Non- Sexual Privacy

[shy slave]

Being a smart-ass, sadist and Dom, I tend to answer that with "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would have been talking."

That, is a fabulous reply!

It would shut me up in a heart beat, but then I may laugh, cry or sulk depending on my mood LOL

Damn PYLs, you always get the last word, and best rejoinders lol

 

[Ebonyfire]

That, is a fabulous reply!

It would shut me up in a heart beat, but then I may laugh, cry or sulk depending on my mood LOL

Damn PYLs, you always get the last word, and best rejoinders lol

Isn't that the way it should be?

 

[shy slave]

I met my Dom on-line but we see each other in real life so I don't consider him an "on-line Dom". From the very beginning we had agreed that we would respect the privacy of our spouses. Since my bills and banks accounts are joint than they are considered off limits. I am extremely frugal so it is not an area of concern anyway.

My Dom respects my marriage, He has never asked to see the emails I have sent my husband including the many we sent while he was deployed. On the other hand my husband respects my relationship with my Dom. He has never asked to see any IMs or emails either. Sometimes it is a fine balancing position for me. But I enjoy the challenge of obeying my Dom and still keeping my marriage and family together and happy.

Thanks for explaining this.
I can see how it would be a balancing act between both aspects of your life.

I did not mean anything my the term 'online Dom' I really thought it was only online.
Nor do I have any issues with online or any other sort of D/s relationship.

Andante and I met online, so thank God for the internet lol

 

[shy slave]

seri your post summed it up so much better than my OP when you said

It makes the ownership tangible.

.

It is not about whether he does look at my emails, bills, accounts it is a reminder that he can.

Skittles, I was interested by this comment.

I could ask the same of Her and She would indulge me if She felt like it. I don't ask.

It has not occured to me that I could have the same access rights to his information, after all I don't own him; he owns me.

How would PYLs feel if they were asked by their pyl for access to information?

To me, it may change the dynamic of our relationship. I don't want equal rights in some areas. If I did, I would be in a different relationship.

BB, I am with you on the bills being scary. My phone bill is not online, but maybe it should be. It makes me grey everytime it arrives lol

FF, I am with ADR, you do sound Domme-ly LOL

 

[FurryFury]

I hear that a lot. It's nice to be so surprising to people at times.



Fury

 

[SweetErika]

How would PYLs feel if they were asked by their pyl for access to information?

I'd be fine if there was a good reason behind it, like him needing to find something specific when I didn't remember or have access. "I need your info so I can keep tabs on/trust/understand you" (or similar) would go over like a lead balloon, though.

I figure my spouse, D/s or not, needs to have access to my stuff, but that's a position-specific privilege. If I ever have another spouse-like person in my life, I'll likely give them access too, but I wouldn't give it to just any significant other, or appreciate being asked for it, without very good reason.

I can, however, see asking a pyl for their info as a mechanism of control and security, if that's the type of relationship we'd negotiated. Before this thread, I'd never seen it that way, but I can definitely understand how it's suitable and preferable for some people now.

 

[A Desert Rose]

LOL
I read it and I thought I answered it.

My brain has been scrambled will now have to check if I actually did reply.

As for whether he read it, I will have to ask him.
I never know if, and when, he is going to look through mail or which ones he reads.

Well, I didn't write anything I'd be ashamed of but I bet he's thinking (if he did indeed read it) what a nerdy girl that one is... LOL

 

[intothewoods]

My PYL (ha ha) sees whatever She wants to. She has all my passwords, even here. She randomly goes through my phone log and my texts, She even watches me go to the bathroom. She overrides any decisions I make that She doesn't like, even those pertaining to my children.

You know, the bathroom thing bugs me way more than email. I don't want to be emailing something that I wouldn't want my PYL to see. If there is an issue, I hope I can bring it to him first.

But the bathroom? Oh god. That is my worst nightmare. Must you really see that? I don't know why that can't remain private. But I have hangups about bodily fluids.

It's odd. I can talk about all kinds of freaky sex all day long. But discuss poo? EEK!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

.... But discuss poo? EEK!

I take it that the scat scene I was thinking about is off the table then? ? ?

 

[shy slave]

Isn't that the way it should be?

*Zips mouth firmly shut*

LOL

Sweet Erica, that is what I love about Lit, when discussions, without rancour, can give another view point and make a re-think or potential change possible.

