If e-boning was not an available option to you would you go outside your marriage to seek satisfaction?

[PMarky2]

My wife went into quite a steep decline health-wise about five years ago, and it brought a lot of latent tensions in the relationship to the surface. Notwithstanding, we were doing grand until a significant row two years ago where she really ripped me (which I can take) and everything I stand for (which I can't) up one side and down the other. That really altered the emotional dynamic in the marriage, and, being Scandies, we don't talk about it. Epic avoidance is a trait in any culture where you spend long winters couped up together. I still love her, but I am not in love with her anymore. The "partner in crime" aspect to the relationship is gone.

The trouble with this situation is that I know several attractive women who share my cultural, religious and political perspective, who are fun too. Even worse, one of them I can't be with for any length of time without thinking 'me, you; let's make a family and a future together!' My attitude to her sister is only slightly less scary.

Were it not for the old e-bone I would have got myself into big trouble one way or another.

 

[Nightspeed]

Sex between me and my ex-wife ended very, very early in our 30 years of marriage and no amount of asking her why, cajoling, or begging made a difference. So yes, I stepped out and looked for it elsewhere. She knows about two of them.

 

[Tayloroc]

Sex between me and my ex-wife ended very, very early in our 30 years of marriage and no amount of asking her why, cajoling, or begging made a difference. So yes, I stepped out and looked for it elsewhere. She knows about two of them.

Not the way I wanted it, but the same

 

[Dalelaw2164]

My wife went into quite a steep decline health-wise about five years ago, and it brought a lot of latent tensions in the relationship to the surface. Notwithstanding, we were doing grand until a significant row two years ago where she really ripped me (which I can take) and everything I stand for (which I can't) up one side and down the other. That really altered the emotional dynamic in the marriage, and, being Scandies, we don't talk about it. Epic avoidance is a trait in any culture where you spend long winters couped up together. I still love her, but I am not in love with her anymore. The "partner in crime" aspect to the relationship is gone.

The trouble with this situation is that I know several attractive women who share my cultural, religious and political perspective, who are fun too. Even worse, one of them I can't be with for any length of time without thinking 'me, you; let's make a family and a future together!' My attitude to her sister is only slightly less scary.

Were it not for the old e-bone I would have got myself into big trouble one way or another.

Well put! Sorry for your situation, I’ve been there… one AND two marriages back

 

[Dalelaw2164]

I’m in a “sex once a week or so” relationship, but my libido is a real pain in the ass… we could be getting it on three or four times a week and I would still be inter-webbing on the porn sites while waxing the sausage.
Yes, corresponding with the occasional partner in crime online has been fun, and I would probably do more of it if I had more time on my hands (read- time alone).
I would, and sadly have, stepped away from relationships before stepping out on them.

 

[SecretAdmirer584]

Yes. I have. You reach a point where masturbating is satisfactory but you long for, crave the tender loving touch of another.

I did it once or twice to get the sexual frustration and a fantasy or two out of my system.

 

[silky52]

This is something I'm coming to terms with... And it's difficult to confront a "reality" you've known for years. The good parts might not be enough.

I would have said the same before we were married -- even in the first few years. But he's so unwilling to address the issue-- to even talk about it. And I refuse to hurt him by continuing to bring it up, so here I am, tired of suppressing my needs. I see a lot of the playing that happens here as interactive porn. That, to me, is definitely not cheating. When it becomes more than that and there are emotions involved, there's some gray area... right now, I've set the boundary at not crossing the actual, physical affair line.

I understand this feeling. That distance helps us make good choices. I hope that if I reach the point where I seriously consider travelling or inviting someone to travel, I'll have the balls to talk to the husband first.

The lack of caring... Like, he's sad if I try to talk about it, because he doesn't want to be a letdown, so I don't talk about it, but he also does nothing to change. So to me, it seems he's choosing to continue being a letdown.

May I ask how it affects/ affected the marriage?

I did too, and it hasn't really affected the marriage. We've been married for so long, and it's not totally lost. I did try talking several times to him about it, and he just says he'll try harder, but does not want to talk about it or do anything that we did when we younger. I'm to blame too, years went by before I got the courage to talk about it with him, but at that time I did tell him I could look elsewhere. He has prostate issues too, and of course after all these years the passion has gone out of the marriage, so it is just sex. However, we are good friends, and as someone else said not in love, but do love each other i guess. He is also a very good man, and takes really good care of me.

