Naughty Poetry Challenge

[champagne1982]

Sounded like she was talking about pasties.
<snip>Anyhow, on the same note: if we're making either of these feminine nouns the subject of our sentence, we would use the nominative first declension ending "-ae" to make it plural. And for future reference, the nominative plural of "penis" is "penes"--not "peni" (or "penii"...?). You would, however, strictly speaking, use penis as the plural of penis if it were the direct object of a verb: "She liked penis," for example.
Alternately, you could just throw an "s" or an "es" at the end of any Latin word and not have to worry about it.

Okay, I'm crawling back in my hole now. Have fun with the naughty bits, people.

According to my Medical Terminology book, there is no broadly accepted plural of penis, since in most instances, mammals only have one. But thanks for pointing out the areolae conundrum. I'll just call 'em dangly bits and let the reader put their 50% into reading into that what they will.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Oops--Ignore this.

* * * * *

 

[champagne1982]

I didn't see the October 1 deadline. So ignore this or read it if you like just for fun.
<snip>.

You are a naughty one! Blatantly ignoring instruction and providing us with kinky erotica too boot...

I hope upbj stops in before her sortie to the bar and picks this one up.

Deadlines are for people who make a living doing this. The rest of us flaunt our freedom from due dates (and wind up paying overdue fees for our internet when we do).

In case I haven't yet, welcome to the PF&D forum PG.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

oh indeed i did stop in, and that is yummy, quite... woof.

Not pushing it too much with the bar patrons. I do carry the work along, but we must acknowledge that that may have been a singular moment in time, that particular magick friday night...

worth reading, though, o yes, and I'll carry it with the others just in case i find another audience.

ow. dammit. ow. dammit. ow.

bj

 

[Eluard]

Sounded like she was talking about pasties.

Whatever, I just dropped in to clear something up: "aureola" and "areola" mean very different things. An aureola, from the latin for golden, is a nimbus or a corona-type thingy, typically referring to the ball of light around saints and other holier-than-thous (see my AV). An areola, on the other hand, means a small space around something (derived from the diminuative from of the Latin word area). So a "large areola" is something of an oxymoron--kinda like "giant shrimp."

Anyhow, on the same note: if we're making either of these feminine nouns the subject of our sentence, we would use the nominative first declension ending "-ae" to make it plural. And for future reference, the nominative plural of "penis" is "penes"--not "peni" (or "penii"...?). You would, however, strictly speaking, use penis as the plural of penis if it were the direct object of a verb: "She liked penis," for example.
Alternately, you could just throw an "s" or an "es" at the end of any Latin word and not have to worry about it.

Okay, I'm crawling back in my hole now. Have fun with the naughty bits, people.

Why are you in a hole — why aren't you here posting poetry?

 

[Tathagata]

I didn't really notice a lot of commentary or bias about people writing more than one. In one case, with Tath's haiku, they noticed that he had more than one piece so they were able to conclude from his other work that he's not an actual child molester. bj

I suppose I should explain that last line in case any of them want to know huh?


2 meanings, very similar in nature.
In Japan they view the moment of orgasm as the closest you can get to
" the Gods".
So I had that in the back of my mind.

Also in other eastern thought, most notably Zen, enlightenment comes when you " stop thinking" or " kill the ego"
At the moment of orgasm all thoughts cease and for that one instant you are truly "you" thus a small satori if you will and as I was the one who caused it, I am your creator/ liberator for that one instant, bringing you out of duality and illusion.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I suppose I should explain that last line in case any of them want to know huh?


2 meanings, very similar in nature.
In Japan they view the moment of orgasm as the closest you can get to
" the Gods".
So I had that in the back of my mind.

Also in other eastern thought, most notably Zen, enlightenment comes when you " stop thinking" or " kill the ego"
At the moment of orgasm all thoughts cease and for that one instant you are truly "you" thus a small satori if you will and as I was the one who caused it, I am your creator/ liberator for that one instant, bringing you out of duality and illusion.

