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I wanna eat you: A Poetry Challenge

Nibble...

A Meal Sharing

by Judo ©

Chewing, chewing, chewing
A lonely night eschewing
Dew over tongue issuing
As I think, "What next worth doing?"

A petal comes next I settle
And nip its length to pedal
Her heart to me, so I meddle.
With a body quite worth it's mettle.

A bite, a lick, cut to her quick
She moans and tells me a trick.
"Add another to where I'm slick."
And my fingers begin to flick.

A fine meal's great appeal
Starts as juices congeal.
Your senses it does steal.
This is like that deal.

But no stable at the table
No fish or fruit are able
To compete with this fable…
This dish without label.

Smiles she down at me
As I lay by her knee.
I wish she could see
What my mind does agree

Is the penultimate best
Head back, heaving chest
Wet, longing address
Where my mouth can rest.

"Sated?" A quiet nod.
I crawl upon her bod.
Our breasts do meet. A quad
Of teats complete, not odd.

Not curt, her kiss quite pert
My back the skies avert
As lay I must invert
Her turn to dine, not hurt.

With a swish, coquettish,
Down she moves. And I wish
As her tongue fits my niche
And eats so fine a dish.

??? What line limit?
 
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Unregistered is...

ME! :D

When I saw WE's post about us being rebels, I decided to rebel ALL THE WAY and compose a silly poem (if you can call it that!) that used every single taboo word, touched on the subject of parting, and even used the word "live," once for good measure.

I had a ball writing it. Hope you all liked reading it too. ;)
 
Whispersecret!!

Damn Girl! I had been taking so much of your time with my Heavy Duty poem lately, I should have recognized you! But on the other hand......where the hell'd you find the time? I told you I owed you one lobster dinner for all your help. Bring a friend. I feel I owe you another now. What a treat you are! That was one of the funniest things I've read in a long time! Thanks!

Kat~

Oh, misskittykatt, U.P., WE, KM (where the hell have you been these days anyway?) and REDWAVE, my sincere apology for pointing a finger at you!

Now Whispsersecret....come along dearie...you've been a bad, bad, poet, breaking all the rules like that......:cool:
 
The time? Oh, I just took the time I should have spend revising my novel and spent it coughing up that silly thing. Took me about an hour or so.

Believe me, it's not hard writing a poem like that. I just copied the taboo list, pasted it in a document and started writing. Ideas just came to me, and if they were stupid ideas, that was great, because it was SUPPOSED to be stupid. The stupider the better.

If you look at the end, you'll see the words I ended up with that had no other place--apple, carrot, and tomato. Zucchini was there too, but I found a way to slip it in (pun intended) in the middle of the poem. Luckily, I got the idea to make it a poem about a break up and so was able to use those last three troublesome words in what I hope was a funny/bad way.

I'm glad you liked it. I had fun seeing who people were pointing the finger at.
 
Whispersecret!

I was cracking up reading that poem. It was the funniest thing.
Thanks for the laughs, you crazy girl! :D

Tossing :rose: :rose: :rose: at WS's feet.
 
beatuiful job Whisper, i had so much fun reading that. =)

since i couldn't get in on that punishment, will you at least take some good pics of that pretty red bottom??



(i'm here and there, reading more then posting... working on a huge story i want to finish soon! if any of you happened to be a goddess of editing, please look in on me!)
 
Can I come to dinner

Ded--

Love the pacing and the exotic food. I like wasabi. At least, I think I do. I have friends who use to expose me to all kinds of food.

Never my the food, though the main course is sensual, appetizing. Made me full in a most satisfying way.

Thanks for contributing to the feast.

Peace,

daughter
 
No Bump in the Night

No bump in the night
No burning, languid light
Tells your eye to stay.
Makes your mind obey.

A poem from a Judo
And not a single kudo.
But day four does pass
And I await your class

Of critique to make me better
Not some cheese or call it cheddar
Was it worthy, was it nice?
Or did it really not suffice?

Well, my Suissian words are here
To make you look, but not to cheer.
Please read my poor old poetry
And tell me true, what it makes you see.

See above, if I confuse.
I'll discontinue my abuse
Of this noble thread by daughter.
Words of grace is why I sought her.
 
the mayo period and beyond

Oral Aura

Simply perspicacious
In tune with mayo
Slathered liberally
From knee to tuck
Between thighs
Pungent vinaigrette

Onions bite just once
But if prepared correctly
Burn sweetly


Only Light In The House

Has anyone gone totally insane here?
One gram, ounce or gallon?
Listening, hearing, submitting to the
Poles and posts of electric clacking fingers
Clicking, strolling, romancing a word or two
To eventually shut off all the lights and sink?
Heard the utter sounds of only a refrigerator?
Eaten off wire shelves pleading for forgiveness,
Checking the dates for codes of expiration?
Well?




