Ladies Define the perfect Dom/daddy

[MadWriter]

2. He isn't so desperately in love with me that he can't be hard, cold or cruel

I'm not a Dom, strictly speaking ... I'm not any one thing, sexually. But I do tend that way ... and I have to say that being desperately in love doesn't have to preclude hardness or cruelty.

Generally (assuming we're talking about a Dom in a long-term D/s relationship .... not a guy playing Dom in a one-time chatroom hookup .... which has its place, but isn't what we're talking about now) I think what makes a good Dom is similar to what makes a good boyfriend/lover/husband ... which is to say, he's a good Dom for his sub. The two of them fit well together.

Beyond that, though, I think a Dom has to trust himself and his sub. He has to know that he can demand what he wants to demand, to treat her as he sees fit, to speak to her as he sees fit, to neglect or objectify or possess her as he sees fit, without causing permanent damage. He must be confident that if he does go too far, she will forgive him, and the two love each other enough to work things out when either one makes a mistake ... just like any other couple.

A few other general qualities ...

He doesn't sulk or take it personally when she does not react to him as he expects, or when she resists something. Rather, he corrects her as needed and still enjoys the encounter.

He isn't afraid of hurting her.

He doesn't get wrapped up in ceremony and frivolous symbols. He commands with his presence, not his vocabulary. He dominates with his own voice, not Dom-speak. He doesn't act dominant ... he IS dominant.

He is able to discuss something that has nothing to do with sex, and nothing to do with Dominance. He is also able to make love with his sub without dominance.

He wants a lover who submits to him, not just a girl who submits.

He is free with praise, when warranted, and readily expresses disappointment when it is warranted.

Back to my original point ... my lover is not my sub, and we have consciously decided that she will not become my sub for the time being ... that we will not dive fully into a formal D/s relationship ... for a number of reasons. But our dynamic tends that way, and we have often played with it or given ourselves a little taste. So I think I can say that I love her desperately, and that will not interfere with my ability to be cold and cruel. I haven't been lately, because we don't want to go down that road right now, but ... it has nothing to do with loving her or not. It's more about trust ... I trust her enough to know that if I am cold and cruel, she will respond appropriately, and be more eager than ever to please me. And if I am TOO cruel, she will be upset but won't leave me, or want to please me any less.

And she does please me. She's a very, very good girl. And she knows it. ~smile~

 

[Redkate]

"He doesn't act dominant... He IS Dominant."

Love it!

 

[Netzach]

The second is tricky, and a very different experience for every man. It's a "struggling with an inner-beast" kind of thing for many, I think. He loves her, he wants to care for her, spoil her, give her pleasure. And somewhere down inside him, there also is this growing monster that starts out as a quiet voice, but gradually grows to a loud roar, demanding her subjection and obedience and - to some extent - her suffering.

That's where you lose me on Daddy. I grant that there are a billion KINDS of Daddies and whatevs, but this kind of hunger suggests Mastery or Lordship or some other archetype - to me.

I see a Daddy as someone who's fairly easy to satisfy, someone for whom intent is more important than details. I see it as a nurture, also, someone who's pissed off to be put in the position of having to punish/inflict if anything, and someone who's constantly pushing the boy/girl into better conduct, more independence, "being a lady" or some kind of external end point. "Daddy" is a kind of type B who expects his dick sated and his dinner warm and likes to show off his boy/girl, and has some stuff to teach them. It's simple. It's warm. You could go years with Daddy and not suffer a minute, beyond the shit life throws at you.

 

[intriguedwriter]

To be honest, looks are extremely important to me, along with personality or 'energy'. I really take care of my body, keep in shape, well groomed and expect the same. A hard body is good to find

I guess if you are one, then you shouldn't mind the proper label. And if you aren't one, then you don't care about a wrong label.

And if you want to turn yourself into something else for somebody else, then you are a little bitch. Sorry that you don't like this information.

Emo Doms get on my nerves, especially those fishing for approval.

Sounds ghastly.
Also the term 'daddy' I just find absolutely repulsive. Perhaps your 'ideal sub' does not.

Each person will have what they think is ideal. A an above post said: stick with what you like is and be true to yourself.

Why I like dominant men is that they are not insecure or at least do not come across as insecure. They know what they want and what they like and how to get it.

I see a Daddy as someone who's fairly easy to satisfy, someone for whom intent is more important than details. I see it as a nurture, also, someone who's pissed off to be put in the position of having to punish/inflict if anything, and someone who's constantly pushing the boy/girl into better conduct, more independence, "being a lady" or some kind of external end point. "Daddy" is a kind of type B who expects his dick sated and his dinner warm and likes to show off his boy/girl, and has some stuff to teach them. It's simple. It's warm.

To me that seems boring...

 

[Influence]

It depends on the person, like many have said.

I enjoy a Dom who can be caring, yet firm (pun not intended). Or... just firm (pun possibly intended) when I'm in the mood. Haha.

 

[Netzach]

To me that seems boring...

To you, yes.

Most things on this board are downright nauseating to me, personally, but make sense to the people into them.

 

[Scentofawoman]

If I wanted him to be perfect, that would kinda have to make me perfect too, right? That is too much pressure on me because I sure am not perfect.

Hand me a credit card tied to his bank account and I'll work on making him perfect for me.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

To you, yes.

