It didn't have to be this way.....

[OrgasmicleBunny]

It's been nearly 3 weeks and I've been doing pretty good, I've talked to him briefly a handful of times.

I'm having a hard time today.

Just feeling really sad and missing him. I was reading some things I wrote after he left.

I keep hearing songs that are real emotional for me.

Came across a song I didn't even know the name of, but I knew I liked it, a long time ago, called "Jessie" by Kadison Joshua - somebody else covered it in the 90's but I can't figure out the artist.

Here's the lyrics.

From a phone booth in Vegas, Jessie calls at 5 a.m.
to tell me how she's tired of all of them.
She says, "Baby, I been thinking 'bout a trailer by the sea.
We could go to Mexico...you, the cat, and me.
We'll drink tequila and look for sea shells.
Now, doesn't that sound sweet?"
Oh, Jessie, you always do this every time I get back on my feet.
Jessie paint your pictures 'bout how it's gonna be.
By now I should know better, your dreams are never free.
But tell me all about our little trailer by the sea;
Jessie you can always sell any dream to me.
Oh, Jessie, you can always sell any dream to me.
She asks me how the cat's been, I say, "Moses he's just fine
but he used to think about you all the time.
We finally took you pictures down off the wall.
Oh, Jessie, how do you always seem to know just when to call?"
She says, "Get your stuff together. Bring Mose and drive real fast."
And I listen to her promise, "I swear to God this time it's gonna last."
Jessie paint your pictures 'bout how it's gonna be.
By
now I should know better, your dreams are never free.
But tell me all about our little trailer by the sea;
Jessie you can always sell any dream to me.
Oh, Jessie, you can always sell any dream to me.
I'll love you in the sunshine, lay you down in the warm white sand.
And who know, maybe this time things'll turn out just the way you planned.
Jessie paint your pictures 'bout how it's gonna be.
By now I should know better, your dreams are never free.
But tell me all about our little trailer by the sea
;
Jessie you can always sell any dream to me.

 

[Julian]

Progress

Dear O-Bunny,

I do hope things get a little better for you. Be well & many blessings,



Julian

 

[OrgasmicleBunny]

I'm having a breakdown. I really did think I was getting better that I was healing, but fuck that, I'm sliding down a slippery slope.

I want him back, despite his faults, I want to help him, i want us to be togehter. I want to be numero uno.

I talked to him tonight more in depth about my feelings and I could feel the coldness from him. He's done he's emotinally closed the door, he's not coming back to this relationship, he wants us to be "friends" and that is soooo f'ing painful to me right now.

I could do this if it weren't for somebody else, but I am being replaced, but someone I don't think is good for him in ANY way, she's way worse off than he is, as far as stability and maturity. I don't hate and she's a decent person, I just think she is a distraction he doesn't need when he has so many other complicated things going on in his life.

I really wish I could just let go and move on and heal, but I just dont feel like I can. It makes me sick to know that somebody else is getting what I want, they get the rewards and to have the benefit of a relationship with him. I have to pay for not ending our relationship sooner.

It's too painful, I just can't cope, with knowing I'm being replaced, and there's no hope for us.

I've been doing a good job ignoring my feelings, but when I try to deal with them, I get so terribly ill, I have a horrible headache, I can't sleep, and my stomach is all in knots. I get nauseous when he talks about her or other girls.

What is wrong with me, why is this so difficult, when I know logistically this is what has to happen. It's been a month my heart should be healing.

I don't need a man, tho I am lonely. I'd settle for casual sex, but I'm so nervous about that, I've not had sex with anyone but him in 2 years. I't shard to let go.

I was way tooo dependent on him emotionally, my self-esteem is in the shitter, I place a lot of emphasis on getting external validation to make me feel happy and he was giving me that, now that I dont have that, I get very little external validation and I need to learn to give myself validation.

ugh..

 

[kimbernee]

Don't try to be friends now. I'm the biggest believer in being friends with your ex's but it only works if you first take time off from each other - a long time of absolutely no contact - to reset the relationship and let wounds heal. Somewhere down the road when it doesn't make you cry to think of him, then you can try to be friends. For now, you'll heal faster if you walk completely away. Don't worry about him. Worry about you.

 

[w232]

Exactly, stop talking to him for a while. Cut him out of your life as much as you can and free yourself up for yourself...if that makes sense.

Everything will be alright in the end, its just getting there that is the hard part

Feel better