Ladies: Is a BJ not "Really" Cheating...

[Wyldfire]

There's a cheating curve in every relationship. Your definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much you, yourself want to cheat. (SATC)

Excuses.....

 

[Wyldfire]

My husband and I have an agreement. Before I give someone head, I call him to let him know. He loves it when I give oral to a stranger. I have my phone with me at all times amd send him pics of the action.

*Ripped straight from the pages of Penthouse forums*

 

[Wyldfire]

Can I sign up?

Sure you can, the subscription is about $24.95 a year..... That's C/O Penthouse forums.....

 

[Wyldfire]

What about the guy whose wife used to do oral, but a year or so into the marriage took it off the menu and he hasn't had a blow job in 20 years and goes out and gets one...and that is all he wants. No relationship with the giver, no attachment, etc.

More excuses...... And bullshit ones at that..... If she stopped there was a reason..... Like a funk down south a his border or something....

 

[Wyldfire]

Personally, that's a pretty crappy thing for a wife to do. Crappy as well if the hub did the same to wife with no more pussy loving. I would be hesitant to make judgement statements on this.

Exactly. The whole prior statement is the battlecry of the Married and dissatisfied faction here at Lit......

 

[LadyVer]

Exactly. The whole prior statement is the battlecry of the Married and dissatisfied faction here at Lit......

I'd say you hit the nail on the head there, Wyldfire.

 

[amofiga]

Wyldfire is just telling it like it is. People cheat. People don't like to admit that they cheat so they make up "justifications" of why they do what they do...."she won't do this", "he won't do that", "I deserve this or that because other people get it", "we have gone our separate ways", "he/she doesn't understand me", "we've lost the magic in our marriage", "it's not really sex, it's just playing around", "I never had the opportunity to do this sort of thing when I was young", "I'm bored out of my mind", "I feel trapped in my marriage", yadda, yadda, yadda. I've heard them. I'm embarrassed to say I've used them. People have been cheating since they lived in caves and they'll be cheating a thousand years from now if we don't pollute the world out of existence. In many ways, the human animal is wired that way and it takes a conscious decision not to cheat. When a cheater finally can look at himself/herself in the mirror and admit, "I am a cheater" and recognize what hurt it can cause, they won't do it anymore.

 

[LadyVer]

Wyldfire is just telling it like it is. People cheat. People don't like to admit that they cheat so they make up "justifications" of why they do what they do...."she won't do this", "he won't do that", "I deserve this or that because other people get it", "we have gone our separate ways", "he/she doesn't understand me", "we've lost the magic in our marriage", "it's not really sex, it's just playing around", "I never had the opportunity to do this sort of thing when I was young", "I'm bored out of my mind", "I feel trapped in my marriage", yadda, yadda, yadda. I've heard them. I'm embarrassed to say I've used them. People have been cheating since they lived in caves and they'll be cheating a thousand years from now if we don't pollute the world out of existence. In many ways, the human animal is wired that way and it takes a conscious decision not to cheat. When a cheater finally can look at himself/herself in the mirror and admit, "I am a cheater" and recognize what hurt it can cause, they won't do it anymore.

The question though, for those who really aren't happy with their sex life and want more from their spouse, is how do you get through to your spouse and get things resolved to where both spouses are happy?

 

[samanthaswitch]

The question though, for those who really aren't happy with their sex life and want more from their spouse, is how do you get through to your spouse and get things resolved to where both spouses are happy?

And a lot of the time the answer is. Talk to them. Its depressing how many people are unhappy in relationships because they don't communicate what thye want to their partner. Is it always the case? Probably not but I think a lot of people who cheat because they are unsatisfied would be shocked if they took the time to talk it out with their so.

 

[amofiga]

The question though, for those who really aren't happy with their sex life and want more from their spouse, is how do you get through to your spouse and get things resolved to where both spouses are happy?

This isn't easy. Consider sex therapy. If both or neither are willing to do that, try getting some books or instructional videos. If your partner simply refuses, then be up front and say, "Look, I'm not at all happy with our sex life. We can either work this out, get a divorce, or I may consider finding another partner for sex. I don't necessarily want to end the marriage because of kids, position in the community, family, whatever and in fact I love you in many ways. However, I need certain sexual outlets that I'm not getting in the marriage and it needs to be resolved somehow. We need to find some sort of compromise even if it means me finding a friend with benefits with whom I will be very discreet. I don't want to embarrass or hurt anyone, but I'm not happy." The results may not be as you imagine them, but you have to be strong enough to accept the direction your life will take. The story doesn't always go the way you want it. Perhaps your spouse would want to find a frend with benefits too. Could you accept that? They might want to end the marriage. Could you live with that? Once Pandora's box is open, you can't close it.

