Non- Sexual Privacy

[Ebonyfire]

While living in a flat in San Francisco that was used by several ProDommes we installed eye bolts in the walls at the toilet so clients could be shackled ankle and wrist while seated on the potty - more of a mind-fuck for them then anything else.

I may have a photo, if so, I'll post it later.

I would love to see it.

I have never tethered any of my subs to the toilet, but I have tethered a few to the bed. [Not at the same time, LOL]

 

[shy slave]

Now I think of bathroom habits as being ways of controlling my male submissives. I do not think they find it sexual at all, and they are surprised when they have to ask to use the facilities and they find they cannot close the door.

I guess for me it seems sexual because it is not a GP examination and it does involve genitalia.

Maybe my mind is wired wrongly .

I have never had to ask and he has never watched.

It really does come down to what controls a PYL wants to have in the relationship and how the pyl reacts to such things.
I guess it also about moving limits and pushing boundaries. I know there are things I do because he wants it, that I used to say I would never comply with.

This would be a heck of a boundary for me to move, and I think he would also struggle as I often need to go every 20 mins or so!
I can imagine it driving him crazy if I asked each and every time.

 

[FurryFury]

Hey, if my husband, kids or cats don't want to see what goes on in the bathroom they can walk away.

LOL!

Most of the above have peed, thrown up and pooped or some variation, on me, after all. It's not a big deal to me.

I gave up ALL privacy a loooong time ago.

Fury

 

[shy slave]

While living in a flat in San Francisco that was used by several ProDommes we installed eye bolts in the walls at the toilet so clients could be shackled ankle and wrist while seated on the potty - more of a mind-fuck for them then anything else.

I may have a photo, if so, I'll post it later.

WOW
That is quite a mind fuck, and I would be really curious about seeing the pics.

However, is it just me who thinks that, as a generalisation, men tend to spend ages in the toilet sometimes and often take a book or magazine in there.
Perhaps if they have something to read, they would forget about the shackles!

 

[Shankara20]

I would love to see it.

I have never tethered any of my subs to the toilet, but I have tethered a few to the bed. [Not at the same time, LOL]

the eye bolts can be seen on the walls - click on pics for larger view.





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[shy slave]

Hey, if my husband, kids or cats don't want to see what goes on in the bathroom they can walk away.

LOL!

Most of the above have peed, thrown up and pooped or some variation, on me, after all. It's not a big deal to me.

Fury

I know kids never see the bathroom as private, used to drive me crazy when they were little.
More than once I locked myself in there, just as a means for 5 mins peace lol

 

[shy slave]

the eye bolts can be seen on the walls - click on pics for larger view.





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Interesting pic, thanks Shank

God, I hope it doesn't give him ideas....

 

[Shankara20]

WOW
That is quite a mind fuck, and I would be really curious about seeing the pics.

However, is it just me who thinks that, as a generalisation, men tend to spend ages in the toilet sometimes and often take a book or magazine in there.
Perhaps if they have something to read, they would forget about the shackles!

it is hard to turn the pages if your wrists are hooked to the walls....

 

[Ebonyfire]

I guess for me it seems sexual because it is not a GP examination and it does involve genitalia.

Maybe my mind is wired wrongly .

I have never had to ask and he has never watched.

It really does come down to what controls a PYL wants to have in the relationship and how the pyl reacts to such things.
I guess it also about moving limits and pushing boundaries. I know there are things I do because he wants it, that I used to say I would never comply with.

This would be a heck of a boundary for me to move, and I think he would also struggle as I often need to go every 20 mins or so!
I can imagine it driving him crazy if I asked each and every time.

Well in my case, I require the door be open, but that does not mean I have to look. I may look, and I could look, but I might be too busy sipping that perfect drink he made for me, or letting my nails dry after the excellent manicure or pedicure, to pay attention.

The whole purpose in my world to to let him know he is no longer his own man. He belongs to Me.

