My first Haiku?

[Zhuk]

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[Zhuk]

Re: Sleet Storm

Rybka,

As Senna Jawa mentioned in a recent post, in your last line you are pushing your opinion on the readers and not describing what you see! I have done that in at least 4 of my Haikus.

He also mentioned Haiku is not supposed to have a title.

Liked the first two lines (especially because I have taken up my latest hobby of bird watching and I can see what you see).

Comments?

Redbreast in tree
eating frozen berries
dream of spring


Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Rybka]

Re: Re: Sleet Storm

Rybka,

As Senna Jawa mentioned in a recent post, in your last line you are pushing your opinion on the readers and not describing what you see! I have done that in at least 4 of my Haikus.

He also mentioned Haiku is not supposed to have a title.

Liked the first two lines (especially because I have taken up my latest hobby of bird watching and I can see what you see).

Comments?

If you are saying that "dream of spring" is anthropomorphic and that I am giving a quality to the robin that it does not possess, I would first ask how you can be certain that birds do not dream, or that I cannot know of their dreams. - But secondly I would ask how you know the dream belongs to the bird and not to the reader nor the author.

Also, I have great respect for Senna Jawa and have learned a lot from reading his work and comments, but I do not always agree with him.

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Zhuk]

Re: Re: Re: Sleet Storm

Rybka,

You have great respect for Senna Jawa, I address him as Guru ji. Learning from someone does not mean you have to agree with him. That is why this discussion is taking place.

The last line...a little bird told me they cant dream and nor can you know of their dreams. Therefore it is the author dreaming of spring. But...

If you are saying that "dream of spring" is anthropomorphic and that I am giving a quality to the robin that it does not possess, I would first ask how you can be certain that birds do not dream, or that I cannot know of their dreams. - But secondly I would ask how you know the dream belongs to the bird and not to the reader nor the author.

Also, I have great respect for Senna Jawa and have learned a lot from reading his work and comments, but I do not always agree with him.

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Rybka]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Sleet Storm

The last line...a little bird told me they cant dream and nor can you know of their dreams. Therefore it is the author dreaming of spring. But...

Of course you can't "know of their dreams" if "they cant dream". But why can't they dream? I am sure my dog does!

Warm hearth
cold winter night
dog dreams

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Zhuk]

Re: Sleet Storm

OK here is the deal, I am not going to negotiate any further - Dogs can dream and birds cannot! We hear people being called 'bird brained' but nobody uses 'dog brained'.

A little bird told me that the part of brain that dreams has been replaced in the birds by a magnet to help them navigate. (Dont ever take anything I say seriously).

Regards

Of course you can't "know of their dreams" if "they cant dream". But why can't they dream? I am sure my dog does!

Warm hearth
cold winter night
dog dreams

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Zhuk]

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[Zhuk]

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[Senna Jawa]

Re: Re: Sleet Storm

(Dont ever take anything I say seriously).

Regards

(There was never any danger of that).

Best regards,

        Senna Jawa

                 

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Sleet Storm

Warm hearth
cold winter night
dog dreams

                      Rybka

                winter
                warm hearth
                dog's eyes move under closed eyelids




PS. Hats off for Angeline, for her "hearth"!

 

[Zhuk]

Re: Re: Re: Sleet Storm

Guru ji,

Why can't other people see what you see?

(There was never any danger of that).

Best regards,

        Senna Jawa

                 

 

[Rybka]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Sleet Storm

                dog's eyes move under closed eyelids

And so do her paws and tail, and she whines and yips. It is more than REM sleep. - I think she is chasing something.

Originally posted byZhuk
A little bird told me that the part of brain that dreams has been replaced in the birds by a magnet to help them navigate. (Dont ever take anything I say seriously).

I once had a canary that "cheeped" in its sleep.

Re: Haiku 19

Haiku #19

sandstorm ends
newborn dunes hide road
clueless artifact

Don't both "newborn" and "clueless" fail your anthropomorphic test?

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Zhuk]

Re: Sleet Storm

The canary was probably faking it! Or (now I am really letting my imagination run wild), it was sleeping near an electric appliance and the magnet in its brain started vibrating.

Regarding Haiku #19, 'newborn' does not fail the test for the simple reason that I have seen sandstorms create new dunes from old ones. You may be right about 'clueless', but in this its use is a bit tricky, maybe we need Guru ji to answer this one.

Regards,

Originally posted by Rybka

I once had a canary that "cheeped" in its sleep.

Re: Haiku 19

Don't both "newborn" and "clueless" fail your anthropomorphic test?

Regards,

Rybka

 

[Zhuk]

Re: Sleet Storm

Guru ji,

How can the author see the eyes moving when the eyelids are closed? And how can the author 'show' this to the readers? Wouldn't 'half closed' be better? Just a tiny little slit thru which we can see the eyes moving?

Regards,

                winter
                warm hearth
                dog's eyes move under closed eyelids




PS. Hats off for Angeline, for her "hearth"!

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Re: Sleet Storm

Guru ji,

How can the author see the eyes moving when the eyelids are closed? And how can the author 'show' this to the readers? Wouldn't 'half closed' be better? Just a tiny little slit thru which we can see the eyes moving?

Regards,

Zhuk, either patiently watch your dog (buy one with big eyeballs ) or make an experiment. Find a willing someone, who will close her eyes and move them for you, you'll see.

If worse comes to worse, close your eyes, and (gently ) touch the eyelids while you are moving your eyes up and down, left and right, and in circles. Share your experience with us. (And I said: gently. I know of an eye doctor, but in Sweden, which is not too convenient for you, is it?). If you can feel the movement then you would surely see it too, if you had a look).

Regards,

 

[karmadog]

My dog has no left eye, yet when she dreams one can see the movements of the muscles that used to move her eye.

Silly conversation. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Re: Sleet Storm

Guru ji,

How can the author see the eyes moving when the eyelids are closed? And how can the author 'show' this to the readers? Wouldn't 'half closed' be better? Just a tiny little slit thru which we can see the eyes moving?

Regards,

Let me add to the previous comment. You may use poetic license. "Closed" doesn't have to mean a complete coverage. It is like with a gate which is closed but it doesn't bridge the whole distance between the two parts of the fence--I am sure you have seen them.

But anyway, even when there is a slit, most of the time it would be too hard to see what is going on in such a narrow space. You would see the movement rather from what is happening to the eyelids, when the eyeballs move. The cat's eyes seem to be buried when closed, but when they move I think the movement shows up prominently. (It's been a long time since I had any dog or cat).

Best regards,

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Sleet Storm

        dog's eyes move under closed eyelids

Originally posted by Rybka
And so do her paws and tail, and she whines and yips.

My dog didn't have any paws nor her tail under her eyelids. Your dog is weird.

Best regards,

 

[Zhuk]

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[Rybka]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Sleet Storm

My dog didn't have any paws nor her tail under her eyelids. Your dog is weird.

Best regards,

If you had paws and a tail under your eyelid, you'd be weird and yelp too! But you know what I meant. Nouns "paws" and "tail" refer to the verb, not the prepostional phrase.

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Haiku #265748 (my prison id number - they have tattooed it on my wrist)

Haiku #265748

wife in front
my thumbs on her eyelids
she yells police

GURU JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

          (my keyboard is rattling)!

Best regards,

 

[Zhuk]

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[Zhuk]

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[Zhuk]

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[_Land]

ladybug
flame colored flight
spotted