How to write an Erotic Poem.

[HomerPindar]

Okay let's see here... paragraph one...



Her fingers undid
the buttons on his shirt, too
aroused to linger. She
pulled the shirt from
his trousers, slid
it off his shoulders.
Fingernails trailed his
chest, over his
shoulders,
down his back. Her
hands pulled his
fit body close, she
nibbled his
ear
lobe.

I feel the urge to drop words. grr Only changing line lengths - trying again.

WOOHOO! Follow that urge! Or, as John Irving put it, Be blissfully guided by the veritable urge! That's feeling poetry.

Her fingers
undid
the buttons on his shirt
too aroused to linger

She
pulled the shirt
from
his trousers, and
slid it off his
shoulders.

Her
fingernails
trailed his
chest

over

his shoulders

down

his
back

Her hands
pulled
his fit
body close

and

she nibbled

his

ear lobe.


Ohhh gosh. I see what you mean about dragging the action out. That's really neat!

I still have this awful urge to purge words Homer, though perhaps not as many as I first was inclined to (which is an improvement, it means that the flow would be smoother I think).

How am I doing so far?

Fantastic! I'd clap but my hands are busy (hey, get ya mind outta the gutter there, I'm typing here )

A simple tip, keep old copies of poetry as you edit, and then, PURGE!! Kill em with a gleeful gleem in your eye, I say. Then if you find yourself with a blank piece of paper and a bunch of dead words, back up a version of the drafts and resurect them again.

In fact, I heartily recommned you do just that - keeping each version as you go so you can end up with a bunch of poems all dealing with the same scene. Play with those words if you've the urge to.

#

Boo!!!!! Hiya sweetheart! I love what you've done with that paragraph!

...except 'waterfall of ecstasy' is that a cliche?

...and you've gone and taken words out! You wicked woman you! :lol: I want to do that but Sir ( ) hasn't given the go ahead yet!

LoL, we've not gotten into writing Dom/sub poetry yet and she's already calling me sir! Woohoo for me!

Honestly, if you've got an urge, go there - I for one encourage all the ladies to follow suit Let us know how it goes, and if you feel yourself getting stuck, or in a rut, give a holler.

 

[HomerPindar]

Re: Like this?

She Stoops to Conquer

She stands before him
eyes cast down
in sleeveless dress
her long arms
bare-skinned silken
flesh close enough
for him to breathe her
fragrant smooth hair

fresh

Her eyes cast down

Essence
of a lemon grove
Palermo warm
and green top note
fading to a white-washed sea
of scent a tangy ocean taste
below then musky forest

elemental

woman earth is powerful
yet eyes cast down

and sly
delighted knowing
smile on curving lips
points teasing fabric
shifting arc of hips
she stands before him
still and silent
eyes cast down
but offering a fury
barely under check

her breath soft
whisper answers

Yes.

Whoa, check this out, newbie kicks arse

We had a thread here a long time ago on found poetry, breaking down the words of others and the every day and finding poetry in them - well, certainly nothing wrong with finding poetry in anothers words (schleps like me are too lazy to come up with all original stuff )

Be amazed at what can come from your words.

 

[WickedEve]

.

 

[HomerPindar]

home, clean out your PM box. I am sending you the master plans. you'll love it.

The mind boggles.

Or something has come loose again up there, either way...

 

[wildsweetone]

fingers
undid
buttons on his shirt
too aroused to linger

pulled shirt from
trousers,
slid off his
shoulders.

fingernails
trailed
chest

over
shoulders

down

back

hands
pulled
his fit
body close

she
nibbled
his

ear.

grrrr again

fingers
opened
shirt buttons
too aroused to linger

pulled shirt from
trousers
slid the plaid material from
his
shoulders.

fingernails
trailed
chest

over
shoulders

down

back

hands
pulled
his body
close

she
nibbled
his

ear.

 

[Daisy May]

Thanks, Homer!

I could change things but I'm going to leave it. Even if I get bad votes. This is just something I have to do due to why I wrote it. I'm sure anyone can understand that this happens at times. But your advice was taken and I will look at my other work before I submit them. Sloowly but surely, I'm posting my work.

Daisy
(@) (@)

 

[Cerriwiden]

Re: Re: Like this?

