More than one love?

[Guest]

love, loves, loved, and loving

Sometimes I'm not sure if I have a clue what love is or at least "being in love." Thought I was in love with my wife but now, in retrospect, as we pursue the divorce process, I'm fairly confident that I wasn't as in love with her as I thought or that, at least, she was not an "only love." Even during the best parts of a marriage, I wasn't void of desires for other women. Of course much of this was sheer lust that I've never been able to block out but some of it were legitimate deep feelings for a good friend whom I'd known since college. She was married too (not always happily) and we'd get together several times a year and wonder how much better it would be if we had gotten married to each other instead of to our spouses. To this day I still wonder. Would it have been better between us? Or would we have ended up looking for something else? I don't know the answer.

Maybe I'll find one woman in the future and I'll have no interest in any other, but I doubt it. Life never completely fits in neat little categories, especially the personal side. At least for me.

Y'all take care.

Mark

 

[MadKing]

oops, I was unregistered above

I hope that isn't the scarlet letter. hehehe. Y'all take care.

Mark

 

[MissTaken]

I have to be perfectly honest, the internet has opened my mind in many ways that I never would have imagined. The idea of polyamory being one of them.

I do believe I could love more than one person. Like Mark, I am still trying to figure out what "love" is. If it means caring for someone, wanting to share my life with them, wanting intimacy and comaraderie for starters, yes, more than one person could have that from me. IF you expand the definition to include how my heart races when they are around, how I long for their touch...there is still the potential for more than one person to do that.

I also believe that loving more than once person can be okay. IT can work out. With communication, openess and a mutual desire to meet one another's needs.

I do imagine juggling time and energy between more than one love could have some pitfalls, but if everyone works together, they could be minor bumps in the road.

 

[MadKing]

Amen MissTaken!

I second your emotion; if you ever find the the secret to it all, please clue me in but I have a feeling that the secret is that there is no secret.... Take care.

Mark

 

[Jewelz]

This is my heart's biggest expression of pain right now. I feel guilty for loving another so deeply while I am married to a wonderful man. I struggle nearly every day with pain and hurt, needs unmet, desires spoken but washed away. Grass isnt always greener on the other side but I find myself wondering more and more what that grass feels like. I have found a few people here that i care about deeply.....but there is one that just fills my hearts desire. And understands me completely. And doesnt ask for more. He is so special and I thank God for him every day. My heart aches when he is sad , my smile brightens when he is happy. I have so much to say to him, but I dont have to say a word cuz he already knows how I feel. His voice lingers in my soul. But I cant expand on those feelings because of my marriage that i am committed to

 

[ARaynes]

I believe that love is a bit of everything. I believe that love is where you want a bit of everything from that person, such as comraderie, passion, desires, you want everything for that person and when they hurt you hurt, when they are happy you feel like you are on cloud nine. There isn't just one thing that love is to one person, it is many.

My theory is that loving more is something that, though not socially acceptable, is practiced many times over. You don't choose who you fall in love with, for when I was happy and no longer looking for love, because I had found it in my husband, others fell into my heart. If I had been out to look for it I would believe that something was lacking in the relationship and start trying to figure it out. But I wasn't looking.

For those that aren't close to the ones you love by distance, I feel for you for I have been there. My situation was a bit different for I hurt that one. But, things happen for a reason.

 

[JJRoderick]

Sarah McLachlan's "Possession"

(the Sarah McLaughlin song "Possession" is so appropriate to her and I). Our feelings for each other are so strong and certain,

Not to be a pest, but you DO know she wrote that song about a stalker of hers, right?

 

[Abraxas Winterlight]

a word from the hubby....

Well, since My Lady started this discussion, I have ben thinking. I know that people have a near-infinate capacity to love. Personaly, she is the only woman in my heart, & all that I desire to love, but i am slower to love than she is. I know those who she loves, & care for them too in my own way. As for polyamory, we have talked about it, but right now it is not for me. i know her heart, & i know her soul, & all I want is her happiness, & know that she wants mine.