I did indeed have an affair with a woman in this position whose husband gave her permission to go out and find a discreet partner. Unfortunataly, I didn't have the balls to do the same and kept the relationship secret from my own wife. I knew she wouldn't go for it and would want a divorce so I was on the fence and too cowardly to accept a divorce and too weak to back away from my outside interest. It's a stressful situation and not a way for long term happiness in either camp. Once things in my life hit the wall and we were both sort of forced by circumstances into the counseling thing, a lot got better. We were both forced to admit some things to ourselves and to each other and we were able to reconcile a lot of issues that had been smoldering for a long time. The past 12 years have been much better than many of the ones preceeding them. Good luck.

 

[LadyVer]

This isn't easy. Consider sex therapy. If both or neither are willing to do that, try getting some books or instructional videos. If your partner simply refuses, then be up front and say, "Look, I'm not at all happy with our sex life. We can either work this out, get a divorce, or I may consider finding another partner for sex. I don't necessarily want to end the marriage because of kids, position in the community, family, whatever and in fact I love you in many ways. However, I need certain sexual outlets that I'm not getting in the marriage and it needs to be resolved somehow. We need to find some sort of compromise even if it means me finding a friend with benefits with whom I will be very discreet. I don't want to embarrass or hurt anyone, but I'm not happy." The results may not be as you imagine them, but you have to be strong enough to accept the direction your life will take. The story doesn't always go the way you want it. Perhaps your spouse would want to find a frend with benefits too. Could you accept that? They might want to end the marriage. Could you live with that? Once Pandora's box is open, you can't close it.

I did indeed have an affair with a woman in this position whose husband gave her permission to go out and find a discreet partner. Unfortunataly, I didn't have the balls to do the same and kept the relationship secret from my own wife. I knew she wouldn't go for it and would want a divorce so I was on the fence and too cowardly to accept a divorce and too weak to back away from my outside interest. It's a stressful situation and not a way for long term happiness in either camp. Once things in my life hit the wall and we were both sort of forced by circumstances into the counseling thing, a lot got better. We were both forced to admit some things to ourselves and to each other and we were able to reconcile a lot of issues that had been smoldering for a long time. The past 12 years have been much better than many of the ones preceeding them. Good luck.

Great advice and sobering story. However, I currently don't need marital advice.I had the balls to leave my ex 20 years ago and never looked back. I knew if I had stayed I would have gone stark raving mad. And, he had no interest in therapy of any kind.

 

[TJcurious]

A slight variation on this.....
A married guy, who is in a sexless marriage, decides to give, or get, a blow job from another guy, to avoid "cheating" ........any thoughts on this???
(PS not me, but I have heard of this happening).....

 

[TanyaLuvsMen]

This one's for the ladies... Curious question... I've known plenty of woman who during a "girls night out" got a little buzzed and carried away and gave a quick blow job to someone... or me... and consider it pretty innocent flirting... So what do the ladies really think... Are BJs pretty tame innocent stuff?

If this is an honest opening question I surmise that you are a very stupid man for the painfully obvious reason.

 

[TwilightJ48]

I do think it's cheating....that being said it didn't stop me.

 

[Dream59]

It's a good guideline for you guys sweetie. What you're saying makes it sound like guilt relief to me..... And really, you can't tell what a diamond engagement ring and wedding band set looks like? And as far as the open relationship thing goes, if she doesn't advertise it just make the guess she's in a standard relationship.

If they take the ring off then you fit the "innocent bystander" statement I made earlier.... But if she's just drunk and getting over friendly, look for the ring and be a man about it......

Something that is worn over a long period of time, like a wedding band, will leave an indention in the fatty part of the finger. Also unless they are very pale, i.e. without a tan, they will have a white spot where the ring blocked the sun.

 

[Wyldfire]

A slight variation on this.....
A married guy, who is in a sexless marriage, decides to give, or get, a blow job from another guy, to avoid "cheating" ........any thoughts on this???
(PS not me, but I have heard of this happening).....

Yep, still cheating. Just bisexual cheating.......