Whoa, check this out, newbie kicks arse

We had a thread here a long time ago on found poetry, breaking down the words of others and the every day and finding poetry in them - well, certainly nothing wrong with finding poetry in anothers words (schleps like me are too lazy to come up with all original stuff )

Be amazed at what can come from your words.

Thank you. Maybe I'll submit it.

I find this poem very erotic.

Fatima
Alfred Lord Tennyson

O LOVE, Love, Love! O withering might!
O sun, that from thy noonday height
Shudderest when I strain my sight,
Throbbing thro’ all thy heat and light,
Lo, falling from my constant mind,
Lo, parch’d and wither’d, deaf and blind,
I whirl like leaves in roaring wind.
Last night I wasted hateful hours
Below the city’s eastern towers:
I thirsted for the brooks, the showers:
I roll’d among the tender flowers:
I crush’d them on my breast, my mouth;
I look’d athwart the burning drouth
Of that long desert to the south.

Last night, when some one spoke his name,
From my swift blood that went and came
A thousand little shafts of flame
Were shiver’d in my narrow frame.
O Love, O fire! once he drew
With one long kiss my whole soul thro’
My lips, as sunlight drinketh dew.

Before he mounts the hill, I know
He cometh quickly: from below
Sweet gales, as from deep gardens, blow
Before him, striking on my brow.
In my dry brain my spirit soon,
Down-deepening from swoon to swoon,
Faints like a dazzled morning moon.

The wind sounds like a silver wire,
And from beyond the noon a fire
Is pour’d upon the hills, and nigher
The skies stoop down in their desire;
And, isled in sudden seas of light,
My heart, pierced thro’ with fierce delight,
Bursts into blossom in his sight.

My whole soul waiting silently,
All naked in a sultry sky,
Droops blinded with his shining eye:
I will possess him or will die.
I will grow round him in his place,
Grow, live, die looking on his face,
Die, dying clasp’d in his embrace.

 

[PatCarrington]

Re: Like this?

She Stoops to Conquer

She stands before him
eyes cast down
in sleeveless dress
her long arms
bare-skinned silken
flesh close enough
for him to breathe her
fragrant smooth hair

fresh

Her eyes cast down

Essence
of a lemon grove
Palermo warm
and green top note
fading to a white-washed sea
of scent a tangy ocean taste
below then musky forest

elemental

woman earth is powerful
yet eyes cast down

and sly
delighted knowing
smile on curving lips
points teasing fabric
shifting arc of hips
she stands before him
still and silent
eyes cast down
but offering a fury
barely under check

her breath soft
whisper answers

Yes.

this is rip-roaring.....ummm.....newbie.

 

[Cerriwiden]

buttons popping
silence only
tap and roll across
the floor and breath
the sound
of mobile flesh
and only
buttons stopping

like a movement
ends in symphony
a pause until

the swelling
wave of whispers
gasp and groan
half-swallowed words
and senses spin
as if the moon outside,
a top, whirls stars
into fury

my eyes watch
yours shut, open
vistas of emotion
pass touched here
and here

a crescendo clasps
not with cymbols
but falls like a single
woodwind

 

[HomerPindar]

fingers
undid
buttons on his shirt
too aroused to linger

pulled shirt from
trousers,
slid off his
shoulders.

fingernails
trailed
chest

over
shoulders

down

back

hands
pulled
his fit
body close

she
nibbled
his

ear.

grrrr again

fingers
opened
shirt buttons
too aroused to linger

pulled shirt from
trousers
slid the plaid material from
his
shoulders.

fingernails
trailed
chest

over
shoulders

down

back

hands
pulled
his body
close

she
nibbled
his

ear.

How about changing it to present tense? Make it NOW for the reader.

In prose it's easy to write in past tense, heck I find myself doing it even when I dont want to, but for erotic poetry, keep it in the now is my suggestion.

Either way though, keep at it

 

[HomerPindar]

Thanks, Homer!

I could change things but I'm going to leave it. Even if I get bad votes. This is just something I have to do due to why I wrote it. I'm sure anyone can understand that this happens at times. But your advice was taken and I will look at my other work before I submit them. Sloowly but surely, I'm posting my work.

Daisy
(@) (@)

Ok, what I do with that soap box?

Screw the votes. It's not a popularity contest, it's not a measure of poetry, it's not worth writing for. It's that opening chapter in the text book that Robin Williams has his class tear out of the book in The Dead Poets Society.