I think that explanation would interest them.

I like that idea of orgasm better than the western "little death" concept. seems more accurate as well as more appealing.

bj

 

[The_Fool]

Carrie is always fun to play with....

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Carrie is always fun to play with....

I envy your knowledge there...

hey, while I'm still healing up enough to talk a bit more about the bar's response to each piece, how bout this: poets, which of the work in this thread made YOU hottest? Aside from your own, i mean. You're allowed to pick several.

In fact, let's do two forms of that. Which one made you hottest for the author of the piece, and which made you most want to go Do That Thing right away?

bj

 

[champagne1982]

Yes. I did
mean that flick
tip wet tongue

slow and round and round
to the small snail teeth

OH
Yes. I will!
Pushing in and no
othergirldidthisbefore
rushes in your breath

round tight tongue in--pushing in

then withdrawing to fine sand
your spine

as I press the middle digit
in and in
and in
hooking you like a fish
leading, then reeling
but not letting go,
not letting you slip
off and bleeding into dangerous waters

I have you--keeping you mine
hooked and hard
as you writhe

until I can press
you like a ripe
green grape

from my finger
into my hand.

This made me want to get involved in the best way. I think next time I'm there, there's gonna be a bit of a surprise for the guy on the other end... < phew > Is it warm in here?

As far as making me hot for the poet... If I were able to take heaping spoonfuls of each of you, I'd have the most satisfying poet sundae on earth and it may even satiate me better than a real iced milk treat with hot fudge ever could... (maybe not, but mmmmm. I'd love to taste it).

 

[PandoraGlitters]

I'll Bring the Sundae Spoons!

Thank you, Champagne for your kind welcome and I'm glad you liked the poem. And I hope whatever you get up to, you and your partner find it pleasurable.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

The first time I read Pandora's piece I decided it was about grrls and it made me really hot. Then I read it the other way, as spoken to a male partner, and it made me even hotter.

I decided i didn't even care and i hoped it was about both.

I do like the sundae idea although when I get TOO vivid about it I feel the desire to go make a private call on the princess phone.

and other metaphors.

bj

 

[sophieloves]

the energy in that room, unpredictable - the focusing, the mental stirrings, must have been quite something

we stereotype people way too much, and the guy with the cowboy dress is as likely to know poetry as the next guy, but sometimes all we see are the clothes...

i would have loved to have been there, invisible, soaking up some of that mental juice!

 

[PandoraGlitters]

I was thinking of a man when I wrote the poem, but read it as you like. I wonder, though, if this thread or another one along the same lines, could be an ongoing place to post. Instead of a contest, could you make a Naughty Poetry Thread, bj? Just for ongoing naughtiness? I think there should be one here if there isn't already; this is certainly the place for one.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I was thinking of a man when I wrote the poem, but read it as you like. I wonder, though, if this thread or another one along the same lines, could be an ongoing place to post. Instead of a contest, could you make a Naughty Poetry Thread, bj? Just for ongoing naughtiness? I think there should be one here if there isn't already; this is certainly the place for one.

i think that's a stellar idea. And if not here, where?

lemme ask the old farts - ahem, the people who are venerable and experienced here and who are most authoritative and correct about things like this - which might be more efficient? Shall I just edit the intro to this thread to make it a more general invitation to just continue to write kinky poetry in here, or do you think it would be better to start a whole new thread?

When we do this, I have some fabulous phrases from the people at the bar, describing what THEY would like to see in a Kinky Poem. I'll save them as a treat when we decide where we're going to set this up.

bijou

 

[Under_Sun]

Not sure if I qualify as old fart, but I think it would be better just to start a new thread if you want a specific place for naughty poetry. From what I have seen, there have been many threads like that in the past and new starts can be a good thing....(although it is always interesting to see what people were writing here 3-4-5 years ago but methinks there is a thread for that too)

Besides people tend to congregate around new things, except maybe farts, ones that have been around long enough for their stink to dissipate (or for those around it to become accostumed to it's smell) are kind of preferable. But I digress. You seem to know your way around here very well, not sure why I felt the need to answer this!

