Mundane Domestic Service
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Shadowsdream
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When I have guests to dinner and am occupied with the incredibly important posting at Lit and the slave is preparing the food and home...I enjoy having him wear the remote controlled panties over the chastity belt.
he is always aware and on edge...waiting for the zap that tells him I am needing more personal service.
One zap and his task is interrupted, he comes to Me, drops to his knees to hear My request (order!)
Some days I am just not in the mood for that god awful bell I ring to get his attention!
he is always aware and on edge...waiting for the zap that tells him I am needing more personal service.
One zap and his task is interrupted, he comes to Me, drops to his knees to hear My request (order!)
Some days I am just not in the mood for that god awful bell I ring to get his attention!
Desdemona
Ellie Mae's evil auntie
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I've been thinking about this thread for a couple of days.
I don't have much to add since we don't live together and the opportunities for domestic services are currently limited. However, He has been known to surprise me with a few swats from the paddle as I was bending over to do a small task for Him. I think I presented a target that He just couldn't resist. LOL.
Another example doesn't really involve a toy. When I'm acting as chauffeur and helping Him run errands, He sometimes likes to tease me while we are stopped in traffic.... fondling me, pinching my nipples and describing how we will fulfill some fantasy. It stops abruptly when the light changes. That never fails to put me on edge and remind me of who is in charge.
I don't have much to add since we don't live together and the opportunities for domestic services are currently limited. However, He has been known to surprise me with a few swats from the paddle as I was bending over to do a small task for Him. I think I presented a target that He just couldn't resist. LOL.
Another example doesn't really involve a toy. When I'm acting as chauffeur and helping Him run errands, He sometimes likes to tease me while we are stopped in traffic.... fondling me, pinching my nipples and describing how we will fulfill some fantasy. It stops abruptly when the light changes. That never fails to put me on edge and remind me of who is in charge.
Shadowsdream
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A nice, loud brass bell is a good gift for a Domme to give a Domme friend. One of My Canadian Domme Friends was kind enough to open Her immense bell collection to Me to choose the one presently sitting on My desk.Ebonyfire said:
The jarring noise is very effective even over the vacuum cleaner. The slave appears out of nowhere when the bell rings out of nowhere.
Can You tell I hate to raise My voice?
Today the toy will be vacuuming in a bib apron with large plastic breasts...hmmm I am in humiliation mode it seems!
Pure
Fiel a Verdad
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Hi SD,
regarding
A nice, loud brass bell is a good gift for a Domme to give a Domme friend. One of My Canadian Domme Friends was kind enough to open Her immense bell collection to Me to choose the one presently sitting on My desk.
The jarring noise is very effective even over the vacuum cleaner. The slave appears out of nowhere when the bell rings out of nowhere.
Can You tell I hate to raise My voice?
Today the toy will be vacuuming in a bib apron with large plastic breasts...hmmm I am in humiliation mode it seems!
If I may ask, I see that the scene might be amusing or diverting; but would it be true to say--as is the case with some domme's, in their words-- that the effect for you is in terms of the power and getting off on it; which is to say, that, rather than a specifically erotic or sexual effect. Again, excuse the intrusion, if it's felt that way, but I can see a domme getting off on, say, remembering the sub writhing under a whip, wielded well, and jilling off to that memory, but I cannot see, for example in the present cases, that remembering an episode of 'domestic service', even a humiliating one with the guy dressed in women's attire, would be jill-off material.
Perhaps I'm making a wrong assumption: if you merely intend to get the house cleaned, meals cooked, etc. in an amusing fashion, then of course it's part of the 'perks' of being a domme, but not really and erotic issue _for her_, and not intended that way.
Best regards,
J.
regarding
A nice, loud brass bell is a good gift for a Domme to give a Domme friend. One of My Canadian Domme Friends was kind enough to open Her immense bell collection to Me to choose the one presently sitting on My desk.
The jarring noise is very effective even over the vacuum cleaner. The slave appears out of nowhere when the bell rings out of nowhere.
Can You tell I hate to raise My voice?
Today the toy will be vacuuming in a bib apron with large plastic breasts...hmmm I am in humiliation mode it seems!