 

[MedicalMuse]

I’m in a “sex once a week or so” relationship, but my libido is a real pain in the ass… we could be getting it on three or four times a week and I would still be inter-webbing on the porn sites while waxing the sausage.
Yes, corresponding with the occasional partner in crime online has been fun, and I would probably do more of it if I had more time on my hands (read- time alone).
I would, and sadly have, stepped away from relationships before stepping out on them.

Waxing. The. Sausage.


Sorry. Ignore me.

 

[Cogan]

Waxing. The. Sausage.


Sorry. Ignore me.

That’s hard……to ignore you I mean.

 

[peekingone]

Waxing. The. Sausage.


Sorry. Ignore me.

Can't ignore that response

 

[Lindi37]

I got married at 23. Had a low libido so meeting someone who has happy with 2-4 times a month was perfect. He’d slap my arse, give me random kisses, and we were pretty happy. Three kids later I’m 37, had the hysterectomy that has removed the excruciating pain I was experiencing after cancer treatments and finally I’m horny as hell. In the meantime I’ve been put on a shelf. He’s not sexually attracted to me and the few friends I’ve spoken to are confused as their husbands want it daily, as would I. Thankfully I found lit because I love him dearly but need to feel desirable and wanted and that hasn’t been the case in ages. It definitely takes a toll on your self worth and strangely lit has had a positive effect on my marriage and my mental health .
Yes I would probably step outside my marriage if lit wasn’t an option, if anyone paid me any attention, I’d be screwed (literally and figuratively)

Please, I will not tolerate him being talked about negatively. We have mismatched libidos and obviously this is my side of the story

 

[MedicalMuse]

I got married at 23. Had a low libido so meeting someone who has happy with 2-4 times a month was perfect. He’d slap my arse, give me random kisses, and we were pretty happy. Three kids later I’m 37, had the hysterectomy that has removed the excruciating pain I was experiencing after cancer treatments and finally I’m horny as hell. In the meantime I’ve been put on a shelf. He’s not sexually attracted to me and the few friends I’ve spoken to are confused as their husbands want it daily, as would I. Thankfully I found lit because I love him dearly but need to feel desirable and wanted and that hasn’t been the case in ages. It definitely takes a toll on your self worth and strangely lit has had a positive effect on my marriage and my mental health .
Yes I would probably step outside my marriage if lit wasn’t an option, if anyone paid me any attention, I’d be screwed (literally and figuratively)

Please, I will not tolerate him being talked about negatively. We have mismatched libidos and obviously this is my side of the story

I could have written this word for word.

Sorry sugar. It’s a hard place to be.

 

[Lindi37]

Never. I don't desire or require sex. But even if I did I would never stray. It's just not who I am.

I used to think this too. In fact I have harshly judged loved ones for their choices to stray never considering what led them to that. I used to think I was better than those that did. I now know that I am a complex woman with complex needs and while I hate myself for hurting my husband I think the alternative is worse.

 

[Lindi37]

I could have written this word for word.

Sorry sugar. It’s a hard place to be.

hugs honey
It really is

 

[MedicalMuse]

hugs honey
It really is

 

[lacandy]

I used to think this too. In fact I have harshly judged loved ones for their choices to stray never considering what led them to that. I used to think I was better than those that did. I now know that I am a complex woman with complex needs and while I hate myself for hurting my husband I think the alternative is worse.

This…so much this!

Things change when we start exploring ourselves

 

[LadyLascivious1]

I used to think this too. In fact I have harshly judged loved ones for their choices to stray never considering what led them to that. I used to think I was better than those that did. I now know that I am a complex woman with complex needs and while I hate myself for hurting my husband I think the alternative is worse.

One of the reasons I try to stop any judgement when I catch myself doing it, is exactly this. You really never know what goes on in other people’s lives and relationships. And sometimes the thing that seems crappy is really the best or most loving of the options available.

Hugs.

 

[Shenanigans90]

I got married at 23. Had a low libido so meeting someone who has happy with 2-4 times a month was perfect. He’d slap my arse, give me random kisses, and we were pretty happy. Three kids later I’m 37, had the hysterectomy that has removed the excruciating pain I was experiencing after cancer treatments and finally I’m horny as hell. In the meantime I’ve been put on a shelf. He’s not sexually attracted to me and the few friends I’ve spoken to are confused as their husbands want it daily, as would I. Thankfully I found lit because I love him dearly but need to feel desirable and wanted and that hasn’t been the case in ages. It definitely takes a toll on your self worth and strangely lit has had a positive effect on my marriage and my mental health .
Yes I would probably step outside my marriage if lit wasn’t an option, if anyone paid me any attention, I’d be screwed (literally and figuratively)

Please, I will not tolerate him being talked about negatively. We have mismatched libidos and obviously this is my side of the story

I am the male equivalent to this story. My wife and I have had a great marriage for over twenty years. She had some medical issues six years ago and it really effected her sex drive. I use Lit as an escape to flirt and talk about my wants and desires with like minded people. I have always taken pride in the fact that I’ve never physically cheated on her but I now realize that mentally fucking someone might be worse.

