HT handle this situation?

[Jada59]

Just my opinion:

You say he's your gardener? And he basically works for room and board? Even though he works for room and board, and you are or were friends at one time, he is legally your employee, and being such, you are his employer. And being his employer, it isn't only your right, but your responsibility to set the conditions of his employment. This includes what he can and cannot do in your home. I understand he may be a competent gardener, but he isn't the only person in your area who can garden. If he can't respect you as a person, and can't follow simple rules of etiquette in his job and personal life in your home, replace him as you would any troublesome employee. With 16% + unemployment and so many people who can't pay their rent because of this shutdown, it shouldn't be hard to find someone who would be a better companion, and an equally competent gardener.

However with that said, the first thing you need to do, (in my opinion), is take control of your life and your home. No employer, (no matter how friendly they may be with their employees), allows an employee to be disruptive or offensive.

After you do that, you need to set him straight on what he can and cannot do while in your service and in your home. If he feels he cannot follow your rules, he should seek employment elsewhere. What you describe is not a personal relationship, but an employer/employee relationship, and that puts it in a different context.

You need to find someone who appreciates what you have to offer.

I consider him more of a friend or family member than an employee. I initially let him move in here to escape an abusive relationship. I think I only ever paid him 4 or 5 times to do things. That was about three years ago.

We were hanging out together for the last couple of nights listening to the radio. It was fine.

He does more things for me than just gardening. He has done some handyman things. He washes my car, cleans the house... All sorts of things that I don't ask him to do.

 

[Ropebunny]

I consider him more of a friend or family member than an employee. I initially let him move in here to escape an abusive relationship. I think I only ever paid him 4 or 5 times to do things. That was about three years ago.

We were hanging out together for the last couple of nights listening to the radio. It was fine.

He does more things foe me than just gardening. He has done some handyman things. He washes my car, cleans the house... All sorts of things that I don't ask him to do.

If, IF this is by any chance all accurate in reality - have you ever considered that this guy is taking advantage of you? He is paying you to live there right? Kinda like a flatmate (roommate in US?)

 

[Jada59]

If, IF this is by any chance all accurate in reality - have you ever considered that this guy is taking advantage of you? He is paying you to live there right? Kinda like a flatmate (roommate in US?)

No he is not paying. I'm disabled. He does things for me that I'm unable to do. He also does gardening and some home repairs. We initially had a friendship and I allowed him to stay here to get out of an abusive situation.

I could could write a novel on that but... He keeps taking her back. They're back together now but she was in jail for what she did to him. I know... I know...

I know he must go when I am able to legally evict him and he knows this. He already has moved most of his stuff in storage but for the time being, I was told by the Sheriff that he must stay here and I just have to make the best of it. If he gets out of control again (I think it's an untreated mental thing) I can call them. But for now all they can do is speak to him.

But really this is more of a sidebar issue to me. My main issue is being turned on by him. I don't think it would be to this extreme if I could leave the house and be with one of the real life guys in my like. I starting dating one guy just prior to the pandemic. I could always fall back on him once this is over, but he has a cat allergy so can never come to my house. At best I can see him about once every three weeks, for various reasons on his end.

I started talking to another guy a few weeks ago and I think we are better suited but we can't meet in person right now. We will do that once we reach stage 2 of opening this state back up. Still might not be supposed to, but I will find a way. I want to know as soon as I can if we click. Because I don't want to keep the other guy hanging and thinking I'm still with him, if I'm with another guy.

 

[KristaK]

You might think that but you can't do that in this state.

As for the pants, I can't wear them when I workout because they fall off, usually taking my panties with them. I have ordered some pants in a smaller size.
____

Well, shit. I guess the only possible option you have would be to do your ass workouts in the living room with your dress above your head and then post here about how surprised you are that he noticed.

 

[PapaDan]

I consider him more of a friend or family member than an employee. I initially let him move in here to escape an abusive relationship. I think I only ever paid him 4 or 5 times to do things. That was about three years ago.

We were hanging out together for the last couple of nights listening to the radio. It was fine.

He does more things for me than just gardening. He has done some handyman things. He washes my car, cleans the house... All sorts of things that I don't ask him to do.

It's fine that he is a friend, but if he is doing things for room and board, technically, and most probably legally, he is still an employee, which gives you not only the authority, but the responsibility to set the rules.

As far as the guy you have been talking to and feel may be better suited to your needs, as I understand it, Washington state is not under a "shelter in place" order as is California and New York, rather more of a "stay at home, stay healthy" order, which allows for personal outings as long as social distancing of 6 feet is observed. I think if both of you took precautions and was confident that neither of you were infected, you could meet and talk.

If you do decide to go with a new person to help you, I suggest you establish the rules of his employment/involvement right up front so there isn't conflicts later on. For any of this to work, anyone you bring into your home to help out is going to have to know what he can and cannot do, and what is expected of him. This should include any personal relationship you expect to have with him.