If I may ask, I see that the scene might be amusing or diverting; but would it be true to say--as is the case with some domme's, in their words-- that the effect for you is in terms of the power and getting off on it; which is to say, that, rather than a specifically erotic or sexual effect. Again, excuse the intrusion, if it's felt that way, but I can see a domme getting off on, say, remembering the sub writhing under a whip, wielded well, and jilling off to that memory, but I cannot see, for example in the present cases, that remembering an episode of 'domestic service', even a humiliating one with the guy dressed in women's attire, would be jill-off material.
Perhaps I'm making a wrong assumption: if you merely intend to get the house cleaned, meals cooked, etc. in an amusing fashion, then of course it's part of the 'perks' of being a domme, but not really and erotic issue _for her_, and not intended that way.
Best regards,
J.
Shadowsdream
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Never assume that a D/s lifestyle is wrapped around jerking or jilling off as you say.Pure said:
Never assume only one of the partners enjoys the interractions whether they are sexual, physical, emotional, domestic, humilation oriented or psychological.
Never assume that the obvious is the entire package.
A 24/7 D/s lifestyle is the entire package that fullfills the needs of both partners. A Dominant would not create and structure a domestic scene just to get the house work done..I can assure you I can clean better and quicker and easier than any submissive or slave I have chosen for these tasks.
It is simply another vehicle of taking and giving control. Can be sexual or not. It simply is as it is when it is and if it is..if you know what I mean.
Pure
Fiel a Verdad
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SD said
Never assume that a D/s lifestyle is wrapped around jerking or jilling off as you say.
Eb said,
And what does wanking have to do with D/s anyway?
Richard said, "Amen."
If wanking is pretty much irrelevant, is it correct to suppose that none of you make rules about the sub's wanking, and pretty much leave it up to him/her?
In terms of the males being 'forced' to wear panties, etc., are you saying this generally does NOT cause erections?
Never assume that a D/s lifestyle is wrapped around jerking or jilling off as you say.
Eb said,
And what does wanking have to do with D/s anyway?
Richard said, "Amen."
If wanking is pretty much irrelevant, is it correct to suppose that none of you make rules about the sub's wanking, and pretty much leave it up to him/her?
In terms of the males being 'forced' to wear panties, etc., are you saying this generally does NOT cause erections?
Netzach
>semiotics?
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I do powerplay with the intent to arouse and be aroused. Without that added je ne sais quoi I don't get anything that fascinating out of it. I suppose cleaning house could produce that in me, but not in such a way that the house is efficiently cleaned. That kind of cleaning is just part of the BS of life, and, since my boy is also my partner, it's a *we* activity. I don't feel very good as a Dominant if I don't demonstrate any care in my surroundings, much as I freaking hate the dishes.
Since when is something sexual *just* something sexual, as though that's not holisitc in any way? I do SM, if I wanted a servant I'd hire one.
YMMV, that's just how I do it.
Since when is something sexual *just* something sexual, as though that's not holisitc in any way? I do SM, if I wanted a servant I'd hire one.
YMMV, that's just how I do it.
Ebonyfire
Ball Stretcher
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Pure said:
I am speaking in the context of the fact that not all of D/sers use sex as a big pay off. Some of Us have sub or slaves who like to submit. Period. They may hope for some sort of sexual activity, but that "ain't necessarily so".
To boil down D/s relationships to mere kinky sex is inaccurate and mispresents the varied way of living this lifestyle.
1) What does wanking rules have to do with the fact that it is not always about sex?
2) What does a man wearing panties and getting a boner have to do with D/s? Men get boners while brushing their teeth. So what is new?
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Netzach
>semiotics?
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Yes, everyone's choices are plenty valid, I agree, hence your mileage will indeed vary.
I would say, however, that it's just as inaccurate to remove kinky sex from the D/s equation than it is to reduce D/s to kinky sex period. It may be irrelevant to you, but it does not make it irrelevant, or the idea that it's relevant ridiculous.
To say that "mere" sex is not the issue is what I think of as a misrepresentation. It fails to represent my reality, and it puts a value on it.
Just as saying D/s is "mere" personal service would fail to represent someone else's reality.
I would say, however, that it's just as inaccurate to remove kinky sex from the D/s equation than it is to reduce D/s to kinky sex period. It may be irrelevant to you, but it does not make it irrelevant, or the idea that it's relevant ridiculous.
To say that "mere" sex is not the issue is what I think of as a misrepresentation. It fails to represent my reality, and it puts a value on it.
