Is all femdom humiliation?

[Woolmohair]

The idea of femdom is honestly really hot and even the more extreme parts of it are fine (cbt/pegging) but as a dude who is a switch its really tough to embrace femdom when I am just not a fan of humiliation, I love the aspect of worship and feeling submissive to a woman but everything I've seen that leads towards harder femdom (Gentle femdom I'm excluding for this context) is just humiliation. Am I missing anything or is this what more hardcore femdom is? Thank you.

I think there ate genuinely dominant woman who are into them philosophy of being the dominant partner in a relationship, and some women who are sadistic and not genuinely dominant, just bully-like, and others who like the trappings of domination, but are ultimately vanilla trying to spice things up a little. True dominant women are wonderful. There are also many men who are either milquetoast wimps who think being bullied by a woman is either sexy or all they deserve is too be bullied. Some who are macho and can take the punishment in a show off machismo.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I think it depends on the couple, frankly. Anything like this should come after a good deal of communication.

 

[newhere2learn]

Isn't submission a gentle form of humiliation?

Not at all, I'd disagree.

One can submit, relinquish control and be toyed with and pushed to their limits.

Humiliation, is degrading and as opposed to a sensual experience, a mental experience

 

[newhere2learn]

I think it depends on the couple, frankly. Anything like this should come after a good deal of communication.

Totally agree, I've had sensual female play partners, who wanted to be dominant. But for them, was focussed around the sensual elements, and the psychology of pushing and edging to limits.

At no point with the 2of that spring to mind, was there any humiliation or degrade behaviour. No name calling, or mocking and so on.

 

[MorlockIam]

Femdom is female domination so it doesn't necessarily have to mean humiliation but then to some just submitting to someone else could be considered humiliating in itself.

 

[subdudeme13]

Humiliation is not a requirement, so my answer is no. However, many people, especially men, perceive submission itself as a humiliation, nevermind submission to a woman. To those people, femdom cannot exist without it being humiliating - but that's different from femdom itself being inherently humiliating.

In addition to what @Servileone13 said about humiliation being in the eye of the beholder, I'd also add what might feel humiliating coming from one domme may feel different coming from another depending on the strength of your rapport and the level of trust.

Humiliation can be hot and I get off on it. Then again I am a pain slut too. Humiliation is begging for mercy! LOL

 

[eroticspank]

Femdom is different for everyone. In my mind, it just means the woman or female is dominant in the bedroom. That can include all kinds of things, including BDSM and humiliation, or none of the above, it is up to the people involved.
ES

 

[Dearelliot]

I agree with the prior post, Humiliation is in the eyes of the beholder. I pay ladies to humiliate me by making me drink their pee...when the truth is it's more humiliating to have to pay a lady for that than doing it.

We know we subs are not totally submissive, although there may be a few..."Get two jobs, mail me the money, but otherwise don't bother me." That wouldn't work very well. Most of us pick and choose the way we want to be submissive to a woman, and it usually involves sex play the way we want it to be.

For me that's where the pain and humiliation comes in, I can tell her to stop I've had enough, but I don't want to have the final word...I want her to always push the envelope, to go a step beyond my comfort zone. To remind me she is in charge.

 

[slavemelanie]

If its a one time experience it certainly can have that singular focus. But within a D/s relationship it better be more well rounded than just one singular focus and eventually its best to focus on each others overall needs.

 

[Dearelliot]

I have zero experience in a D/s nonfinancial relationship. I have no idea of how complicated that might be. In my experience I more or less tell her my needs and in turn she tells me how much I have to pay.

I would imagine a married person wanting such a D/s relationship, it would be difficult to find.
I do know a married couple with her as Femdom, who live the relationship sexually, but not in their day to day living. They did start with house parties etc, and she eventually turned professional as she couldn't turn down the offers.

 

[sxPlasticity]

I really had to think about this one.
And then I got my answer, and now I realized I'm too embarrassed to say.

 

[whenagain]

I really had to think about this one.
And then I got my answer, and now I realized I'm too embarrassed to say.

Sounds like you want to say

 

[sxPlasticity]

Sounds like you want to say

Yeah, I think that came out a little awkward...

The idea of humiliation versus embarrassment was s'posed to be sort of a funny and ironic conclusion...

But now it's even worse...

OMG, now I am going to have to nail the closet door shut once and for all...

 

[Showmewhatchugot84]

The idea of femdom is honestly really hot and even the more extreme parts of it are fine (cbt/pegging) but as a dude who is a switch its really tough to embrace femdom when I am just not a fan of humiliation, I love the aspect of worship and feeling submissive to a woman but everything I've seen that leads towards harder femdom (Gentle femdom I'm excluding for this context) is just humiliation. Am I missing anything or is this what more hardcore femdom is? Thank you.

Agree with this. I'm trying to get my wife to embrace a more dominant role in our relationship and start leaning towards a female-led relationship. I want to share stories with her but the all end it cuckold, or feminization, which I have no real interest in this stage of my life. I feel like she's freaked out and adjusting to what I have shared but she's embracing it slowly. I want to share so many more stories and videos to motivate her but 99% of them just go to extreme. So I don't share as much as I would like out of fear of her just being to overwhelmed and going back to our vanilla, inconsistent sex life

 

[Bella857Donna]

No. Not all femdom is humiliation; some submissives like to be "good boys", to be praised. They need to be kept in their place, but don't like to be degraded in any way. You don't need to make a sub feel bad about themselves (if that's not their thing), but you must always make sure they understand that you, and you alone, have the power.

