WalterFool
Experienced
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2007
- Posts
- 37
Well, I've been away for a while but I did want to reply to this. I haven't been so sure after I started getting replies initially if I wanted to continue writing. But, I do enjoy writing (whether I'm presently good at it or not), and I've found it to be a good release for these feelings for Parker that clearly I cannot express in a more traditional and sexy way. 
Not sure where to start. There's been several replies since I last answered and I don't have much time. I'll start by thanking you all for showing where I need to change. I wish earlier replies had been more civil and less cutting, but I'm glad later critiques were done in a kinder way. I was expecting criticism, just not to get it called "horse shit". I know a lot of you have little free time, as I do, and I'm sorry if this was a disappointment.
I do know it was probably too long. It's a tendancy of mine to be long winded. And I might not be the best at dialogue. Among other problems. I'm going to try to find an editor that may be familiar with Parker Posey and may have a more personal understanding of the story. I'd like to present a more readable story, and see where I really messed up, and how bad. I know the length, dialogue and so forth are issues, but don't quite understand some of the others. This is how a lot of stories in the celebrity genre read, and I haven't gotten such criticisms in that community! I know there are problems, but am wondering if some of it has to do with unfamiliarity with Parker, the film it was centered around, or both.
There are some things about it I did want to explain (though I guess if explanations are necessary, there is already a problem). It's centered on fictitious sexual events after a hockey game between the crew of "Blade: Trinity" and "Catwoman" that happened in real life. It was a night of celebration because of the Blade: Trinity crew winning the game. This was kind of setting up a positive atmosphere between the women, and Parker being emboldened it, along with the fact that filming is almost at an end, and she wants to be with Jessica before that happens.
As for the dialogue, I'm not sure everything that constitutes good dialogue, but I tried to make it out of the usual and set up a kind of competitiveness between Parker and Jessica. It's typical, if not stereotypical in film especially for two people who like each other to fight beforehand. A guy and a gal arguing is the surest sign that they'll sleep together! My feeling was it would set up more intense sex between them, and increase their passion for one another incrementally as the story went on, culminating in their realization of how truly hot for each other they were, in every way!
A note on the dialogue, a lot of it is taken from the film. I used this and based the story on actual events trying to give a realistic feel, as if it could've happened in a parallel universe. So, some of the dialogue is on the film's script writers, not me.
Now, many of Parker's films have had her pretty chatty. Maybe I made things boring, but trying to make a story out of it instead of one long sex scene was part of what I had in mind. Maybe I took too long doing it, but I was trying to set the scene for Parker and Jessica coming together, and then attempting to create lengthy, kinky sex scenes that the reader would very much enjoy. I see Parker as a very sexy lady, clearly, and this is my way of trying to present her as such. To do her justice in that regard. I've read a lot of sex stories that I was bored by because they wrap them up so quickly. They inspire no passion or interest from me. I was trying to write something extraordinary and, according to most responses here, wrote something awful! In a way, though, it's good. I'd rather write something that inspires some passion, good or bad, than be average!
It's not ego. But after I've gotten praise elsewhere, I had a hard time figuring out how this could be considered so bad! Like these logic problems. I don't see it, and I read the story through over and over! I saw the story feedback board here and wanted to know what readers here thought, expecting some bad, some good. But, not such overwhelming bad. Nobody thought it was bad until I came here, and that's the most confusing thing. I'm hoping I can find an editor who can end that confusion, and I appreciate that advice in particular, along with all offered.
Finally, I know my intros were long, but it is the first story in what I plan to be a series, if I can get my confidence back, LOL. It seemed necessary to me to give background on Parker since she is tragically unknown. My personal intro was probably unnecessary.
At any rate, while I don't see some of what is wrong, I do acknowledge a lot of it and want you all to know your input is appreciated. And I wanted to explain why I did some of what I did in the story while I was at it. Thank you, and I hope my future stories are more enjoyable to you all.
Not sure where to start. There's been several replies since I last answered and I don't have much time. I'll start by thanking you all for showing where I need to change. I wish earlier replies had been more civil and less cutting, but I'm glad later critiques were done in a kinder way. I was expecting criticism, just not to get it called "horse shit". I know a lot of you have little free time, as I do, and I'm sorry if this was a disappointment.
I do know it was probably too long. It's a tendancy of mine to be long winded. And I might not be the best at dialogue. Among other problems. I'm going to try to find an editor that may be familiar with Parker Posey and may have a more personal understanding of the story. I'd like to present a more readable story, and see where I really messed up, and how bad. I know the length, dialogue and so forth are issues, but don't quite understand some of the others. This is how a lot of stories in the celebrity genre read, and I haven't gotten such criticisms in that community! I know there are problems, but am wondering if some of it has to do with unfamiliarity with Parker, the film it was centered around, or both.
There are some things about it I did want to explain (though I guess if explanations are necessary, there is already a problem). It's centered on fictitious sexual events after a hockey game between the crew of "Blade: Trinity" and "Catwoman" that happened in real life. It was a night of celebration because of the Blade: Trinity crew winning the game. This was kind of setting up a positive atmosphere between the women, and Parker being emboldened it, along with the fact that filming is almost at an end, and she wants to be with Jessica before that happens.
As for the dialogue, I'm not sure everything that constitutes good dialogue, but I tried to make it out of the usual and set up a kind of competitiveness between Parker and Jessica. It's typical, if not stereotypical in film especially for two people who like each other to fight beforehand. A guy and a gal arguing is the surest sign that they'll sleep together! My feeling was it would set up more intense sex between them, and increase their passion for one another incrementally as the story went on, culminating in their realization of how truly hot for each other they were, in every way!
A note on the dialogue, a lot of it is taken from the film. I used this and based the story on actual events trying to give a realistic feel, as if it could've happened in a parallel universe. So, some of the dialogue is on the film's script writers, not me.
Now, many of Parker's films have had her pretty chatty. Maybe I made things boring, but trying to make a story out of it instead of one long sex scene was part of what I had in mind. Maybe I took too long doing it, but I was trying to set the scene for Parker and Jessica coming together, and then attempting to create lengthy, kinky sex scenes that the reader would very much enjoy. I see Parker as a very sexy lady, clearly, and this is my way of trying to present her as such. To do her justice in that regard. I've read a lot of sex stories that I was bored by because they wrap them up so quickly. They inspire no passion or interest from me. I was trying to write something extraordinary and, according to most responses here, wrote something awful! In a way, though, it's good. I'd rather write something that inspires some passion, good or bad, than be average!
It's not ego. But after I've gotten praise elsewhere, I had a hard time figuring out how this could be considered so bad! Like these logic problems. I don't see it, and I read the story through over and over! I saw the story feedback board here and wanted to know what readers here thought, expecting some bad, some good. But, not such overwhelming bad. Nobody thought it was bad until I came here, and that's the most confusing thing. I'm hoping I can find an editor who can end that confusion, and I appreciate that advice in particular, along with all offered.
Finally, I know my intros were long, but it is the first story in what I plan to be a series, if I can get my confidence back, LOL. It seemed necessary to me to give background on Parker since she is tragically unknown. My personal intro was probably unnecessary.
At any rate, while I don't see some of what is wrong, I do acknowledge a lot of it and want you all to know your input is appreciated. And I wanted to explain why I did some of what I did in the story while I was at it. Thank you, and I hope my future stories are more enjoyable to you all.