Ya wanna know why I'm hoping this thread helps folks write great erotic poetry? So I can get off reading it.

Ok, so I didn't actually find a soapbox, but we can all pretend that I slide it back in the closet now or something.

And yeah, absolutely, write for yourself - if your erotic poetry doesn't get you off, then you've found the first problem with it.

And do keep writing, you might never change that one poem, then again, you might come back to it ten years from now. Either way, don't stop there!

Learning how we communicate is a vital way of learning how to deal with other people. (Damn, where was that pearl of wisdom last night?)

 

[HomerPindar]

Alrighty then, here's a lesson plan for you folks for today -

Describe the distance between two lovers in the seconds before they kiss.

No abstract references to energy, attraction or any thing else we can't actually see. The focus here is on the closing space.

Mind you, I still have to describe Skin without useing any S words, so I'm a little behind here. Hopefully I'll have my final papers edited today and ready to hand in so I can shift more focus where I want it.

 

[wildsweetone]

opening shirt buttons
too aroused to linger

tugging plaid shirt from
trousers,
sliding it slowly off his
shoulders

red nails
trailing over his
chest

across his
shoulders

down

his

back

hands
pulling his
fit body
close

nibbling
his
ear

palms
molding
long
legs

tongue

licking

a

silver

trail

teasing
tormenting




~

Oh good grief!
Umm, Homer?

 

[robynwildchild]

they left the hotel in a fervor of sexual sparks from the previous 5 times they had cum that morning. Feeling weak from lack of nutrients they set out on the town to find food to sustain them for the rest of thier day in sexual exploration. She thinks everyone needs a holiday such as this as they saunter down the sidewalk hand in hand. He looks at a pair of old ladies standing on the corner and suddenly smacks her ass hard and pushes her against a mailbox infront of the old women, kissing her hard against her lips and squeezing her bottom. She in return, kicks a legs up and growls at him; her eyes lowered and her pelvis thrust forward at him as to say fuck me now or get off. The old ladies calamor in shock at such a sight, as passersby gawk and stare. He pulls her from the mailbox and resumes holdling her hand, as she straightens her shirt. They nod at the old ladies still horrified at the sexual display and audacity they posses. With a smile and skip they set off to find a suitable restaurant for thier taste buds.

 

[wildsweetone]

Alrighty then, here's a lesson plan for you folks for today -

Describe the distance between two lovers in the seconds before they kiss.

No abstract references to energy, attraction or any thing else we can't actually see. The focus here is on the closing space.

Mind you, I still have to describe Skin without useing any S words, so I'm a little behind here. Hopefully I'll have my final papers edited today and ready to hand in so I can shift more focus where I want it.

Good luck with your Skin exercise.


Divulging Distance.

They stood, he alone, she alone, hands holding champagne glasses, bored with their very existence. People dancing to too loud music, tall green ferns sprouting from clay pots. Eyes meet, gray and blue, a raised brow, a lifted chin and wry twisted smiles. Lips parting, breathing shallows. A tongue darts out and returns moisture to suddenly parched lips. A long blonde bang tumbles and touches a bare shoulder. His eyes follow the hair, a soft caress against smooth porcelain.


~
Couldn't wait, I've been playing... lol
~


Standing
he alone
she alone
hands
clinching champagne glasses
conceding existence

people dancing to
excessive music,

tall green ferns
sprouting from
brown clay pots.

eyes meet
gray,
and
blue

a raised brow
a lifted chin

and

wry twisted smiles

lips parting
shallow breathing

a long
blonde
bang
tumbles and
touches a
bare shoulder

his eyes follow the hair,
a soft caress
on

smooth

porcelain

skin



pink tongue
darts
returning
moisture to

suddenly

parched

lips

 

[BooMerengue]

"don't!" her mind whispered
"your too close
back off!"
but on he came
inexorably
in slow motion his lips parted
wet and shiny
"Don't! oh God, don't
let him kiss me"
the distance closed
before she could say
"I don't want you
to kiss me!
I don't want you!"
but
it was too late

 

[wildsweetone]

Now see, I waffle too much.

 

[BooMerengue]

Now see, I waffle too much.

what do you mean?

 

[wildsweetone]

You can say so much with so few words and yet it doesn't sound stilted.

 

[BooMerengue]

You can say so much with so few words and yet it doesn't sound stilted.