Pepper's Holes Are Smaller

Propped on the red brick
Found in the ruin
Packets of krafty mayo
Aimed carelessly to target
Slapped randomly
Splat globs at salty domes
 
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Whispersecret said:
Oh, please! I would love for someone to help me with line breaks. I'm like Colonel Klink when it comes to those--"I know nutink!"
Click to expand...

Actually that was Sgt Shultz
 
OK, this has nothing to do with food but everything to do with eating. It'a about a witch who cursed men with impotence, and to break the curse the men have to satisfy the women folk despite their handicap




Impotent


I offer you a part of me
to fulfill your fantasy
in the end you'll smile with glee
when you see how crafty I can be

I'm not entirely functional
and I'm not without my perks
part of me is afflicted
but the more talented part works

It's a shame what I have is wasted
'cause I've been told that I'm well hung
It may be rendered useless
but I can still satisfy with my tongue

Wrap your legs around my head
as I drink of your nectar
till my member rise from the dead
and dismiss this cursed spectre

I won't be satisfied
till you shiver and cry
writhing in pleasure
as the sun kiss the night sky

Unrepentant of what you've done to us
because I was able to quench your lust
happily I bend to my task
as my face becomes glazed
I wear your revenge as a mask
 
I could not resist the challenge; here is my Poem, I welcome any food for thought you might have about it.


I sit before you.
You brought me blindfolded.
“For what?” I whisper.
“A Feast.” You say.

A napkin alone drapes my lap.
I smile trustingly.
You lift a morsel to my lips.
“For you” you say.

Liquid spills into crystal.
You brush my cheek,
And lift the glass.
“Drink” you, say.

With expectation I wait,
Open to receive from your hand.
To find the meal has taken a turn.
“Desert” you, say.

You lift your cock to my mouth,
Feeding me your passions.
I take you in.
“Mmmm” you say.

I am nourished.
:kiss:
 
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(Ahem)

By the way, my previous post was not a poem as much as it was an entertaining way to point anyone to my poem submitted. (It seems to have been lost in the ether of poemdom.)
 
Impotent

A little offering back to SF for all the effort to post and wait. Without the introduction offered, some of the things I like here would have been lost.

In particular, it seems, the cure for the curse is drinking from the witch herself.


Impotent

by Shameless Flirt ©

I offer you a part of me
to fulfill your fantasy
in the end you'll smile with glee
when you see how crafty I can be

I'm not entirely functional
and I'm not without my perks
part of me is afflicted
but the more talented part works

It's a shame what I have is wasted
'cause I've been told that I'm well hung
It may be rendered useless
but I can still satisfy with my tongue

Wrap your legs around my head
as I drink of your nectar
till my member rise from the dead
and dismiss this cursed spectre

I won't be satisfied
till you shiver and cry
writhing in pleasure
as the sun kiss the night sky

Unrepentant of what you've done to us
because I was able to quench your lust
happily I bend to my task
as my face becomes glazed
I wear your revenge as a mask

I have a difficult time with the "form" offered here in this poem. Yes, it has stanzas and yes, it has a rhyming scheme to which the author pays attention.

But the rhythm of the syllables are all over the place. The poet has not attempted to follow a meter.

Now, doubtless, many of us will not see this as an issue and that is one of the things I would like to talk about.

Many of the poems posted here are "free form" poems. They offer to be judged by word choice, word order, word association (what is close by) with rhythm coming from punctuation, short versus long accented syllables.

The rhythm of these poems I like to compare to editing in motion pictures. To speed the heart up, use short phrases, thoughts and words just like the under one second edits used in action sequences in movies. And likewise, to get the reader to linger, use commas, long words, long vowels, heavy accents, periods, blanks just like slow moving images or images free of sound in movies.

I like "free form" poems. I think what they eschew in structure, they gain in their ability to make one experience the author's emotion. But also, they are extremely difficult to pull off. In particular, because their success or failure is entirely dependant on the subjective critique of the reader.

But, where do we draw the line between free-form and structural poems for critique's sake? Or do we?

"Impotent," while an enjoyalble little sexual tale, implies rhythm and then ignores it. I think the "implied" meter hurts the poem's merit. So, as a result, I believe if you imply meter, you should follow it. It is probably acceptable to have each subsequent stanza follow a different meter, but stick with it within each.