 

[girlincrisis]

I wonder if there is anyone out there who feels they need more than one love. Do any of us litsters feel that it is not possible to have all of our needs met by one person?

People engaged in poly often say this is true.

For me, I haven't found one love yet, not to mention two!

i have a few friends who are poly..and have been, or are in, poly relationships, and from what i can see, they seem to take more work than 'regular' relationships. they are full of problems too...nothing runs seamlessly.
as for your comment that people can't have their 'needs met' in monogamous relationships..i don't necessarily agree with that. that may be some people's reasoning, but personally i believe that it has more to do with no limiting yourself, or denying other possibilities. the way relationships are set up in western culture forces people to constantly deny and repress feelings, desires, fantasies and so. i suppose the idea of poly relationships is very utopian but i think they allow people a way to express themselves.
i fully believe that you can love more than one...there are so many different kinds of loves and degrees of loving. that's what's so great about love..the possibilities are infinite.

 

[Angelofsex]

I have to be perfectly honest, the internet has opened my mind in many ways that I never would have imagined. The idea of polyamory being one of them.

I do believe I could love more than one person. Like Mark, I am still trying to figure out what "love" is. If it means caring for someone, wanting to share my life with them, wanting intimacy and comaraderie for starters, yes, more than one person could have that from me. IF you expand the definition to include how my heart races when they are around, how I long for their touch...there is still the potential for more than one person to do that.

I also believe that loving more than once person can be okay. IT can work out. With communication, openess and a mutual desire to meet one another's needs.

I do imagine juggling time and energy between more than one love could have some pitfalls, but if everyone works together, they could be minor bumps in the road.

MissTaken, I do agreed with what you say about love, what is it..You married someone that you think you know and love.....Then you fine out the marriage is a lie in a big way...but you stay together because of the child......Where as if you had that other person to love it would belove.... To share what is mssing from the first one.......Then you have happiness from both worlds.

It would be hard to juggle time around, but there is always away.At lease the love would be there.

 

[ShiningEyes]

This is a wonderful thread! I've been reading thro the posts after my last reply. I chose to be single for a lot of reasons. None so strong than the actual reason itself. None more true than that first thought that crossed my mind. We all have a lot to learn about love and being in love. We also have a lot to learn about commitment and saying forever til death do us part. I realize that I'm young and still have a lot of experimenting and experiencing to do and a lot of decisions to make. Love can come from anywhere and everywhere. I've already been given the oppertunity to love 3 people. Yes, as already said on a post, the loves are different. Some stronger than others, some longer lasting than others. What I found out about love is you can't be blindsided just by what you want, but you can't let yourself go unhappy either. A person can't make someone else happy unless they are happy with themselves. And in a marriage, relationship, or just being friends it's hard to give 100% when you're getting nothing in return.

I gave 2 1/2 years to a person that wasn't happy with anything at all. He did everything to hurt me and push me away. After 2 years he saw what he lost and what he gave up. I used to live for other people. I wasn't happy at all. Now that I am, the one thing I want more than anything in life is just out of my reach. But the reassuring thing is, I know it's there. And one day it'll be mine to grab. As the song says it "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with". Don't settle just to settle, but don't walk out before you've given everything a chance. Communication is the Key to everything.

Love is a wonderful thing. And it's wonderful to have. But if you were already unhappy for various reasons it's not going to just make everything else disappear. It's a 50/50 thing.

 

[MadKing]

So right shining eyes; can't think someone else is going to "make you" happy. You're setting yourself up for a big fall if you depend on someone else to make you happy. That's not to say that you can't be happy with someone or that you can't be happier with a person than without....

Mark

 

[ShiningEyes]

I agree completely

 

[ARaynes]

I am really glad I started this thread. It makes me realize that what I feel isn't wrong, it just is.

 

[Vinny]

I believe

See, I find myself loving people, and I am married, and my husband knows full well that I love others. He is happy that I am happy. I was just wondering how popular that belief was.

