How to make up with a Dom?

[Kim_Burly]

Please I need some other Subs guidance as I have stuffed up …

I have done the unforgiveable two weeks in row - I do have a defiant streak in my personality and after a lot or orgasm denial (which I deserved) I did a few unforgiveable things like send the erotica I wrote just for Sir to some-one else ……. obviously punishment is coming …… making me sweat it out overnight is also part of it … order but after 240 spanks for self pleasuring 3 times ….. can anyone suggest how I can get back in good books really quickly?

You said you sent erotica that you had written for your Sir to another man?!?! Take it from a cheater, that's cheating and a real breach of trust. As for pleasuring yourself 3 times without permission, 240 swats by hand sounds like you got off easy. If you love him and truly want to be his sub, beg for his forgiveness, promise not to cheat again and follow through on it. On the she-bop, maybe you can come up with a way for you to earn orgasms.

Disclaimer: I give the worst advice ever! You should disregard it or do the complete opposite.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Disclaimer: I give the worst advice ever! You should disregard it or do the complete opposite.

LOL! .

 

[Kim_Burly]

This is going to sound like a really stupid question so don't laugh....but doesn't the Dom suffer as much as the sub, or does the orgasm denial only go one way? We play the other way with forced orgasms so I'm curious how it works.

Well of course the Dom can use his sub in any number of ways for his pleasure without risking her climaxing. If Sir canes me for punishment he sees no reason not to use the perfectly good, hot, wet vagina right in front of him, so if that is the road he wants to follow he puts an alligator on my clit. Why should he be punished? Not only does it guarantee no orgasm for yours truly, but it extends the punishment for another 10 minutes+ . My former Dom had a harsher, but equally effective way.

 

[LallyH]

Well of course the Dom can use his sub in any number of ways for his pleasure without risking her climaxing. If Sir canes me for punishment he sees no reason not to use the perfectly good, hot, wet vagina right in front of him, so if that is the road he wants to follow he puts an alligator on my clit. Why should he be punished? Not only does it guarantee no orgasm for yours truly, but it extends the punishment for another 10 minutes+ . My former Dom had a harsher, but equally effective way.

So, if you don't kind me asking, does your Sir just use orgasm denial when it is part of punishment, or as a part of usual play?

 

[loneranger8921]

So, if you don't kind me asking, does your Sir just use orgasm denial when it is part of punishment, or as a part of usual play?

Your question is how do you ask for forgiveness and become his sub again. Well It is to offer him your self as sexy as he would like. Then all so accept the punishment to earn your way back into his grace. It will not be easy. But only you know what turns your DOM on and what will get him back if that is possible. It is about what you are willing to sacrifice as a sub.

 

[tempting]

The first instance of self pleasuring was a mistake, maybe even the second. After that it's just disobedience. As ecstaticsub said, if that's fine with your dom, then cool, whatever works for your dynamic and have at it.

Yes, 240 strokes is harsh...on the dom...do you have any idea how much his arm/hand are going to ache after the first 50 - 100??

I'd be asking myself what the motives are for disobedience...is it genuine forgetfulness, a desire to push the limits and rebel, or is it just you don't want to do as you were asked because you can't quite give that bit of control to your dom?

It's ok if it's the latter...I'm not good at certain restrictions either.

thankyou so much - that was so clear - I do think it was to push the boundaries and rebel - I was like this as a young child

 

[tempting]

thanks

You said you sent erotica that you had written for your Sir to another man?!?! Take it from a cheater, that's cheating and a real breach of trust. As for pleasuring yourself 3 times without permission, 240 swats by hand sounds like you got off easy. If you love him and truly want to be his sub, beg for his forgiveness, promise not to cheat again and follow through on it. On the she-bop, maybe you can come up with a way for you to earn orgasms.

Disclaimer: I give the worst advice ever! You should disregard it or do the complete opposite.

thankyou ... I am learning and I think part of sending the erotica is that I was proud of it ...... maybe Sir will allow me to publish erotica at some stage .... he has been stern of course but so he should be

 

[tempting]

That depends a lot on your dom and what he enjoys. You'd know that better then I but mostly make an effort to be particularly obediant and pleasing for him. Do something you know he likes particularly if its something you don't do very often or are a little uncomfortable with (I don't mean break your personal limits just something that he usually has to poke and prod to get).

Thankyou - yes you are right - other women are not on my list but something I do for Sir if I must!

 

[tempting]

interesting

Well of course the Dom can use his sub in any number of ways for his pleasure without risking her climaxing. If Sir canes me for punishment he sees no reason not to use the perfectly good, hot, wet vagina right in front of him, so if that is the road he wants to follow he puts an alligator on my clit. Why should he be punished? Not only does it guarantee no orgasm for yours truly, but it extends the punishment for another 10 minutes+ . My former Dom had a harsher, but equally effective way.

very interesting - better not to give Sir too many ideas

 

[tempting]

"Orgasm denial" is a pretty popular theme in D/s, but it can also be a recipe for disaster. (Complete loss if sex drive, frustration leading to disobedience, etc)

Is there any particular reason you decided to repeatedly break the rules @ self-pleasuring? Any particular reason the response is punishment vs getting to the root of the issue? I know it isn't very sexy, but sometimes ya gotta sit down and decide if "X" (in this case, orgasm denial) is creating the desired results or not and adjust accordingly.

yes - I will need to chat about - has affected my work

 

[tempting]

But doesn't it seem that it's not just the self pleasuring that's the problem? Sending erotica to someone other than your current lover would cause a problem in any relationship, wouldn't it? That's why I wondered whether it was deliberate provocation of the Dom rather than a struggle with the orgasm denial. I'd be interested to know what others think about this aspect?

