In a tiss :(

[Little_Miss_Me]

I agree with this. The desire to see what's out there, flirt and flex one's prowess
might all be motivating factors here as well. I would ask what the motivation was before freaking out.

Yes! This I can see too! Especially as he has even done what would be considered some "pro" sub stuff.. old habits and all.

I didn't really freak out as such - I just felt hurt and sick and sad

 

[WriterDom]

Is it OK to find out your sub hubbie has been placing personals and trying to arrange to meet new fetish buddies when you are exclusive?

Even if he says he'd never really meet anyone when it came to it - it's just for scenarios and just a bit of fun when he's horny and I'm not around?

I feel so betrayed

Thoughts please...

Male subs are a dime a dozen. Grow some balls. Tell him if it happens again everything he owns will be on the curb. Remind him how easily he can be replaced.

 

[Little_Miss_Me]

Hi Miss,

Have you asked him why he did it? What the thrill for him to do behind your back, is he truly a sub or just pretending tp keep you happy?
Also what you have to ask yourself, do you do enough to keep him satisfied/interested or your dom/sub relationship?
What are his thoughts on you seeking advice here now? Or you not told him?

Yes. Like I said I have had to be away at times (recently lost a relative to cancer) We are back together again and to be honest, we've had some real heart to hearts and with this I feel we are closer than ever This was not how I felt yesterday

He truly is a sub and I am truly more dom - but it's not our whole lives. He can be both sub/dom though. He has been into all of this many years before knowing me and we have developed things further together. I guess I've been 1/3rd of this part of his life...but we are more than that obviously

No, when I found out he was very ashamed and cried. I don't want him to feel like that, it breaks my heart. I always want him to do what he enjoys and to grow and experiment and explore and I hope that is with me

I think, that yes indirectly I am also to blame as I have been recently bereaved, so I have had a lot on my mind. I know he should also understand that, but it's difficult when you have not lost someone really close to truly understand. So yes, there is more that I can do! LOL! There is always more and I relish that journey of discovery

I have actually been coming on this site for a long time - but this is a new user name. I have always loved this site and I needed to connect with people who might understand. I was so gutted.

He knew I was going to post on here and he has seen some of the replies. We do not have any secrets normally It has helped a lot to write things down and to read everyone's comments

I wish really he'd found solace in some erotic writing on here or in a book or even online - but not the personals. He said to me last night he'd forgotten about this site and how interesting it was

 

[eastern sun]

Yes! Thanks so much I agree

I know it's difficult for others to know or understand. I just really was interested to know if anyone could see things to redeem him in any way at all And others in long-term sub/dom relationships where the net can also be a threat to the status quo?

The internet with its anonymity and convenience is a potent force. Aside from peep shows, pornography has never been so interactive. Many, many couples have experienced the intrusion of the internet in their exclusive relationship.

I am a female slave in an open relationship. And we've still surprised each other with our internet shenanigans. He's lied. I've lied. And we still totally trust each other, in part because we've weathered these storms.

Go figure.

If you want to end a relationship, you can use this kind of behavior as a reason. If you want to keep the relationship, then it can draw you closer as you meet the challenge it poses. (And. I guarantee, it won't be the last challenge you meet.)

 

[Little_Miss_Me]

Male subs are a dime a dozen. Grow some balls. Tell him if it happens again everything he owns will be on the curb. Remind him how easily he can be replaced.

LOL! This is a far more serious relationship than that

Sure he could be replaced easily...but I don't want him to be. I am also no doormat - believe me! Never have been - nor never will be! LOL! He is no quivering wreck either! But he is very, very sorry and attentive

Mind.. you I like the melodrama of his stuff on the kerb a bit - just to see his face! LOL!

 

[WriterDom]

LOL! This is a far more serious relationship than that

Sure he could be replaced easily...but I don't want him to be. I am also no doormat - believe me! Never have been - nor never will be! LOL! He is no quivering wreck either! But he is very, very sorry and attentive

Mind.. you I like the melodrama of his stuff on the kerb a bit - just to see his face! LOL!

I know that but scare the shit out of him. Teach him a lesson. Tell him it will be a month before he gets within three feet of your pussy.

 

[Little_Miss_Me]

The internet with its anonymity and convenience is a potent force. Aside from peep shows, pornography has never been so interactive. Many, many couples have experienced the intrusion of the internet in their exclusive relationship.

