Masturbation and double standards

[Ebonyfire]

Anyway, I think the nub of it is you either learn to trust him enough to let him make you cum, or get a new man if he can't deliver the goods.

There is the fallacy. No man (or anyone else) can make you cum.

You have to allow yourself to cum.

Women learn to orgasm through different masturbatory patterns.
Many women need direct stimulation to cum. It is not bad, it is not good, it just is the way it is.

You can retrain you masturbatory patterns, but the need for direct stimulation may not change.

There is nothing wrong with you or any other woman who needs to cum this way. Men need to realize that they cannot fix what is not broken.

Each woman is different. Men just need to learn to deal with these differences.. yes, that means you Doms too.

In short, Doms need to find out how womens' bodies work.

Ebony

 

[Freya]

I have to agree with Ebony. No matter how skilled the man, he won't make you cum unless you allow it to happen. You need to resolve the trust issues you have, or find a man who you can learn to trust. I know, from personal experience, that it requires a hell of a lot of trust given out to be able to let yourself go to that extent - especially if it's not something you've done before with a man.

 

[Lancecastor]

I think we're saying the same thing, Eb, as is Freya.

What I'm suggesting is for Nemo to also allow herself to come via the touch of her man.

My guess is they'd both enjoy that.



L

There is the fallacy. No man (or anyone else) can make you cum.

You have to allow yourself to cum.

Women learn to orgasm through different masturbatory patterns.
Many women need direct stimulation to cum. It is not bad, it is not good, it just is the way it is.

You can retrain you masturbatory patterns, but the need for direct stimulation may not change.

There is nothing wrong with you or any other woman who needs to cum this way. Men need to realize that they cannot fix what is not broken.

Each woman is different. Men just need to learn to deal with these differences.. yes, that means you Doms too.

In short, Doms need to find out how womens' bodies work.

Ebony

 

[NemoAlia]

Thanks, y'all!

We now return you to your regularly-scheduled thread...

 

[cellis]

Yes... all good points in response to Cirrus' question.

May I throw in my own question, on a similar topic?

Many people are drawing distinctions between partnered sex and masturbation. What about those of us who can only have orgasms via masturbation? I really would like to allow myself to experience pleasure at someone else's hands, but I have never succeeded in achieving orgasm without intervening on my own behalf. For me, this blurs the distinction between masturbation and partnered sex.

The thing is, my current partner feels like he loses his involvement if I have to take over the clit-rubbing in mid-coitus. So... no masturbation. But this results in orgasm denial ALL THE TIME -- which is not a rule in our relationship.

Of course, now that I've explained my situation, I'm not sure that I really have a clear question to ask. I suppose the most concise version would be:

Suggestions, anyone?

I think we talked about this in a couple of threads before and I know that I had this problem in the past. Himself kept telling me that it was all in my head, that we condition ourselves to come in certain positions or with or without certain devises.

I did not believe Him at first, but gradually over the course of a year I have learned to come sitting up, on my stomach and with Him masturbating me... all of these things I could not do a year ago.

I think it just takes time and trust in your partner.

 

[Peter2002]

A double yes, of course

It's always nice to be asked. And I have to admit that I particularly enjoy administering correction when she fesses up that she proceeded without permission.

 

[SexyChele]

Yes... all good points in response to Cirrus' question.

May I throw in my own question, on a similar topic?

Many people are drawing distinctions between partnered sex and masturbation. What about those of us who can only have orgasms via masturbation? I really would like to allow myself to experience pleasure at someone else's hands, but I have never succeeded in achieving orgasm without intervening on my own behalf. For me, this blurs the distinction between masturbation and partnered sex.

The thing is, my current partner feels like he loses his involvement if I have to take over the clit-rubbing in mid-coitus. So... no masturbation. But this results in orgasm denial ALL THE TIME -- which is not a rule in our relationship.

Of course, now that I've explained my situation, I'm not sure that I really have a clear question to ask. I suppose the most concise version would be:

Suggestions, anyone?