Just as saying D/s is "mere" personal service would fail to represent someone else's reality.
Shadowsdream
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...Pure said:
Never assume that a D/s lifestyle is wrapped around jerking or jilling off as you say.
...
There is nothing irrelevant about wanking off...no wanking off occurs without DIRECTION in this house..no NOT permission...direction!
Sexual tension is always under the surface, sexuality is the driving force behind much of BDSM but not necessarily 100% of the time.
Washing the dishes can cause erections...scrubbing the toilet can cause erections...anal plugs can cause erections...panties or lack of them can cause erections..the voice can cause erections...causing an erection is not the only desire I have in My relationship and I have no problem with it being the only desire in any relationship.
My slave does not cook and clean only because he must , the domestic chores are a PART of his need, with or without humiliation, All of the chores he does for Me he does for himself.
It is a partnership...When he works out of the home, is ill, or stressed I cook and clean with pleasure and WITHOUT giving him guilt. Some submissives are *into* domestic service...this does not make their needs of service any less valid than their sexual needs.
It is a big world...
is *suppose another take on assume*
Pure
Fiel a Verdad
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Hi SD,
You said,
There is nothing irrelevant about wanking off...no wanking off occurs without DIRECTION in this house..no NOT permission...direction!
Sexual tension is always under the surface, sexuality is the driving force behind much of BDSM but not necessarily 100% of the time.
Washing the dishes can cause erections...scrubbing the toilet can cause erections...anal plugs can cause erections...panties or lack of them can cause erections..the voice can cause erections...causing an erection is not the only desire I have in My relationship and I have no problem with it being the only desire in any relationship.
My slave does not cook and clean only because he must , the domestic chores are a PART of his need, with or without humiliation, All of the chores he does for Me he does for himself.
Thanks for your candor, that "sexual tension is always under the surface." You are very articulate.
In this inquiry I'm simply trying to sort things out, with a view to understanding power and erotism; whatever suits you and your 'other' is your own arrangement, with its own validity for the two of you.
I also understand that sex or sex gratification is not on the agenda 100% of the time, whether in bdsm or other relationships.
I don't know the details of what you all do, so I'm not sure where you might fit or not, in what I say below, but I can think of three general types (at least); then I'll be able to explain my concern.
First, I can imagine a 'kinky household' where some or all of the time, one is the seigneur and the other a French maid; or one is PVC'd and the other butt-plugged; one is Solomon, and the other the Queen of Sheba. Presumably these modes amuse and gratify the participants and provide, at times, some arousal for both. Perhaps you would agree that, in this sort of set-up, the seigneur is role playing with, more than 'dominating' (in a strict sense) the other.
Second, I often hear of 'quid pro quo' arrangements: a local mistress gets her lawn mowed and the guy gets an erection. She herself is not erotically involved in the lawn mowing, or in otherwise 'getting it on' with him. Again, I see nothing wrong, any more than when a female needs $100 and a male needs to get laid, a deal is struck to both parties satisfaction. Males' rampant sexual 'needs' (so called) match some women's economic ones, and fair is fair. My view is the the 'domination' in these situations is problematic: Some, for instance, have seen the provider's customer as dominating (through $$), but maybe that underestimates female provider's power and agency.
Lastly, I can think of a domination arrangement where one subordinates the other erotically, to the gratification (or at least arousal) of both--something along the lines of 'powerplay' that Netzach has mentioned. And clearly, as she stated no live-in couple is in 'erotic' mode 24/7.
And I'm sure there are all kinds of grey areas, blends, etc., as well as types I've not tried to describe.
In brief, then, I'm concerned, from things said here and elsewhere at lit., that the 'kink' and particularly the 'quid pro quo' situations get misdescribed as the last type, erotic domination. Or maybe there's an ambiguity, as indicated in
EF: Some of Us have sub or slaves who like to submit. Period. They may hope for some sort of sexual activity, but that "ain't necessarily so".
In my opinion, some people indeed often (99% of the time) think of possible sex activity, and hence the peculiar situation of 'quid pro quo' arrangements: they are often not presented as such. It is not necessarily because the one getting the dishes done is deceptive, but equally because of the dish-doer's need for illusion. Which can be explained rather simply: it enhances the erotism for the doer. Just as males imagine that a hooker comes, a sub imagines the possible erotic possibilities around toilet cleaning in a thong. And, he or she can imagine this even if there's a signed contract and a sign on the door saying,
"No sexual activity." The imagination per se is erotic.