In the first stanza:

I offer you a part of me
to fulfill your fantasy
in the end you'll smile with glee
when you see how crafty I can be

Each of the first three lines ends with a rhythmic triplet with the accent lying in the first syllable of the triple:

part of me
fantasy
smile with glee

But the fourth line, which in rhythmic stanzas should once again echo this meter, does not.

The word "crafty" gets in the way. Crafty is a desireable word for the thought and implication of the story to follow, though. Perhaps, in this case, a new word or reworking of the last line would make it work:

when you see how I can be

Or perhaps,

when you feel my craft on thee

(Yes, no other Old English, but it's just a critique).

The meter set up in the first stanza is not followed by the other stanzas and they, too, have similar rhythmic issues as the first.

My only other criticism of "Impotent" centers around setup and payoff.

You have a delightful payoff line in the fifth stanza:

as the sun kiss the night sky

But there doesn't seem to be a "like" time reference used earlier in the poem to set it up.

For exmaple, something like this in the first stanza would help:

I offer you a part of me
to fulfill your fantasy
at end of day you'll smile with glee
when you see how crafty I can be

Please don't think I'm being harsh with the poem, SF. I like it, but it's a good example of some of the rhythm & structure issues that I would like to see discussed in a wider audience.

The poet uses no punctuation, other than the capitalization of the first word of each stanza. That does not necessarily bother me, but may certainly trouble others. It does, however, make the first read more difficult; the reader having to search for the rhythm.

The five lines in the last stanza also do not bother me and seem to work for bringing the end to a slower pause (A denoument, SF?)
 
Thank you Judo! And I didn't think you were harsh at all, I was expecting to get flamed for taking liberties with my interpretation of "eating" ...lol

Factoring in the time reference you mentioned, and the meter of the last line/first verse I thought about what I was saying and felt that the craftiness was conveyed in the second verse, si I changed the first as follows -

I offer you a part of me
to fulfill your fantasy
by days end you'll smile with glee
and may decide to set us free

****

I'm not entirely functional
and I'm not without my perks
part of me is afflicted
but the more talented part works

It's a shame what I have is wasted
'cause I've been told that I'm well hung
It may be rendered useless
but I can still satisfy with my tongue

Wrap your legs around my head
as I drink of your nectar
till my member rise from the dead
and dismiss this cursed spectre

I won't be satisfied
till you shiver and cry
writhing in pleasure
as the sun kiss the night sky

Unrepentant of what you've done to us
because I was able to quench your lust
happily I bend to my task
as my face becomes glazed
I wear your revenge as a mask


How does that work?
 
I offer you a part of me
to fulfill your fantasy
by days end you'll smile with glee
and may decide to set us free

I'm not entirely functional
and I'm not without my perks
part of me is afflicted
but the more talented part works

It's a shame what I have is wasted
'cause I've been told that I'm well hung
It may be rendered useless
but I can still satisfy with my tongue

Wrap your legs around my head
as I drink of your nectar
till my member rise from the dead
and dismiss this cursed spectre

On this one, the rhythm still gets me on the second and third lines.

How about:

Wrap your legs around my head
as I drink your flowing nectar
Cocks will crow to raise the dead
Dismissing this cursed spectre

This gives you two thoughts instead of one, but I think the double entendre makes up for that.

I won't be satisfied
till you shiver and cry
writhing in pleasure
as the sun kiss the night sky

Still problems here and below, but keep going, it's good.

Unrepentant of what you've done to us
because I was able to quench your lust
happily I bend to my task
as my face becomes glazed
I wear your revenge as a mask
 
Fool that I am I thought I was done ....lol


I offer you a part of me,
to fulfill your fantasy;
By days end you'll smile with glee,
and may decide to set us free.

I'm not entirely functional,
and I'm not without my perks.
Part of me is afflicted,
but the more talented part works.

It's a shame what I have is wasted,
'cause I've been told that I'm well hung.
It may be rendered useless,
but I can still satisfy with my tongue!

Wrap your legs around my head,
as I drink your flowing nectar.
Cocks will crow to raise the dead,
Dismissing this cursed spectre.

I won't be satisfied till you shiver and cry.
Writhing in pleasure as the sun kiss the night sky.

Unrepentant of what you've done to us,
because I was able to quench your lust.
Happily I bend to my task;
As my face becomes glazed,
I wear your revenge as a mask.

