butters
High on a Hill
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Try doing while working a hundred hours a week as well, see how you go
hang on *counts how many hours there are in a week....*
Meet Mable
- Thread starter darkmaas
- Start date
hang on *counts how many hours there are in a week....*
hang on *counts how many hours there are in a week....*
worst has been 122hours in one week, the joys of having your own business.
butters
High on a Hill
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i only hope you pay yourself enough overtime, though it would seem many people working their own business work far longer for far less than they'd be prepared to for anyone else.
get some sleep, dude! 
In my mind this Mabel is a cheating adulteress and the phone call from her worried partner phone on silent so there are no interruption
danielblue
Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 16, 2003
- Posts
- 37
Meet Mable
Quite able
To reduce men to quivering wrecks. With her bad-ass attitude and killer heels she hold all the power
At her feet they grovel and snivel,imploring with hungry eyes; tongue-tied as if they were in the tower
Of babel
Quite able
To reduce men to quivering wrecks. With her bad-ass attitude and killer heels she hold all the power
At her feet they grovel and snivel,imploring with hungry eyes; tongue-tied as if they were in the tower
Of babel
twelveoone
ground zero
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- Mar 13, 2004
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- 5,882
Mabel had passed out on the coaster, after thoughtfully draining her glass, and gracefully displayed the cleavage of her full ass. Hastily, a tootsie roll was unwrapped and stuffed into her pants. And then I noticed the table was made out of maple and cracked, and I thought somewhere there is a poem in all of this shit: Mabel/table/maple and crack, but I'll be damned if I know where it is. So fuck it, it's the prose that b... loves to loathe.
UnderYourSpell
Gerund Whore
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- May 20, 2007
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I see her as a femme fatale (but never a whore) with many lovers who visit her boudoir bringing with them exquisite and expensive trinkets which only go on display when they are the visitor of choice. Daddy made his millions and left her everything so she fills her time as and how she wants with occasional gratification on her terms
champagne1982
Dangerous Liaison
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- Aug 31, 2002
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we have a "poetry under construction" thread you could use to post these first drafts on and then work on them as the mood hitsTry doing while working a hundred hours a week as well, see how you go
Thanks champagne, I might take that seriously that way you aren't so bombarded with 5 minute jobs.
butters
High on a Hill
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interesting take on it. this is what i'd hoped for, i suppose: seeing where others took this in their own heads
sounds like jersey shore does narnia
there's depth, though, to this - and it takes me away from narnia and into birds' eye maple, the surreality of the visuals, a table full of eyes, crack-induced, the tootsie roll. you sick bastard
wickedly imaginative, harsh and unapologetic, and that's without your social commentary on mabel - ill-met by candid-light.will the real mable please stand up, please stand up.... love the different paths this opened up for readers.
Rogueslady
Not feeling sexy at all.
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- May 6, 2013
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just thought I would take
and drop in to see
what I could read and make
will come back when I am more free.
and drop in to see
what I could read and make
will come back when I am more free.
Meet Mable
A tad wacky,
laid back, funky, modern,
cute but no glamour,
she shines, bubbly and bright.
below the surface a
tumultuous tension,
blue eyes burn and betray
as she seeks solace and soothing
from a married man,
she can almost hear the tutting
of her mother,
while she waits to wed another
A tad wacky,
laid back, funky, modern,
cute but no glamour,
she shines, bubbly and bright.
below the surface a
tumultuous tension,
blue eyes burn and betray
as she seeks solace and soothing
from a married man,
she can almost hear the tutting
of her mother,
while she waits to wed another
Rogueslady
Not feeling sexy at all.
- Joined
- May 6, 2013
- Posts
- 12,693
Meet Mable
she is a mother of four,
she loves putting the horse in the stable,
shy she seems but she is so much more.
she is a mother of four,
she loves putting the horse in the stable,
shy she seems but she is so much more.
