It is like a drug.......

[Shadowsdream]

Perhaps the word "addiction" was unfortunate simply because many see an addiction as a negative for very real and legitimate reasons. But putting the word itself aside I would have to say that in My house the emotions of the slave are pretty much as kajira has experienced.

My toy, for example is one of those "can't go on without You" types but he has made an unavoidable committment to spending every ounce of his energy finding the Dominant that can understand that this extreme is simply normal for him and his needs. Sixteen years of his time, emotions and disappointments.

I knew full well that once I took him from submission and into slavery I would be taking the responsibility of his contentment and security into a place of vulnerbility that I would have to protect.

This boy brings Me joy in his servitude, obedience, loyalty, devotion and open honesty.
he trusts Me to beat his ass just to the edge of a safe word.

Some personalities must submit to be in the head space that feels protected and desired.

I would not consider owning two slaves such as he...but I would never turn him loose unless I felt it was in his best interest and he understood that.

 

[Limbhugger]

Shadowsdream,

I always enjoy reading your insightful words.

Hugger

 

[Shadowsdream]

Shadowsdream,

I always enjoy reading your insightful words.

Hugger

Thank you hugger

and looking one page back..hello little miss rosey one and thank you too!

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Hmmm... I didn't read it that way. I thought it wasn't so much that the relationship was like a drug, as the loss of the relationship is like the craving for a drug that an addict must feel. For me, from my own experience, that comparison is quite apt.

As to whether that is unhealthy? Well, it's not hard to look at a relationship and say "that aspect is unhealthy." None of us are perfect. But I don't know I would go so far as to say that the craving we feel for that we have lost is unhealthy in general.

I guess it depends on how accurate the description was, don't you think? All the talk about addiction, and 'drugs' and 'perfect relationships' sounds pretty unhealthy to me, and I should know!! It took me absolutely YEARS to figure this shit out, and it didn't come cheap, either.

As far as breakups...unless you are 16 years old, I think you get about a day of sulking for every week you were together, max. Anything more than that is just nutty. Nutty nutty nutty. You may need therapy. Life goes on, you know...and if you are nothing without another person, than you are probably still nothing when you are with someone.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I was actually trying to make this just a general thing so i could find an answer to something. But here it goes, these are the specifics of the situation. 3 years and it had to end for reasons i prefer private. Neither was ready for it to or wanting it to, it was just something that had to be. I worry that he hurts like i do ... i dont want him to, and thats why the thread, to see how a Dominant handles a loss like this, so i would know if he is ok. So go ahead....just continue on with the slamming because ya now...opinionated bitches have no feelings.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I was actually trying to make this just a general thing so i could find an answer to something. But here it goes, these are the specifics of the situation. 3 years and it had to end for reasons i prefer private. Neither was ready for it to or wanting it to, it was just something that had to be. I worry that he hurts like i do ... i dont want him to, and thats why the thread, to see how a Dominant handles a loss like this, so i would know if he is ok. So go ahead....just continue on with the slamming because ya now...opinionated bitches have no feelings.

From my observation you have gotten what you asked for, a discussion with varying viewpoints to which you say you like to read and learn from. Why is it you then feel you need to judge people as unfeeling because they may not think exactly like you or give the answers you seek which are impossible except from the person you are wondering about? If you are concerned with how another you were involved with is feeling, no-one here can provide you with that and do not deserve attack because of that obvious fact of life. As for how Dominants handle it providing your answer, they can't as they are people too and each experiences it in their own way....and they are not the Dominant you are wondering about so would not presume to tell you they know how he may or may not be feeling.

Catalina

 

[Kajira Callista]

From my observation you have gotten what you asked for, a discussion with varying viewpoints to which you say you like to read and learn from. Why is it you then feel you need to judge people as unfeeling because they may not think exactly like you or give the answers you seek which are impossible except from the person you are wondering about? If you are concerned with how another you were involved with is feeling, no-one here can provide you with that and do not deserve attack because of that obvious fact of life. As for how Dominants handle it providing your answer, they can't as they are people too and each experiences it in their own way....and they are not the Dominant you are wondering about so would not presume to tell you they know how he may or may not be feeling.