I think I was pushing the limits but was also wanted to boast about my writing and there was a very willing man ready to encourage that (which I enjoyed)

 

[tempting]

LallyH i would think that sending the stories to another person was intended to hurt the D. Maybe as a protest to show that "if you dont give me what i need then maybe someone else will".

I think tempting need to consider if being a submissive is the correct role and then set some rules of what can be done and not. Maybe they are moving their D/s relationship forward to quickly. Withholding the ability to have orgasms is not something just anyone can deal with early on. It takes a lot of trust and a shared respect. Sometimes it takes months if not years for the submissive to have that kind of love, trust and dedication to give up the very core of themself to a Dominant.

The s might be able to train the D a bit. Maybe be able to trade release for the Ds pleasure. For example by giving oral sex to the D and then get to pleasure oneself afterwards as a reward for doing a good job at the oral sex. If the punishments are important to the relationship then maybe the s can suggest to take 100 spanks in order to be allowed to orgasm once.

By showing submissiveness and devotion the D might want to reward the s for making such good progress.

once again - all good advice and yes I am a newbie s .... this thread has given me a lot to think about

 

[tempting]

OP says that this is her first D/s relationship, and I think all the suggestions that she needs to step back a little and reconsider her needs and wants, in conjunction with further discussion with Dom, are absolutely right. We don't know how experienced he is, either, so we don't know how much initial discussion he insisted on before beginning the relationship.

OP's original question was 'how do I quickly rectify the damage I have caused in my relationship'. To me, and I accept it's not much information to go on, it feels that she did not expect her behaviour to get quite the level of reaction that it did. The self-pleasuring I can fully understand if she's been denied the level of physical release that she is used to and needs, but the 'mistake' of sending the literature seems to me to indicate something other. Either it was a foolish bit of naughtiness that caused more hurt than was intended, or something more serious. Either way, it's that part that troubles me more, probably because I can't see a reason behind it.

It's difficult, isn't it, to try to help in these situations because it's easy to misinterpret the information.

no all comments have been useful and it was an act of defiance I do know now - comments helped me think about it .... he is an experinced Dom btw

 

[tempting]

So, if you don't kind me asking, does your Sir just use orgasm denial when it is part of punishment, or as a part of usual play?

as punishment snd control

 

[Primalex]

The more I have the more I want.

This is true for a lot of things - I mean, do you know anyone who can stop after one (1) handful of chips (UK: crisps)?

The desire to eat a bag of chips a day is bad. Actually eating a bag of chips a day is really bad. Now...the Dom who gives his sub a bag of chips a day? Devil or saint?

 

[ecstaticsub]

This is true for a lot of things - I mean, do you know anyone who can stop after one (1) handful of chips (UK: crisps)?

The desire to eat a bag of chips a day is bad. Actually eating a bag of chips a day is really bad. Now...the Dom who gives his sub a bag of chips a day? Devil or saint?

Devil or saint? In my case it makes my Dom a very smart man. He knows that orgasm denial will just end up drying up my sexual desire. Instead he knows that allowing me to please myself whenever I want just makes me hunger for him more. He knows that with every orgasm I have I will be thinking of him. He knows that at least for me allowing me to keep at this level of steady state means that when he wants me I will be like a microwave and heat up immediately, no priming required.

I am very thankful he does not do orgasm denial, just sometimes orgasm control. Mostly orgasm on demand which is pretty hot and something I never thought possible.

 

[LallyH]

This is true for a lot of things - I mean, do you know anyone who can stop after one (1) handful of chips (UK: crisps)?

The desire to eat a bag of chips a day is bad. Actually eating a bag of chips a day is really bad. Now...the Dom who gives his sub a bag of chips a day? Devil or saint?

If its ready salted, he's a saint, but cheese and onion flavour is a cruel and unusual punishment.

But our *bags* in the UK are only 25g anyway

 

[Primalex]

Devil or saint? In my case it makes my Dom a very smart man. He knows that orgasm denial will just end up drying up my sexual desire. Instead he knows that allowing me to please myself whenever I want just makes me hunger for him more. He knows that with every orgasm I have I will be thinking of him. He knows that at least for me allowing me to keep at this level of steady state means that when he wants me I will be like a microwave and heat up immediately, no priming required.

I am very thankful he does not do orgasm denial, just sometimes orgasm control. Mostly orgasm on demand which is pretty hot and something I never thought possible.

Great, I write a smart metaphor about chips and along comes the only chips manufacturer in this forum. I value your input, but I think at this point a discussion would only lead to more confusion, so I'll just rest my case with the statement: Sometimes having the Dom happy is still wrong.

 

[Primalex]

But our *bags* in the UK are only 25g anyway

No kidding?

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

No kidding?

Yep, and she is right about cheese and onion too.

 

[Primalex]

Yep, and she is right about cheese and onion too.

Hm.

It never crossed my mind before that I could use food as punishment by sticking it in her...mouth.

 

[rod43]

yes - I will need to chat about - has affected my work

You need to be very careful not to let His control affect your real life work. I am sure you realise this even though you may want just to submit to Him

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

Hm.

It never crossed my mind before that I could use food as punishment by sticking it in her...mouth.

That is exceptionally harsh.

 

[LallyH]

That is exceptionally harsh.

Nooooo......please Sir.......noooooo......not the cheese and onion.......

I'd cry....

 

[tempting]

Sir and I are sorting out - thankyou fellow Subs