Is "Switch" The Most Self-Aware Label?

[drsalt]

Too much!

Okay, I read -- really! -- all the messages in the thread. This is too much. Too much talk, too much masturbation of ideas.

Is there anyone out there who has not wondered what it would be like to:

--- be the opposite gender? (this would include being of a different sexual orientation)
--- be of another ethnic group?
--- be rich, if poor; poor, if rich?
--- be dead rather than alive?
--- be dom(me), rather than sub?, or vice versa?

It's always the same story. One is curious about, and sometimes wishes to experience what one is/has not. Don't complicate things so much.

Being self-aware is only a process of becoming truly honest with oneself. That's all it is.

Still, it IS a process, a continually renewing process. We grow -- or at least change, if we're really living, rather than existing -- daily. So the personal inventory has to be dynamic, not static.

If you're a heterosexual mailman, married once, two kids, bowling on Friday nights, church on Sundays and sex with the wife whenever, and nothing ever changes, then that's a static life. And you can bet your ass there are things you'd like to do that will never happen.

And those conditions are interchangeable with all the opposites or variants. The point is that if you stick to what's comfortable and familiar, then you will remain static. You have ceased to grow.

This is right for some people. They have reached their level of growth, just as plants and trees do. There is a point beyond which ssome living things do not have the capacity to grow.

People seem to be capable of unlimited personal growth. Some of us ave broader limits than others. Basically it is a matter of what we are willing to risk, up to and including our self image. And that is what self awareness boils down to in the end. Our image of who and what we are.

See? Now I've gone on too long. Forget everything I said after, "...don't complicate things so much."

 

[RisiaSkye]

Sexual identity and self-awareness do not have a mutually reinforcing correlation toward fluidity.

Or, in real words: labels are the opposite of self-awareness.

All labels reduce people into simple little categories. People aren't that simple, particularly not people who try to define themselves--which is what self-awareness means, isn't it?

Fuck who you wanna fuck (within the obvious limits), and do it however works for you. I am a biSwitch, and I can't even get behind the idea that Switch is somehow a superior thing to be. I've got no exclusive claims on the keys to Enlightenment, nor does anybody else.

 

[WriterDom]

Add to this the fact that in recent years a strong prejudice against switching has gained currency in BDSM. Personally, I think the anti-switch prejudice hatched out of chatrooms, where BDSM identity is too often reduced to shorthand and the complexity of switching was not easily projected (And if you are a switch on AOL, why not just have a dom name and a sub name, and avoid confusion?)

.

Never really thought about that before, but you're right. A switch, especially a male switch, would find a chatroom to be a very hostile environment.

All I concern myself with is my needs. Bi, switch, Dom, Top, Bottom, nilla, Domme I see no pecking order on the road to enlightment or self awareness. Just be happy with who you are.

 

[Lancecastor]

Sexual identity and self-awareness do not have a mutually reinforcing correlation toward fluidity.

Or, in real words: labels are the opposite of self-awareness.

All labels reduce people into simple little categories. People aren't that simple, particularly not people who try to define themselves--which is what self-awareness means, isn't it?

Fuck who you wanna fuck (within the obvious limits), and do it however works for you. I am a biSwitch, and I can't even get behind the idea that Switch is somehow a superior thing to be. I've got no exclusive claims on the keys to Enlightenment, nor does anybody else.

When I posed the question, it wasn't with a view to suggesting that to be Switch is "superior".

I wondered out loud if in BDSM terms *Switch* might be the label most indicative of a higher level of self-awareness, given the posts I'd read about Dom(mes) secretly yearning to be topped and Subs fantasizing about being Domme For A Day.

Because, despite the handy labels used by practising bdsm-ers.....most seem to actually engage in and or think about a wide range of activities beyond their self-affixed label.

Some say it's what's in your head that defines You; others will say your skin-to-skin experience is all that matters; still others are in between.

As a hetdom, I find it all quite fascinating and thank you for having taken up the challenge of responding to an admittedly amorphous topic.

Lance

 

[Never]

RisiaSkye:
"Or, in real words: labels are the opposite of self-awareness."

I'd suggest that your quote was stickied to the top of this forum but I know it wouldn't make one smidgen of difference.

 

[MsWorthy]

I think labels can help us coalesce and form into what we want to be. Labels can also limit, stifle, and enclose us in an unescapable box of too-small proportions that has become the wrong shape for us.

It all depends on where you are on your journey of creating/becoming/refining who you are or who you want to be.

 

[Never]

You have a good point there. I tend to assume people on this forum are comfortable with themselves and who they are. I sometimes forget that there are many people who are still growing and seeking guidance. Being yourself is never easy but it's almost improbable when you have no name for what you are.

My issue isn't so much with those that feel the need to label themselves but with those that feel the need to label others and pass judgment on those labels.

 

[Lancecastor]

My label...

You have a good point there. I tend to assume people on this forum are comfortable with themselves and who they are. I sometimes forget that there are many people who are still growing and seeking guidance. Being yourself is never easy but it's almost improbable when you have no name for what you are.

