Lowered Eyes
- Thread starter MsWorthy
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SpectreT
Knight in Tarnished Armor
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There's another element to it; I've posted it either elsewhere here on Lit, or another forum.
It's an atavistic thing. Certain body language cues that are considered normal in humans are not found in other species, especially in other primate species.
Eye contact is a challenge, plain and simple. In the rest of the primate world, it's the equivalent of walking right up to someone, shoving them around and yelling at them, trying to pick a fight. I think that's another large part of why I don't do it that often, and have to force myself to do it generally.
Baring teeth when you smile is an intimidation tactic (though scientists currently believe our smile is related to the "fear grimace" of the chimpanzee), basically, you're showing your weapons. Another thing I never do. Maybe I really am a throwback.
It's an atavistic thing. Certain body language cues that are considered normal in humans are not found in other species, especially in other primate species.
Eye contact is a challenge, plain and simple. In the rest of the primate world, it's the equivalent of walking right up to someone, shoving them around and yelling at them, trying to pick a fight. I think that's another large part of why I don't do it that often, and have to force myself to do it generally.
Baring teeth when you smile is an intimidation tactic (though scientists currently believe our smile is related to the "fear grimace" of the chimpanzee), basically, you're showing your weapons. Another thing I never do. Maybe I really am a throwback.
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FurryFury
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I generally see meeting a person's eyes as saying, "Yes, I see you, I respect you, I'm paying attention to you, I hear you."
I generally see smiling at saying "all is well, relax, enjoy, here is a present for you in your day, and I mean you no harm." I've trained myself to make smiling my habitual / default expression.
Fury
I generally see smiling at saying "all is well, relax, enjoy, here is a present for you in your day, and I mean you no harm." I've trained myself to make smiling my habitual / default expression.
Fury
bustyblondebombshell
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I'm of the mind that I would rather not look Sir in the eyes, because I see a look of love wash over him, and I know from seeing that love I can walk all over him if I need to....
He says He likes to look into my eyes, but I can't help but look to the ground.... I find His looks very intense.
I hope He doesn't mind me saying, but He did mention that He enjoyed using the blindfold because He didn't have to fall in love with my soul every time He looked at me...
Bless Him
He says He likes to look into my eyes, but I can't help but look to the ground.... I find His looks very intense.
I hope He doesn't mind me saying, but He did mention that He enjoyed using the blindfold because He didn't have to fall in love with my soul every time He looked at me...
Bless Him
FurryFury
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bustyblondebombshell said:I'm of the mind that I would rather not look Sir in the eyes, because I see a look of love wash over him, and I know from seeing that love I can walk all over him if I need to....
He says He likes to look into my eyes, but I can't help but look to the ground.... I find His looks very intense.
I hope He doesn't mind me saying, but He did mention that He enjoyed using the blindfold because He didn't have to fall in love with my soul every time He looked at me...
Bless Him
That's so sweet!
Fury
serijules
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The only time I lower my eyes is when ordered to, and I am often being disciplined when told to (kneel and lower your eyes until I say otherwise), or often I am told to close them and not open until she says so.
Being I am deaf and read lips, I can't just lower my eyes on my own whim to help my headspace, although I think I would probably have a habit of doing so if it were possible for me to do so and still know what was going on around me. Since it isn't possible, I rarely lower my eyes.
Being I am deaf and read lips, I can't just lower my eyes on my own whim to help my headspace, although I think I would probably have a habit of doing so if it were possible for me to do so and still know what was going on around me. Since it isn't possible, I rarely lower my eyes.
Netzach
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I think this is in our lizard brain, because I've never demanded or ordered it, or very rarely have I...but inevitably I move a sub along from....pleasant dialogue...to nervous smiles...to his eyes on my shoes.
Then it's fun to do "Do me the courtesy of looking at me while I am instructing you!" And you get really great nervousness then.
Then it's fun to do "Do me the courtesy of looking at me while I am instructing you!" And you get really great nervousness then.
IsabellaSnow
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MsWorthy said:
If I'm initiating, I'm all about eye contact. Lowered lashes, mind you, but I'm all about eye contact.
Once someone else takes over, it somehow becomes very natural to look down, though I do like being forced to look back up.
BiBunny
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Looking anyone in the eyes for longer than just a split second has always made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Master, however, loves my eyes. He doesn't like when I look away from him and often lifts my chin to force me to look at him. I swear, he looks right down inside me and sees everything! This is why I like blindfolds. 
Soumis
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Gotta love blindfolds...
I don't mind making eye contact with someone for a moment, to show I'm listening, paying attention, greeting, etc, but I hate maintaining eye contact beyond that second required. This is worse with people who I find dominant, both within the lifestyle and out. It's discomforting. As odd as it is, the feeling reminds me of the fight or flight response. I'm not comfortable with most people seeing how vulnerable eye contact makes me feel. And forcing eye contact...that's enough to undo me.
I don't mind making eye contact with someone for a moment, to show I'm listening, paying attention, greeting, etc, but I hate maintaining eye contact beyond that second required. This is worse with people who I find dominant, both within the lifestyle and out. It's discomforting. As odd as it is, the feeling reminds me of the fight or flight response. I'm not comfortable with most people seeing how vulnerable eye contact makes me feel. And forcing eye contact...that's enough to undo me.
mickyp123
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The eyes can say so much, looking away as well as eye to eye contact, so why miss it, however wearing a blindfold certainly has its merits, as well as headphones.
