Living in a D/s relationship 24/7

[Ravenwind]

For my Husband and I, it works out well. For me, it's really no different than striving to be "the ideal wife"- make sure his needs are satisfied before mine (unless my needs are an absolute prerequisite to meeting his... can't mend socks in the dark, so to speak). That being said, I'm service-oriented, as opposed to the bratty or doormat types, so your mileage may vary. I don't have to be punished, trained, or micromanaged 24/7, as I get my pleasure from seeing him pleased... failing in my duties to see him happy, and my subsequent guilt at seeing him unhappy, is punishment enough for me to change.

That being said, I could imagine it being tiresome to live 24/7 with a brat, if you're not so inclined to appreciate a brat. I would have to echo what Netzach said. Keep him in his own place, but a short distance from you. In the meantime, train him in such a way that he lives up to your expectations of him. Only then take time to consider making it 24/7. As it stands, his brattiness would only wear you out... break him of it, and mold him into being your ideal sub, before 24/7 even becomes an option.

 

[Etoile]

There is so much smart in this thread, I can't think of anything to add.

 

[Bette_coquette]

I may have shed him in an unfair light. He is very service oriented and I'm trying to remember when he's been a brat to me other than the other evening. His goal, which he expresses in both words and deeds, is to please me. Whether he's cooking for me (and wearing my flowery apron which embarrasses him no end), fixing something in the house or drinking in my cum, he's made it very clear that he wants nothing more than to please me, pleasure me, and do as he's told. We have a fun time together when "out on the town" or doing everyday, normal activities.

Maybe it's the fact that the first blush hasn't worn off and if I could preserve that, I would.

 

[Netzach]

I may have shed him in an unfair light. He is very service oriented and I'm trying to remember when he's been a brat to me other than the other evening. His goal, which he expresses in both words and deeds, is to please me. Whether he's cooking for me (and wearing my flowery apron which embarrasses him no end), fixing something in the house or drinking in my cum, he's made it very clear that he wants nothing more than to please me, pleasure me, and do as he's told. We have a fun time together when "out on the town" or doing everyday, normal activities.

Maybe it's the fact that the first blush hasn't worn off and if I could preserve that, I would.

So why is the prospect of this exhausting? Other than maybe you're just a very private person who doesn't want a roomate even a great one?

 

[shamegirl]

On either the sub or the Dom side I'd find such a relationship exhausting. Though I've never met anyone in a 24/7 BDSM relationship. I'd worry bout it running out of steam, also it seems to be putting sex as the pivotal point of the relationship. I realise this is not going to be the case in all such relationships, but it's a concern I would have.
Good luck with it.

 

[CutieMouse]

On either the sub or the Dom side I'd find such a relationship exhausting. Though I've never met anyone in a 24/7 BDSM relationship. I'd worry bout it running out of steam, also it seems to be putting sex as the pivotal point of the relationship. I realise this is not going to be the case in all such relationships, but it's a concern I would have.
Good luck with it.

Except if you view D/s relationships as being more than sexual. At that point (IMO) it isn't significantly different than any live in relationship. And at that point it becomes a compatibility thing, not a D/s thing, and no more or less exhausting than any cohabitating issue.

 

[eastern sun]

It's only exhausting, in my experience, if you try to live at a fever pitch all the time. And since, for some people, these relationships involve the release of adrenalin, it does in fact become unsustainable over long periods of time at certain levels of play.

If your partner is willing to modulate his excitement levels while he's with you, without making you feel like you're letting him down, then you have a better chance of sustaining the relationship 24/7. Not everyone wants to live submission at the very mundane levels we often think of as "boring" or (god forbid) "work."

Neither does every dominant want to have to generate energy just because their submissive is in the room.

 

[Netzach]

It's only exhausting, in my experience, if you try to live at a fever pitch all the time. And since, for some people, these relationships involve the release of adrenalin, it does in fact become unsustainable over long periods of time at certain levels of play.

If your partner is willing to modulate his excitement levels while he's with you, without making you feel like you're letting him down, then you have a better chance of sustaining the relationship 24/7. Not everyone wants to live submission at the very mundane levels we often think of as "boring" or (god forbid) "work."

Neither does every dominant want to have to generate energy just because their submissive is in the room.

This is what I was trying to articulate. It seems like Bette's dude has given her, in his enthusiasm, reason to think he may want levels of energy that she can't sustain. This could be reality, or it could be a misplaced concern on her part in a gap between what he's doing and her interpretation, and addressing it with the partner in question is the only way to know if it's imagined or cause for alarm.

 

[Bette_coquette]

Except if you view D/s relationships as being more than sexual. At that point (IMO) it isn't significantly different than any live in relationship. And at that point it becomes a compatibility thing, not a D/s thing, and no more or less exhausting than any cohabitating issue.

I absolutely view it as more than sexual. I enjoy being a part of a couple. If I had to be dominant in all things, even deciding what he can order for dinner, I'd be so done with it at the end of 6 months.

It's only exhausting, in my experience, if you try to live at a fever pitch all the time. And since, for some people, these relationships involve the release of adrenalin, it does in fact become unsustainable over long periods of time at certain levels of play.

If your partner is willing to modulate his excitement levels while he's with you, without making you feel like you're letting him down, then you have a better chance of sustaining the relationship 24/7. Not everyone wants to live submission at the very mundane levels we often think of as "boring" or (god forbid) "work."

Neither does every dominant want to have to generate energy just because their submissive is in the room.

I believe this is what I need to learn. My submissive and I have spent a lot of time together doing some mundane yet fun things. He and I have talked about living life in the D/s world 24 hours a day versus on occasion or when it suits me or whatever. We haven't fully defined that at this point. I made it clear to him that I didn't think I could handle a D/s lifestyle 24 hours a day, but there is no question I enjoy a dominant role and he enjoys a submissive role. I don't want him to have expectations that every evening when we walk in the door from work I'm going to switch on the Domme persona and leave it in place until I go to work again.

I'm not writing any of this very well, but I'm hopeful some of you will understand where my concerns lie.

This is what I was trying to articulate. It seems like Bette's dude has given her, in his enthusiasm, reason to think he may want levels of energy that she can't sustain. This could be reality, or it could be a misplaced concern on her part in a gap between what he's doing and her interpretation, and addressing it with the partner in question is the only way to know if it's imagined or cause for alarm.

Yes, yes, and yes. This thread has made clear to me what concerns I need to bring to the table with him, what questions to ask of him, and what exactly I'm looking for in a relationship should we choose to at some point take this to another level.

He is very important to me and I think because of that I might be interpreting him incorrectly.

I am very grateful to all who have offered your insights. This is extremely helpful to me.