I am a female slave in an open relationship. And we've still surprised each other with our internet shenanigans. He's lied. I've lied. And we still totally trust each other, in part because we've weathered these storms.

Go figure.

If you want to end a relationship, you can use this kind of behavior as a reason. If you want to keep the relationship, then it can draw you closer as you meet the challenge it poses. (And. I guarantee, it won't be the last challenge you meet.)

You are very wise!

Yes the internet can be a threat too - he has certainly been very burnt before me (via the net/personals) and this is also part of the complete shock discovering the personals he placed.

It's wonderful to be capable of open relationships At the end of the day you are what you are to each other and no one else is part of that and I can understand too having trust. Also that sometimes lies can be protective of the other person. It's just never right when it's getting out of agreed boundaries.

I guess with me exclusiveness and loyalty is the ultimate high - but it's with us both still being true individuals too and fantastic communication. Like you say you live and learn and things bring you closer or more distant...

As a rule I stay off posting on forums myself - and yesterday I was thinking does this make me as "bad" as him. As this has turned out it is helping both of us I'm certain I am sure my devotion to him and our willingness to work things out is clear to all - and as you say it is already drawing us closer. I love to think out of the box and all around it too and others views help me to do that. These are also only the things you can talk about with people who do understand.

Yes, there are always challenges - and we all have to realise that NOTHING is forever.

 

[Little_Miss_Me]

I know that but scare the shit out of him. Teach him a lesson. Tell him it will be a month before he gets within three feet of your pussy.

Yes! Yes! I know! Like I say I am formulating something...that panders perhaps a little more to something out of his comfort zone... a different type of punishment that he doesn't know he'll love just yet! LOL!

 

[FurryFury]

Honestly,

You have every right to be upset, feel it, work through it, don't use it to punish him from now until death.

In the end, it really doesn't matter what he did or didn't do. Whatever it was he will likely do or not do again, be prepared and make sure you are okay with it in the future.

Reading everything he wrote was probably not wise because it's just going to make you hurt more and get more angry.

What really matters is, do you and he, want to work things out and stay together. That's it.

 

[Netzach]

Submissive men are just men. They're no more loyal or honest or susceptible to ultimatum or likely to enjoy them when you get into the nitty gritty.

Treat as any other.

 

[Little_Miss_Me]

Honestly,

You have every right to be upset, feel it, work through it, don't use it to punish him from now until death.

In the end, it really doesn't matter what he did or didn't do. Whatever it was he will likely do or not do again, be prepared and make sure you are okay with it in the future.

Reading everything he wrote was probably not wise because it's just going to make you hurt more and get more angry.

What really matters is, do you and he, want to work things out and stay together. That's it.

Thank-you!

No I did read because I wanted the openess and needed to know. What is, is, whether it hurts or not - like you I think it matters how you deal with it and proceed from that moment in time

I'm sure we'll be OK. You know it's all making so much more sense...and he clearly has craved some attention from me

 

[Little_Miss_Me]

Submissive men are just men. They're no more loyal or honest or susceptible to ultimatum or likely to enjoy them when you get into the nitty gritty.

Treat as any other.

In my experience, I think submissive men are actually quite different. Normally they are better mannered and more polite and most of all they have an intrinsic need to please

Many of these men are different in their day to day life - sometimes even the opposite and only their true self becomes apparent to those they truly put their trust in. After all they are in touch with much more of their psyche and are not scared of it with the right people

In their 'normal' life - then yes I agree treat as other

 

[Netzach]

In my experience, I think submissive men are actually quite different. Normally they are better mannered and more polite and most of all they have an intrinsic need to please

Many of these men are different in their day to day life - sometimes even the opposite and only their true self becomes apparent to those they truly put their trust in. After all they are in touch with much more of their psyche and are not scared of it with the right people

In their 'normal' life - then yes I agree treat as other

I've met Dominant men of impeccable manners, fuckable sorts if they were only wired otherwise.

I've met submissive men with atrocious personalities, but submissive as all get out.

I have to beg to differ. What makes you tick and your character are different things.

 

[FurryFury]

Thank-you!

No I did read because I wanted the openess and needed to know. What is, is, whether it hurts or not - like you I think it matters how you deal with it and proceed from that moment in time

I'm sure we'll be OK. You know it's all making so much more sense...and he clearly has craved some attention from me

*HUG*

You sound like you have things mapped out now.