Measuring limits

[Pure]

I have no problem with the 'barriers' approach. I'd call it 'legal constraints.' No serious bodily harm, or exposure to disease, endangerment of life (or loss of life, obviously). These are on top of obtaining and observing 'consent'-- and in case of conflict, these supersede, take priority over, consent (since consent to serious bodily harm is legally meaningless).

If you add to that, not to inflict what would be a serious, lasting, mental trauma (or reactivation of one), that's pretty much the commonsense 'barriers.'

Roughly speaking, all else is a matter of taste.

My view already stated, is that signals from the sub can help the dom/me know about approaching these
barriers, but reliance on safeword commands, esp. with strangers, in the absence of proof of the alleged dom/mes trustworthiness and appreciation of said 'barriers' is foolish.

J.

 

[DiannaVesta]

It is my humble opinion that limits are maleable. What is unbearable one moment is tame the next if you're brought back up to that point slowly, and steadilly enough. I don't know if this is what everyone is talking about when they refer to "pushing limits", but I'll work with that assumption untill somebody bitches.
I'd like to differentiate between limits, and barriers. The former is a matter of tolerance. This can be increased simply by gradually increasing the sub-limit dosage. A barrier is something that should never be pushed, or violated. To do so is abuse, plain, and simple.

I agree that limits are somewhat paradoxical… we all have good days and bad. Everything is a factor when it comes to tactile sensation. Moods, hormones, drugs or even the weather, for that matter. Lol

I once wrote an article about the ritual of BDSM. A bunch of dominant women claimed that they didn’t need to dress in leather and garb to impress & dominate. This is very true, for the most part, however, in my article I spoke about the preparation ritual as being foreplay in any scene. The Domina “becomes” her alter through a type of ritual. How she feels about herself…how she looks, smells, etc. It’s taken a step further by the ambience of the room… candles, scents & music.

I’m not sure I understand barrier verses limits. Not all people understand what their limits are, much less their barriers. Regardless, the bottom line is that we “choose” to walk the path and we accept the responsibility of our actions. Everyone has an agenda & their own definition of what that means. That’s the reality and none of make the rules.

I am wiccan/pagan and we live by a three fold law. It’s sort of like karma. I believe that the situations your in are the ones you have called into your life - good or bad…doesn’t really matter. It’s all a process of growth and one deserving of careful introspection. I can look back on my life and experiences and say, “Wow, I’ve been really fucked over & hurt.” Or I can take it all with a grain of salt and understand that it’s all of that which has made me the woman I am today. My point is that it’s all about perception. I’m not afraid to dive into hell, hurt myself or hurt someone else, walking a very dark path, as long as it’s constructive. It’s all a risk and if you find yourself analyzing it too much, you’ll be missing all the fun!

HEY EVERYONE- PLEASE PLEASE get my name right! Lol- This is the first forum I’ve ever been to where so many people misspell my name. It’s Dianna Vesta – Some call me Goddess Dianna Vesta. Thank you.

Pure, I heard you had trouble registering at Other Sex. Please feel free to email us if you have any trouble and we’ll try and help. We don’t appear to be having any trouble. If you’re using an old browser you may have some errors. tfngroup@yahoo.com is customer service.

Anyhow, as to holistic approach to bdsm/ trauma related issues… I often battle with the holistic- medicine. This is a very sensitive topic for me. In my perception we’ve spend the last 200 years listening to a patriarchal society that had lied to us, mislead us and in fact harmed us. I’m more an eclectic Jungian type. I’m more apt to step outside consensus and investigate new possibilities. There’s always a evaluation risk but if you think about it, how many fucking@ drugs they’ve allowed on the market then pulled because they killed people? Nothing in life is certain. I know at least two therapists right now, one personally, who consults with me! I have been involved with herbals, essential and healing for many moons. I have several doctors who talk to me and get alternate advice.

At the same time I worry about people who embark on an uncertain journey that taints them forever, yet at the same time, I must question an even larger force that made that happen in the first place.

Before I write a book about this I’m going to stop! Lol

This is a great topic for Other Sex. I’m going to post it there too.

Thanks,
Dianna Vesta

 

[catalina_francisco]

Bump!!

 

[Perpetual_Edge]

It's quite simple to me. If your partner's personality is more routine and predictable, then this person would probably be fine if things went on "auto-pilot" for a while. Other people seem to need constant change but it can be exhausting to be in charge of that. Um, that would be me. I can tell if things need to be taken up a notch or two.......I get bored! If you are bored, then your partner probably is too. Pick partner's who are similar in personality. Are you happy with grilled chicken 3 nights a week? However, you might be one of those who want their taste buds to explode. Find people who are like you. The sub/domme thing will work itself out. Like I said, if my partner is compatible with me, I'll know if I need to spark things up because I will feel it too.

.........Or, you could always just ASK !
"Honey, I'm bored out of my mind. I think I am going to take things up a notch or two one of these nights. How do you feel about that? Oh, really? Well, too bad!"

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Great find of a thread to bump, cat.

To Me, I am usually looking at ways to push limits. With our LD expierence I ahve a strong idea of what she is comfortable with, and what she isn't at least in theory. When it came time for My trip back there a few months back, I started fairly simple and pushed a bit. This time I plan to push more in different ways. And once the move happens, I will be consistently looking at ways to push, especially when things feel too comfortable.

I guess that it really comes down to the Dom knowing their sub.