Humiliation, how does it work?

[unskilled]

Trust that he will still think you're beautiful, whole, special, worthy, complete, even with semen dripping off your face.

ok.. you have changed my mind

 

[Rubyfruit]

It's always nice to be heard. Thanks for listening, unskilled.

 

[unskilled]

took ya long enough to respond. I was lurking.. waiting for your response :-x

 

[Rubyfruit]

*smiles*

Had I known ...

 

[unskilled]

so.. now that established you like facials.. yummm :-D

 

[Rubyfruit]

Unskilled, this is not a chatroom. I'm afraid you're going to have to go to my room. PB will keep you company in there.

*wink*

 

[unskilled]

ah well.. I just turned it into my playhouse

 

[P. B. Walker]

Unskilled, this is not a chatroom. I'm afraid you're going to have to go to my room. PB will keep you company in there.

*wink*

Doh... I've been in here alone for so long... I put in one of your pornos, jacked off and then feel asleep. <winks>. Just teasin.

But to add to the discussion: Humiliation is one of those things that most people would not thing would "add" to a relationship. How can it build a relationship and make it stronger? It's a negative action. How can we use it and not feel worse about ourselves? Odd isn't it?

PBW

 

[Rubyfruit]

PB, I'll have to disagree with you. Please see my earlier posts on the subject, and, when you get a chance, change the sheets.

 

[P. B. Walker]

PB, I'll have to disagree with you. Please see my earlier posts on the subject, and, when you get a chance, change the sheets.

Actually I did agree with you... way back in the beginning and I did read all the posts. I was meerly asking questions from the other sides perspective. I probably should have stopped with the innane banter and not added to the conversation.

PBW "Sheets??!! We don't need no stinking sheets!"

 

[chatbug]

I have been thinking about humiliation a lot lately. It is not one of the things that makes me quiver with delight. I don't like to be humiliated or, even embarrassed. I know from reading here that some of you love it. Here is my question; if you like to be humiliated, if you get a rush from being *forced* to do something that makes you squirm with embarrassment, is it still humiliating? Does humiliation become something else when you *like* it? Is it the knowledge that you overcame your embarrassment that makes it appealing?

I'm not sure how you can be humilated without other people besides the dom and sub being involved. I haven't done this, but I think I understand the appeal.

As an example, a sub goes and sees his dominant. She has him change into raggedy clothes and go out on the street to beg for money. He has to beg until he collects enough money to buy her a pack of cigarettes.

Is this humiliating? Probably. Does he enjoy the humiliation? Probably. Is it the knowledge that he overcame his embarrassment that makes it appealing? Possibly. It could be that the sub enjoys being tested. It could be that the reward is great enough to overcome the embarassement.

 

[Ass_tronaut_T]

I've given this more thought and I think what it really comes down to for me is vulnerability in the extreme.

There was a time that I felt that having a man come on my face was humiliating. Now, I look at it as an act of love and trust.

How does everybody else view facials? For men, what's it like to do it? Do you like to? Why? For women, your views please. Is it humiliating?

Ever curiously ....

Edited to add, male views on receiving facials are encouraged as well.

I've been reading and thinking about the conversation on this thread.

I'm male and I enjoy to give facials. Not that it's the only way to bring 'it' to an end.. It just can be a very arousing one -for both sides from what I have experienced.

I think I do distinguish between "real humiliation" and "the idea of humiliation" (I hope I can express myself understandable -English is not my first language). "Real" humiliation and strong embarrasment can be a powerful tool in a D/s relationship -but can also just really hurt someone. Think this has to be used very careful -in a relationship based on trust and love. Given the fact that BOTH get something out of it.

On the other hand there is the idea of doing something that is a 'taboo'-thing can be very arousing. It's the psychological "good girls don't do this"-aspect that makes it so hot for both, I suppose. This holds not just for facials but for all kinds of 'kinky' acts. It's not 'really' embarrasing, because she knows that I love her and she trusts me -even if I may call her a 'slut' in that situation- but it's passing a barrier because a 'good girl' would never bend over and spread her ass or kneel in front of a man waiting for him to cum on her face -just as a 'good boy' would never want to shoot his load into her face...
That's another aspect BTW: As the one performing a 'degrading' act on the giving end you either have to have trust in your partner and your relationship(and your communication!) to just mention it -or you have to be a complete ass****... (will be the last time you did it with that person in 9 out of 10 cases though..)

Would like to see your comments.

T.

 

[Minout]

Re: Re: Humiliation, how does it work?

I'm not sure how you can be humilated without other people besides the dom and sub being involved. I haven't done this, but I think I understand the appeal.

As an example, a sub goes and sees his dominant. She has him change into raggedy clothes and go out on the street to beg for money. He has to beg until he collects enough money to buy her a pack of cigarettes.

Is this humiliating? Probably. Does he enjoy the humiliation? Probably.

I think that this is part of what has me baffled. If humiliation is not merely about the D controlling the s, but has some positive benefit for the s then, is it still humiliating? If you derive pleasure from something can it still make you feel bad? LTR said that humiliation is not for her that it makes her feel bad about herself and it seems that she is not alone.

Is it the knowledge that he overcame his embarrassment that makes it appealing? Possibly. It could be that the sub enjoys being tested. It could be that the reward is great enough to overcome the embarassement.

So then is this also what humiliation is about from the sub perspective? Not about enjoying the humiliation itself but knowing that you were tested and that you complied?