 

[blkjames]

I would certainly consider a bj to be cheating. I've always figured that if your bf or spouse would be angry/crushed/hurt, then its cheating.

they way i look at,dont do anything that you wouldent what your sweety or sweetheart to do. fair is fair )

 

[blkjames]

I'm not a woman, but I've always felt that blowjobs were "sex", as is pussy eating. Oral sex is just that, sex. Unlike Bill Clinton, I figure any penetration of a female body orifice by a cock or tongue is a form of sex. If you consider "cheating" to be sex outside of a committed relationship, then, ergo, it is cheating. Perhaps some might not consider finger fucking or handjobs "sex", but I'd still think that a spouse or SO would not be happy to find out this was going on if it had not been agreed upon as part of the ground rules of the relationship.

I once heard someone say, "If you'd feel uncomfortable about having your wife/husband/SO know about it, it's probably something that's outside the bounds of what's right." I'm not sure too many women would expect to come home after a night out with the girls and tell their husband they sucked some guys cock any more than a lot of guys would come in the door after a night out with the boys and announce to his wife that he ate some womans pussy sitting on a bar stool.....unless of course you're both into that sort of thing.

its not sex,just ask a lot of hubbies that tell you that there wifes or gf will not suck them off)

 

[TheOlderGuy]

This one's for the ladies... Curious question... I've known plenty of woman who during a "girls night out" got a little buzzed and carried away and gave a quick blow job to someone... or me... and consider it pretty innocent flirting... So what do the ladies really think... Are BJs pretty tame innocent stuff?

"I did not have sex with that woman . . . "

 

[Emerson40]

This one's for the ladies... Curious question... I've known plenty of woman who during a "girls night out" got a little buzzed and carried away and gave a quick blow job to someone... or me... and consider it pretty innocent flirting... So what do the ladies really think... Are BJs pretty tame innocent stuff?

In response to all the post wondering about a "hidden agenda"... the genesis for the Q i posted was stumbling across the dancingbear.com website here on lit... Where apparently male strippers do office and bachelorette parties and the like... i was intrigued to see how many "respectable" gals, and ones with rings, seemed to having no problem giving a quick BJ to the male strippers... So thought i'd see what insights the post could reveal... And there were certainly plenty of women who "shied away" from the unwanted attention of said strippers... Just an explorative Q in female sexuality... What can i say... I have a curious mind...

Something smells odd here...
You went from knowing plenty of women who had a few drinks and blew some dudes, to fapping it to the dancing bear.

Riiiiight.

Quick job-aid for you Mr. Phun. If you have to ask if it is cheating, it probably is.

Everyone else's advice is good - do unto others, how would you feel if roles reversed, etc.
Anything else offered as exceptions or justification (sexless marriage, no more hummies from S/O, when I drink and fall on erect penises, etc) is just nonsense, some weak attempt to alleviate guilt, or a fine example of someone unable to take responsibility for their actions, decisions, and the role they play in the lifeless relationship they're involved in.

 

[SandraMustard]

For the un-informed, Dancing Bear is nothing but a company that produces videos for sale. The "parties" are staged with porn stars to do the sex. Think not? Try calling them to arrange a dancing bear guy for a party. Never happen, but they will sell you videos of "parties".

 

[Emerson40]

You mean there aren't real office parties every weekend, where respectable, professional, married women go completely cock-crazy when a male stripper shows up?
Next you're going to tell me everything on the internet isn't for reals

 

[subwannabe]

damn!

 

[Fagin]

This one's for the ladies... Curious question... I've known plenty of woman who during a "girls night out" got a little buzzed and carried away and gave a quick blow job to someone... or me... and consider it pretty innocent flirting... So what do the ladies really think... Are BJs pretty tame innocent stuff?

tame? not compared to flirting
innocent? no

ask your husband/bf. let him decide.

 

[CeasarBoobage]

For the un-informed, Dancing Bear is nothing but a company that produces videos for sale. The "parties" are staged with porn stars to do the sex. Think not? Try calling them to arrange a dancing bear guy for a party. Never happen, but they will sell you videos of "parties".

Too true, the majority of that stuff is pure fake stuff staged for stroke videos. However, I have heard of similar things happening on a small scale at 'ladies night' at seedy bars. Yes, heard first-hand from my wife.

I have also wondered the same thing as the reason the OP stated. It's not all just stories, I wanna know too.