I avoided icons for about 3 years, by the way before giving in to their easy ways.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Not sure if I qualify as old fart, but I think it would be better just to start a new thread if you want a specific place for naughty poetry. From what I have seen, there have been many threads like that in the past and new starts can be a good thing....(although it is always interesting to see what people were writing here 3-4-5 years ago but methinks there is a thread for that too)

Besides people tend to congregate around new things, except maybe farts, ones that have been around long enough for their stink to dissipate (or for those around it to become accostumed to it's smell) are kind of preferable. But I digress. You seem to know your way around here very well, not sure why I felt the need to answer this!

I avoided icons for about 3 years, by the way before giving in to their easy ways.

Your opinion is much appreciated. I tend to agree. Anyone else wanna weigh in on this?

bj

 

[champagne1982]

Your opinion is much appreciated. I tend to agree. Anyone else wanna weigh in on this?

bj

I think you should simply let this thread carry the naughty poetry as long as the interest keeps it afloat on the top of the forum. You'll find that people tend to write in cycles. I like not having my theme defined for me in a thread. I'm more inclined to put a poem on whichever passion thread is closest to the top. (like all of a sudden passion suddenly, writing live, not sure how many words or whichever challenge I feel like answering). Not to say I wouldn't drop into a naughty poetry thread, just as I visit the dark poetry thread and once I'm sure there was a sonnet thread and I know there's a blues poetry thread.

Open a discussion on anything you like! "If you build it, they will come." (W.P. Kinsella, a fellow Albertan, from his novella Shoeless Joe which was adapted into the A Field Of Dreams screenplay)

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I think you should simply let this thread carry the naughty poetry as long as the interest keeps it afloat on the top of the forum. You'll find that people tend to write in cycles. I like not having my theme defined for me in a thread. I'm more inclined to put a poem on whichever passion thread is closest to the top. (like all of a sudden passion suddenly, writing live, not sure how many words or whichever challenge I feel like answering). Not to say I wouldn't drop into a naughty poetry thread, just as I visit the dark poetry thread and once I'm sure there was a sonnet thread and I know there's a blues poetry thread.

Open a discussion on anything you like! "If you build it, they will come." (W.P. Kinsella, a fellow Albertan, from his novella Shoeless Joe which was adapted into the A Field Of Dreams screenplay)

Well okay, for now we'll just let this one keep doing what it's doing. I can even occasionally take fresh batches of work to the bar for critique. I will rehab the intro screen in a bit, with the more general theme and stuff.

Hey, maybe this can turn into the Fucking Thread. I'll start.

He ran his rough hands over the various
curves and parabolas
of the Smartest Woman in the World
and then threw her suddenly down on the bed,
which shocked the Mormon Tabernacle Choir,
who happened
to be using the bedroom for rehearsal.
Strangely, they were dressed
in caveman outfits,
but the Smartest Woman in the World
didn't know that, because
she had been blindfolded
with Che Guevara's underwear
early in that eldritch evening.

I put line divisions in it so it could be a poem.

bj

 

[champagne1982]

sex is just a nice
way to get around
to fuck talk

sex is soft and sibilant
on the tongue and through
teeth just barely open
so that widening the gap

is impossible without scrapes
and scratches from sharp
incisors. It's much easier
to simply fuck

and wallow in this clucked
syllable that splashes
the back of your throat.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Sexual intercourse
very clinical
battle of sexes
oh so cynical.

Sexual master
to my knees
touch my sex
mmmm yes please !!

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I have been given a severe warning about using the jammed finger too much, so I'm going to just learn to type without it.

Doing some more work on the Bar Naughty Poetry Reviews will give me some practice, and it's a project I've been meaning to get back to. I've continued to take the folder full of work along with me and sometimes get another reader who will write some comments. All the new pieces get printed out too, so anyone who wants to keep putting stuff in here may yet get some review...