Either does yours

I think its ok. Keep waffling; quit worrying. Waffles are good for you; stilts aren't!

 

[champagne1982]

Good luck with your Skin exercise.


Divulging Distance.

They stood, he alone, she alone, hands holding champagne glasses, bored with their very existence. People dancing to too loud music, tall green ferns sprouting from clay pots. Eyes meet, gray and blue, a raised brow, a lifted chin and wry twisted smiles. Lips parting, breathing shallows. A tongue darts out and returns moisture to suddenly parched lips. A long blonde bang tumbles and touches a bare shoulder. His eyes follow the hair, a soft caress against smooth porcelain.


~
Couldn't wait, I've been playing... lol
~


Standing
he alone
she alone
hands
clinching champagne glasses
conceding existence

people dancing to
excessive music,

tall green ferns
sprouting from
brown clay pots.

eyes meet
gray,
and
blue

a raised brow
a lifted chin

and

wry twisted smiles

lips parting
shallow breathing

a long
blonde
bang
tumbles and
touches a
bare shoulder

his eyes follow the hair,
a soft caress
on

smooth

porcelain

skin



pink tongue
darts
returning
moisture to

suddenly

parched

lips

Hi WSO, I think one of the reasons you're finding your poetry sounding 'stilted' is the way you've got it broken. If you're going to give each word it's own line and emphasize it by double line breaks on either side, you need to make certain that that particular

word

deserves the honour.

WSO's last stanza with a quick edit

a pink tongue darts out
returning moisture
to suddenly parched
lips.

I hope you see what I mean. When I read poetry I pause at each line break and take a breath on the doubles. Your poetry makes me pant. <hehehe> Which isn't neccessarily a bad thing

 

[wildsweetone]

Boo, thank you, I'll keep waffling/practising.

Carrie! hello! Nice to see you. Boy, you sure know your poetry! That last reworked stanza looks great. Wanna rewrite the rest?

Okay hold on I'll have another go.


~

Standing
he alone, she alone
hands clenching champagne glasses
conceding existence
people dancing to
excessive music,
tall green ferns sprouting
from brown clay pots.

eyes meet
gray
and
blue

A raised brow,
a lifted chin and
wry twisted smiles.
Lips parting,
shallow breathing.

A long
blonde bang
tumbles and touches
bare shoulder.
His eyes follow the fall,
a soft caress on
smooth porcelain skin.

Pink tongue darts out
returning moisture to
parched lips.

 

[wildsweetone]

.

 

[Daisy May]

By all means, take your time! I'm not gonna rush good sex

Now, in an earlier post you also mentioned:


Yes, what I call the Hallmark of Erotica, something between a hallmark card and erotic, is a very common stage. It gets very commong responses, "That's nice." It is NOT bad, it's nice. (for many, nice is worse than sucked)

Couldn't change what? What you felt? Gawds, I would hope not! keep those feelings fresh!

But, if you're not willing to change the words you're not ready to grow as a poet.

The problem is not in what you felt, but in making others feel it. We've all experienced something that we understood as love, or at least lust on a good night. As a reader though, we want to remember, sitting at our desk, keyboard in front of us, eyes staring at the monitor...so, make us forget we look pretty geeky slumped in our chairs staring at a monitor like that, please?

Perhaps a different approach, something to play with as you edit, eh? Describe the word SKIN without using any word that starts with the letter S.
No soft, no smooth, no supple or subtle, and sensual is straight out. Steamy? No. Sexy? Nope. Oh, yeah, and no skin either.

Homer, my dear That doesn't mean I'm not ready to grow as a poet. That means that particular poem is just really special to me. If you haven't had this feeling, something's wrong! (clears throat, no offense) I have posted something in the poetry section that is non-erotic for some help. Would you take a look at it please or do you want me to copy and paste it over?

Skin:

blushing, blushed, flushing, flushed, moist, hot, cold, warm, delicate, reactive, fragile, clean, dry, wet, tender, velvet-like, wrinkled, freckled, black, olive, tan, peeling, fair, flimsy, exquisite, fine, beautiful, frail, rugged, rough, dainty.

Can I take a break for a cigarette please?

 

[Daisy May]

Soap box? *grins*

Anyway, forget that other one. You wanted erotic. The other I posted in another thread isn't. It's quite sad actually.