My issue isn't so much with those that feel the need to label themselves but with those that feel the need to label others and pass judgment on those labels.

...says "Best before expiry date printed on bottom."

 

[MissTaken]

I think labels can help us coalesce and form into what we want to be. Labels can also limit, stifle, and enclose us in an unescapable box of too-small proportions that has become the wrong shape for us.

It all depends on where you are on your journey of creating/becoming/refining who you are or who you want to be.

A wonderful point made here.


When first beginning the "journey", have that label that helps to define what we are exploring is helpful.

However, now, at this stage of the game, I would never tell anyone I am "a sub." I do, however, have a "submissive nature."

That may be where my self awareness is best shown.

No, switch, in my case is not the most self aware title. There is nothing remotely switch about me. When trying to switch I feel absolutely hinky and fail miserably. I think the last guy is still in my basement!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Nostalgic bump...

 

[A Desert Rose]

Nostalgic bump...

I miss Lance.

 

[WriterDom]

I miss RisiaSkye

 

[A Desert Rose]

I miss RisiaSkye

and I thought you were going to lunch...

 

[WriterDom]

I do everything fast. Eat fast, Cum fast. But I cum often so it evens out.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I do everything fast. Eat fast, Cum fast. But I cum often so it evens out.

I do everything slow. And I can cum more times than you can. Or do you want to place a bet on that?

 

[WriterDom]

Oh Pooh. you cum faster than me. And more often, I'll give you that one.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Oh Pooh. you cum faster than me. And more often, I'll give you that one.

Oh Pooh?









'nite.

 

[FurryFury]

This thread begs for a poll to be attached.

Fury

 

[siren319]

A wonderful point made here.


When first beginning the "journey", have that label that helps to define what we are exploring is helpful.

However, now, at this stage of the game, I would never tell anyone I am "a sub." I do, however, have a "submissive nature."

That may be where my self awareness is best shown.

No, switch, in my case is not the most self aware title. There is nothing remotely switch about me. When trying to switch I feel absolutely hinky and fail miserably. I think the last guy is still in my basement!

I'm 100% sub, I've trained Doms but from a third party perspective, for some reason this is different for me. Its like tutoring, I don't have a position. My husband bucked my whole sub thing for a real long time, but a couple weeks ago he comes out with his desires to be dominated. Not just a little dominated, not a weekend of fuzzy cuffs etc. Seriously my first instinct was to find a Domme that would suit him and just consent but he is deadset that it should be me and I am totally lost. Telling someone how to train a female sub (which is the extent of my DOM experience without being on my knees... seems totally different than doing this with my husband. In reality, I am totally turned off by the idea of dominating him... but I will attempt it because I feel like I should. I've been the first for him in a lot of things... and I can understand why he might be more comfortable with me... but seriously I married him because he came accross as naturally dominant.. would dominating him change everything?

I don't know if switch is most self-aware... I've started this whole switch thing, but in reality, I feel like a fake as a Domme. I just feel like I am fullfilling an obligation or offering the same support I wanted to be given. Where the fuck was I going with this? I don't know, guess I just had to sound off... seriously any Dommes or Doms with male sub experience feel free to send some tips my way. I am lost.

 

[Netzach]

I'm 100% sub, I've trained Doms but from a third party perspective, for some reason this is different for me. Its like tutoring, I don't have a position. My husband bucked my whole sub thing for a real long time, but a couple weeks ago he comes out with his desires to be dominated. Not just a little dominated, not a weekend of fuzzy cuffs etc. Seriously my first instinct was to find a Domme that would suit him and just consent but he is deadset that it should be me and I am totally lost. Telling someone how to train a female sub (which is the extent of my DOM experience without being on my knees... seems totally different than doing this with my husband. In reality, I am totally turned off by the idea of dominating him... but I will attempt it because I feel like I should. I've been the first for him in a lot of things... and I can understand why he might be more comfortable with me... but seriously I married him because he came accross as naturally dominant.. would dominating him change everything?

I don't know if switch is most self-aware... I've started this whole switch thing, but in reality, I feel like a fake as a Domme. I just feel like I am fullfilling an obligation or offering the same support I wanted to be given. Where the fuck was I going with this? I don't know, guess I just had to sound off... seriously any Dommes or Doms with male sub experience feel free to send some tips my way. I am lost.

Ugh.

This sounds like a bitch of a time. And I'm all into fluidity, switching, service bottoming, trying things out. I think it's admirable that you want to help your husband and serve his needs (because that's how you are always going to be approaching it) but I think he's failing to see how he may be setting you up for some hardcore resentment.

If he were more able to compromise and see how your submissive needs are just as important as his and recognize that you need more than the fuzzy cuffs and more than someone grudgingly going through the motions as well then you might be in a better spot.

All I know is that like often attracts like and subs often marry. The alpha and pushy face that a sub may have to show the world at large can often be more attactive to other subs than it is to Dominants. I do think that your desires as a sub/bottom need to get equal air time in consideration to his desires as a sub/bottom. And third parties may eventually be employed to both of your benefit, if poly is something you feel capable of being/doing.