RhymeFairy's pieces "Button fly buttons bit" and "Volcanic core, melted" both got several positive votes, but they really edited the hell out of the latter, and there were rousing discussions over which sections were the best. Most of the time a short poem of any sort got some comment about making it longer, but in this case they circled the first stanza and said that it was a poem in and of itself. Another person suggested stopping after the second stanza, at "don't stop till I command." They really noticed the line "your cock has flopped" and decided that it was the focal point of this story - someone wrote the note "premature ejaculation!!!" and several others wrote "yeah" and other agreements.

Then someone suggested reading the piece aloud. A guy named Big Mikey, who has a wonderful evangelist voice and a true flair for the theatrical, got up and did a revival-style reading of the piece, while we all shouted and clapped. Later on I noticed another couple of notes on that; one which commented "good but 10x better aloud."

That reading went so well they got Big Mikey to read a couple more, including Sapphire O's "Merging" which was a HUGE hit, and SET's Villanelle for O, which got terribly sonorous but many found pretty damn hot and extra kinky. They really seemed to respond best to the pieces that had a clear story or scenario, as opposed to some of the more "atmospheric" mood pieces. It was agreed, Sapphire, that the title didn't work at all and they wished it were a better cue for the story. Someone suggested "Revenge" as an example. Not as an actual title - I want to point that out. The person who suggested it said, "not Revenge, that's no good either, but maybe she can come up with something closer, something like that." I mention that as an example of the way they were interacting with you - with a respect for what you each intended in a piece, and a genuine understanding that editing had to have respect for the individual voice. No one, of course, used terms like "voice," but that's what they were talking about.

SET's Villanelle got a hilarious note - one person wrote, with an arrow pointing to the word 'concupiscient', "If I have to use a thesaurus it ruins the mood, however damn good."

Joey's Game's piece "That Place" got a couple of interesting notes. There were several sets of initials, meaning people liked it, and then there's the note about halfway down the page that says, "Keep reading! There's bondage!" You also inspired someone to write an actual addendum, a sort of epilogue to the poem. It says, "No need to think or plan / all that he needs will be provided / Through the dark night / he has found the light of being owned." I had to wonder if there are some very interesting secret relationships in this bar... wouldn't surprise me a bit.

The women loved Sara's "Do It". It got several notes that said 'best' or 'this is it' or '#1'. MTVM's "Tied Beauty" got some initials, one suggestion "not bad, needs more though" and one note that said, "pretty egocentric but good".

Aside from the lengthy discussion of Eluard's use of the word "cunt" in "Park by the Water" there was other talk about that piece. They were a little harsh in spots but it got a lot of attention, more than most of the other more abstract pieces. One group of women argued whether the use of the phrases "fucked you wildly" and then later "made love to you this night" were contradictory. They felt like that shifted the feeling of the piece; someone suggested that FIRST he fucked her wildly and THEN later they made love. One major contributor to the notes on a lot of poems, and a rather astute reviewer in many cases, was someone named VS, who on this piece pointed out the first few verses and wrote, "Dude, this totally sounds like necrophilia." In re-reading it, I couldn't really disagree.

unbridled passion's "love notes placed around the house" was a big, big hit with the women. They found it romantic and just kinky enough for a lot of their personal tastes. Someone commented that the second to last stanza "whipped cream is..." seemed awkward to read; I think they wanted to stay in the moment of the poem rather than move to worrying about the next morning.

The Fool's "Another Thought on Intimacy" got a lot of attention. Several initials, a couple of people making notes that it was in their top 3, one note that said, "not kinky but good nonetheless." This was one that got read aloud, in this case with a friend of Big Mikey's acting out the various positions described. They had great fun with it up until the stanza "sweat trickles down his nose" and then they really lost it over the hyperbolic quality there - the sweat becoming a river had everyone distracted; they started riffing on the fact that it was no wonder she was "sightless" given that amount of salt. Several people noticed the harshness of the voice, the attitude of the poet toward his beloved, and the comment was made that it almost sounded like he was talking about a blow-up doll.

sophieloves' piece "shhhh..." got several positive comments: "Awesome! - Binky" and "Sam approved" were two representative ones. The best part was when one of the men who really liked it came over to me and said, "this is almost perfect, so I'm going to fix it." He then grabbed a pen and crossed out the phrase "and love" in the first line, and changed "loving" to "lusting" in the last line. "there," he said decisively, handing it back to me with a flourish. I think, re-reading, he may have been right.