It has happened to me more than once on here.

I now believe 'never say never'

ITW, see above comment!! ROFL

 

[intothewoods]

I take it that the scat scene I was thinking about is off the table then? ? ?

No, as long as we do it ON the table, I'm good to go.


Ba dum dum.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

No, as long as we do it ON the table, I'm good to go.


Ba dum dum.

*LMAO* ITW SCORES!

 

[intothewoods]

You know, it's not even the potty stuff so much as that I want to have five minutes where I can just, you know, do the things girls do to be pretty without giving up all my secrets, damn it! Like I don't even want to post about them. It's too embarassing!

And I know the idea is that you trust someone enough to share your not so lovely side, but that will be a tough one for me. I'm very open about most things - you can read my email all day. It's not like I'm the type to keep my issues a secret. If anything, I can't shut up!

Again, I can talk about sucking cock or taking it up the bum all day long. But girly grooming? No, no no no! Please don't make me!

 

[intothewoods]

*LMAO* ITW SCORES!

I know. I'm wicked funny.

 

[shy slave]

Well, I didn't write anything I'd be ashamed of but I bet he's thinking (if he did indeed read it) what a nerdy girl that one is... LOL

If he read it, and if he thought that; he kept it to himself .

He doesn't read everything, just random bits, and when he chooses to.

 

[shy slave]

You know, it's not even the potty stuff so much as that I want to have five minutes where I can just, you know, do the things girls do to be pretty without giving up all my secrets, damn it! Like I don't even want to post about them. It's too embarassing!

And I know the idea is that you trust someone enough to share your not so lovely side, but that will be a tough one for me. I'm very open about most things - you can read my email all day. It's not like I'm the type to keep my issues a secret. If anything, I can't shut up!

Again, I can talk about sucking cock or taking it up the bum all day long. But girly grooming? No, no no no! Please don't make me!

LOL

I know what you mean.

Some things just don't need to be seen.

He has never asked to see me doing any girly grooming, but if he did he would have to come down to the waxing shop with me, as thats where I have most of my grooming done lol

 

[skittles_lm]

Skittles, I was interested by this comment.


"It has not occured to me that I could have the same access rights to his information, after all I don't own him; he owns me."

I did, in fact, say that I don't ask.

Sometimes She volunteers the information though, just to make me feel good.


And intothewoods, I am with you on the girly grooming. Absolute Don't ask, don't tell, DON'T LOOK policy! lol, She respects that too, thank goodness!

 

[Bandit58]

You know, the bathroom thing bugs me way more than email. I don't want to be emailing something that I wouldn't want my PYL to see. If there is an issue, I hope I can bring it to him first.

But the bathroom? Oh god. That is my worst nightmare. Must you really see that? I don't know why that can't remain private. But I have hangups about bodily fluids.

It's odd. I can talk about all kinds of freaky sex all day long. But discuss poo? EEK!

I have no problem peeing when He's in the bathroom with me, but pooping? NOPE that just isn't happening. He walked in on me when I was changing a tampon once.....lol I was so embarrassed

He sees my main email account all the time, but isn't interested in the 3 others I have. I know His passwords so I can check His emails when He is ill or in the hospital, but if He's home I always ask if He'd like me to check them for Him.

I handle most of our finances - I have His ATM card PIN and get His money out for Him every week. I keep the receipt and give it to Him but He hardly ever looks at it. He has no idea what my PIN number is, and doesn't want to know. I pay our bills over the internet, or I use my credit card. He gives me His share in cash. We have separate accounts (if you hadn't already guessed).

 

[shy slave]

Bandit, it makes sense that you have access to emails and accounts due to Master Gil illness.

I agree on the bathroom things. He has never seen me change a tampon, and I hope it stays that way.

Email access is easy in comparison to that
Skittles, I am sorry I didn't mean to suggest you had asked her for that information.
Your comment just gave me another line of thought which I had not considered before.

I would not ask him for access to his email, if he gave it I would have to read endless stuff that I don't have an interest in or understand.

 

[JMohegan]

Having access to my e-mail and other correspondance is not something he has expressed an interest in. He is aware of my finances and we do discuss their management but he has not requested the passwords to my on-line banking and bill pay. On the other hand, he has a key to my house and lives only a couple of miles away so he can come over and rifle through my stuff anytime he wants. To my knowledge he has never done it and I truly doubt he ever would unless it was to take some sort of corrective action to a specific problem. Otherwise, it's not his style to want access to those areas of my life.

