How would a Nosy Parker describe the sounds of you having sex?

[glynndah]

Mr. Hitachi shows off the prototype to his long-awaited Magic Wand.

 

[Miles Long]

You live next door to me, don't you?

I can hear your squeaky bed from all the way over here!

 

[TheSilverLining]

I can hear your squeaky bed from all the way over here!

In the bushes outside my building again?
We need to work on your stalking technique...

 

[Emerson40]

Perhaps I should have made the Poll results 'Anonymous'.

Then you Dirty Birds would have been more forthcoming about the clamor of your coitus and brouhaha of your boot-knockin'.

 

[Saucyminx]

I'm practically a nun these days, and Gregorian chants wasn't one of the options.

 

[Emerson40]

I'm practically a nun these days, and Gregorian chants wasn't one of the options.

Sure, but I've heard you're one of the fun nuns, and it is more Gregorian pants heard outside your door in the ol' nunnery.

 

[Saucyminx]

I would be a fun nun, if I were an actual nun. I'm not overly aerodynamically sound however, so perhaps instead of the bike, something more along these lines?

I kind of want to caption this: I know I had my rosary when I walked in here. . . where could it have gotten to?

 

[Emerson40]

I would be a fun nun, if I were an actual nun. I'm not overly aerodynamically sound however, so perhaps instead of the bike, something more along these lines?

I kind of want to caption this: I know I had my rosary when I walked in here. . . where could it have gotten to?

You would indeed be a fun nun, and wearing your habit like that would bring all the alter boys to the yard.


As for your rosary, I'm not sure where it could be, but if it has some large, substantial beads, I have an idea or two what could be done with it.

 

[Saucyminx]

You would indeed be a fun nun, and wearing your habit like that would bring all the alter boys to the yard.


As for your rosary, I'm not sure where it could be, but if it has some large, substantial beads, I have an idea or two what could be done with it.

Where did that enormous handbasket come from?

 

[Emerson40]

Where did that enormous handbasket come from?

It goes down there *points*, to catch things.

Can't have the chain (or your rosary) fall on the floor.

 

[Miles Long]

Hmmm maybe I should poll the neighbors!

 

[Saucyminx]

It goes down there *points*, to catch things.

Can't have the chain (or your rosary) fall on the floor.

Eeeep.

 

[KimGordon67]

During a recent romantic weekend away, an unknown, funny stranger slipped a wee note under our hotel room door in the early morning hours, congratulating us on our carnal efforts and passionate game play. Our eavesdropper kindly provided a couple of very funny descriptions, describing what our endeavors sounded like, to those passing by our room door the previous night.

Thus, a poll was inspired. As best you can determine, how would a nosy Parker passing by your hotel door, or by your open bedroom window, describe the sounds coming from therein, while sex acts are being committed (partnered or solo)?

Feel free to add your own description should you not see something that adequately describes what others would hear.

This is an awesome story. My BF and I often meet in motels/hotels, and we're definitely not quiet. I'd LOVE it if someone did that.

 

[fire_breeze]

What a creep!

Nothing wrong with talking about sex, but not when it becomes all consuming and one begins to cyberstalk other posters with disgusting fantasies about their sex lives, and with sleazy inuendoes (about their buttholes and anal sex, of course) .

I wasn't the first target of this white trash deviant, and I surely won't be the last one.

18 month dormant thread reawakened. Not quite necrothread, more like awakened thread? I don't know why, but it struck me as supremely funny.

Carry on.

 

[Sedona1972]

Yeah...I thought it was funny too

 

[Emerson40]

18 month dormant thread reawakened. Not quite necrothread, more like awakened thread? I don't know why, but it struck me as supremely funny.

Carry on.

Hey FB, lovely to see you.


Sorry about the unwarranted thread-bump everyone. Occasionally I post something that triggers the GB's histrionic drama llama, and it posts attention-seeking posts, complaining about getting attention.

In this case, I believe I posted something in one of hashtag's masturbation threads about how sometimes good sex sounds like someone running in open-toed flip-flops, and the attention whore (hashtag) felt it was time once more to bump and hijack old Emerson threads, to squawk in.

He picked a good'n here. I'd forgotten about this wee gem.

 

[suckonsimon]

Oh I voted the weathervane and pump handle one! Something about how, as older and very fit people we can go on and on with great energy! Damn I love how that no longer makes me cum too soon as it did in my twenties!

