Normal life after a toxic relationship?

[NOIRTRASH]

For all intents and purposes toxic luv is like toxic job or health or any of
the rest.

When I dated or worked I took the pains to be appealing to my date or boss. That said, the world is fulla crazy people. I recall one doll who showed up smelling like a garbage dumpster in a summer heatwave. Another was outraged
we dined at the place she picked.

I say to all, strike another match and start anew.

 

[box13]

...

I don't know how to be a priority or how to voice my desires, how to be an equal partner in a relationship. My therapist told me to make me important, but that's like telling someone who didn't walk for year 'just walk'.

...

Sooooo....this is your challenge to help yourself to both recognize who is at least cooperating with you towards achieving this goal, and having the relationship skills you need to recognize how you feel, and communicate it, and find some positive action towards realizing it.

No one can walk for you. Our "legs" just do about well enough to carry ourselves around, and not much else. There's nothing wrong with your "legs" and how they function either. It's something you can do too, and you don't have to feel like you're doing it "wrong". Not if it's doing it how you need it done.

But no one can do it for you. At best, all someone who cares about you can do, is to hold your hand some, and help you take steps forward, or steady yourself over uneven and unexplored ground.

If you're luckier than most.

Being submissive and knowing that your needs and wants are valid and important from a relationship, are not two ideas that are in conflict. They compliment each other, but in different ways.

 

[Tigersman]

Unlike you I only got into one bad relationship, my first marriage. I was young, just back from Vietnam and a romantic. My ex had given birth two weeks before I met her. During our marriage, almost all of it, she acted like a Hotwife, dating and screwing whoever and whenever she wanted. I thought she would get tired of it and become faithful. It didn't happen. I was always great about figuring out guys, which ones were worth knowing, which ones were back stabbers and which ones were AHs. It's the girls/women that I could not figure out. I dumped my soulmate because I did set her down for a long talk to clarify one thing. She was everything I ever wanted or hoped to have in a mate. She was 180 degrees different from my ex. One woman I dated, I found out she had dated a married man. I never went out with her again. I felt she would have been like my ex.

I do hear what you are saying about being drawn to the same type of guys. I've seen two women who were both drawn to the same types of guys they got rid of. One was drawn to musicians who are notoriously insecure. The other was drawn to the life of the party who normally has wondering eyes and rushing hands.

It's not easy to break the mold you've created, but just take it slow and hang in there. Don't feel like you have to move in with a guy to hold his interest. Doing this can lead you down a road where he takes you forgranted.