Catalina

You are absolutely right catalina. I thank every person who posted here and honestly it helped me in alot of ways above and beyond what i was looking for the answer too. I got answers too many other things also.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I was actually trying to make this just a general thing so i could find an answer to something. But here it goes, these are the specifics of the situation. 3 years and it had to end for reasons i prefer private. Neither was ready for it to or wanting it to, it was just something that had to be. I worry that he hurts like i do ... i dont want him to, and thats why the thread, to see how a Dominant handles a loss like this, so i would know if he is ok. So go ahead....just continue on with the slamming because ya now...opinionated bitches have no feelings.

OK...3 years, 156 weeks...you are allowed to mope for about 5 1/2 months. I suppose he is too...

 

[Kajira Callista]

OK...3 years, 156 weeks...you are allowed to mope for about 5 1/2 months. I suppose he is too...

well the im just about ready to be healed . ty johnny

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

well the im just about ready to be healed . ty johnny

No problem...oh, and try walking and classical music...the really busy kind with lots of violins.

 

[Kajira Callista]

No problem...oh, and try walking and classical music...the really busy kind with lots of violins.

yep....mozart and bubble baths work well, so does taking care of yourself and exercise, vitamins. Hope he knows all those things too

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

yep....mozart and bubble baths work well, so does taking care of yourself and exercise, vitamins. Hope he knows all those things too

Rationally, all you can really worry about or fix is yourself...being concerned for him is fine, so long as it doesn't keep you up at night.

 

[Netzach]

Rant on.
Nothing personal, but rant on.

I'm very much in concert with Fungi on this one.

Maybe it's myopic. Maybe it's just that we're so unused to being happy in relationships because BDSM is a sticking point. Maybe because so few of us can ever go "back to vanilla" and stay sane.

But the idea that we're closer, we mourn more, we fall harder, we love harder....as a community.

self-righteous BS.

I'll have you all know that bisexuals are the only people who really understand our own sexuality, lesbians are the only people who really know how to love a woman, and Jews are the only people who really know suffering...all arguments I've been privy to as part of these communities, all equally warped.

Victim status BS.

It scares me when people claim to love their loved ones more than the "sheep who just don't get it."

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Rant on.
Nothing personal, but rant on.

I'm very much in concert with Fungi on this one.

Maybe it's myopic. Maybe it's just that we're so unused to being happy in relationships because BDSM is a sticking point. Maybe because so few of us can ever go "back to vanilla" and stay sane.

But the idea that we're closer, we mourn more, we fall harder, we love harder....as a community.

self-righteous BS.

I'll have you all know that bisexuals are the only people who really understand our own sexuality, lesbians are the only people who really know how to love a woman, and Jews are the only people who really know suffering...all arguments I've been privy to as part of these communities, all equally warped.

Victim status BS.

It scares me when people claim to love their loved ones more than the "sheep who just don't get it."

Right on!!

Why do people treat D/s like it is somehow special, as though all the normal rules don't apply? We have all the same flaws and hangups as anyone else...and we are just as likely to do dumb things in relationships, just as likely to wallow in self-pity, and absolutely just as likely to believe that our pain is somehow special and different...

EVERYONE thinks their pain is special, that their behavior and emotions are unique. Silly mammals...

 

[FungiUg]

No problem...oh, and try walking and classical music...the really busy kind with lots of violins.

It sounds silly, but that's actually a great way of coping! (I do this myself.) Of course, if you don't like the violins, you can always resort to cannons...

 

[FungiUg]

I'm not sure, but I think NetZach was saying I love sheep... but how did she know? (Maybe Catalina told her?)

Anyway, I'm not sure how to cope with people actually agreeing with me... I think I'll have to run off and sulk for a while.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm not sure, but I think NetZach was saying I love sheep... but how did she know? (Maybe Catalina told her?)

Anyway, I'm not sure how to cope with people actually agreeing with me... I think I'll have to run off and sulk for a while.

Would I do that?!! LOL.

Catalina