I want my husband to spank me!

[Jaded_One]

Argggg.... what is up with all the judgement lately? Someone asks for help or advice and they get fed a bunch of "what is your problem.. I don't have that issue. You must be (insert judgmental drivel here).

If you've never been in the described situation... think twice about telling someone what's wrong with them. If you have... and you have something constructive to say... amen!!

 

[midwestyankee]

Argggg.... what is up with all the judgement lately? Someone asks for help or advice and they get fed a bunch of "what is your problem.. I don't have that issue. You must be (insert judgmental drivel here).

If you've never been in the described situation... think twice about telling someone what's wrong with them. If you have... and you have something constructive to say... amen!!

Isn't this too rather judgmental? We all approach problems in different ways. Some of us like to attack problems as soon as they appear and others tend to let problems fester, perhaps in hopes that they'll resolve themselves on their own. Or some approach that's in between. To say that one person's approach to a problem is wrong is like saying that any person's vocal quality is wrong. We are who we are, blunt and proactive or tender and reactive.

Now, on to my main point.

A contradictory state happens in marriage that even married people often fail to recognize. Let me see if I can make it clear.

When you get married, you enter into something that is larger than yourself. In its own right, the marriage begins to acquire value.

As your level of intimacy grows, your sense of the value of the marriage - its importance to you - grows. At some point - and this threshold is widely variable - the marriage becomes more important to you than almost anything else.

It's human nature to fear losing anything of value. So it's very common for married folk to be very fearful of anything that could threaten to unseat their marriages. So while increased intimacy might appear to be the very thing that would make marital communication easier, especially with respect to sensitive subjects like money and sex, it's precisely the opposite.

Having difficulty talking about the tough issues can actually become more]/b] difficult the longer you are married. Unless you start with or develop early on a habit of of accepting communication with one another. Which is hard to do for many people. Not impossible, by any means, but often difficult.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Isn't this too rather judgmental? We all approach problems in different ways. Some of us like to attack problems as soon as they appear and others tend to let problems fester, perhaps in hopes that they'll resolve themselves on their own. Or some approach that's in between. To say that one person's approach to a problem is wrong is like saying that any person's vocal quality is wrong. We are who we are, blunt and proactive or tender and reactive.

Now, on to my main point.

A contradictory state happens in marriage that even married people often fail to recognize. Let me see if I can make it clear.

When you get married, you enter into something that is larger than yourself. In its own right, the marriage begins to acquire value.

As your level of intimacy grows, your sense of the value of the marriage - its importance to you - grows. At some point - and this threshold is widely variable - the marriage becomes more important to you than almost anything else.

It's human nature to fear losing anything of value. So it's very common for married folk to be very fearful of anything that could threaten to unseat their marriages. So while increased intimacy might appear to be the very thing that would make marital communication easier, especially with respect to sensitive subjects like money and sex, it's precisely the opposite.

Having difficulty talking about the tough issues can actually become more]/b] difficult the longer you are married. Unless you start with or develop early on a habit of of accepting communication with one another. Which is hard to do for many people. Not impossible, by any means, but often difficult.

Great post.

I also want to add that sometimes people marry before they really know their partner and sometimes even before they know themselves.

 

[totallyfalcon]

where is the love???

Wow. Once again I'm compelled to speak. I'll ask early for understanding and say of course anyone is free to differ with me.
As to being judgmental... I'm sure the OP fears much the same reaction from her husband as she has gotten from some here... what's the difference in us saying "you cannot just ask your husband?" Or his saying "YOU WANT ME TO WHAT?????? ".... how her and he ended up here is a moot point.... they are... and she came here to us and asked for assistance.... how many who posted here are "in the kink closet" with family, friends, or workmates???? .... would we fear their reactions at finding us out??? Just some food for thought....

And as to jaded_ones post... its not judgmental of anyone but of a condition ... as I noted before... we should be the free thinking ones.. the accepting ones.... but we attack the vanilla as they would us.... maybe if they see we are not deprived sex crazed lunatics (well...not all of us anyway.... smile).. they might at least try and understand why and how we are... and not brand us as so many have.... maybe we have become so "free" we cannot relate to those who are not .... whatever the case... perhaps we can hit reply and find something positive to say...even if we are shocked inside... the old... say something nice idea or don't say anything at all.....


Ta ta
TF ....

 

[DVS]

Isn't this too rather judgmental? We all approach problems in different ways. Some of us like to attack problems as soon as they appear and others tend to let problems fester, perhaps in hopes that they'll resolve themselves on their own. Or some approach that's in between. To say that one person's approach to a problem is wrong is like saying that any person's vocal quality is wrong. We are who we are, blunt and proactive or tender and reactive.

Now, on to my main point.

A contradictory state happens in marriage that even married people often fail to recognize. Let me see if I can make it clear.

When you get married, you enter into something that is larger than yourself. In its own right, the marriage begins to acquire value.

As your level of intimacy grows, your sense of the value of the marriage - its importance to you - grows. At some point - and this threshold is widely variable - the marriage becomes more important to you than almost anything else.

It's human nature to fear losing anything of value. So it's very common for married folk to be very fearful of anything that could threaten to unseat their marriages. So while increased intimacy might appear to be the very thing that would make marital communication easier, especially with respect to sensitive subjects like money and sex, it's precisely the opposite.

Having difficulty talking about the tough issues can actually become more]/b] difficult the longer you are married. Unless you start with or develop early on a habit of of accepting communication with one another. Which is hard to do for many people. Not impossible, by any means, but often difficult.

