New Author - Multi-Part Story Getting Mixed Reviews

[Emilymcplugger]

Hey guys! I've been a lurker on Lit for years, and finally posted my 1st story over the weekend. It's a somewhat slow-burn kinda story, and one I've been crafting in my head for years. The first chapter did OK, getting 4.3 stars. The 2nd chapter got posted earlier today, and MAN is that shit tanking! 3.9 stars. I don't understand why, as it's spicier than the 1st chapter, and no one has left any comments. How much does the rating actually matter? I was REALLY gonna shift things into 5th gear with Part 3, but the abysmal rating on my last one has me pretty discouraged. Could it simply be the category I posted in? Like some categories are more brutal in their ratings than others?

If my writing is shit, then I can understand that LOL! I just wonder how much of it is my skill level, and how much of it is people being salty that I haven't gotten to the hardcore sex stuff yet.

I went through EXACTLY what you went through with my story, but the opposite way around.

The first part did okay.
Second (my least favourite part) hot
Third …hot
Fourth (at the point my favourite chapter) less than the previous two, and I thought this was WAY hotter than Chapter 2.
Fifth …very hot.

Just keep going. Finish the story then we can be all judgmental …er, I mean supportive on your story.

Don’t let ratings bring you down, like penises they can also go up.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Hey guys! I've been a lurker on Lit for years, and finally posted my 1st story over the weekend. It's a somewhat slow-burn kinda story, and one I've been crafting in my head for years. The first chapter did OK, getting 4.3 stars. The 2nd chapter got posted earlier today, and MAN is that shit tanking! 3.9 stars. I don't understand why, as it's spicier than the 1st chapter, and no one has left any comments. How much does the rating actually matter? I was REALLY gonna shift things into 5th gear with Part 3, but the abysmal rating on my last one has me pretty discouraged. Could it simply be the category I posted in? Like some categories are more brutal in their ratings than others?

If my writing is shit, then I can understand that LOL! I just wonder how much of it is my skill level, and how much of it is people being salty that I haven't gotten to the hardcore sex stuff yet.

Two issues with your stories:

First, a multi-chapter or multi-part story doesn't catch the same reads for part two as part one. And some readers won't click on "part 2" if they haven't read part one ... UNLESS ...

Second, the description line for your part two doesn't grab the reader. It doesn't scream SEX! You were trying to be too subtle, and readers don't pick up on such subtle descriptions. Part two (and future parts) need to SCREAM SEX in the description to attract new readers.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Two issues with your stories:

First, a multi-chapter or multi-part story doesn't catch the same reads for part two as part one. And some readers won't click on "part 2" if they haven't read part one ... UNLESS ...

Second, the description line for your part two doesn't grab the reader. It doesn't scream SEX! You were trying to be too subtle, and readers don't pick up on such subtle descriptions. Part two (and future parts) need to SCREAM SEX in the description to attract new readers.

Yeah, I learnt that the hard way about the description line with my stories.

“The adventure continues” tells nothing, but, “Woman strips and has voyeur fun with two dildo’s” grabs the audience by their particulars.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Ahh, okay, a come uppance, just deserts type story. That being the case, some better foreshadowing early on, maybe? Coming in cold on the character, you've got to give readers someone to engage with. Tough to do, with an unlikable character. Why should I care about her, if you don't, know what I mean?

The thing about infodumps, blocks of background up early, is this: how is it relevant to the story? It very often isn't, so are we expected to remember all this stuff? All of it? Part of it? I dread a story that begins, "I was on term break and..." - which is how oh so many stories start - this one follows a similar pattern, but really, tells me nothing I want to know.

It's better, I think, to dole out what backstory you need, when you need it, but not before (and very often, you find you don't need it at all). Building a character is one thing (and can be done in a few graceful sentences) but you don't need a life history to do It.