 

[shy slave]

it is hard to turn the pages if your wrists are hooked to the walls....

You have a point there, maybe a magazines with pics only instead....LOL

 

[shy slave]

Well in my case, I require the door be open, but that does not mean I have to look. I may look, and I could look, but I might be too busy sipping that perfect drink he made for me, or letting my nails dry after the excellent manicure or pedicure, to pay attention.

The whole purpose in my world to to let him know he is no longer his own man. He belongs to Me.

It is rare that Domme-Land looks interesting, but when you put it in such terms; I do wonder if I could cope with being a Domme

 

[agibean]

I just have to ask about this:

skittles_lm said:"...She overrides any decisions I make that She doesn't like, even those pertaining to my children."

Are you saying that your PYL makes decisions about children who are yours, not hers, yet, she has final say in how they are raised? Does this apply even when you strongly disagree or might even find the decision damaging to your relationship with them, or even unsafe to the children themselves?

Has this ever happened, or so far, have you always agreed in the end?

How would you react if your PYL made a decision regarding your kids, who didn't ASK to be plunked into the middle of a BDSM relationship, that you opposed?

I ask this as a mother of three, two of whom are not my husband's kids. We do work together on most parenting decisions, but my older kids also have a father who shares parenting input with me. Ultimately, the decisions about my older kids are up to me, and in some cases, with the input of my ex. If my husband made a decision that I felt was detrimental to my kids (even our bio kid), I wouldn't be able to go along. BEing a dom/master etc. doesn't make one omnicient, and people get things wrong sometimes. If my kids' health, safety or lives were at stake, master or not, my husband wouldn't be getting his way.

How does one who says "She overrides any decisions I make that She doesn't like, even those pertaining to my children. " deal with that? How can you NOT put your children and their well-being, first?

 

[JMohegan]

All the responses makes me think how things differ from person to person and relationship to relationship.
It does make labels difficult to understand.
JM, Ebony, Andante and EG are all PYLs but they all vary on what they choose to have control over. Therefore when you meet someone using the label of Dom or Domme, really means very little. Just as slave/sub/bottom, does not explain what an individual means by those terms.
I like labels as a starting point, but they do need clarification at times.

In all honesty, I don't think the upper/lower case PC avoidance of labeling is helping the matter.

D/s and M/s are different in my book. Very much so!

I am not a PYL and I am not a Master. I am a Dominant who is interested in a D/s relationship with a submissive, not a slave.

The enormous difference between the mindset of someone who desires a partner, and one who desires property, explains many of the variations that one sees.

Equally I see private girly things and bathroom habits as sexual, because they are intimate, whereas emails, bills may be private but are not intimate.

I definitely consider forced display of girly things & bathroom habits to be sexual, for the simple reason that I find squirming, embarrassment, mortification, etc., to be arousing in the extreme!

I am not interested in viewing the actions themselves per se, but find the reactions accompanying forced display to be delicious.

 

[JMohegan]

the eye bolts can be seen on the walls - click on pics for larger view.

Ohhhh, that's awesome!

 

[LittleJade]

My partner knows my passwords to the different sites I post on. Often, when I leave my computer, I leave browsers open, and he's free to poke around in my inbox, on Lit, whatever. I don't much care, either way. Generally, however, he doesn't look around in the places I frequent, because he believes it's my space, and that I need to have my space to myself. I have his passwords, and I only use them to update certain things that are my responsibility... otherwise, I do not use them. We have nothing to hide, we just believe in personal space.

If I had NOT given him my passwords, and discovered that he had gotten into my emails, my websites, etc, even if I had nothing to hide, I'd be steaming fucking mad. That is MY inbox, MY place to hold conversations- not his. Even if there's not a thing in there for me to be ashamed of, the sneakiness and deceit of his actions would be a deal-breaker.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hey, if my husband, kids or cats don't want to see what goes on in the bathroom they can walk away.

LOL!

