Is all femdom humiliation?

[Luv2ReadKinkyStories]

Isn't submission a gentle form of humiliation?

I think it is...

 

[NancyPan]

But typical humiliation, like spitting, name-calling and verbal abuse is not my style.

These are rather crude examples of humiliation and probably not very arousing to many male submissives unless they are quite masochistic. My wife is rather masterful I what I would term “erotic humiliation,” and she would never do any of those things. Instead, she will say things like, “Tell me why you think you deserve to taste my pussy tonight,” or “ Remind me why you aren’t allowed to fuck me.”

Although I am not sure that I would agree that submission is inherently humiliating, I do think that orgasm management/denial is. I find it exquisitely humiliating that I can not masturbate or orgasm without my wife’s permission while she can have me provide her an orgasm whenever she chooses.
She also might humiliate me by having me show her my panties and having me go change if she does not approve, or she might giggle at the sight of my erection. Erotic humiliation is not abusive. It is far more playful. (IMHO)

 

[Amandyla]

I know a lot of others have shared their opinions/experiences, but I would like to contribute my 2 cents as well.

I've been into BDSM/Power Exchange relationships for around 2 decades now, it is something that I've always been into and vanilla has no place with me.

A true Femdom, or even a true Dom for that matter, isn't all about humiliation. Don't get me wrong, some relationships it is based on it entirely, but it never should be the sole one size fits all type. I've had multiple submissives over the years, and the first thing that I do, is always talk about what they expect out of the relationship.

Yes, my needs are important, but as with any relationship, it goes both ways. Getting someone to submit isn't about power, or fear, it should come from experience and helping them feel complete just as much as I do. I've had pets/toys that just want the humiliation aspect, and others that just want to worship me because I deserve it. I ensure they get in return what they want, yet still hold the reins in the relationship.

The trust in a power exchange relationship, is the true key to happiness for both. My submissives must be able to trust me to know that I will provide what they need, in return for giving me their everything. <3

On a side note, I'm sorry that so far you've only noticed the humiliation side. Please don't get discouraged, as I'm sure the right Femdom is out there for you

 

[whenagain]

It’s also worth pointing out the difference in dynamic between say, seeing a pro domme, someone you play with from time to time, and someone you’re partnered with (monogamous or poly.)

There’s been a few times with casual friend-with-bdsm-efits where the gal went much darker and crueler than I’d want on a regular basis.

 

[Bella857Donna]

Instead, she will say things like, “Tell me why you think you deserve to taste my pussy tonight,” or “ Remind me why you aren’t allowed to fuck me.”

Those are what I meant by "teasing". Tease and Denial is something I do naturally, it's in my nature!

 

[CuriousRick]

Those are what I meant by "teasing". Tease and Denial is something I do naturally, it's in my nature!

What a very fun “nature” you have

 

[NancyPan]

Those are what I meant by "teasing". Tease and Denial is something I do naturally, it's in my nature!

Yes! Women who understand this understand Femdom. Some cheap porn videos with young, inexperienced actresses portray crude scenes that few, if any, wives or girlfriends would replicate, and frankly, I do not find arousing. The best Femdom requires an “aura” of superiority and sophistication . That mood is totally destroyed by crudeness. I want the “superior, unavailable” woman to dominate me.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I think it depends on context.

 

[Boonerboy]

The idea of femdom is honestly really hot and even the more extreme parts of it are fine (cbt/pegging) but as a dude who is a switch its really tough to embrace femdom when I am just not a fan of humiliation, I love the aspect of worship and feeling submissive to a woman but everything I've seen that leads towards harder femdom (Gentle femdom I'm excluding for this context) is just humiliation. Am I missing anything or is this what more hardcore femdom is? Thank you.

I wouldn't categorize pegging as Femdom, it's often is included in it, but nothing about it is inherently Femdom. I've been pegged plenty of times both very sensually, and roughly by women who most definitely weren't femdoms.

 

[subdudeme13]

I don’t know but I would love to find out first hand.

It is all good and better with the right domme. Of course I love it.

 

[subdudeme13]

Humiliation is not necessary. It's just popular (in porn, especially).

She dressed me up in heels and nylons. She bent me over and fucked my ass and called me all kinds of names. I morphed into those names, slut, cunt and more. God I came so hard I though I had exploded and gone to heaven.

 

[subdudeme13]

I think femdom can be different things to different dynamics.
I'm a switch, (I lean more towards sub).
My subs have all been different.. some liked sph, some like me to control when they cum, I mean, the list goes on..

It's like other D/s dynamics.. it can be whatever you want. You're going to have limits. If being treated more gentle is your thing, express this when vetting her.

Being seduced into having my limits pushed usually works on me. A sweet word, a whisper in the ear, a kiss,
OH PLEASE YES! i WILL DO ANYTHING!

 

[SPARTAN047]

I love humiliation.

Femdom is not all humiliation like all maledom isn't controlling women.

I think the women who do it are actresses and not sure what to do, they're all brainwashed into thinking they're weak and without any power so they overcompensate when they play the Domme role.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I think it’s all context.