Its like when you are people watching, the eyes give away so much body language, imagine trying to chat someone up when there wearing dark glasses so you can't see their eyes lol
Its like when you are people watching, the eyes give away so much body language, imagine trying to chat someone up when there wearing dark glasses so you can't see their eyes lol
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sullivan96
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eyes down
yeah but it's always fun to say "eyes down" abruptly and watch the lady put her head forward, the way their shoulders sink is really erotic
yeah but it's always fun to say "eyes down" abruptly and watch the lady put her head forward, the way their shoulders sink is really erotic
mickyp123
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FurryFury said:I've never been asked to lower my eyes but I often do when I'm feeling shy.
*blushes*
One might want to check to make sure I'm not looking for a weapon though. Hehehe.
Fury
Shy, and Fury, words not often found together
the captians wench
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I am quite shy, and I tend to keep my head half bowed, eyes lowered and a slight smile on my face all framed well with blushed cheeks. I can't help it, it's a reflex when I'm in a new situation. And the first few play sessions with a new partner always ended up with me with that expression. And I know that's how Master will find his little slut when he first greats her. The funny thing is that I don't really feel nervous, and I'm usually still very quick and unhesatant towards commands given to me. I'm just very quiet, blushed, and keep my head in a half bow. I've been told it's quite cute.
woodenspatulas
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bustyblondebombshell said:I'm of the mind that I would rather not look Sir in the eyes, because I see a look of love wash over him, and I know from seeing that love I can walk all over him if I need to....
He says He likes to look into my eyes, but I can't help but look to the ground.... I find His looks very intense.
I hope He doesn't mind me saying, but He did mention that He enjoyed using the blindfold because He didn't have to fall in love with my soul every time He looked at me...
Bless Him
I dont mind you saying that, afterall its true!
Kailey_86
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Sir doesn't want me to look Him in the eye. It can be difficult for me though because i am very used to looking people straight in the eye. i was taught to do it all my life. It helps me read people. You can tell a lot by looking someone in the eye IMO. Are they telling the truth? What are they feeling? What might they be thinking?
i think that looking away is a sign of respect first of all. i also think that it has to do with power. i get a sense of power when i look someone in the eye and i am sure Sir feels the same way. i feel more submissive by having to look away.
i think that looking away is a sign of respect first of all. i also think that it has to do with power. i get a sense of power when i look someone in the eye and i am sure Sir feels the same way. i feel more submissive by having to look away.
neonflux
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I have been reading this thread with interest, greatly enjoying everyone's posts. For me, eye contact is so important to creating connection that I cannot imagine anything on the continuum from vanilla sex to straight S/m play without it. Deep, constant eye-contact makes the experience with a lover or play partner so much more intense for me.
Like several others who have already posted, when I am subbing, my first instinct is to lower my eyes. However, about the only thing that will really get me into sub space (very difficult for me) is having intense eye contact with my Top combined with some type of mild edge play (breath, sharp/cutting objects).
I am finding that when I Top in a planned vs. spontaneous scene, I love starting with the "ceremony" of having my sub kneeling, head bowed as s/he is collared. But during the interaction, I crave eye contact. It gives me a sense of what s/he is feeling, and contributes to my own sense of power - I have started to command my kink partner to lift his head, or I lift it myself (crops!).
Or maybe it's always been a matter of D/s with mammals? Don't herd and pack animals also lower their heads to "show submission" to an animal who is higher on the social ladder? It certainly also seems that staring is a way to establish dominance among the same species??? Just a thought.
Also, aren't there are many human cultures which view eye contact in the same way - as either a sign of aggression or perhaps not "submission" but respect - have lived in two such countries - japan and mexico.
Neon
Like several others who have already posted, when I am subbing, my first instinct is to lower my eyes. However, about the only thing that will really get me into sub space (very difficult for me) is having intense eye contact with my Top combined with some type of mild edge play (breath, sharp/cutting objects).
I am finding that when I Top in a planned vs. spontaneous scene, I love starting with the "ceremony" of having my sub kneeling, head bowed as s/he is collared. But during the interaction, I crave eye contact. It gives me a sense of what s/he is feeling, and contributes to my own sense of power - I have started to command my kink partner to lift his head, or I lift it myself (crops!).
Or, maybe you just understand truly "natural" human behavior better?SpectreT said:
Or maybe it's always been a matter of D/s with mammals? Don't herd and pack animals also lower their heads to "show submission" to an animal who is higher on the social ladder? It certainly also seems that staring is a way to establish dominance among the same species??? Just a thought.
Also, aren't there are many human cultures which view eye contact in the same way - as either a sign of aggression or perhaps not "submission" but respect - have lived in two such countries - japan and mexico.
Neon
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esclave_PP
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MsWorthy said:
Interesting question. Master likes to look at my eyes when we play, mostly to read me, and make sure I am all right - but we do a lot of edge play. When we first met, I wasn't able to meet his eyes very easily but now I can, and sure, if told you can't it does increase the feeling of submissiveness in me, much like a blindfold would. If you read a lot of BDSM erotica (and I do lol) you always read how the sub has her eyes lowered. Not all Dominants like that and then again some do. I think each Dominant has their own set of rules and what they like.