Minout

 

[MasterKensbeany]

humiliation

I see humiliation as a testing of personal boundaries, our own fears, insecurities and taboos. As I believe Ruby said, its about vulnerability, exposing oneself to someone you love and trust completely and facing those demons together.

The sexual part, for me at least, comes from doing something that is pleasing to my Master, no matter how difficult and embarrassing for me. The smile of pride and joy on my Master's face when I have overcome some deep seated fear and obeyed his command, nothing else makes me hotter (except perhaps, the whipping or spanking I get as my reward).

The first truly "humiliating" thing Master ever had me do was to read out loud, in a public setting, our very explicit contract before we signed it. It was difficult, knowing that others were listening to me vow to serve as his slave, fucktoy, puppy etc. Looking up into his smiling eyes gave me the courage to go on, proudly. By the time I finished, I felt a new sense of my own strength and my skirt was soaked thru.

Respectfully
beany

 

[Rubyfruit]

Actually I did agree with you... way back in the beginning and I did read all the posts. I was meerly asking questions from the other sides perspective. I probably should have stopped with the innane banter and not added to the conversation.

PBW "Sheets??!! We don't need no stinking sheets!"

I'm sorry. I read your post incorrectly. Forgive me?

Ruby "No Less than 400 Thread Count" Fruit

~~~~~~~

T., thank you for responding regarding my question about giving facials. I agree with you. The pleasure I derive from it does have something to do with the taboo nature of it, like you suggested.

You communicated beautifully. No worries there. In fact, you write better and express yourself better than many people whose first language is English, trust me.

Where are you from?

Always curious...

 

[Quint]

So many T's! What am I to do? o)

Lesse...I can't remember what exactly I said on my humiliation thread a couple weeks ago, cept that I dig it. Minout, I think your original question is analogous to "if you enjoy getting hurt, it isn't really pain, is it?" Yes, I do eroticize humiliation (verbal and physical signs of contempt), but that doesn't change what it is. I have very few taboos left anymore (so jaded for one so young!) so it isn't just "ooh I'm being naughty." It's a lot like that, but well past.

For me, it's simply another emotion capable of weakening my knees and soaking my panties. Fear does it too, as does pain to a lesser degree.

I too don't see facials as "dirty" or humiliating, although even if I did, that wouldn't necessarily separate it from a mutually enjoyed, possibly even loving act. He loves me when he calls me his slut. Not exclusive terms.

 

[P. B. Walker]

I'm sorry. I read your post incorrectly. Forgive me?

Ruby "No Less than 400 Thread Count" Fruit

Awww shucks no worries. Maybe we can spank each other to make up for it? LOL... or better yet, trade humiliations... ;-)

PBW "400 Thread Count? Niiiiicccee.... "

 

[Minout]

So many T's! What am I to do? o)

Lesse...I can't remember what exactly I said on my humiliation thread a couple weeks ago, cept that I dig it. Minout, I think your original question is analogous to "if you enjoy getting hurt, it isn't really pain, is it?" Yes, I do eroticize humiliation (verbal and physical signs of contempt), but that doesn't change what it is. I have very few taboos left anymore (so jaded for one so young!) so it isn't just "ooh I'm being naughty." It's a lot like that, but well past.

For me, it's simply another emotion capable of weakening my knees and soaking my panties. Fear does it too, as does pain to a lesser degree.

I too don't see facials as "dirty" or humiliating, although even if I did, that wouldn't necessarily separate it from a mutually enjoyed, possibly even loving act. He loves me when he calls me his slut. Not exclusive terms.

Very well said. I think I am beginning to see the light. Thanks for replacing the bulb.


Minout

 

[Ass_tronaut_T]

So many T's! What am I to do? o)

Sorry to confuse you, Quint....

I like the way you described the erotic potential that lies within humiliating acts - very well said. That's exactly what I was refering to. -But it's very enlightening to read about it 'from the other side'..

yours, T. (..em.. I mean "T." as 'me'...)

 

[~Dream~]

if a person derives pleasure

from being "humilihated" that's one thing but for a person to "humilihate another ON PURPOSE ,in MY eyes is a total lack of Respect and is dead wrong and I personally would NOT tolerate it in a relationship....everyone has VALUE as a human being and no one but noone has the right to "put down' others..JMHO

 

[artful]

An Opinion

If a "play" encompasses humiliation, and both derive pleasure from it, I think it's *wonderful*. Who would have thought a *special* person would have enjoyed getting a ~publicly viewed~*spanking* at a Bus Station parking lot?

 

[Guest]

After thinking about this for a bit I've come up with the following.. not sure if it's a repeat of what's been said above or a new angle but...

previously, in the thread Quint started, I pointed to the fact that I wasn't much of a pain person in the physical sense of the word. I see humiliation as more mental pain (perhaps some would say emotional) and that I can handle and at times relish... I guess it's not much different to me than someone that enjoys the physical side of things...

I'm not sure if it's the knowledge of overcoming the embarrasment but it's something... perhaps it's the giving up of something so intimate... embarrasment is such an intimate emotion, isn't it?

I've also spent some time thinking why humiliation is such a rush for me as an individual and while i'm not entirely sure I can point to some situation in the past that I can see as perhaps 'leading me to the water' so to speak... however unintentional they were at the time...

A bi-product of our experiences i suppose..

Park~

 

[Parklife]

ugh.. i hate being timed out...