Also, because I like the idea of the two - or more! - different creaky noises going on at the same time and not necessarily in rhythm with the others! 'Multi tasking' comes to mind!

 

[Emerson40]

He's been posting and bumping my threads for days.

 

[Emerson40]

How are the kids, Emerson?

Is your wife taking well care of them while you spend hours on a porn board cyberstalking women or pm-ing women?

You're such a lame piece of shit.
You spend hours every day with all sorts of semi-illicit shenanigans, while your unsuspecting wife cooks, cleans, looks after the children And holds full time job.

 

[fire_breeze]

Hey FB, lovely to see you.


Sorry about the unwarranted thread-bump everyone. Occasionally I post something that triggers the GB's histrionic drama llama, and it posts attention-seeking posts, complaining about getting attention.

In this case, I believe I posted something in one of hashtag's masturbation threads about how sometimes good sex sounds like someone running in open-toed flip-flops, and the attention whore (hashtag) felt it was time once more to bump and hijack old Emerson threads, to squawk in.

He picked a good'n here. I'd forgotten about this wee gem.

And always, good to see you as well .

Ocasionally? You're such a liar and a fraud, you disgusting xenophobic creep.
Hiding all your disgusting shenanigans under the "family man" persona.

You've been cyberstalking me DAILY (minus werkends when you spend time with your wife and children ) for an entire year. Mostly with all sorts of disgusting sexual inuendoes about me engaging in anal sex, under the 'excuse' that you're trying to out "a racist female impersonator".
And what do you know? You're also under the delusion that I like it and "I'm asking for it", just like any deviant and stalker would think.

You're white trash. Just like those three posters who endorse and encourage your behaviors.

I usually don't jump into domestic affairs, but hashtag45, it seems that you are the one who is cyberstalking Emerson40, bumping up his old threads as opposed to engaging him on current posts.

As for the claim of Emerson40 being xenophobic and bigoted... well, a brief perusal of the threads that you have started suggested some leanings towards that which you accuse Emerson40 to being, even including the posts that you have deleted. There are some slants and interesting language presented in those threads, written by you.

Finally, you point out that Emerson40 is on the boards all hours of the day. However, he has joined these hallowed halls in August of 2012 and has amassed (as of this writing) 6,112 (3.98 posts per day). You, on the other hand, joined three (3) years later and have collected (as of this writing) 9,229 posts, bring up your daily posting to 16.80 per day, which is 5 times as much time spent posting. Merely pointing out the inconsistencies of your accusation, that's all.

If you dislike Emerson40, there is a simple solution: put him on ignore and you won't have to see his posts or resurrect his at-rest threads. Simple .

 

[bunny4med]

depends on where we are.
where we are in public. hedonism, hiking in the jungle or camping.
hotel or home.
we have been quiet as mice handjobbing around the campfire or screaming at the top of our lungs at home.

 

[fire_breeze]

Another Lit. gurrl who sucks up to the Lit. boys and doesn't mind throwing one of her own kind under the bus.

Quite understandable, isn't it?
This is a porn board after all, and one needs to be seen as being empathetic towards the penises.

*arches eyebrows*

That's the best you can do? A gendered attack because I actually look at facts? Shall I point out that you support the very male now president elect as opposed to the woman. Isn't that, to use your words, "throwing her own kind under the bus"? Pandering to a man who admitted to sexually assaulting women? Hm. A little inconsistent, don't you think?

It shows that you, my dear, lack an iota of critical thinking skills and didn't even bother to look at the bigger picture or even to just take a look at who I am, what I have posted and instead you merely assumed that I gratify and accommodate penises because of the nature of this site. A brief perusal would show just the opposite
(By the way, one cannot be empathetic towards a penis; one can understand and share in the feelings of the possessor of a penis)

You're grasping and are lashing out in the most pedantic, pedestrian way possible. It's actually amusing.

 

[Emerson40]

hashtag: exemplifying vacuous posting, and setting the baseline for dumb, everyday.



Emerson's 3rd Axiom:

Attention whores gonna whore​

 

[suckonsimon]

How come there are Litsters who feel they have a right to come on and repeatedly trash a great thread? Will they not go away and hash and trash somewhere else where the rest of us are unlikely to tag it? Please! Get off of here!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]