Jian Gomeshi's BDSM firing, what do you think?

[Bramblethorn]

Very prosaic piece, but not especially informative.

I've read as much as I can find on the story, now (I'd never heard of the guy before this thread was started) and it still sounds more like 'he said/she said' after a breakup than anything else. The perils of celebrity.

Now up to eight women alleging abuse by Gomeshi. Hard to believe they're all just disgruntled ex-girlfriends.

http://m.thestar.com/#/article/news...t_of_violence_sexual_abuse_or_harassment.html

Similar pattern with Rolf Harris, minus the BDSM: "who could believe this about a much-loved media figure? She must be making it up", then "hey that's rather a lot of women coming forward". And then letters where he admitted at least some of the sordid details.

Abused people often stay in the relationship for a long time. Because they're afraid to leave (that's when they're at higher risk of being murdered), or because it takes time to accept that the relationship is unsalvageable, or because abuse undermines your self-esteem until you don't believe you can do any better - among other reasons.

 

[desertslave]

Now up to eight women alleging abuse by Gomeshi. Hard to believe they're all just disgruntled ex-girlfriends.

http://m.thestar.com/#/article/news...t_of_violence_sexual_abuse_or_harassment.html

Abused people often stay in the relationship for a long time. Because they're afraid to leave (that's when they're at higher risk of being murdered), or because it takes time to accept that the relationship is unsalvageable, or because abuse undermines your self-esteem until you don't believe you can do any better - among other reasons.

I hadn't seen that new article, but I'm not following all that closely. That many women make it much more persuasive, certainly. I'll retain a touch of cynicism purely for the 'starfucker' angle, but it's definitely looking worse and worse.

I do understand the 'creep' involved with abusive relationships. My ex was verbally/emotionally abusive and it certainly took me some time to recognize it for what it was. Additionally, I stuck around longer than I would have, had it just been the two of us, because while he was an asshole husband he was a good daddy to our kids. Until I realized (with Master's help, bless him always) how our behavior was modeling to our kids. I had to bide my time for financial reasons, but when I was prepared he had no clue what hit him.

Admittedly, I'm biased in this because I see a world of difference between a dating relationship and a marriage with kids. I've dated two assholes in the past, and dumped them the instant their true colors started flying. (Cheap tippers at fancy restaurants piss me off!)

 

[Bramblethorn]

I hadn't seen that new article, but I'm not following all that closely. That many women make it much more persuasive, certainly. I'll retain a touch of cynicism purely for the 'starfucker' angle, but it's definitely looking worse and worse.

I do understand the 'creep' involved with abusive relationships. My ex was verbally/emotionally abusive and it certainly took me some time to recognize it for what it was. Additionally, I stuck around longer than I would have, had it just been the two of us, because while he was an asshole husband he was a good daddy to our kids. Until I realized (with Master's help, bless him always) how our behavior was modeling to our kids. I had to bide my time for financial reasons, but when I was prepared he had no clue what hit him.

Admittedly, I'm biased in this because I see a world of difference between a dating relationship and a marriage with kids. I've dated two assholes in the past, and dumped them the instant their true colors started flying. (Cheap tippers at fancy restaurants piss me off!)

If something of this sort ever comes up with somebody you know - please keep in mind that when you dismiss the first person to speak up, you may not hear from victims #2+ - because they may take that initial reaction as a sign that it's not worth telling their story.

Related, on why women don't always report, or regret it when they do: http://publicaddress.net/9483

 

[KoPilot]

I was in something of a relationship with an emotional abuser and pathological liar. That wasn't even meatspace and it was going on 4 years before I cut it off with him. So....

I'm biased because false rape accusations make up 2% of the whole.

 

[intothewoods]

My point was more about her remaining in a relationship that she clams was continuously abusive and non-con for that two years, not about her coming forward.

It was initially four women who had come forward. Now it's eight.

 

[intothewoods]

I'm biased because false rape accusations make up 2% of the whole.

Correct.

 

[wicked woman]

It was initially four women who had come forward. Now it's eight.

Actually it's been updated to 9 now.

 

[intothewoods]

Actually it's been updated to 9 now.

Fuck, we need a ticker or something.

 

[Keroin]

Yep, it gets worse every day.

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/reva-seth/reva-seth-jian-ghomeshi_b_6077296.html

 

[KoPilot]

Hang the fucker, I say.

 

[wicked woman]

Hang the fucker, I say.

It's not a hanging offence...but I read today that the reason for hiring the high priced PR firm (which later dropped him) wasn't to just get his side in front of the media first, but to try to keep him out of jail. Interesting.

Edited to add that it looks like he had reason to be concerned. The police have initiated an investigation.

His publisher has decided not to publish his next book; his second PR firm has fired him and Toronto musician has dropped him as manager.

 

[KoPilot]

It's not a hanging offence...but I read today that the reason for hiring the high priced PR firm (which later dropped him) wasn't to just get his side in front of the media first, but to try to keep him out of jail. Interesting.

Edited to add that it looks like he had reason to be concerned. The police have initiated an investigation.

His publisher has decided not to publish his next book; his second PR firm has fired him and Toronto musician has dropped him as manager.

I guess I can settle for a metaphorical hanging.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Similar issues are associated with allegations against Bill Cosby.

Wonkette parses it: why the hell does it take Hannibal Buress to make this a thing?

(Even though Hannibal Buress is amazing.)