 

[Dalelaw2164]

Waxing. The. Sausage.


Sorry. Ignore me.

Big Jim and the Twins want to know whats so funny…

 

[Azuldrgon]

How many of you would have an open conversation with your partner before even thinking about an affair? Talk about how lack of intimacy or sex makes you feel. See if there is a way to make things better for you both. Marriage is a partnership after all.

We have discussed it plenty of times. She's not interested.
It's not like I am divorcing her because I don't want to leave. Plus there's a Special Needs kid that needs me here.
I'm not a saint. Never claimed to be.
We've been together for 27 years.
Her parents were together for longer, but never did much near the end of her mom's life.

 

[NRJLIVES4ever]

We have discussed it plenty of times. She's not interested.
It's not like I am divorcing her because I don't want to leave. Plus there's a Special Needs kid that needs me here.
I'm not a saint. Never claimed to be.
We've been together for 27 years.
Her parents were together for longer, but never did much near the end of her mom's life.

Yeah having the same conversation repeatedly and nothing coming from it is exhausting. At that point I absolutely don't at all blame anyone for straying.

 

[Orchidea73]

People stay married for all sorts of reasons. Some we understand and some we don't. That's okay. C'est la vie. I might have my strong opinions on any given subject, but with time I have learned that only the two people involved knows what's going on in a relationship. And I have also learned that a partner can speak to your heart and spark joy to your life even if sex is lacking.

 

[SunBuns]

Maybe lit is a step towards stepping out. For me (and presumably others), this is a space to be true to ourselves, and to experience desire and turn on that is lacking in our real world lives. So we have found this space, where some flirty posts can make us feel alive. To feel desired is so rewarding. To build excitement with another being such a rush.

While I long to be touched, and to be lost in passion over a female body. Some sexy chats and suggestive photos make my life more enjoyable. Will that lead to an adulterous fling on the beaches of Miami, or a champagne filled night at a hotel in NYC? Can’t tell you…but they are certainly hot to chat about!

 

[lacandy]

People stay married for all sorts of reasons. Some we understand and some we don't. That's okay. C'est la vie. I might have my strong opinions on any given subject, but with time I have learned that only the two people involved knows what's going on in a relationship. And I have also learned that a partner can speak to your heart and spark joy to your life even if sex is lacking.

This is so well said!

I’ve had various people over the last 15 or so years that my marriage has been in the “meh” stage tell me to just leave. And I’ve thought about it…I’ve planned it…and I realized it will never happen - for a lot of reasons.
That being said, I was a judger…until I worked through a few things and realized that everyone has a reason for doing what they do and it’s not my place to decide if they are right or wrong. I came her as an alternative to actually physically cheating - and then I met someone…
The thing that I’ve really learned here (other than some things that I had mo idea would be mind blowing pleasurable) is that you can’t know what other people are going through and to just be kind and let everyone figure themselves out.

 

[Orchidea73]

This is so well said!

I’ve had various people over the last 15 or so years that my marriage has been in the “meh” stage tell me to just leave. And I’ve thought about it…I’ve planned it…and I realized it will never happen - for a lot of reasons.
That being said, I was a judger…until I worked through a few things and realized that everyone has a reason for doing what they do and it’s not my place to decide if they are right or wrong. I came her as an alternative to actually physically cheating - and then I met someone…
The thing that I’ve really learned here (other than some things that I had mo idea would be mind blowing pleasurable) is that you can’t know what other people are going through and to just be kind and let everyone figure themselves out.

The only reason I would be categorical about someone leaving is abuse. Although, even in that case I understand why some don't, or it take a lot of time to do that. Other than that, it is their business. And I don't say that in a negative way. I mean that we simply do not know the full story. People have a long history together. They still have feelings for each other, they have children, they have love. The time will come when neither the dick nor the pussy will care to meet, but the two souls will still be there as strong as vivid as ever.