Mundane Domestic Service

[Ebonyfire]

Yes, everyone's choices are plenty valid, I agree, hence your mileage will indeed vary.

I would say, however, that it's just as inaccurate to remove kinky sex from the D/s equation than it is to reduce D/s to kinky sex period. It may be irrelevant to you, but it does not make it irrelevant, or the idea that it's relevant ridiculous.

To say that "mere" sex is not the issue is what I think of as a misrepresentation. It fails to represent my reality, and it puts a value on it.

Just as saying D/s is "mere" personal service would fail to represent someone else's reality.

You miss quoted Me.

I said "boiled down to mere kinky sex", not "mere sex is not the issue".

Your interpretation not only changes the meaning of what I said, but it serves to mis-state my point. In no way what I said "fails to represent someone's else's reality". It has nothing to do with anyone's reality at all. I was stating My opinion.

Have a nice day.

 

[Pure]

Hi Entitled,
I don't find you incoherent, and perhaps my piece was a bit wordy.

E:
Please forgive me if none of this makes sense. i'm still suffering from 'pregnancy brains' and can hardly string a thought together most of the time.

Pure, this is more or less directed at you, but i'm not trying to be mean or nasty in any way, even if it comes off in that way. Promise. In fact, i would bet that the whole point of your post went completely over my head, and is something i won't understand for another couple of months or so (when the hormones start levelling out - hopefully).

My husband and i are obviously in a 24/7 relationship. There are many times when there is little to no sexual tension or room for it, at least from my pov. Much of that is my own fault. i find it a little difficult to be anything but more or less asexual when it looks like there's a basketball stuffed beneath the skin of my belly. This does not interfere in my household duties in any way.
I don't see 'asexual' or non-sexual moments/periods are the issue; I know they are there for kinky, sm, and straight couples who are around each other a lot.


It also does not interfere with my husband having me wear assorted outfits or lack thereof (we've had to give up quite a bit of what would normally be worn or used temporarily) to do my chores. It's not necessarily something that's meant to arouse either one of us. We simply find it reassuring to be able to keep our relationship as it is - we know that He is the Dominant one, and i am the submissive one. He has the power in the relationship. It's simply my desire to serve Him, no matter if it's in a sexual way or not.

It seems that 'keeping it as it is' is primary, for you, now. Fair enough. But for the sub--as she posted above--to wear a thong and a plug obviously has a sexual meaning. In normal times, she and the dom get off on it, it would appear.


i guess i just don't understand how you can't understand that it's a need for me to do things to please Him, just as it is a need for other subs to please their Dom/mes. If the wording there makes any sense. It's mho that the whole point of this thread is the fact that we DO have that need and are willing to do a number of things to fulfill it, whether it be doing something sexual while performing duties, or wearing something that makes them more difficult, or being humiliated while doing them, or whatever. Then again, maybe i have no idea what i'm talking about.

Again, I'm not sure I meant to deny sub's 'need [or desire] to please', nor that people living together do little favors for each other or take up slack when the other is 'down.'

Let me see if I can make my point better. I'll do so by way of a little story, in the posting a bit after this one.


Best of luck in your pregnancy, entitled. My feeling and impression is that your arrangement is (or has been) plenty sensuous, (I speculate) probably on both sides, so what I've said likely is not addressed to your set-up, the arid spell of pregnancy being the exception.



best,

pure

 

[Richard49]

This is what was posted by a Dom on another discussion list
It made a lot of sence to be



even with munches [I even started a local one] and public gathering places, I find that people [both Dom & sub] equate D/s in terms of play sessions and BDSM activities. Which is why I pretty much quit going to munches and public places... what I am looking for I don't believe that I am going to find there. While I enjoy play sessions & BDSM activities, a D/s relationships is much more than play for me... it is a way of life. Just as good vanilla relationships are not based on 24/7 sex. A lasting relationship [any kind of relationship, vanilla, D/s or purple] is about the hard times, growth and finding out what it is that you really want and need in a partner and making it happen... anyone can have a good relationship based on play and god times. but it is the bad times, the hard times and the day to day living that brings out the true colors of a person. People want a relationship without the day to day grind... dirty dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning or wiping their own assholes. But as I said I haven't given up and I will not settle... maybe that will leave me single and alone... but better that than settling.