I don't really consider the post by Jaded_One judgmental. Suggesting that people give advice from experience doesn't seem judgmental or even a bad idea. Anybody can give advice. We would hope it relates to a similar experience, though.

 

[DVS]

Did this thread lose its way? I haven't read every one of the posts of the last group, but does it just have a sideline going or something?

 

[BiBunny]

You know...call me a bitch, whatever. It's not like it hasn't been done before. But here's the thing: it's not like I'm talking out of my ass here. I've been in this situation, too. In a relationship with a vanilla partner (who just so happened to be absolutely batshit crazy to boot).

I told him my (tamer) fantasies. I got the "ZOMGWTF?!?!?!?!" reaction, too. But instead of losing my shit over it, I realized that there was something fundamentally wrong in that relationship.

If a partner will judge you harshly--which is not the same thing as saying, "No, sorry, dude, not my thing"--or leave you for being honest about what you want, then something is broken. It has fuck-all to do with sex or kink. At some point, you have to ask yourself, "If I'm going to be ostracized or left because I have been honest, then do I really need to be in this relationship, anyway?"

 

[rak65]

Your kidding me right

Are there really men out there that dont want to spank a sweet little ass ?. I'm 45 years old and have smacked every ass i've ever had the chance too, and everyone of them seemed to like it....

 

[nowgirl]

In these kinds of posts, I always wonder what happened to the OP.

Did Mrs11S ever bring it up with the Mr.?

@rak65... yes, there are men who don't want to spank a butt. i was in a vanilla relationship and realized i really needed "that" -- we were being all soft and sensual and romantic and i sort of draped myself over his lap, reached around, took his hand and placed it on my butt.

he rubbed it a lot. clearly, he didn't know what to do with me, lying prone over his lap.

i told him i really liked something harder, something with a smack to it, something MORE.... he could not, would not do it. he had no interest or desire and even thought it was wrong.

it was just too hard to explain. i think i broached the subject wrong and should've brought it up before we were in the middle of things.

 

[Nickyknight]

I don't know how to tell him! I'm so embarrassed and I'm afraid he will think I am weird or something! We have been married 8 years and we need something new. This really turns me on but I don't know how he would feel about it. Please help me! Thanks!

Unfortunately, there really is only one way to know for sure, and that is to ask him. I know how hard it can be, but asking is the best way. Bring it up in a light conversation. Be ready for whatever he says. Please try not to get caught up in his initial reaction if his answer is no. He may find it just as fun and exciting as you do. Or not? Who knows.

You will never know, unless you ask. Well, I suppose you could browse the type of porn he views, and see if there's any spanking involved.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm very into tit for tat.

Tell him for each five open hand spankings you'll give him a blow job. Tell him the enthusiasm of the blow job will match the enthusiasm of the spankings and Happy New Year!

I don't know how to tell him! I'm so embarrassed and I'm afraid he will think I am weird or something! We have been married 8 years and we need something new. This really turns me on but I don't know how he would feel about it. Please help me! Thanks!

 

[FurryFury]

I adore smacking and being smacked.

My cats even like to be smacked!

LOL

But yes, there are people who do not like to smack or be smacked.

Are there really men out there that dont want to spank a sweet little ass ?. I'm 45 years old and have smacked every ass i've ever had the chance too, and everyone of them seemed to like it....

 

[Mrs11S]

Hey everyone! Well after all the put downs (yeah you were so much help), and the great advice, we had sex that night and I asked him to smack me,which was scary! But it worked! Things have been hotter than ever! He saw how much it turned me on and he loved it! Not all the way there but its getting good! thanks everyone!

 

[FurryFury]

Congrats!

Hey everyone! Well after all the put downs (yeah you were so much help), and the great advice, we had sex that night and I asked him to smack me,which was scary! But it worked! Things have been hotter than ever! He saw how much it turned me on and he loved it! Not all the way there but its getting good! thanks everyone!

 

[altruistegotist]

Hey everyone! Well after all the put downs (yeah you were so much help), and the great advice, we had sex that night and I asked him to smack me,which was scary! But it worked! Things have been hotter than ever! He saw how much it turned me on and he loved it! Not all the way there but its getting good! thanks everyone!

Good for you! God, I don't even know how to comfortably approach my kinks and I'm not even close to married.

 

[Loverskitten]

Hey everyone! Well after all the put downs (yeah you were so much help), and the great advice, we had sex that night and I asked him to smack me,which was scary! But it worked! Things have been hotter than ever! He saw how much it turned me on and he loved it! Not all the way there but its getting good! thanks everyone!

Wow so honesty worked! Crazy... now on to the clown sex orgy! Just kidding (unless you're into that) hehehehe have fun!

 

[Tmmldr]

Hey everyone! Well after all the put downs (yeah you were so much help), and the great advice, we had sex that night and I asked him to smack me,which was scary! But it worked! Things have been hotter than ever! He saw how much it turned me on and he loved it! Not all the way there but its getting good! thanks everyone!

Weird about those put downs, isn't it?

Now it's time for the next thing.

Spank HIM. It's okay if you just tell him he's been a bad boy and needs to be punished.

 

[rak65]

Good for you Mrs11s

I'm Sure glad it worked for you Mrs11s. I just cant understand how any red blooded male could look at a sweet sexy ass, laying there for his pleasure and not want to spank that sexy thing pink....MMMM sure wish my wife were home right now. I think the best part is when she starts raising her ass to meet my hand as she's moaning harder daddy harder....Ok I've got myself worked up now the wifes in trouble when she gets home