I guess my interest is in power and erotism in symmetric (in respect of mutual arousal) situations. The byways of alleged power exercizes on a quid pro quo basis, are fine as material ventures, but the erotism is, from my pov, only in the mind of one party. Sort of like my--hypothetically-- buying a pair of panties worn by Cindy Crawford. My lover's sending me her panties for refreshment on cold nights being a horse of a different color.
is *suppose another take on assume*
please don't condescend; you aren't the only college grad in these parts.
Thanks for listening. My aberrant view are simply my own. I'm always interested in your thoughts as an experienced and well-spoken practicioner in bdsm.
You said,
There is nothing irrelevant about wanking off...no wanking off occurs without DIRECTION in this house..no NOT permission...direction!
Sexual tension is always under the surface, sexuality is the driving force behind much of BDSM but not necessarily 100% of the time.
Washing the dishes can cause erections...scrubbing the toilet can cause erections...anal plugs can cause erections...panties or lack of them can cause erections..the voice can cause erections...causing an erection is not the only desire I have in My relationship and I have no problem with it being the only desire in any relationship.
My slave does not cook and clean only because he must , the domestic chores are a PART of his need, with or without humiliation, All of the chores he does for Me he does for himself.
Thanks for your candor, that "sexual tension is always under the surface." You are very articulate.
In this inquiry I'm simply trying to sort things out, with a view to understanding power and erotism; whatever suits you and your 'other' is your own arrangement, with its own validity for the two of you.
I also understand that sex or sex gratification is not on the agenda 100% of the time, whether in bdsm or other relationships.
I don't know the details of what you all do, so I'm not sure where you might fit or not, in what I say below, but I can think of three general types (at least); then I'll be able to explain my concern.
First, I can imagine a 'kinky household' where some or all of the time, one is the seigneur and the other a French maid; or one is PVC'd and the other butt-plugged; one is Solomon, and the other the Queen of Sheba. Presumably these modes amuse and gratify the participants and provide, at times, some arousal for both. Perhaps you would agree that, in this sort of set-up, the seigneur is role playing with, more than 'dominating' (in a strict sense) the other.
Second, I often hear of 'quid pro quo' arrangements: a local mistress gets her lawn mowed and the guy gets an erection. She herself is not erotically involved in the lawn mowing, or in otherwise 'getting it on' with him. Again, I see nothing wrong, any more than when a female needs $100 and a male needs to get laid, a deal is struck to both parties satisfaction. Males' rampant sexual 'needs' (so called) match some women's economic ones, and fair is fair. My view is the the 'domination' in these situations is problematic: Some, for instance, have seen the provider's customer as dominating (through $$), but maybe that underestimates female provider's power and agency.
Lastly, I can think of a domination arrangement where one subordinates the other erotically, to the gratification (or at least arousal) of both--something along the lines of 'powerplay' that Netzach has mentioned. And clearly, as she stated no live-in couple is in 'erotic' mode 24/7.
And I'm sure there are all kinds of grey areas, blends, etc., as well as types I've not tried to describe.
In brief, then, I'm concerned, from things said here and elsewhere at lit., that the 'kink' and particularly the 'quid pro quo' situations get misdescribed as the last type, erotic domination. Or maybe there's an ambiguity, as indicated in
EF: Some of Us have sub or slaves who like to submit. Period. They may hope for some sort of sexual activity, but that "ain't necessarily so".
In my opinion, some people indeed often (99% of the time) think of possible sex activity, and hence the peculiar situation of 'quid pro quo' arrangements: they are often not presented as such. It is not necessarily because the one getting the dishes done is deceptive, but equally because of the dish-doer's need for illusion. Which can be explained rather simply: it enhances the erotism for the doer. Just as males imagine that a hooker comes, a sub imagines the possible erotic possibilities around toilet cleaning in a thong. And, he or she can imagine this even if there's a signed contract and a sign on the door saying,
"No sexual activity." The imagination per se is erotic.