Compare the beginning of this story - EB shameless self-promotion - and ask yourself, are you intrigued enough to continue? (You might not be, but there's not one second of back story, which is the point I'm making). And she's definitely not a "yes, man" kind of a woman, quite the opposite.

As I say, you can write, you have the technical stuff pretty much okay (nothing jumped out as diabolical, unlike many first stories); and the fact that you brought the story here for comment is an indication that you're thinking about it all - which is always a good sign. Keep going, you'll be fine .

If I may comment on info-dumps - was that term invented on Lit or elsewhere? - it's often an issue in a story. John Updike could mostly get away with those. Even he could overdo it, like when he spent two pages or more describing two guys playing a round of golf. (He's really into the sport, and I'm not.)

If one does write "too much," then sometimes you have to take a scalpel to it, or maybe a butcher's cleaver. I recently did that when I cut about 90% of a description of a trip on New York's Circle Line boat tour. It didn't really add to the story, so it went on the cutting room floor. (Don't look for it here because it would violate Lit's age restrictions.)

 

[ElectricBlue]

If I may comment on info-dumps - was that term invented on Lit or elsewhere? - it's often an issue in a story.

Don't know, to be honest. It's a commonly used term here at the AH, at least, possibly because it's so common in the writing found on Lit. But a wider literary critical term? Don't know.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

If I may comment on info-dumps - was that term invented on Lit or elsewhere? - it's often an issue in a story. John Updike could mostly get away with those. Even he could overdo it, like when he spent two pages or more describing two guys playing a round of golf. (He's really into the sport, and I'm not.)

If one does write "too much," then sometimes you have to take a scalpel to it, or maybe a butcher's cleaver. I recently did that when I cut about 90% of a description of a trip on New York's Circle Line boat tour. It didn't really add to the story, so it went on the cutting room floor. (Don't look for it here because it would violate Lit's age restrictions.)

In film they are known as exposition dumps.

A good example of a good one is Obi-Wan talking about Luke’s Dad in Star Wars.

A bad one would be the scene were R Lee Emery is talking about Steven Seagal’s character in “ON DEADLY GROUND”.

 

[Bubo_bubo]

If I may comment on info-dumps - was that term invented on Lit or elsewhere?

Nope. Heard it often enough and long before I came to this forum. There is probably a TV-Tropes page for it.

And yes ... https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Infodump

 

[gunhilltrain]

In film they are known as exposition dumps.

A good example of a good one is Obi-Wan talking about Luke’s Dad in Star Wars.

A bad one would be the scene were R Lee Emery is talking about Steven Seagal’s character in “ON DEADLY GROUND”.

The typical way for a movie to begin used to be to have the opening credits, and then, as in Paths of Glory (1957), there might be a title card ("France, 1916") to get that out of the way. There is also a brief narration to describe how the war is going at that point (for those who forgot or never knew anything about World War I). The first real scene is the two French generals (George Macready and Adolphe Menjou) in a chateau describing the battle that is about to happen. More information is then given out in pieces over the next several scenes (Kirk Douglas appears) but it appears to be part of the plot, for the most part, not just an exposition dump.

 

[SanguineSavage]

I wanted to give you some feedback having read these two chapters.

First of all, I'm not a technical writer and I have no training in the subject, so I can't give you advice on how info-dumps work or feedback on the structure of your story. I write very simplistically and tell stories that turn me on. If you think the problem is with the technicalities of the story then there are people here who are much more experienced than I am to give you that assistance. However...

Your story was published in Exhibitionist and Voyeur. Pt1 set itself up nicely to be a consensual story around that theme. This is going to appeal nicely to people who like that genre. Remember that when linking to a story from the E&V home page, you don't get to see the tags unless you specifically click on them.