I've read it aloud and with the punctuation do you still see problems? I realize the rythm shifts, but it doesn't feel awkward saying it (to me). I like your double entrende. If you still think it's awkward, I'll look closer. Thanks again for your time!
 
Cinnamon Bun

You make my mouth water
You make my eyes pop
I see cinnamon bun
Not making the weight drop

Gooey forbidden white
Dressing the big roll
No added thrills or frills
For me to take a toll

Cinnamon is aphrodisiac
To grab the men
Make me a happy girl
Hand me a treat rated ten

**written 3:54am EST 2/5/02**
 
Read alound

SF -

If you have read it aloud and it flows for you, then I think that is all you need.

Thanks for letting me help.

;)
- Judo
 
Re: Read alound

JUDO said:
SF -

If you have read it aloud and it flows for you, then I think that is all you need.

Thanks for letting me help.

;)
- Judo
Click to expand...

Don't back down on me, help me see what you see. And than you for the extra set of eyes (and the double entrende) and most of all your time.
 
Okay...

Okay, okay, but remember, I'm just a novice here. I don't want anyone getting the idea that I'm trying to make someone write like me.(Someone probably will anyway, now that I've said that.)

What I will do, though, is my best to try and show you what I see.

The first stanzas are cool. Here is what remains:


I won't be satisfied till you shiver and cry.
Writhing in pleasure as the sun kiss the night sky.

Unrepentant of what you've done to us,
because I was able to quench your lust.
Happily I bend to my task;
As my face becomes glazed,
I wear your revenge as a mask.

The first line:

The accents seem to be on won't, satisfied,shiver,cry

When I read the second line the accents seem to be on: Writhing,pleasure,nightAND sky. From this, it seems like you have one too many accents particularly at the end of the line with "night" and "sky." The accent feels like it wants to come right after "kiss the."

I always want to read the couplet like:

I won't be satisfied till you shiver and cry.
Writhing in pleasure as the sun kiss the sky.

But I feel that that second line is not really what you intend for imagery. It seems like what you want is the image of the horizon at sunset and your witch coming.

So, what about something like this:

I won't be satisfied til you shiver and cry.
Orgasmic in pleasure as the day bids goodbye.

The final stanza:

Unrepentant of what you've done to us,
because I was able to quench your lust.
Happily I bend to my task;
As my face becomes glazed,
I wear your revenge as a mask.

Boy, the word "unrepentant" is a tough one to match rhythmically. It has it's accent on its third syllable un-re-PENT-ant. And your be-CAUSE in the second line starts the rhythm very differently from the first. But the word "unrepentant" fits your witch character so well, I would try to keep it and find a rhythmic match somehow.

This is quick, but how about:

UnrePENtant of what you've DONE to us
i STRIKE as valiant SUCubus.
hot KISS to earthy TASK-
wet reVENGE becomes my MASK.

Do you see how the rhythm is set up in the first line? The rhythm changes a little in lines 3 and 4 leaving pauses after TASK and MASK. In reading the last two lines out loud, it would be good to slow them down gradually - ritard them to the end.

The only thing I can suggest is to look strongly for the rhythm in your lines. Look for where the accents seem to want to fall in the first line and make certain that as you read the poem out loud that that rhythm continues without the words natural accent getting in the way of it.
 
daughter said:
We have a lot going on, but for those of you who love the inspiration fueled by challenges, here's a new exercise. Write an erotic poem that mentions food or the theme centers around eating. You guys seem to love those. Of course, to make it challenging there are restrictions. Following list can't be used in the poem. Must be a minimum of 5 lines.

Post submissions here. If you're happy with your poem, hope we'll see them on the New Poems list. No time constraints. Just something to keep your juices flowing.

Good luck. Makes you wonder how varied your diet is! LOL

TABOO WORDS

Strawberries(all berries)
Mellons
Bananas
Peaches
Oranges
Grapes
Pears
Plums
Apples
Nuts(all varieties)
Cucumbers
Syrup
Honey
Chocolate
Whipped cream
Champagne
Carrots
Tomatoes
zucchini
cookies
dough
icing
cake
pudding
sauces
Wine
Juice

Peace,

daughter
Click to expand...



WickedEve said:
My produce is fresh,
and humping in the veggie bin.
And the celery stalks me,
demanding, "Lettuce in!"
So I creamy spread my legs,
and take another sip of gin.
Then toss a salad on my bed,
without dressing, once again.
Click to expand...

Mmmm very yummy write ~~ ;)



A blast from the past my friends. :D


...


Anyone up for the challenge?



:rose:
 
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