Most of the above have peed, thrown up and pooped or some variation, on me, after all. It's not a big deal to me.

I gave up ALL privacy a loooong time ago.

Fury

LOL, this made me laugh...and think. We have the furry ones enclosed litter tray in our downstairs toilet. Almost without fail if I head to the loo, one or both follow and sit and wait. At times Zora will hop through the swing door to her litter while I am on the loo, then emerge with a glance to see if I am ready to leave also....'tis sweet in a way.

Catalina

 

[Ebonyfire]

the eye bolts can be seen on the walls - click on pics for larger view.





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Wicked! I like!

 

[Ebonyfire]

It is rare that Domme-Land looks interesting, but when you put it in such terms; I do wonder if I could cope with being a Domme

Well someone has to do it, it might as well be me, lol!

Poor put-upon Eb

 

[myinnerslut]

my passwords and such are my own

my body is a different story, and with my body comes my period, bathroom, and grooming. A has seen me change tampons (against my will) has seen me go to the bathroom, and has gone to the bathroom in front of me. he has also sat and watched as i shaved. not just glanced, but actually inspected the action. made me nervouse as all hell, but youd better believe i did i good job

 

[MechaBlade]

I'd have a hard time leaving a sub with no privacy and justifying why she couldn't check out my private things.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Generality

I'd have a hard time leaving a sub with no privacy and justifying why she couldn't check out my private things.

My perception and experience is that in some D/s relationships , justification by the dominant partner is rarely a contention.

Damn it Mecha : smiles : there is a tangible exchange in deferring without explanation . I know in some contexts it has been an immense draw for me . Lets call it a 'leap of faith' . If anything this perceived 'imbalance' of parity serves in suitable increments to reinforce consensual positions of power exchange.

Acquiescence can be a beautiful thing.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Specifics

Andante has access to all areas of my life which are computerised. He reads my emails and can access anything whenever he wishes.
Emails, bills etc etc.
He does read my mail and, unless I ask, he does not tell me that he has done so.

Incidentally, I don't have issues with this set-up.
If I did I would tell him, not everyone on Lit lol

I have been enjoying this thread Miss Shy. My answers are going to be based partially on previous practise/experience and partially forward projection based on the premise the dominant I was partnered with desired access within the criteria you have outlined.

How much access to your life does your PYL to have?

As much as he desired. The one exception that comes to mind would be access to my finances . Accurate information yes, direct access to funds and assets no .I have a need to be prudent, most of which being consideration for my son and the legacy financial stability proffers his ongoing well-being. That would I imagine change within the context of a formal commitment where a duality of concern for my son's well being was shared.

Do you see this lack of privacy in non-sexual areas of life as an invasion?

No is my initial response . I have no doubt that premise would be challenged somewhat by a discerning dominant. I make the previous comment with some degree of affection for the 'craft' of some dominants.

Could you cope if you thought your PYL could see everything you wrote to family, friends, work etc?

Yes. I really do believe in the past being cognizant of my dominants expectations of conduct across a range of pursuits leaves little at risk of challenge to displeasure via revelation in this area. I have however made some really royal stuff ups , even with the best of intentions . That can 'work' on some levels . I am thinking across a range of potential to learn/grow right through to more salacious pursuits .

My larger issue would be family, friends and work having access to my uncensored thoughts. Perhaps not even for the most immediate of potential reasons. I adore that 'space' that defines the intimate things we have the potential share . It can be of biblical importance to me , if condoned I'll protect 'the magic' at all costs. I know I haven't expressed myself very well on this point. Abstracts are difficult to define.

Would you view it as a lack of trust by your PYL, or as a way of trying to understand you more?

Hmmn if the motivation was lack of trust I would think there a bigger fish to fry than my privacy. As far as understanding I doubt unravelling de essence de 'Rebecca' is to be found in general correspondence with anyone outside my dominant past a point. Even on the Lit Boards I have a tendency to be quite reserved. (No need to laugh at this point Miss Shy) . Not unlike others I am multi faceted , I share the areas I am comfortable with , some transference to people that know me very well and can read between the lines to some degree. The rest remains off limits to all but a select few . The select few are invariably my dominant partners . I sincerely hope that comment doesn't offend anyone , it's purely the way I am.

