the fish are :confused:

As my fishing mentor told me once, there are more fish out there than you can shake a fishing stick at. The key to landing one is presentation and perseverance.

I never tried to hook up with anyone in a bar. Women in bars are either looking for a relaxing drink with friends, or are on a one night stand binge looking for notches in their bedpost. There are very few long term relationships to be found in a bar. Ditto for similar places (Starbucks, restaurants, etc.). People go to those places for reasons other than finding a relationship.

Not that anyone goes someplace for that actual reason. The relationship happens sort of accidentally as they fall into it. So, you need to figure out where people go to stumble into a relationship when they weren't looking for one.

Look in places where you find people with similar interests to yours. You like sailing? Join a Yacht Club and sign on as crew every chance you get. Invite that cute girl who caught your eye at the marine chandler to crew with you. (A-hah a plan!) Like the theater? Join your local one as a prop guy if you have no other experience and offer to help build sets. Offer to buy coffee afterward for everyone, including that cutie who bosses everyone around all the time.

Canoeing, skiing, biking, museum visiting, swap meeting, it's all good if you ASK SOMEONE TO GO WITH YOU. See what I'm saying here? Join orgs and groups in person and participate in their activities. Friending someone on Tweeter doesn't get you dates.

Also, you need to realize that this is a long term project. You aren't going to be successful the first time out. Or the second. Maybe not even the third or fourth. Or fifth. However, you have to keep at it and learn what went right and what went wrong and why. To do that you have to keep asking for a date and examining the responses. Try try try.

I totally disagree with Que about the touching thing. Women get grabbed, fondled, groped, ass patted and manhandled from an early age. Most of them absolutely HATE it! Why? Because it's done without permission or consent.

However, that doesn't mean that consent or an invitation is definitively expressed. It can be something as simple as leaning closer to whisper something to you. Well, whispering something other than 'Fuck Off Creep'.

Never give up.
 
I do a lot of social things. I joined a website where locals in utah get together and go on hikes, dinners, rock climbing, the lake etc. I see many people hook up from these I just get left in the dust. I am assertive and I am not creepy. In my 30's but still going to school on a large campus. I do online dating. Neighbors or co-workers try to introduce me to girls but none have ever had enough interest even for one quick coffee date. I don't get friend zoned either. I have no female friends that aren't online. Honestly, most of the girls I run across are already taken or they have someone they already like. The only girls that have ever said they would date me are taken ones....until they become single then the story changes lol. Bitches and their bullshit lies to make others feel better. I'm not cocky and I was an extremely lean athletic soldier for about a decade. Have everything going for me. I'm not very picky. I can't date fat girls though. Just can't do it. I mean that as in 200+lbs. Just not attracted to them. Anyway, I've exhausted my efforts for many years and still haven't figured out what high school kids have about dating. For being a very intelligent person I feel really fucking stupid!
 
I do a lot of social things. I joined a website where locals in utah get together and go on hikes, dinners, rock climbing, the lake etc. I see many people hook up from these I just get left in the dust. I am assertive and I am not creepy. In my 30's but still going to school on a large campus. I do online dating. Neighbors or co-workers try to introduce me to girls but none have ever had enough interest even for one quick coffee date. I don't get friend zoned either. I have no female friends that aren't online. Honestly, most of the girls I run across are already taken or they have someone they already like. The only girls that have ever said they would date me are taken ones....until they become single then the story changes lol. Bitches and their bullshit lies to make others feel better. I'm not cocky and I was an extremely lean athletic soldier for about a decade. Have everything going for me. I'm not very picky. I can't date fat girls though. Just can't do it. I mean that as in 200+lbs. Just not attracted to them. Anyway, I've exhausted my efforts for many years and still haven't figured out what high school kids have about dating. For being a very intelligent person I feel really fucking stupid!

Really? You think this is what members of the opposite sex are looking for in a life companion? :rolleyes:

It ain't that hard to understand. Don't be a jerk, be pleasant to be around, ask ask ask. Eventually someone will discover the hidden gem that is you.
 
I'm going to reiterate much of what has been said here with a little caveat.

Yes, if you are looking for immediate results, it's a numbers game and you have to have a thick skin for rejection if you are a guy going after women. It's historically a buyer's market in that situation, the woman is the buyer, and that's not likely to change anytime soon.

All rejection says is "I'm not into you." Everyone is particular and women just get to be more assertively particular due to the reality outlined above.

Also, we're the same age and I haven't had the difficulty in getting dates you seem to have had so let me throw out some advice.

Focus on you first. Ask yourself--honestly--what you want.

If it's JUST immediate gratification, go to some bars, practice friendly conversation and offering women drinks without being pushy/creepy, brace for lots of rejection, and try to have fun regardless of whether you go home alone or not.

If it's something more, like love, don't rush things. Getting THIS isn't a number game. Be more social, treat women--even ones you find attractive--like regular people, and see who grows on you and who makes just observing the passing of time more enjoyable. Those are the people to go after.

Sex, by itself, is far from a bad thing. But there is something to the traditionalist view that it's "empty" without an emotional connection. Physically, casual sex is gratifying. But it doesn't make you less lonely and it doesn't make your life better in general. It just sort of comes and goes.

The worst thing you can do, if you are looking for companionship, is just rush into something when you get that 'struck by lightning" feeling. ESPECIALLY if the woman who makes you feel it is encouraging you to rush into things. That's a red flag. Or, in the words of Maria Bamford, usually that's a factory that makes nothing but red flags.

I made the mistake of not following that advice after about a decade of casual sex. Coming from a bad home, I just distrusted locking yourself into a relationship and marriage horrified me. And the first person who came along who made staying with her for the long haul seem not so scary--I let myself get lost in her.

And she turned out to be a bad person. She hurt me. And she made it very clear she didn't particularly care that she hurt me.

So, when it comes to that kind of thing, patience and prudence are your friends.
 
Setanta84

Thanks for the input. I love that you used personal referencing in it. Totally different walks of life huh? I don't want to sleep around. I tried when I was younger but always got rejected at bars and would get upset and usually pick a fight with whatever group of guys were getting the MOST attention and whoop that ass! Did it way too much friends made jokes about me...."if I'm not gettin laid, your not gettin laid" lol. I don't do bars anymore....I'm also not looking for the one girl of my dreams. I'm good with bad relationships, good ones, short ones, long ones....ANYTHING but being utterly alone.
 
How about, alongside your attempts to get a date, you get more socially involved with a woman or three with whom dating is very clearly not on. Like for instance the wife or girlfriend of a really good buddy. You say you have no women friends. I reckon having two or three friendships with women in which sexual chemistry is left to one side, would enable you for some success in the dating project.
 
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