I guess my interest is in power and erotism in symmetric (in respect of mutual arousal) situations. The byways of alleged power exercizes on a quid pro quo basis, are fine as material ventures, but the erotism is, from my pov, only in the mind of one party. Sort of like my--hypothetically-- buying a pair of panties worn by Cindy Crawford. My lover's sending me her panties for refreshment on cold nights being a horse of a different color.
is *suppose another take on assume*
please don't condescend; you aren't the only college grad in these parts.
Thanks for listening. My aberrant view are simply my own. I'm always interested in your thoughts as an experienced and well-spoken practicioner in bdsm.
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Shadowsdream
Dream Maker
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please don't condescend; you aren't the only college grad in these parts.
..O O..I can't let it pass....I am a grade 8 graduate...quit school when I was 12...Learning is often done in the school of hard knocks....but it was nice to think of the college degree for a fleeting moment!
..O O..I can't let it pass....I am a grade 8 graduate...quit school when I was 12...Learning is often done in the school of hard knocks....but it was nice to think of the college degree for a fleeting moment!
Pure
Fiel a Verdad
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SD said
....I am a grade 8 graduate...quit school when I was 12...Learning is often done in the school of hard knocks....but it was nice to think of the college degree for a fleeting moment!
I very much admire those who've undertaken their own education; it shows independence of spirit. Congrats.
....I am a grade 8 graduate...quit school when I was 12...Learning is often done in the school of hard knocks....but it was nice to think of the college degree for a fleeting moment!
I very much admire those who've undertaken their own education; it shows independence of spirit. Congrats.
entitled
the quiet one
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Please forgive me if none of this makes sense. i'm still suffering from 'pregnancy brains' and can hardly string a thought together most of the time.
Pure, this is more or less directed at you, but i'm not trying to be mean or nasty in any way, even if it comes off in that way. Promise. In fact, i would bet that the whole point of your post went completely over my head, and is something i won't understand for another couple of months or so (when the hormones start levelling out - hopefully).
My husband and i are obviously in a 24/7 relationship. There are many times when there is little to no sexual tension or room for it, at least from my pov. Much of that is my own fault. i find it a little difficult to be anything but more or less asexual when it looks like there's a basketball stuffed beneath the skin of my belly. This does not interfere in my household duties in any way.
It also does not interfere with my husband having me wear assorted outfits or lack thereof (we've had to give up quite a bit of what would normally be worn or used temporarily) to do my chores. It's not necessarily something that's meant to arouse either one of us. We simply find it reassuring to be able to keep our relationship as it is - we know that He is the Dominant one, and i am the submissive one. He has the power in the relationship. It's simply my desire to serve Him, no matter if it's in a sexual way or not.
i guess i just don't understand how you can't understand that it's a need for me to do things to please Him, just as it is a need for other subs to please their Dom/mes. If the wording there makes any sense. It's mho that the whole point of this thread is the fact that we DO have that need and are willing to do a number of things to fulfill it, whether it be doing something sexual while performing duties, or wearing something that makes them more difficult, or being humiliated while doing them, or whatever. Then again, maybe i have no idea what i'm talking about.
Pure, this is more or less directed at you, but i'm not trying to be mean or nasty in any way, even if it comes off in that way. Promise.
In fact, i would bet that the whole point of your post went completely over my head, and is something i won't understand for another couple of months or so (when the hormones start levelling out - hopefully).My husband and i are obviously in a 24/7 relationship. There are many times when there is little to no sexual tension or room for it, at least from my pov. Much of that is my own fault. i find it a little difficult to be anything but more or less asexual when it looks like there's a basketball stuffed beneath the skin of my belly. This does not interfere in my household duties in any way.
It also does not interfere with my husband having me wear assorted outfits or lack thereof (we've had to give up quite a bit of what would normally be worn or used temporarily) to do my chores. It's not necessarily something that's meant to arouse either one of us. We simply find it reassuring to be able to keep our relationship as it is - we know that He is the Dominant one, and i am the submissive one. He has the power in the relationship. It's simply my desire to serve Him, no matter if it's in a sexual way or not.
i guess i just don't understand how you can't understand that it's a need for me to do things to please Him, just as it is a need for other subs to please their Dom/mes. If the wording there makes any sense. It's mho that the whole point of this thread is the fact that we DO have that need and are willing to do a number of things to fulfill it, whether it be doing something sexual while performing duties, or wearing something that makes them more difficult, or being humiliated while doing them, or whatever. Then again, maybe i have no idea what i'm talking about.