 

[Pure]

Hi Richard,

you said, quoting another dom,
While I enjoy play sessions & BDSM activities, a D/s relationships is much more than play for me... it is a way of life. Just as good vanilla relationships are not based on 24/7 sex. A lasting relationship [any kind of relationship, vanilla, D/s or purple] is about the hard times, growth and finding out what it is that you really want and need in a partner and making it happen... anyone can have a good relationship based on play and god times. but it is the bad times, the hard times and the day to day living that brings out the true colors of a person. People want a relationship without the day to day grind... dirty dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning or wiping their own assholes.

I have no problem with any of this, as perhaps my last post will clarify. Further, the arrangement described by Netzach--what I've called erotic domination-- explicitly had the same provisions.

Hope your spirits are holding up. Keep up the fight, damn the drs.

 

[Pure]

An odd arrangement

In 'kinky households' or those where erotic domination is occurring (see N's posting), BOTH parties, as least from time to time, are aroused by one another, the reactions of one spurring those of the other. This is not to deny little 'services' or favors, or a sub's 'need to please' or to say that sex stuff occurs 24/7.

In what I called 'quid pro quo' sexual arrangements (which I do not object to), of which the whore/customer encounter is one, one gains non-sexually and materially and the other gets arousal/gratification in a mode that suits. Here's a bedtime story:


Cameron cuts a sexy figure in the black leather that hugs the thighs and highlights the genital area. Remy gets hot and bothered just being near Cameron, for Remy has not ever had so sexy a partner 'in real life.' Cameron too, if proper appreciation is shown, is happy to give Remy a good whipping, and has a way of finding an excuse to do so at the oddest times, the thought of which keeps Remy in an almost constant state of anxiety and arousal.

Cameron has a further requirement; Cameron's spacious apartment is old, and requires a lot of maintenance; the oak panelling of the torture chamber requires constant polishing and the floor, covered in indoor/outdoor carpeting requires a good rug washing if Remy can't control the bladder. Sometimes for fun Cameron, seeing the signs of arousal, will insist that Remy drink a lot of water, while secured at the ankles to the wall of the chamber. Inevitably, Remy feels pretty urgent, and Cameron gives Remy only the tiniest paper cup to pee in, and loves to watch Remy's antics as the cup starts to overflow and soak the carpet which gives Cameron another reason to administer a whipping and assign a clean up chore.

Cameron, while amused at Remy's servitude, is not ever turned on by those acts of Remy's though sometime she feels warm and grateful when seeing the apartment in perfect polish; it's Cameron's sadistic lover Rage Clairwill that does it for Cameron. RC secures Cameron to the St. Andrews Cross in that room and frigs Cameron with a giant dildo while making tiny knife wounds on the thighs--all of which brings Cameron to the point of orgasm, which RC may or may not allow depending on the enthusiasm Cameron has shown, recently, in rimming RC after RC used the facilities.

Sometimes, though, when RC is in a good mood, Cameron and RC will noisily make love behind the closed bedroom door so that Remy will feel suitably humiliated, esp. when Remy later has to come in and take off the soiled sheets and launder them. Remy knows that once the sheets are in Remy's care, heading for the washing machine, Cameron may direct Remy to masturbate against them, before they go into the machine.

In my opinion, here, the erotism of Cameron and Remy's relationship is peculiar: it does not exist in Cameron's mind, in respect to Remy. It's in Remy's mind only. Any power transfer, as well, seems doubtful. Cameron simply knows what Remy wants--the show of 'ordering' service which Remy 'has to' carry out, or be 'forced' into punishment. Remy knows the chores expected in return. It's clear, from my pov, that Cameron's actual erotic life, including the sexual power play, centers on Rage Clairwill. Others may strike Cameron's fancy, as well, but never will it be Remy.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Please forgive me if none of this makes sense. i'm still suffering from 'pregnancy brains' and can hardly string a thought together most of the time.