Phew! I'm still shuffling through the huge folder of work. The more recently submitted pieces have been read by a few people, and Champagne's fellatio poem has gotten some looks of approval (helped that I read it aloud and with a certain... enthusiasm). Pandora's poem hasn't gotten a chance to get too many comments yet but there were a couple of people who read it and liked it so far. I'm right fond of it, myself.

If I've missed anything let me know - it's hard to keep track of which poems I've talked about and which I haven't.

Though I may never manage to create that kind of magic moment with poetry in that bar again, that evening will stand in my memory for a long time. I think it's fair to say that a certain segment of the folks in here would walk into that bar and make some pretty harsh judgments of the crowd, and fair also to say that that crowd might make some pretty harsh judgments of some of the folks in here. I will not opinionate on which group would be more accurate. Since I am fond of both groups, I love any opportunity to bring the cultures into contact with one another, in hopes that if I ever take you to my Bar you'll see the people there as I see them, and they would perhaps also see you more three-dimensionally than they might otherwise.

Keep doing this sexy work, people. Who knows, I might be able to take the next batch to some other interesting group of judges. There's this bar called "Jack's"...

blessings
bijou

 

[sophieloves]

sophieloves' piece "shhhh..." got several positive comments: "Awesome! - Binky" and "Sam approved" were two representative ones. The best part was when one of the men who really liked it came over to me and said, "this is almost perfect, so I'm going to fix it." He then grabbed a pen and crossed out the phrase "and love" in the first line, and changed "loving" to "lusting" in the last line. "there," he said decisively, handing it back to me with a flourish. I think, re-reading, he may have been right.

first of all, i'm blown away it even got looked at - second, i'm amazed at the positive comments. wow - really. grinning from ear to ear. and thirdly, kiss that guy who changed the wording for me. x. thankyou very much, bijou.

fixed:



shhhh....

there with you, drinking in the fumes of alcohol, swimming in the lust that sparks as soon as i cradle your head, fingers in your hair, pulling your head to my breast

revelling,
in the way you devour my nipple,
so greedy
a drowning man clinging to my flesh
pulling me under with you
hands all over eachother
tongues fucking eachother's mouths
swapping breaths intense as hard meets soft
wetness moaning grasping yearning
butter-slick and twice as hot
sweat wet flesh and teeth bared in urgency
pulse thumping in the ears and throat
gasping drowning all or nothing
hurting hurting hurting
claim me for the hurt is sweet and i can scream your name
with every fibre of my being
rivers run and turgid cock release
bites screams

weeps
kisses
shaking legs
shaking hearts
smiling
lusting


oh ....

 

[unpredictablebijou]

first of all, i'm blown away it even got looked at - second, i'm amazed at the positive comments. wow - really. grinning from ear to ear. and thirdly, kiss that guy who changed the wording for me. x. thankyou very much, bijou.

fixed:

.

I would love to introduce you to Binky. He's not a typical poetry editor type, to say the least. But man, his critique was right on more often than not. Fun guy. I'll be sure he knows you liked his feedback. He'll be mighty pleased.

bj

 

[unpredictablebijou]

first of all, i'm blown away it even got looked at - second, i'm amazed at the positive comments. wow - really. grinning from ear to ear. and thirdly, kiss that guy who changed the wording for me. x. thankyou very much, bijou.

fixed:

message gleefully delivered. Binky went all AwShucks. He thinks your screen name is sexy.

I'm also bumping this thread to make sure that everyone who cared about their reviews notices that they're finished now.

bj