 

[sxPlasticity]

No. Not all femdom is humiliation; some submissives like to be "good boys", to be praised. They need to be kept in their place, but don't like to be degraded in any way. You don't need to make a sub feel bad about themselves (if that's not their thing), but you must always make sure they understand that you, and you alone, have the power.

I tend to think all seriously commit relationships at some point require humility.

But, then, there is humility, and then there is HUMILITY, and then there is also pride, shame and fear, or even shamelessness, arrogant, flat out bad behavior.

Here I don't necessarily mean pride in the sense alternative lifestylers intend, but I mean pride like everyone senses, like when someone gets arrogant, cops an attitude, or just has to be smug or freaking rude and something.

Between two people in love, I tend to think there's a sort of vulnerability that creates intimacy, which can be humble. That's a loving exchange, which seems even void of lust. That's kind of the type of relationship I think you might mean. It's not necessarily lusty or sexy, which would define the sub as a bit more, I dunno, a bit more of a sex slave of some sort. The humble and committed slave you describe seems to me more like a sort of D/s "love slave" relationship.

I dunno if any of this makes much sense, but a discernment seems clear enough.

 

[nothingatall27]

No. Not all femdom is humiliation; some submissives like to be "good boys", to be praised. They need to be kept in their place, but don't like to be degraded in any way. You don't need to make a sub feel bad about themselves (if that's not their thing), but you must always make sure they understand that you, and you alone, have the power.

This speaks to me

 

[strike569]

The idea of femdom is honestly really hot and even the more extreme parts of it are fine (cbt/pegging) but as a dude who is a switch its really tough to embrace femdom when I am just not a fan of humiliation, I love the aspect of worship and feeling submissive to a woman but everything I've seen that leads towards harder femdom (Gentle femdom I'm excluding for this context) is just humiliation. Am I missing anything or is this what more hardcore femdom is? Thank you.

sounds like you dont really want to submit at all. You want to dominate from the bottom position, in other words you want to still control whats acceptacle to you, thats really not submission at all. You have to be willing to give up all control to submit. Its not about just which kinks you like.

 

[lowcollar]

It's all in your personal beliefs, feelings in the particular situation, the attitude of the dominant and what you need.

 

[sweettalk4u]

The idea of femdom is honestly really hot and even the more extreme parts of it are fine (cbt/pegging) but as a dude who is a switch its really tough to embrace femdom when I am just not a fan of humiliation, I love the aspect of worship and feeling submissive to a woman but everything I've seen that leads towards harder femdom (Gentle femdom I'm excluding for this context) is just humiliation. Am I missing anything or is this what more hardcore femdom is? Thank you.

Femdom is empowering

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

The idea of femdom is honestly really hot and even the more extreme parts of it are fine (cbt/pegging) but as a dude who is a switch its really tough to embrace femdom when I am just not a fan of humiliation, I love the aspect of worship and feeling submissive to a woman but everything I've seen that leads towards harder femdom (Gentle femdom I'm excluding for this context) is just humiliation. Am I missing anything or is this what more hardcore femdom is? Thank you.

I don't think so but I may be thinking of something different than you. Sometimes it feels like the purest form of love and care. Mother knows what son really needs and directs him, her in becoming the perfect girl. Girlfriend recognizes your needs and helps you become her girlfriend. Have you ever experienced the pure beauty of being one of the girls as they discuss boys and do your nails and hair. Your mother discussing men with you and how to please them.

 

[Grogu269]

Femdom is when the man is submissive, by his choice or not, depending on the participants. If either of them want to include humiliation, or anything else in the relationship, it can include it.

 

[eroticspank]

I would say similar to spanking there are levels of humiliation. You might share a secret fetish with a lover like wearing panties and she might tease you about it later on in public. That could cause a form of light humiliation for some. So if humiliation is involved it does not have to be hard-core, it can be light and fun.
ES

 

[Erosfan]

Isn't submission a gentle form of humiliation?

It can be. My late wife and I had some amazing experiences with "gentle femdom". I am into CFNM and she was quite aware of my interests. We spent lots of time discussing this. She was really good about discussing this with me. She liked the idea and she took control, sexually, at times. It was not a life style, it was just some good sexual fun between two people in love.
She would offer ideas as to who she might like to invite to share my kinks. She once suggested that her aunt would be a good one to include. That aunt was quite the sexual playgirl. We decide against it because they were from a small town and her aunt would probably tell everyone.
She even told our youngest daughter about or play and she said, "oh mom, that's so normal".
She gave me hand jobs while I was driving and she always made sure we were seen by other drivers. Many times, she would have me naked on our back porch. She would jerk me off or give me wonderful blow jobs, knowing the neighbors could see.
She had me naked in the garage with the door open to a fairly busy street and gave me many outstanding orgasms and we were seen a few times.
It was love between us. She could push my limits and keep me safe at the same time. I feel it was more about me being her toy to do with with as she wished.

 

[Bella857Donna]

I'm not keen on humiliation, unless it's barely more than teasing. I do like getting the better of men and putting men in their place, though!
When I beat a guy at chess once, I couldn't tell if he'd been trying to lose on purpose, because, he told me how much he enjoyed the humiliation of losing to me!

But typical humiliation, like spitting, name-calling and verbal abuse is not my style. I prefer submissives who raise me up rather than lower themselves down (but I do like to be worshipped from a kneeling position!)