Introduction to BDSM/training a sub

[RedRiverDude]

When I discovered BDSM I was very very green about all of it.

I started talking to a Dom locally and he offered to help me.
Basically he would try lots of different things and I would be able to discover what I liked, loved, hated as a base line to work from.
There was no emotional attachment at all.
We had two sessions together, they were so positive and I learnt so much.

Oddly, not having an emotional attachment helped. I could be honest without feeling I would upset our relationship. The two scenes were the sum total of our relationship.

I was terrified, but he was great. Calm and in control. He even managed to make me laugh a couple of times.

A relationship with him would never have worked. He came from a lifestyle I had no desire to be a part of and I had responsibilities that he did not want to be involved with.

I hear about him through friends and get the odd text message now and then.

But I am forever grateful that he gave me such a unique opportunity of learning about myself without the encumbrance of emotional attachment.

There is a postscript to this: I have a sister whom I rarely speak to. It turns out she also knew him but in different circumstances. She thought he and I would be a good match. She had wanted to introduce us but the opportunity never arose due to house moves. When I told my mother that the same man whom my sister held in such high esteem had tied me to his dining table used a crop on me and then fucked me she almost fainted with shock.
My sister is very straight, I can't imagine she believes he was really a sadist.

i also thank you for sharing.......i am also new to the scene and exploring.........learning without emotional attachment sounds like the best way to learn.........

i have been told i would make a good submissive..........but i have absolutely no desire to be with men..........i am totally heterosexual

 

[Gypsybyrd]

i met someone locally who offered to show me a few things about Shibari and flogging. He said the same thing, no emotional attachment. i consented and W/we went through with it. He wanted to continue doing one day a week. i was fine the first time W/we did it. The next week W/we did it again and i went home feeling badly. i decided that playing without attachement or commitment isn't for me. i feel dirty...and not in a good way. It might be different for You though.

Thank you for posting Kailey ... I appreciate it. And sorry for the delay on my end in acknowledging your post.

 

[Gypsybyrd]

i tried it online training twice and it didn't work out. In both cases, it started out fine, but as time progressed in the first case, i would find that i didn't want to do the things he wanted me to do...i wouldn't complete some of the assignments. And in the second case we became friends and i enjoyed the little training i had, but he began having issues and would ignore me. The last straw was when i was given an assignment to complete i was to report to him but after 5-6 weeks had gone by, he still wouldn't take my phone call so that i could report to him on it...he said that he couldn't do it anymore because he had a major change in his life and didn't know if we would be able to continue...it was at this time that i met my Master...i was afraid to try the online Dom/sub relationship again. But when we started Master asked me if it would make me feel better, i could "report on my assignment" to Him...And here i am...5 months later and i am in love with my Master. i have come a long way with him but have such a longer way to go. In the first two online relationships...there was no love or emotional bond between us...With my Master now...we love each other very much and i would do almost anything for him now...yes there are still plenty of limits i have, but we will meet and explore and expand them someday.

Soo...if you ask me...i don't think a D/s relationship can work without some sort of emotional bond between the two parties involved. JMHO

Thank you for posting ...

I think your experiences were a lot more in depth than what I'm considering. We're talking just spanking/flogging to see if I like that aspect. Or maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe I'm just over-thinking things (something I excel at ).

However, your experiences give me food for thought should I decide to pursue this lifestyle more fully in the future.

 

[Gypsybyrd]

i also thank you for sharing.......i am also new to the scene and exploring.........learning without emotional attachment sounds like the best way to learn.........

i have been told i would make a good submissive..........but i have absolutely no desire to be with men..........i am totally heterosexual

Welcome RedRiver ...

What I've gotten from this thread (and, well, from everything I've read about BDSM) is that the experiences of one person *will* differ from those of another and no two relationships in this lifestyle are the same.

My thoughts as of today are that exploring with a friend is the way for me to go. BUT ... if it does not work then I have to remember to keep an open mind in the future and be willing to explore with someone I have a deeper emotional bond with. I can't just toss this lifestyle away because it did not work one time. Actually, that applies in other areas of life - including vanilla things.

Anyway, RedRiver - welcome.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i also thank you for sharing.......i am also new to the scene and exploring.........learning without emotional attachment sounds like the best way to learn.........

i have been told i would make a good submissive..........but i have absolutely no desire to be with men..........i am totally heterosexual

welcome to the 'scene' first of all, and secondly you said that you've been told you'd make a good submissive but you're not into men? you don't have to be into men to be a submissive. there are women that are Dominants too. just a thought after reading your post *smiles* good luck to you

 

[RedRiverDude]

Welcome RedRiver ...

What I've gotten from this thread (and, well, from everything I've read about BDSM) is that the experiences of one person *will* differ from those of another and no two relationships in this lifestyle are the same.

My thoughts as of today are that exploring with a friend is the way for me to go. BUT ... if it does not work then I have to remember to keep an open mind in the future and be willing to explore with someone I have a deeper emotional bond with. I can't just toss this lifestyle away because it did not work one time. Actually, that applies in other areas of life - including vanilla things.

Anyway, RedRiver - welcome.

Thank you for the nice welcome............I should have stated that i am seeking a Dominate female or at least a Switch. It is difficult because there are not many who fit into that category. Most of the females here are submissive from what I have been able to determine.

 

[RedRiverDude]

welcome to the 'scene' first of all, and secondly you said that you've been told you'd make a good submissive but you're not into men? you don't have to be into men to be a submissive. there are women that are Dominants too. just a thought after reading your post *smiles* good luck to you

Thanks rose I should have added to my post that i am seeking Dominate females. So I need all the help I can get.

 

[Inconsequential]

i also thank you for sharing.......i am also new to the scene and exploring.........learning without emotional attachment sounds like the best way to learn.........

i have been told i would make a good submissive..........but i have absolutely no desire to be with men..........i am totally heterosexual

There's nothing wrong with submitting to a woman. Or at least that's what My subs have told ~Me~.