Pure, this is more or less directed at you, but i'm not trying to be mean or nasty in any way, even if it comes off in that way. Promise. In fact, i would bet that the whole point of your post went completely over my head, and is something i won't understand for another couple of months or so (when the hormones start levelling out - hopefully).

My husband and i are obviously in a 24/7 relationship. There are many times when there is little to no sexual tension or room for it, at least from my pov. Much of that is my own fault. i find it a little difficult to be anything but more or less asexual when it looks like there's a basketball stuffed beneath the skin of my belly. This does not interfere in my household duties in any way.

It also does not interfere with my husband having me wear assorted outfits or lack thereof (we've had to give up quite a bit of what would normally be worn or used temporarily) to do my chores. It's not necessarily something that's meant to arouse either one of us. We simply find it reassuring to be able to keep our relationship as it is - we know that He is the Dominant one, and i am the submissive one. He has the power in the relationship. It's simply my desire to serve Him, no matter if it's in a sexual way or not.

i guess i just don't understand how you can't understand that it's a need for me to do things to please Him, just as it is a need for other subs to please their Dom/mes. If the wording there makes any sense. It's mho that the whole point of this thread is the fact that we DO have that need and are willing to do a number of things to fulfill it, whether it be doing something sexual while performing duties, or wearing something that makes them more difficult, or being humiliated while doing them, or whatever. Then again, maybe i have no idea what i'm talking about.

Hey, I understood you. LOL I think you stated your views wonderfully.

 

[entitled]

Hey, I understood you. LOL I think you stated your views wonderfully.

Good! i'm not as far gone as i thought. *laughs*

 

[entitled]

Pure, i think i understand a little better now. i just didn't get it before. My husband and i have what you call a 'kinky household' and i just didn't see that before. Blame it on the pregnancy brains.

Thank you for clarifying, though. It helped me to see what point you were/are trying to make.

*going back to lurking now*

 

[catalina_francisco]

Nostalgic bump of an interesting topic....



Catalina

 

[Harlet_Minx]

...
Never assume that a D/s lifestyle is wrapped around jerking or jilling off as you say.
...

There is nothing irrelevant about wanking off...no wanking off occurs without DIRECTION in this house..no NOT permission...direction!
Sexual tension is always under the surface, sexuality is the driving force behind much of BDSM but not necessarily 100% of the time.
Washing the dishes can cause erections...scrubbing the toilet can cause erections...anal plugs can cause erections...panties or lack of them can cause erections..the voice can cause erections...causing an erection is not the only desire I have in My relationship and I have no problem with it being the only desire in any relationship.
My slave does not cook and clean only because he must , the domestic chores are a PART of his need, with or without humiliation, All of the chores he does for Me he does for himself.
It is a partnership...When he works out of the home, is ill, or stressed I cook and clean with pleasure and WITHOUT giving him guilt. Some submissives are *into* domestic service...this does not make their needs of service any less valid than their sexual needs.
It is a big world...
is *suppose another take on assume*

"The degradation which characterizes the state into which you plunge him by punishing him pleases, amuses, and delights him. Deep down he enjoys having gone so far as to deserve being treated in such a way." ~Marquis de Sade

Just came to mind.
Personal favorite was a shock collar meant for a large canine, I never really reacted to the pain which bothered my last Domme but it was strong enough to cause me to lose control of the muscles under it. On the leg it'd bring me to my knees in a seconds. The emotional and psychological underplay to BDSM is quite strong, and I like to think stronger then the sexual though not for all. Anyways, yes I adore domestic service as much as a wooden horse, all stems from the same spot.

 

[nippleslut]

on the rare weekend that the children are at the grandparents i have been seen doing housework in spreader bars, with a but plug, dildo in my pussy, nipple clamps on for a small chore, on my knees, Master always can find a way to make the mundane not so.