It's not my style, either.

I am interested in control that arouses me, serves my needs outside the bedroom, or supports & sustains the relationship.

Access to email, accounts, etc., does none of that for me. So I'm just not interested in that type of control.

 

[catalina_francisco]

It is not about whether he does look at my emails, bills, accounts it is a reminder that he can.

LOL, so many misunderstand this fine point....I doubt F has read any of my emails, except when we were looking for play partners to play with together...but it is the knowldge that he can access anything and any area of my life with or without my knowledge which fulfils one of the aspects of ownership we both like. As to the girly and bathroom stuff....bah, I am not afforded the luxury of privacy even there and he does delight in occasionally pushing the point just to make me squirm and ick, thus amusing him no end.

Catalina

 

[ownedsubgal]

it's kind of odd, in the early period of our relationship, it bothered me somewhat that my Master had complete access to all facets of my life. not that i ever wished to hide anything from him or have secrets, but because i felt trapped in a way, and that eventually there would be no part of my life that was just "me." like i was losing myself, if that makes sense.

now the very same things that worried and bothered me then, give me comfort and security now. i like being an open book to him...just naked before him, for him to do with as he wills. i've found freedom in the bondage.

He has full access to all online information...emails, message boards, all passwords, etc. often times i am slow in responding to emails, private messages and such because my Master has checked them first and never told me about them (he checks such things far more frequently than i do). He has even sent emails and posted on forums in my name, not so much to deceive others, but simply because he felt it was easier and quicker to just do it himself rather than take the time to order me to do so.

as far as finances, there is only one account (savings) in my name..he is the holder of that account and i have zero access to it on my own. when we were first together, i had my own savings and checking, he controlled all my spending and saving, and had complete access. sometimes i would check my account and find that one or two hundred dollars was missing (an astronomical amount to a 19/20 yr old getting minimum wage)....would ask him about it later, only for him to remind me that it was none of my business what he did with HIS money. because after all, less i forget, i was a slave now and everything i have is indeed HIS. will admit that took some getting used to, lol. but as i said now this transparency and lack of privacy if you will makes me feel all the more secure and at peace in my slavery.

as far as his personal information, i have no access to anything for the most part. He did tell me his passcodes for bank cards and such, but that is because he has a tendency to forget numbers and he finds it helpful to have me there to remind him. but i have no access to the cards themselves. His emails, online business, etc...those are his business and are not my concern. i don't even know the passwords to our couples profiles on collarme and alt most of the time (he changes them frequently). basically, his business is his business, and my business is his business.

 

[shy slave]

Interesting to read the differing ways a PYL has of exerting levels of control.
It is not always about what they do, but what they can do if they choose to, and what fits into their needs and serves them.

Cat, it would really make me squirm if Andante decided to watch bathroom girly stuff.

OSG, I really liked this line, summed up so much so well
basically, his business is his business, and my business is his business.

All the responses makes me think how things differ from person to person and relationship to relationship.
It does make labels difficult to understand.
JM, Ebony, Andante and EG are all PYLs but they all vary on what they choose to have control over. Therefore when you meet someone using the label of Dom or Domme, really means very little. Just as slave/sub/bottom, does not explain what an individual means by those terms.
I like labels as a starting point, but they do need clarification at times.

Equally I see private girly things and bathroom habits as sexual, because they are intimate, whereas emails, bills may be private but are not intimate.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Equally I see private girly things and bathroom habits as sexual, because they are intimate, whereas emails, bills may be private but are not intimate.

Now I think of bathroom habits as being ways of controlling my male submissives. I do not think they find it sexual at all, and they are surprised when they have to ask to use the facilities and they find they cannot close the door.

 

[Shankara20]

Now I think of bathroom habits as being ways of controlling my male submissives. I do not think they find it sexual at all, and they are surprised when they have to ask to use the facilities and they find they cannot close the door.

While living in a flat in San Francisco that was used by several ProDommes we installed eye bolts in the walls at the toilet so clients could be shackled ankle and wrist while seated on the potty - more of a mind-fuck for them then anything else.

I may have a photo, if so, I'll post it later.