I know this sounds rather cold, but that's the world we live in today.

 

[Jada59]

You might think that but you can't do that in this state.

As for the pants, I can't wear them when I workout because they fall off, usually taking my panties with them. I have ordered some pants in a smaller size.
____

Well, shit. I guess the only possible option you have would be to do your ass workouts in the living room with your dress above your head and then post here about how surprised you are that he noticed.

If he wasn't here, I'd be doing them naked!

 

[Jada59]

It's fine that he is a friend, but if he is doing things for room and board, technically, and most probably legally, he is still an employee, which gives you not only the authority, but the responsibility to set the rules.

As far as the guy you have been talking to and feel may be better suited to your needs, as I understand it, Washington state is not under a "shelter in place" order as is California and New York, rather more of a "stay at home, stay healthy" order, which allows for personal outings as long as social distancing of 6 feet is observed. I think if both of you took precautions and was confident that neither of you were infected, you could meet and talk.

If you do decide to go with a new person to help you, I suggest you establish the rules of his employment/involvement right up front so there isn't conflicts later on. For any of this to work, anyone you bring into your home to help out is going to have to know what he can and cannot do, and what is expected of him. This should include any personal relationship you expect to have with him.

I know this sounds rather cold, but that's the world we live in today.

Washington state is under a shelter in place order. I believe we were the first to do so because we thought we had the first case here. They've since said that's not true.

Some cities/tows have applied for and were granted permission to go to stage two which means hair salons and restaurants can open, with a lot of restrictions.

We are*not* allowed social outings where I live. We are not in stage two. We are pretty much allowed only to go to the grocery store. The "No standing, no sitting" rule is still in order. If we are outside, we are not allowed to stand or sit. We must constantly keep moving and no contact with others. The Governor is appointing "Ambassadors: to enforce this.

I have a rule that I do not go to a guy's house or him to mine unless we have met in a public place first. There is no way to do that now.

I have no way of knowing if he has the virus or not. He wouldn't know either as they say many cases have no symptoms. He has his temperature taken daily at work but... He is not following the rules. He has contact with all sorts of people.

My new guy said he can mow my lawn, fix things, etc.

The problem I had was that after my long time gardener died, I could not find anyone reliable. He worked for my parents. brother and my friend was well. We spent three years looking.

When J came to work for me, it was at a very bad time in my life.I was in the process of a divorce. My husband was still living here and being horrible. I paid a retainer to a lawyer who took the money then dropped out of sight. I had to get a new lawyer. I also developed a medical problem. I was too overwhelmed with these details to think straight. I would up getting 5 restraining orders against my ex. I could write a novel about the horrible things he did to me, J, his GF, the cops, my friends and family.

And the dust didn't settle there. The new lawyer went out of town for a long time and didn't file the divorce papers, costing me a lot more money. Then there was bungling with my health insurance. Not on my end.

So... It was kind of like I was having problems. J was having problems. and we were both leaning on each other for support!

 

[Ropebunny]

It sounds like this is a really complicated and emotional situation all round. While I understand now how the situation occurred the thought that really springs to my mind is the old in-flight safety videos - in an emergency fit your own airmask first before assisting others.

You need to prioritise yourself. Not at some later point in time, but today and everyday. When you have a need (other than sexual) you must clearly communicate that with this guy that is staying with you. Otherwise the strange dynamic that has developed (let’s not beat around the bush here, situation is weird) will become more entrenched and harder to disentangle from.

I’m not going to quibble about what you can and can’t do in your state - it sounds like you’re in no immediate danger in your situation. What you do need to do is figure out a plan going forward, both in the immediate and more long term. Part of that also needs to be around taking care of your own sexual needs during this time. You’re a grown ass woman, I’m sure with toys and the internet you can cope on your own for a while. Maybe look for something new to explore to keep things fresh?

 

[Jada59]

It sounds like this is a really complicated and emotional situation all round. While I understand now how the situation occurred the thought that really springs to my mind is the old in-flight safety videos - in an emergency fit your own airmask first before assisting others.

You need to prioritise yourself. Not at some later point in time, but today and everyday. When you have a need (other than sexual) you must clearly communicate that with this guy that is staying with you. Otherwise the strange dynamic that has developed (let’s not beat around the bush here, situation is weird) will become more entrenched and harder to disentangle from.

I’m not going to quibble about what you can and can’t do in your state - it sounds like you’re in no immediate danger in your situation. What you do need to do is figure out a plan going forward, both in the immediate and more long term. Part of that also needs to be around taking care of your own sexual needs during this time. You’re a grown ass woman, I’m sure with toys and the internet you can cope on your own for a while. Maybe look for something new to explore to keep things fresh?

I don't want toys and the Internet. Toys used to work for me. The Internet? Okay for talking to people, but that's about it. I want a real life guy and nothing else will do. Now I know what my friend Mary meant when she said this.