Whilst there were some subtle hints of weirdness in Ch1, fundamentally it was a vague start that didn't give many clues as to the nature of the whole story. There were multiple directions it could have taken, he could have been filming her, the "special arrangements" might have included her being exposed whilst his family or friends visited, she might have had to wear cat ears or she might have had to wear frilly Victorian underwear. Basically, it allowed the reader to project onto the story the direction they wanted it to take (within certain limits of course), which is usually based on their own sexual preferences. For me, I was hoping that David was kind and that Riley was skint, that it starts off as a financial arrangement but perhaps morphs into something more once Riley learns to love being naked for him.

Then you publish Ch2 and all that changes. It is no longer about a relationship of equals. There is a very uneven power dynamic in Ch2 that made me feel uncomfortable. I sense from what you've said above, that you might get to a point where the young woman enjoys "being brought down by a peg or two" and humiliated and that obviously plays into many people's kink. However, many of the people who read part 1 would then be turned off by the change in the old man's demeanor and behavior in part2.

If you think about some of the stories you've read on here, I suspect that there are many where you get to a certain point and then think "oh no, this isn't for me". Well, that happened for me in part2; I started reading, hoping for a story about an exhibitionistic young woman and a voyeuristic older man but instead, I got a tale about humiliation (partially my fault as I didn't read the tags)

Having said that I didn't like the change in dynamic, there are many here that will love it. Once you publish pt3, and as long as you get the tags and subtitles right, then the only people that will start to read the series are those that want to read BDSM/Humiliation stories. You are a great writer, I loved your style, and I certainly didn't take against Riley as some others have commented. I think if you keep writing what turns you on you will eventually find an audience of like-minded people and the ratings will then reflect that.

YOOOO, this is some of the best feedback I've gotten yet! Makes complete sense that it might just not have been the proper category. Thanks so much fam, that really put some wind back into my sails.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Whilst there were some subtle hints of weirdness in Ch1, fundamentally it was a vague start that didn't give many clues as to the nature of the whole story. There were multiple directions it could have taken, he could have been filming her, the "special arrangements" might have included her being exposed whilst his family or friends visited, she might have had to wear cat ears or she might have had to wear frilly Victorian underwear. Basically, it allowed the reader to project onto the story the direction they wanted it to take (within certain limits of course), which is usually based on their own sexual preferences. For me, I was hoping that David was kind and that Riley was skint, that it starts off as a financial arrangement but perhaps morphs into something more once Riley learns to love being naked for him.

Then you publish Ch2 and all that changes. It is no longer about a relationship of equals. There is a very uneven power dynamic in Ch2 that made me feel uncomfortable. I sense from what you've said above, that you might get to a point where the young woman enjoys "being brought down by a peg or two" and humiliated and that obviously plays into many people's kink. However, many of the people who read part 1 would then be turned off by the change in the old man's demeanor and behavior in part2.

I didn't get to Ch. 2, but this is a really good point. When I start on a new story by an unfamiliar author, the biggest question in my mind is "am I going to enjoy this? Is it going to be worth finishing it?"

That's a question you want to answer for the reader as soon as possible. Published authors have an advantage here - things like a familiar name, the cover art, reviews and marketing can all help to guide expectations. Readers on Literotica are usually coming in with much less info.

Along with readers like Trillian who hit part 2 and realised that it wasn't going to be their thing, there will be other readers who would have enjoyed part 2 but didn't get that far because part 1 didn't show them enough about where it was going.

 

[BobbyBrandt]

Thanks so much for the feedback guys! I think removing them and then re-posting them in one chunk with the new chapter could really help, so that's what I'm going to do.

While my multipart stories have been rated okay, the readers who comment on them consistently report that they don't like waiting for the next part to get posted, and encouraged me to post a single long story instead.

To the first complaint, I can't control how this site schedules submissions for publishing. I submit all the parts on the same day but they trickle onto the site for days afterward. This is why I have committed to only posting stories in single submissions from now on, and the readers seem to appreciate that.

Whichever you decide, I recommend that you wait until your story is complete before submitting any part of it. You'll have far more control over every aspect of your story if you maintain some patience.