Well, I believe I have a few more years on you, and I've been getting myself off for all but the first 11 years of my life. I've had more sexual partners than I could care to count - both bad and good. And there has only ever been one man who could bring me to orgasm. Was it "trust"? I really don't think so. I dated one man for 7 years, knew him backwards and forwards, upside down, rightside up. Sex was enjoyable, but he never got me off.

At first, I really thought there was something wrong with me. Men have a tendency to make a woman feel that way when the woman is young and they are frustrated that their attempts are "failing". Went through many years of feeling inadequate, and it was no fun. Then, in my 30s, I truly began to learn about my body and what worked for it.

Simply? While I am multi-orgasmic, it takes a hell of a long time for that first one to happen. And most men tire out somewhere around the mid-way point. Now that I understand how my body works, it doesn't bother me. For me, sex can be just as enjoyable, just as fulfilling, just as wonderful without the big "O". While I usually end up having to reassure a new partner that all is well, I've discovered that most of the time, they come to accept that I truly do understand who I am and that I know, better than they do, just how my body will respond, or not respond.

Each woman is different. Each woman's body reacts differently to different things. I think EB has the right direction. Just as I am not responsible for my partner's orgasm, neither is he responsible for mine. We can help each other along, but ultimately we are our own people.

Oh, and "trick" for me? Relaxation and a man willing to "go at it" for more than 45 minutes. Yes, that first Dom was precious and unforgettable for that alone.

 

[maddi]

re: suggestions?

My master/husband now had a really hard time getting me off in the beginning. I had to teach him. And *lancecastor* had great advice, in fact a professional gave me the exact advice he gave you.

It was really slow but we started really slow by getting the touch right and then he went from there. Also he read up on different techniques that he learned and found a completely different way to get me off I could never do by myself - I don't think I could ever be that flexible - and I loved it.

I agree if you keep doing it yourself, One you will always feel that you will never find someone who can satisfy you or two, many good partners will pass you by because they will feel inadequate.

We still are working on stuff like my cumming faster -that sound funny I know - and I am teaching him to engage my head more with words so that the organs in question are primed and ready to go.

Usually after a long business trip like this one - over 20 days - I am ready for release.

I hope some of this helps

maddi

** edited to fix his name

 

[lorddragonwolf]

i have to say yes to both. limiting your slave to masterbating only with your permission should be set up from the begining.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Yes... all good points in response to Cirrus' question.

May I throw in my own question, on a similar topic?

Many people are drawing distinctions between partnered sex and masturbation. What about those of us who can only have orgasms via masturbation? I really would like to allow myself to experience pleasure at someone else's hands, but I have never succeeded in achieving orgasm without intervening on my own behalf. For me, this blurs the distinction between masturbation and partnered sex.

The thing is, my current partner feels like he loses his involvement if I have to take over the clit-rubbing in mid-coitus. So... no masturbation. But this results in orgasm denial ALL THE TIME -- which is not a rule in our relationship.

Of course, now that I've explained my situation, I'm not sure that I really have a clear question to ask. I suppose the most concise version would be:

Suggestions, anyone?

Funny, it was just such a woman who first made me conscious of my psychosexuality. Until her, I'd always been torn between my innate desire to fuck whoever it was I was fucking as if they were nothing but a piece of meat and my in-bred (or perhaps also partly innate) desire to be a good little boy and make women bust nuts. This had caused internal strife and sexual problems for me. She was the one who said, "it isn't going to happen, just stop worrying, grab my hair and pound me like you want to". This was extremely freeing, and she eventually learned to get off as I was fucking her by rubbing her own clit.

Her best thing was to lie back after I was done with her body and jack off as I lay beside her with my hand up her pussy, whipering in her ear about what a useless little cunt she was. That gave her big comes.

 

[sluttygirl4u22]

I would have to say yes it is ok to masturbate when in a relationship, I think if I was in one now He would request i do so as to not bug him so much hehe, i have a high sex drive, and although I have never been with a Dom my ex bf used to tell me it was too much, but he did restrict me for a week as well and I pounced on him as soon as i saw him. was his own fault i made him tired that night