Not bad first go at it. You leave all the imagery to the reader but give them a horse, a stable and a woman to create in their own way, could maybe lose a couple of words that don't add i.e it is implied mable is female with the term mother
So to simplify for it to read smoother try dropping the she's out in the first two lines
Rogueslady
Not feeling sexy at all.
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- May 6, 2013
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thank you do you mean like this?:Not bad first go at it. You leave all the imagery to the reader but give them a horse, a stable and a woman to create in their own way, could maybe lose a couple of words that don't add i.e it is implied mable is female with the term mother
So to simplify for it to read smoother try dropping the she's out in the first two lines
Meet Mable
mother of four,
loves putting the horse in the stable,
shy she seems but so much more.
ishtat
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2004
- Posts
- 5,462
A Mirror for Mabel.
Meet Mabel: on reflection
a homely acned face,
a dull and homely mind.
Shoulders slope to
saggy scraggy breasts
Pot belly, massive slab behind.
A barely conscious thought.
What bloody bastard god made me,
when others of my kind...
Meet Mabel: on reflection
a homely acned face,
a dull and homely mind.
Shoulders slope to
saggy scraggy breasts
Pot belly, massive slab behind.
A barely conscious thought.
What bloody bastard god made me,
when others of my kind...
hahaha, I think I just walked past her an hour ago
ishtat
Literotica Guru
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- Aug 29, 2004
- Posts
- 5,462
It didn't occur to me that it might be read like that - I had a fourth stanza but thought it was melancholy enough already, so I took it out. Didn't want to pile on the pathos too thick.
It didn't occur to me that it might be read like that - I had a fourth stanza but thought it was melancholy enough already, so I took it out. Didn't want to pile on the pathos too thick.
Might as well go the whole hog
HarryHill
Hairy fucker
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2012
- Posts
- 15,044
..
Exactly, looks like you are writing for the rhyme in the fourth
forget that and play to the third line. (disclaimer)
Rogueslady
Not feeling sexy at all.
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- May 6, 2013
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Thank you sir I will try too!
UnderYourSpell
Gerund Whore
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- May 20, 2007
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Mable
is a table
and that
is better
than a mat,
who by the way is George.
is a table
and that
is better
than a mat,
who by the way is George.
Last edited:
butters
High on a Hill
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- Jul 2, 2009
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more to this one than its few words
a table: - useful, put upon, load-bearing, angular, taking up space, not curvy, frequently plain but serviceable
a mat: - a doormat, i'm assuming, so smallish, downtrodden, something to step on and wipe your feet on, but also pretty important in the scheme of things, however lowly, as its presence would be missed and a lot of stuff would get tracked into the house.
so, this neat little thing shows us two very clear (in my head, anyway) pictures of a couple - nuthin' fancy, but sort of permanent.
UnderYourSpell
Gerund Whore
- Joined
- May 20, 2007
- Posts
- 15,794
more to this one than its few words
a table: - useful, put upon, load-bearing, angular, taking up space, not curvy, frequently plain but serviceable
a mat: - a doormat, i'm assuming, so smallish, downtrodden, something to step on and wipe your feet on, but also pretty important in the scheme of things, however lowly, as its presence would be missed and a lot of stuff would get tracked into the house.
so, this neat little thing shows us two very clear (in my head, anyway) pictures of a couple - nuthin' fancy, but sort of permanent.
lol thank you and you're right I did miss out a word which is now in!
danielblue
Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 16, 2003
- Posts
- 37
La Recasse
Nice work! It could have been even more effective with a different working of the last two lines. Your excellent prose has alreday revealed that she is bipolar, or at least suufers from some form of depression.
Or perhaps something along the lines of:
Bipolar fret
Now all of Mablel is met
Nice work! It could have been even more effective with a different working of the last two lines. Your excellent prose has alreday revealed that she is bipolar, or at least suufers from some form of depression.
Or perhaps something along the lines of:
Bipolar fret
Now all of Mablel is met
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