Limerance

Interested in what techniques you used to get over it or did it just fade out? How long did it last? Any other details you might want to add

Great questions.

I'd say mine lasted about 3 years when it was strongest. Though I was definitely out fucking other women so I wasn't 100% fixated. I just thought she was a cut above the rest and wanted to know her carnally and romantically.

The most important thing I did to get past it was to make a move on her. I knew it would probably fail, and it did. But that's simply the best way to know if anything will happen. It didn't and we are still friends though we don't talk as much as before.

I do think there was interest on her part but simply not availability. She had a boyfriend. He was quite toxic but she at least stayed loyal while she was in it. But she had a way of, shall we say, encouraging our "connection." Not blaming her - just saying that she gave out signals.

Looking back I don't think it would have worked anyway. I've gone a number of months since wishing I could have a more concrete resolution, but it is what it is. The woman I have now makes more sense for me so things happened as they should.
 
Great questions.

I'd say mine lasted about 3 years when it was strongest. Though I was definitely out fucking other women so I wasn't 100% fixated. I just thought she was a cut above the rest and wanted to know her carnally and romantically.

The most important thing I did to get past it was to make a move on her. I knew it would probably fail, and it did. But that's simply the best way to know if anything will happen. It didn't and we are still friends though we don't talk as much as before.

I do think there was interest on her part but simply not availability. She had a boyfriend. He was quite toxic but she at least stayed loyal while she was in it. But she had a way of, shall we say, encouraging our "connection." Not blaming her - just saying that she gave out signals.

Looking back I don't think it would have worked anyway. I've gone a number of months since wishing I could have a more concrete resolution, but it is what it is. The woman I have now makes more sense for me so things happened as they should.
Mine lasted a lot longer and we were lovers of sorts. We both married other people, and were in touch for many years.
 
I'm still recovering. I've noticed that whenever I think I am over it, she starts e-mailing again. But I haven't heard from her in 18 months or so and I am determined not to reply if I hear from her
WOW, I’m in a very similar situation and it was all because of my hyper sexual behavior. I was at lunch with her years ago as friends and past coworkers and I just told her I had a crush on her. I was married. She turned me down for weeks then gave into my hints.
 
WOW, I’m in a very similar situation and it was all because of my hyper sexual behavior. I was at lunch with her years ago as friends and past coworkers and I just told her I had a crush on her. I was married. She turned me down for weeks then gave into my hints.
When we first met we were both single and I asked her to marry me several times. She always said no. I was very young and inexperienced back then and she ultimately married a much older man, so I think that's what she was looking for. I have often got her out of my thoughts but that's seems to be when she pops up again. Did you sleep with yours? PM me if you like.
 
My sister was my first love and the woman I always wanted to marry.

Never told her. Never acted on it. Is still the woman of my best dreams.

I'm married with kids. Happy.
She's married with kids. Happy.
We see each other all the time.

But she's still the love of my life. My greatest curse and blessing in this life was that I was born as her brother, forbidden from loving and taking care of her the way that I wished. But I love her the way I'm allowed to, cherish her kids and husband and treat her the way I'm expected to. I'm happy to see her happy but heartbroken that it's not with me. She's the most beautiful woman on this planet inside and out.

She's probably will remain my lifelong limerant object.

If there's a Heaven I'll ask to be put back into a world where she's my sister and marrying your sister is allowed.
 
My sister was my first love and the woman I always wanted to marry.

Never told her. Never acted on it. Is still the woman of my best dreams.

I'm married with kids. Happy.
She's married with kids. Happy.
We see each other all the time.

But she's still the love of my life. My greatest curse and blessing in this life was that I was born as her brother, forbidden from loving and taking care of her the way that I wished. But I love her the way I'm allowed to, cherish her kids and husband and treat her the way I'm expected to. I'm happy to see her happy but heartbroken that it's not with me. She's the most beautiful woman on this planet inside and out.

She's probably will remain my lifelong limerant object.

If there's a Heaven I'll ask to be put back into a world where she's my sister and marrying your sister is allowed.
Something to consider: Do you want to get over it and the pain or will it leave a hole in your life?
 
Something to consider: Do you want to get over it and the pain or will it leave a hole in your life?
I've read a ton of books on getting over limerance. Nothing will work for me.

It's kind of OK. I'm made my peace with it and just enjoy my life. I have too much to be grateful for.
 
I've read a ton of books on getting over limerance. Nothing will work for me.

It's kind of OK. I'm made my peace with it and just enjoy my life. I have too much to be grateful for.
Perhaps you never get over it -- but it stops dominating your fantasies and your life
 

That is up to you. You took your shot and it didn't happen. We weren't meant to be with everyone who attracts us.

But at the same time it's no reason to punish yourself or feel bad - not sure if you are or not but you seem determined to be rid of these feelings. It's not something to be forced but an opportunity to learn and grow. My recommendation is to accept whatever you're feeling in the moment but also dismiss the feeling so as not to dwell on it.
 
That is up to you. You took your shot and it didn't happen. We weren't meant to be with everyone who attracts us.

But at the same time it's no reason to punish yourself or feel bad - not sure if you are or not but you seem determined to be rid of these feelings. It's not something to be forced but an opportunity to learn and grow. My recommendation is to accept whatever you're feeling in the moment but also dismiss the feeling so as not to dwell on it.
mine has been going on for decades. time to end it.
 
Question for the limerent. Do you torment yourself by watching movies with a start who looks like your limerent object.
 
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