I agree it is hard to do, and that it isn't for everyone but it is harder to deny what your heart desires isn't it?

I would say it is possible. Though I am not experiencing it right now I would never rule anything out. Just never met anyone else that ,akes my heart pound. But this world is big so maybe someday.

 

[Vinny]

50/50

[. What I found out about love is you can't be Love is a wonderful thing. And it's wonderful to have. But if you were already unhappy for various reasons it's not going to just make everything else disappear. It's a 50/50 thing. [/B]

I agree with everything you said, but I believe love is a 100/100 thing. In order for it to work, both persons need to give 100% Are you ready for some loving baby?

 

[ShiningEyes]

Re: 50/50

I agree with everything you said, but I believe love is a 100/100 thing. In order for it to work, both persons need to give 100% Are you ready for some loving baby?.............................................


Yes, baby, I am! Been lookin' for ya!

 

[Throbbin_Rod]

I believe you can love more than one person, I still carry a torch for someone even though I've been married now for four years.

My wife would not agree with me on this however so she doesn't know.

 

[Vinny]

Re: Re: 50/50

I agree with everything you said, but I believe love is a 100/100 thing. In order for it to work, both persons need to give 100% Are you ready for some loving baby?.............................................


Yes, baby, I am! Been lookin' for ya!

Been working HARD. See ya soon

 

[artful]

Maybe

I wonder if there is anyone out there who feels they need more than one love. Do any of us litsters feel that it is not possible to have all of our needs met by one person?

People engaged in poly often say this is true.

For me, I haven't found one love yet, not to mention two!

Just maybe,...you and a lot of others have not seen the trees for the forest.Not saying you are at fault baby,just saying this world of ours is filled with masks that disguise not only the evil from being perceived,but also the good.We all wear masks,...I wish we didn't,but thats what knowledge does for us.As we learn more,our innocence lessens.The highest corruptions are at the very highest levels of our society,indeed,...where is it that women look for their *TRUE LOVE*?

Come on now,...be ~HONEST~!

 

[badmatt]

This is just a question to see how many out there believe a certain way. How many out there believe that it is possible to love more than just one. Like polyamory. Do you believe it is right or wrong.

Curiousity always killed me HEhe

I do believe it's possible. I've been there and done that. As for right or wrong. I have to say that it's not wrong at all.

 

[badmatt]

MissTaken

I wonder if there is anyone out there who feels they need more than one love. Do any of us litsters feel that it is not possible to have all of our needs met by one person?

People engaged in poly often say this is true.

For me, I haven't found one love yet, not to mention two!

I have yet to find just one person who can meet all my needs...

 

[hatara]

Do I believe that it is possible for people to love more than one person yes. Can I do that............

I have a man I love passionately. He is all that I could wish for and all that I desire. I don't need sex with anyone else. I only want him. We have talked about playing with others and it is a possibility but when it was all said and done I would be leaving with him. He would have to know I loved him deeply before we tried that.

I have friends that I love and care for but as friends. But I am lucky enough to have total open communication with my friends. We can sit and talk about anything and everything!!

I am in an LDR so needless to say this relationship is very difficult but I believe it's worth it. When he's not here or I can't reach him I lean on my friends for their love and support.

 

[ARaynes]

Hatara, I agree with you and I know that LDR's can be tough, but congrats on sticking with it.

 

[artful]

YEP ! I AGREE !

I have to be perfectly honest, the internet has opened my mind in many ways that I never would have imagined. The idea of polyamory being one of them.

I do believe I could love more than one person. Like Mark, I am still trying to figure out what "love" is. If it means caring for someone, wanting to share my life with them, wanting intimacy and comaraderie for starters, yes, more than one person could have that from me. IF you expand the definition to include how my heart races when they are around, how I long for their touch...there is still the potential for more than one person to do that.

I also believe that loving more than once person can be okay. IT can work out. With communication, openess and a mutual desire to meet one another's needs.

I do imagine juggling time and energy between more than one love could have some pitfalls, but if everyone works together, they could be minor bumps in the road.