Most things on this board are downright nauseating to me, personally, but make sense to the people into them.

I put a hearty serving of politics and religion into this short description.

And mayonnaise.

 

[mirabai1103]

I am new to the life style and have very little true experience. I would like to hear from the ladies what makes a perfect Dom or daddy. What makes you want to submit to him and please him?

From a "newbie's" perspective and from a potential sub, I have no idea. But as a person, one person to another, perfect is an ideal that none of us will ever achieve. The best we can do is *communicate* despite the obvious dangers we put in our path by being truly honest. I'd want you to not care so much about what I think is perfect and to care more about being who you are without any bullsit or games. Those things set us both up for failure. *You* as a Dom will be perfect for someone, just as you are, just as there is a sub out there who is perfect for you.

 

[pandapompom]

Mine would be to take those things I'm curious about and to push on them to explore. To widen my sexuality. Teach me that I shouldn't feel dirty about it or at least that dirty is good To know what I desire and to push this, to push boundaries. To be approachable. To take care of my health and well being. To allow me and to bring out the slut in me. To be a few steps ahead and to keep me on form. To reassure and to comfort.

Ah I could go on..

Am I being unrealistic?!

 

[WhipLuvr]

My perfect Dom is firm, tough, demanding, brutal (sometimes) and strong.

Then again he is also sensitive, unselfish, gentle and soft-spoken.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there has to be two sides to him. The side I can handle in the bedroom isn't necessarily the side I can handle out in the world, or vice versa.

 

[NaughtyRedSiren]

perfection...

I'm sure what I have to say has already been said, but I would still like to throw my nickel into the hat....
I would love my Dom to be loving yet firm... He is attentive to my constant hunger for him. A man who is proud I am his and treats me like a rare gem. He commands not with words, but with his presence. If I were to ever disobey in public where I can not be disciplined right away, all it would take is that single look in his eyes and I would know what is to come. When we are out in public, he guides me with ease with the soft touch at the small of my back. His hands only strike me for our pleasure.
But when the door closes.... I am one thing and one thing only. His Whore
His cum slut. He would repeatedly ask me questions to make sure I would understand my punishment while being disciplined- growling breaths and whispered questions in my ear. He would have me in constant arousal and would know my body would always be open for his pleasure. He enjoys all the same fetishes and enjoys pushing me to my limits..

Thank you and have a nice day!

 

[jason28053]

My perfect Dom is firm, tough, demanding, brutal (sometimes) and strong.

Then again he is also sensitive, unselfish, gentle and soft-spoken.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there has to be two sides to him. The side I can handle in the bedroom isn't necessarily the side I can handle out in the world, or vice versa.

that all makes sense

 

[Mirisa]

The het daddies that I know seem to be more conscious of the playful, gentle sides of SM, which is more like roughhousing with them, and babytalk is often indulged in. A Daddy can be authoritarian and stern as any dominant, but the relationship is based on love and care more than on possession.

this seems to be close to what I would look for in a Dom/Daddy.

The more I interact with Doms/Daddies, it becomes more difficult for me to define what I want, but much easier for me to recognize a Dom/Daddy that isn't a good fit for me.

To me, building that relationship and having someone that knows how to get inside my head is a must. They need to be human for a bit before rushing straight into being Dom/Daddy. I have to have that foundation.

It is very difficult to find the right person.

 

[NaughtyRedSiren]

To me, building that relationship and having someone that knows how to get inside my head is a must. They need to be human for a bit before rushing straight into being Dom/Daddy. I have to have that foundation.

It is very difficult to find the right person.

I agree Mirisa! The chemistry needs to be there before the Dom relationship starts. If I don't mesh with someone personally, I'm not going to be into submitting to him.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I recently witnessed the kind of action that I would expect from "A good Dom."

The pair are both female. The Dom, L, is cis (born) female, and is one of the first women to style herself "Leather." She's been around for a long, long time.

Her sub, R, is a trans woman-- tall and shy and as pretty as a summer morning.

We were at a meetup, and a lot of us had brought show and tell kinds of things. I was talking about my planned sex toy manufacturing ideas, and I mentioned some thoughts about how certain products could be made for trans ladies. R was disturbed by my words, and took a step back-- and L, her Dom, took a couple of steps forward and placed herself between me and R, giving R a physical shield against what was bothering her. She didn't even look behind herself to verify her knowledge that R was uneasy. She knew.

That kind of protectiveness is very striking.

I've written to her to express my admiration and apologies...

 

[Kajira Callista]

That's where you lose me on Daddy. I grant that there are a billion KINDS of Daddies and whatevs, but this kind of hunger suggests Mastery or Lordship or some other archetype - to me.

I see a Daddy as someone who's fairly easy to satisfy, someone for whom intent is more important than details. I see it as a nurture, also, someone who's pissed off to be put in the position of having to punish/inflict if anything, and someone who's constantly pushing the boy/girl into better conduct, more independence, "being a lady" or some kind of external end point. "Daddy" is a kind of type B who expects his dick sated and his dinner warm and likes to show off his boy/girl, and has some stuff to teach them. It's simple. It's warm. You could go years with Daddy and not suffer a minute, beyond the shit life throws at you.

Mine aren't like that at all. I don't think I would want to be in a relationship like this. Our term means what it means to us and is probably very deceptive to people looking in. HEH that's kina hot in and of itself lol