 

[Ebonyfire]

My perception and experience is that in some D/s relationships , justification by the dominant partner is rarely a contention.

Damn it Mecha : smiles : there is a tangible exchange in deferring without explanation . I know in some contexts it has been an immense draw for me . Lets call it a 'leap of faith' . If anything this perceived 'imbalance' of parity serves in suitable increments to reinforce consensual positions of power exchange.

Acquiescence can be a beautiful thing.

I have never had to justify any of my decisions. And I wouldn't. I have occasionally had a sub or slave ask if I would elaborate, and if I said no, they would leave it at that. This is because they have learned to trust Me to make the correct decisions.

Eb

 

[shy slave]

In all honesty, I don't think the upper/lower case PC avoidance of labeling is helping the matter.

D/s and M/s are different in my book. Very much so!

I am not a PYL and I am not a Master. I am a Dominant who is interested in a D/s relationship with a submissive, not a slave.

The enormous difference between the mindset of someone who desires a partner, and one who desires property, explains many of the variations that one sees.

I definitely consider forced display of girly things & bathroom habits to be sexual, for the simple reason that I find squirming, embarrassment, mortification, etc., to be arousing in the extreme!

I am not interested in viewing the actions themselves per se, but find the reactions accompanying forced display to be delicious.

JM I agree with you the variations on what people mean within each labelled term can cause problems.

As for your second comment. finding thier reactions 'delicious' ...

You are a Dominant, with a quite a sadistic streak LOL

 

[shy slave]

my passwords and such are my own

my body is a different story, and with my body comes my period, bathroom, and grooming. A has seen me change tampons (against my will) has seen me go to the bathroom, and has gone to the bathroom in front of me. he has also sat and watched as i shaved. not just glanced, but actually inspected the action. made me nervouse as all hell, but youd better believe i did i good job

Inspections make me very nervous, being inspected whilst doing such tasks would be very difficult in terms of concentration.

Thank God someone else waxes it all of for me!
Mecha, I do understand what you are saying, I keep deleting sentences in response to your comment.

I will have to simply say that Miss Rebecca explains it so much better than I can.

Eb, I like relationships where the PYL is confident enough in their actions that they have no need to justify their actions. I can't abide the all encompassing answer of 'Because I said so,' my ex used it alot; drove me crazy.
I do thing it is important to have the right to ask for a more elaborate explanation of what is expected, otherwise it is easy to get into a pyl 'lose:lose' situation.

Rebecca I am with you on the finances, I have no secrets when it comes to money; but I would not want him to have control over them. A hard limit would also be over decisions about my son. I may ask for an opinion or advice but I remain the decision maker. That said, there are very little decisions to make as my son is older now. But I have asked for help, advice etc and his words have helped.
Even in vanilla relationships that I know of very few women give up control over their children to a man, even if he is the children's father.
I love this line "de essence de 'Rebecca' ", and I agree you can't know someone through general correspondence they have written, but you can get an idea of trends of thoughts and whether they have fixed, fluid or ever changing points of view.

When he and I met, he read many posts that I had put on Lit prior to knowing him. It gave him an overall view of who I was and what sides of me I was happy about sharing.
I didn't laugh when you said you were reserved, I grinned and smirked a little; but I did not laugh (honest ). It is good to hold some things back, to be shared with only a few. I am very open about many things, but very private about other things in my life. Hence, in some ways I am 'shy' (no giggling, laughing or smirking allowed!).

I don't see emails as essentially private, just personal at times.

My thoughts are private and like you, I share them with only a chosen few.
So many times I find it easier to talk to people about sex than I do about ordinary day-to-day life stuff.